Mussar Practice - American Mussar

Mussar Hitlamdut This Fourth of July

July 3, 2024 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

I’m thinking about how to approach this fourth of July, the great American holiday of our independence. Recently in Paris, I became inspired to read a biography of the Marquis de Lafayette, who was a hero of the American and French Revolutions. He was a true idealist, who worked hard to live his values even when inconvenient or at personal cost. For example, when the Revolution outlawed the Catholic Church, he believed so strongly in the freedom of religion that he continued to support his wife working with a Catholic priest, even though it undermined his position as Commander of the National Guard.

At the same time, Lafayette had his blind spots, especially when it came to King Louis’ loyalty to the Revolution and creation of a constitutional monarchy. Lafayette was completely blindsided when the royal family fled, and left behind a note denouncing the Revolution.

To me this represents the challenge of a Mussar practice. How do we live up to our values while living in the real world? It is one thing to knowingly take an unpopular stand, or to make a values-driven decision that can have consequences. It is quite another to face consequences for the actions of someone we trust.

One important practice to help us on our journey is Mussar Hitlamdut. Rabbi David Jaffe teaches that, “Hitlamdut is the practice of cultivating a stance of non-judgmental curiosity towards our experiences, and making what we learn deeply impact our lives.”

This 4th of July, I’ll take some time reflecting. What do the American values of liberty and equality mean to me? Are they expressed in how I show up in the world? What is my truth for the state of the country, and how does that truth differ from other viewpoints? How do I show up with people with whom I differ? Am I putting my trust in the right people, both in my life and more globally? What is in my control, and what isn’t?

And more importantly, how am I showing up in my own life? Am I taking anyone for granted? Am I trusting anyone blindly? Am I living up to my values in my relationships big and small.

Some big questions on the birthday of a big country is a lot of fuel for my Mussar Hitlamdut. Wishing you a joyous and reflective fourth of July.

I have a favor to ask. With the audiobook version of “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions” due out in a few weeks, it would be helpful to have some fresh reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. If you’ve read the book, could you please take a moment to leave a review? If you are interested, you can hear a preview of the audiobook here.

Photo by Spenser Sembrat on Unsplash

Contemplating Mussar Silence In Tel Aviv

October 10, 2023 By Greg Marcus 3 Comments

My wife and I are still in Israel, trying to get a flight out. We went quiet for a few days on Facebook, and people were asking if we were safe. As I am processing what we are experiencing, the soul trait that is most applicable is Silence.

Because sometimes there are no words. What can you say to the murder of hundreds of people? Entire families wiped out?

What to say after watching distraught family members crying on tv in a language I largely don’t understand? What to say about refugee children burst into tears as we walk into the safe area during a rocket attack? The words we say really matter. And for this I have no words. Last year in my Chaplaincy training, we were learned that being present with someone is far more important than talking. We strive to create a safe space for them to process.

I am touched that so many people who have checked in. “Thinking of you and checking in” offers presence and care. I have been bewildered how to answer those who ask if I am safe. I am in a country at war, with missiles flying. I am ok in an area that is relatively ok. But safe?

Silence is the sound of a closed hotel kitchen, no longer serving dinner because the cooks were called into service. Silence is the empty beaches.

Silence also governs speech and other holy sounds. Laughter from children finding toys as they explore the hotel. The relief and black humor from their resilient parents, who are happy we have 90 seconds to get to the shelter instead of 10 seconds like they did in the South.

I had questions for people who on Facebook who said they are praying for peace. The words we say matter. And this is a time to think and contemplate before we speak or write.

“What do you mean by peace?” I might ask. I have more thoughts, but I’m not sure they will benefit either me or you if I share them. So Silence reigns.

What Will You Learn This Year After Rosh Hashanah?

September 18, 2023 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

A Jewish thought leader recently said on a podcast “You can’t teach character.”

As a Mussar guy, I objected – of course you can teach character.

I kept percolating, and realized they were right. And while you can’t teach character, you can learn it. It’s like that old joke: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to want to change. Indeed, I have gone great pains to say that our weekly Mussar Gathering is not a class, and I am not a teacher. We are on a journey of personal growth together. I can facilitate the process, and we can learn together, but I can’t teach you how to grow and build character. The work is all on your side.

The question I am asking myself this Rosh Hashanah is what do I want to learn next year? I have goals like writing my thesis and getting a job. I’m taking classes in Jewish Education, Hebrew and the prophets Jeremiah and Ezekiel. But none of them will teach me, they will only provide me with opportunities for learning. (In fact, I’m realizing that this mindset is influenced by reading in my education class, which invited us to change from a teaching mindset to a learning mindset.)

But our character, who we are, is what we are all invited to put under the microscope during the High Holidays. The prayers, the rituals, at the end of the day they are there to help us with the process of Cheshbon Ha’Nefesh, accounting of the soul.

This is the season where we strive to see ourselves as we truly are, and to love ourselves at we truly are. For if the Divine can forgive us, then we should be able to forgive ourselves. And then from this perspective of self acceptance, we go about growing and correcting our mistakes from the past year.

Wishing you a Sweet New Year, and meaningful learning to guide your journey.

You might also like Let The High Holidays Disrupt Your Life For Good

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Practice Mussar Order When Things Get Crazy

June 23, 2023 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

When I went to log in to the weekly Mussar meeting last week, I was locked out of the Jewish Live account – some zoom reset required me to change the password. I called my contact – No Answer! Five Minutes till the meeting starts. What to do? I stopped for a moment, and then decided to set up a new zoom link from my own account. Although we started 10 minutes late, everyone made it.

It felt like the universe was sending a message because we are just about to start practicing the soul trait of Order. The best way to practice Order when things get crazy is to plan ahead, and have a plan B already in place. Indeed, this zoom thing happened once before, so I knew that I might need to send out a different link. Of course when we don’t have a plan B already, we need to stop a moment to plan one. Planning is better than reacting when things get crazy.

But there is a larger issue at play here: Simplification. Jewish Wisdom for Coping with a Pandemic has been going for over three years, using the Jewish Live platform, as well as weekly publicity from my home synagogue. Neither one has sent many, if any, participants lately. Therefore, I decided to simplify by creating a new zoom link from the American Mussar account, and to discontinue the synagogue and Jewish Live Platforms. As a bonus, we can change the name of the meeting now that the pandemic has passed.

This plan to practice Order when things get crazy may seem pretty simple. That’s because it is. While Order does encompass complex mechanisms that only work if everything is just right, we are much better served by robust, simple systems.

Can you think of a time when your life was improved by simplification? Please hit reply and share. I answer every comment.

Photo by John Diez

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Does Time Off Make You Stressed Out? Gratitude Can Help

June 11, 2023 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

At long last: A week off! No classes, no internship, no deadlines. And as a result, I’m really stressed out. I find myself pulled into the future, wondering about classes for next year, how to fill gaps I have in service leading, and planning for a return as student Rabbi to the synagogue where I interned.

Some of this may be a rebound from a high octane trip to LA, which featured lots of time with my friends from school and my first in person ordination. After returning from such a great experience, it isn’t always easy to get back into the routine of everyday life. As mindfulness master Jack Kornfield wrote, “After the Ecstasy, The Laundry.” I was so annoyed when I first heard that teaching. I always hoped a vacation and great time would spill over into a greater feeling of satisfaction throughout life. Alas, things don’t work that way.

To help get myself back into the moment, I’m turning to this week’s soul trait: Gratitude. Last week we began exploring Gratitude, focusing on the importance of “enoughness.” You can see the recording here. This is an important first step. Reminding myself that I am enough, even as I work on building professional competencies is important.

In addition, Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda taught that people do not feel gratitude because they become preoccupied with worldly things, and therefore miss out on many opportunities to experience joy. Therefore, I’ll build some time for mindful fun and joy into the week. I am playing some games I like, but it feels a bit more like numbing than actual enjoyment. Time to remedy that!

Do you see a difference between an enjoyable and a numbing activity? Please comment and let me know. I reply to every comment.

Photo by Avi Richards on Unsplash