Finding Awe During Life Transitions: A Mussar Perspective
I have a lot of change in my life right now.
Change is inherently stressful. Even good change—like moving to something exciting or meaningful—can stir up anxiety, disorientation, and overwhelm. It turns out that moving is consistently ranked among the top of life’s most stressful experiences. And right now, I’m deep in it.
In the middle of these changes, I came across a teaching by Rabbi Tali Adler on this week’s Torah portion that helped me shift my perspective. It reminded me of the importance of Awe—Yirah—as a spiritual anchor during times of change.
Two Prophets, Two Responses
Rabbi Adler compares Moses and Balaam—both prophets, both people who could perceive the Divine directly. And yet, when faced with something unexpected, they responded in very different ways.
Moses sees a bush that burns but is not consumed. He turns aside with curiosity. He listens. That moment of awe-filled attention changes the entire course of his life—and ours.
Balaam, on the other hand, encounters a talking donkey (which, yes, is objectively wild), and responds with anger and violence. He can’t make space for the possibility that the world is different from how he expected it to be. He misses the miracle right in front of him.
Rabbi Adler’s insight? Balaam couldn’t access awe—because he was too attached to his expectations. His certainty closed him off to the sacred in the moment.
Mussar and the Middah of Awe (Yirah)
In Mussar, Yirah isn’t just awe in the sense of standing before a sunset or a mountain. It’s a soul-trait, a way of orienting ourselves to the mystery and grandeur embedded in everyday life. It’s what allows us to see that there might be more going on than we can immediately understand.
Right now, as boxes pile up and my routines unravel, I’m trying to remember that. That beneath the stress of moving, there’s a sacred opportunity—if I’m willing to notice it.
It’s not easy. Yirah doesn’t mean pretending things aren’t stressful. It means approaching the stress with a spiritual posture of curiosity rather than judgment. And it begins with a small but powerful shift: the intention to be open to wonder, even here.
An Invitation to You
I know these are stressful times for many of you as well. We all have moments—big and small—where life veers off the expected path. The middah of Yirah invites us to ask:
What might be sacred about this moment, exactly as it is?
So let me ask you:
Have you ever had a moment of unexpected awe or possibility when you chose curiosity over frustration?
I’d love to hear your story. Feel free to reply or leave a comment. Maybe together we can help each other recognize the burning bushes hidden in plain sight.
Five Mussar Traits to Help You Move
“I love packing and moving!”
Said no one, ever.
After 22 years in the home where we raised our children, Rachel and I are preparing to move to the Denver area, where I’ll be starting as the new rabbi at B’nai Torah in Westminster. It is a huge transition, that impacts the body, mind, and spirit. I’ve noticed a lot of soul traits in play helping me along the way.
Moving is also a metaphor for getting unstuck, which is very much in the Mussar wheelhouse. When we are stuck, it is hard to find a path forward, and sometimes we don’t even know where to start. Maybe one of these five soul traits can help you “get moving” as well.
Mussar Trait 1: Enthusiasm / Alacrity
As a reminder, the trait of enthusiasm is not about the rah-rah—it’s more about taking action. Another translation is alacrity, which means to be prompt and cheerful in taking action.
I can’t say that I was always cheerful, but when we were in Denver looking for a house to rent, we needed to make decisions quickly. We decided to proactively keep checking Zillow for new listings. The house we rented was one that became available the day we arrived, and we were the first to see it the next morning. We applied immediately—on a phone while eating sandwiches at a local deli.
Where can you apply alacrity to help you get moving?
Mussar Trait 2: Order
Planning, planning, planning. We have several spreadsheets and lists to break down this monumental task into doable chunks. We also bought a big pack of red, green, and yellow stickers to label furniture and other things around the house so we can immediately see what we want to bring, and what we want to get rid of.
How might a list help you get moving?
Mussar Trait 3: Silence
This trait governs when we should speak and when to remain quiet. Moving is one of the most stressful things people go through, and there have been several times when I’ve had to hang in there and listen during a stressful moment with my partner. I’ve also tried to ask for what I need and ask for clarity if I’m not sure what my partner needs.
How might better communication help you get moving?
Mussar Trait 4: Patience
It doesn’t matter how much I wish I could just skip this part and get to the end. That is not the way the world works. There is a lot of “grind it out” work that needs to be done in a move. It’s not necessarily fun, although there is a satisfaction in getting rid of things that no longer “spark joy,” as Marie Kondo would say.
Patience is about enduring an uncomfortable situation that we have little control over. Yes, I made the choice to move—but that set off a chain of events that I can only ride and not control. As the mantra reminds us:
“This too shall pass, and I have the strength to get by until it does.”
How might patience help you reduce your suffering as you work to get moving?
Mussar Trait 5: Trust
Trusting in the Divine. Many of us are uncomfortable bringing God into everyday life, and don’t really believe in Divine intervention. You don’t need to in order to benefit from trust.
“Trust in God but tie your camel” is the mantra. It reminds us that there is only so much we can do. It is easy to get caught up in worry about the future.
“What if my new congregation doesn’t like my ideas? What if I don’t make any new friends? What if the plane gets delayed and the cats wake up and start yowling?”
Trust helps us combat worry by reminding us that we do our best to prepare, and at some point we need to let go of the outcome. In the end, I really do trust in the Divine / the Universe / myself that everything will be okay.
How might trust help you worry less and get moving?
Bonus Mussar Trait: Gratitude
Recognizing the good—the essence of gratitude—is a never-ending font of energy.
And as always, I am super grateful for this community. I look forward to resuming our weekly gatherings on Zoom August 28th.
Which of these traits can help you get moving?
Please reply or leave a comment and let me know. I’ll do my best to answer.
Mussar Chesed As a Focused Practice
One of the foundational principles of American Mussar is “No Hebrew except for the word Mussar.” This is a critically important plank that helps make Mussar accessible, because Hebrew is a barrier, sometimes causing shame in people when they don’t know what a word means. (And I’m speaking from personal experience.)
However, I need to make a second exception to also use the Hebrew word Chesed instead of LovingKindness. Chesed doesn’t really translate well to English. The closest I can come is going beyond the minimum for someone else without expecting anything in return.
I wrote my thesis about Team Chesed, a voice in Jewish text that puts Chesed on an equal or greater footing than the legal commandments in the Torah. next Mussar cycle will focus on Chesed. Our eighth Mussar cycle starts with Chesed instead of Humility. Then as we move on to each new soul trait, we’ll spend some time exploring how it relates to Chesed. These are free weekly drop in groups that meet on Thursdays at 4 Pacific on Zoom. Sign up for the email list here to get the zoom link. This focused Mussar Chesed practice should be fun and illuminating.
Like all soul traits, too much Chesed causes as many issues for us as too little Chesed. Too much Chesed can lead to a lack of self care while too little Chesed can lead to being self centered, or even selfish. By understanding where we sit on the spectrum, we can focus our practice on things to bring us towards balance.
Where do you fall on the spectrum of Chesed? As always, I’ll reply to every comment.
Mussar Hitlamdut This Fourth of July
I’m thinking about how to approach this fourth of July, the great American holiday of our independence. Recently in Paris, I became inspired to read a biography of the Marquis de Lafayette, who was a hero of the American and French Revolutions. He was a true idealist, who worked hard to live his values even when inconvenient or at personal cost. For example, when the Revolution outlawed the Catholic Church, he believed so strongly in the freedom of religion that he continued to support his wife working with a Catholic priest, even though it undermined his position as Commander of the National Guard.
At the same time, Lafayette had his blind spots, especially when it came to King Louis’ loyalty to the Revolution and creation of a constitutional monarchy. Lafayette was completely blindsided when the royal family fled, and left behind a note denouncing the Revolution.
To me this represents the challenge of a Mussar practice. How do we live up to our values while living in the real world? It is one thing to knowingly take an unpopular stand, or to make a values-driven decision that can have consequences. It is quite another to face consequences for the actions of someone we trust.
One important practice to help us on our journey is Mussar Hitlamdut. Rabbi David Jaffe teaches that, “Hitlamdut is the practice of cultivating a stance of non-judgmental curiosity towards our experiences, and making what we learn deeply impact our lives.”
This 4th of July, I’ll take some time reflecting. What do the American values of liberty and equality mean to me? Are they expressed in how I show up in the world? What is my truth for the state of the country, and how does that truth differ from other viewpoints? How do I show up with people with whom I differ? Am I putting my trust in the right people, both in my life and more globally? What is in my control, and what isn’t?
And more importantly, how am I showing up in my own life? Am I taking anyone for granted? Am I trusting anyone blindly? Am I living up to my values in my relationships big and small.
Some big questions on the birthday of a big country is a lot of fuel for my Mussar Hitlamdut. Wishing you a joyous and reflective fourth of July.
I have a favor to ask. With the audiobook version of “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions” due out in a few weeks, it would be helpful to have some fresh reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. If you’ve read the book, could you please take a moment to leave a review? If you are interested, you can hear a preview of the audiobook here.
Photo by Spenser Sembrat on Unsplash
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