Is Kindness the Real Punk Rock? A Mussar Reflection on Honor and Equanimity

June 3, 2026 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Is Kindness the Real Punk Rock?

I’m a big fan of superhero movies. In last year’s Superman, there was an exchange that really stayed with me:

Lois Lane: You think everything and everyone is beautiful.

Superman: Maybe that’s the real punk rock.

For context, Lois was explaining why she wasn’t sure their relationship would work out. She liked punk rock, and he liked fun, positive music.

(Spoiler alert: by the end of the movie, they declare their love for each other.)

Comparing punk rock to seeing everything as beautiful is mind bending. But the more I thought about it, the more profound it is.

What Does It Mean to Be Counter-Cultural Today?

When punk rock came on the scene in the 1970s, groups like the Sex Pistols presented a style of music that was brash, offensive, and decidedly anti-establishment. It challenged social norms and pushed against accepted ways of thinking.

Today, the establishment and much of the surrounding culture can feel brash, offensive, cruel, and strangely enough, anti-establishment. Even sports talk media is dominated by personalities giving “hot takes,” statements designed to garner attention for their critical and negative content. Frankly, a lot of it is just talking crap without much insight or thoughtful reflection behind it.

That’s why Superman’s comment grabbed my attention.

Looking at the World with a Loving Eye

I think Superman’s point is that being punk is to be anti-establishment, and today that means to focus on the world with a loving eye. looking for the beauty instead of looking to find fault. It is very much like the mantra we use when we practice Honor – “Find the good in anyone.”

Instead of looking to find fault, look for beauty.

In Mussar, this connects closely with the soul trait of Honor (Kavod). One of the mantras we use when practicing Honor is:

“Find the good in anyone.”

It isn’t easy to do, and it is decidedly counter-cultural.

Striving to Be Human

Pirkei Avot offers a teaching that feels especially relevant:

Rabbi Gamliel used to say, “In a place where there are no humans, strive to be a human.” (Pirkei Avot 2:5)

The word strive matters.

It reminds us that being fully human isn’t always easy. It takes effort. It takes practice. It takes choosing our values again and again, especially when the people around us seem to be choosing something else.

Yet working to be more human—to be more compassionate, more thoughtful, more kind—is a wonderful goal.

Making Kindness Our Punk Rock

So I’d like to add something to Superman’s lesson.

Let’s make our punk rock acts of kindness.

We can’t control media personalities. We can’t control politicians. We can’t control the tone of public discourse.

But we can control how we treat other people. So lets lead with kindness.

When we practice small acts of kindness, like holding a door or reaching out to someone having a hard time, it helps us practice kindness in more difficult situations. For example, if someone is annoying or offensive, practice in lower stakes situations helps us set a firm boundary in a kind and respectful way.

A Question for Reflection

In our weekly Mussar Community Gathering, we’ve been exploring the soul trait of Equanimity—remaining steady and grounded amid life’s ups and downs.

I find myself wondering about the connection between kindness and Equanimity.

Do acts of kindness help you maintain Equanimity because they align you with your values?

Or do they sometimes lead to frustration because you feel like a lone voice in the wilderness?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

And perhaps that’s another way of asking Superman’s question:

What would happen if, in a world that favors rudeness, we chose kindness as our act of rebellion? Please share your thoughts below. I answer every comment.

AI Disclosure: AI generated the image, and I used AI to format my email newsletter into this post.

Mussar Chesed Story of Comforting a Mourner

July 25, 2024 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

I am delighted to share an inspiring Mussar Chesed story. As a reminder, Chesed means going above and beyond to support another person without expecting anything in return.

A while ago a Rabbi’s mother died. She was in her 90s, and he had been the Rabbi at a medium sized synagogue for several decades. She zoomed into every service, and he would say “hi mom” in a very loving and affectionate way each time. Everyone in the service felt a connection to his mom.

The Rabbi stayed home for a week for shiva (the traditional seven days of mourning after the burial). Each night there was a memorial service in his home, when 50 plus people showed up to support him. When he returned to work after a week, he asked the community to come to the synagogue for a 30 minute afternoon service each day at 5:00, to let him say the Mourner’s Kaddish, with the traditional minimum of ten people. He was vulnerable and transparent that he wanted and needed to be uplifted by the community.

I had never been to the afternoon service in my life, but I wanted to be there for him. And I was not alone. Both times I went there were dozens of people, some of whom were not even members of the synagogue any longer.

When we lose a loving parent, the level of loss can’t be described. Our tradition prizes “comforting the mourner” as one of the most important things we can do. It was heartwarming to see someone who had given so much of himself over the years be supported in his time of need. We can’t fix their pain, but we can give comfort by showing up.

As it says in the Talmud, “Just as the Divine comforts the mourner, so should you comfort the mourner.” Whatever you may think of the Divinity, I hope you can relate to this idea of having a model and inspiration to help you show up for someone in need. In this case, we have hundreds of people to inspire us to practice Mussar Chesed.

Photo by Lyyfe Williams on Unsplash

Mussar Chesed As a Focused Practice

July 14, 2024 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

One of the foundational principles of American Mussar is “No Hebrew except for the word Mussar.” This is a critically important plank that helps make Mussar accessible, because Hebrew is a barrier, sometimes causing shame in people when they don’t know what a word means. (And I’m speaking from personal experience.)

However, I need to make a second exception to also use the Hebrew word Chesed instead of LovingKindness. Chesed doesn’t really translate well to English. The closest I can come is going beyond the minimum for someone else without expecting anything in return.

I wrote my thesis about Team Chesed, a voice in Jewish text that puts Chesed on an equal or greater footing than the legal commandments in the Torah. next Mussar cycle will focus on Chesed. Our eighth Mussar cycle starts with Chesed instead of Humility. Then as we move on to each new soul trait, we’ll spend some time exploring how it relates to Chesed. These are free weekly drop in groups that meet on Thursdays at 4 Pacific on Zoom. Sign up for the email list here to get the zoom link. This focused Mussar Chesed practice should be fun and illuminating.

Like all soul traits, too much Chesed causes as many issues for us as too little Chesed. Too much Chesed can lead to a lack of self care while too little Chesed can lead to being self centered, or even selfish. By understanding where we sit on the spectrum, we can focus our practice on things to bring us towards balance.

Where do you fall on the spectrum of Chesed? As always, I’ll reply to every comment.

Mussar Helps With Election Stress

October 29, 2020 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

What a week, what a week. In the last 23 hours, it seems like I have had every emotion under the sun, including anger, fear and … well probably some others too.

As Kohellet wrote in the book of Ecclesiastes:

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted; a time to break down and a time to build up. (See more here.)

With the election a few days away, what time is it now? I look around and see a lot of breaking down. At the same time, I see people standing in line for hours to vote. Their quiet determination says we can build a better future. Both forces are at work.

Where does Loving-Kindness, our topic for this weeks drop in Jewish Wisdom Zoom gathering, fit in?

This morning when I was making breakfast, the answer came to me. Someone dripped sticky stuff all over the floor, and I stepped in it. As I thought about how I could express my displeasure to others in the household, a quiet voice said in my head.

Just wipe it up.

The Talmud teaches that the world is built on Loving-Kindness. I don’t know who spilled – maybe it was me. But I was there, and I could clean it up as a way to build a better world in my own kitchen.

I can’t fix Facebook, and I can’t control what will happen in the month ahead. But I can focus my energy on building a better world for the people I care about. And when I do show up in the public arena, I can keep my focus on building a better world, even when I am working to uproot injustice and cruelty.

Rabbi Hillel wrote In a place where there are no humans, strive to be a human.”

Is there anything more human than showing up with Kindness? Is there anything that requires more strength right now?

Wishing you the strength and courage to show up with Kindness, whatever may lie ahead. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

A Spiritual Response To The Tree of Life Massacre

October 28, 2018 By Greg Marcus 3 Comments

It is with profound sadness that I write this post. There is no right or wrong way to cope with the murders at Tree of Life *Or L’Simcha Congregation in Pittsburgh. I’ve seen lots of wonderful emails and posts from leaders in the Jewish community, with suggestions on what to do for kids, as a leader in a congregation, etc. But I have been struggling on how to react as a person. Here are my thoughts as they unfolded on Saturday, with a suggested Mussar practice.

It was surreal to pull up to the synagogue where I facilitate two Mussar groups and see a police car parked in front. There was another police car parked behind the synagogue, near the main entrance. Surreal, but not a surprise. Word of the shooting at Tree of Life *Or L’Simcha Congregation in Pittsburgh had already hit the news. When something like this happens, we need to protect ourselves.

We spoke of it on both groups – one person said they were not sure they were going to come, but upon hearing the news “I made sure to be here.” This is what we do – we show up in times of grief.

The full horror of the murder of my Jewish siblings did not hit me until later in the day. I am in shock and mourning, as is the whole community of Jews and our allies.

The soul trait of Loving-Kindness (Chesed in Hebrew) teaches that comforting mourners is one of the highest and most sacred acts in Judaism. But how exactly do we mourn when we do not know the dead personally? What if I don’t want to visualize my own beloved sanctuary drowned in blood?

A friend of mine died unexpectedly a few years ago, and I’ve seen first hand how shattering it was to her husband and children. Must I dwell upon the survivors of the 11 who were murdered?

My denial gone, I sit feeling shattered. But still, how do I mourn?

I offer a mussar practice to help us through.

Here’s the Mussar Practice*

Allow yourself to feel sad. I didn’t feel sad the morning I first heard the news. I didn’t feel much of anything. I used to fear that I was low in the soul trait of Compassion because I did not feel in situations like this. Now I understand that I have too much Compassion, and shut off to avoid being flooded. Now I know this is a normal response to trauma.

A spiritual response to mass murder is to inhabit the feelings that arise. Skipping sadness is dangerous, and opens the door to the evil inclination influencing our actions in ways that make things worse.

So, I am choosing to let myself feel sad. Here are a few ways we can do this together.

Tell people you are sad when they ask how you are. When I picked up my Chinese food for dinner, when they asked how I was, I said that I was sad over the Tree of Life Temple. They were shocked, and did not know what to say. And, they were sympathetic, and know that this event across the country impacts a regular customer who they greet by name.
Reach out to others. Call friends and loved ones and let them know you are sad. Offer comfort, and allow them to comfort you. Many organizations across the faith spectrum are hosting events. Go to one, whatever your faith. Be there for others, and for yourself.
Make their memory a blessing. “May their memory be a blessing” is a traditional way that Jews offer comfort to a mourner. It means may their memory inspire us and bring comfort. For example, we can give blood, donate money, or volunteer to help those in need. You are invited to join me and donate directly to Tree of Life*Or L’Simcha Congregation.

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Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that the mission of Mussar is “bearing the burden of the other.” In a time like this, we need to hold each other up. We need to bear and be bourn.

Mussar is a practice of personal growth and spiritual transformation. Is it too early to think about growth and change? Yes and no. Before we get to growth, we need to pass through sadness. We practice Mussar so it can be there for us in times of crisis when we need it. We aspire to grow and learn each day, even on the worst days.

We have endured a lot as a people, and will endure more as we continue to pray for peace and a just society. I trust our tradition that coming to grips with sadness is key way station on the path of wholeness, and holiness.

Next Post: Practice Gratitude After Tree of Life?