Is Kindness the Real Punk Rock?

I’m a big fan of superhero movies. In last year’s Superman, there was an exchange that really stayed with me:

Lois Lane: You think everything and everyone is beautiful.

Superman: Maybe that’s the real punk rock.

For context, Lois was explaining why she wasn’t sure their relationship would work out. She liked punk rock, and he liked fun, positive music.

(Spoiler alert: by the end of the movie, they declare their love for each other.)

Comparing punk rock to seeing everything as beautiful is mind bending. But the more I thought about it, the more profound it is.

What Does It Mean to Be Counter-Cultural Today?

When punk rock came on the scene in the 1970s, groups like the Sex Pistols presented a style of music that was brash, offensive, and decidedly anti-establishment. It challenged social norms and pushed against accepted ways of thinking.

Today, the establishment and much of the surrounding culture can feel brash, offensive, cruel, and strangely enough, anti-establishment. Even sports talk media is dominated by personalities giving “hot takes,” statements designed to garner attention for their critical and negative content. Frankly, a lot of it is just talking crap without much insight or thoughtful reflection behind it.

That’s why Superman’s comment grabbed my attention.

Looking at the World with a Loving Eye

I think Superman’s point is that being punk is to be anti-establishment, and today that means to focus on the world with a loving eye. looking for the beauty instead of looking to find fault. It is very much like the mantra we use when we practice Honor – “Find the good in anyone.”

Instead of looking to find fault, look for beauty.

In Mussar, this connects closely with the soul trait of Honor (Kavod). One of the mantras we use when practicing Honor is:

“Find the good in anyone.”

It isn’t easy to do, and it is decidedly counter-cultural.

Striving to Be Human

Pirkei Avot offers a teaching that feels especially relevant:

Rabbi Gamliel used to say, “In a place where there are no humans, strive to be a human.” (Pirkei Avot 2:5)

The word strive matters.

It reminds us that being fully human isn’t always easy. It takes effort. It takes practice. It takes choosing our values again and again, especially when the people around us seem to be choosing something else.

Yet working to be more human—to be more compassionate, more thoughtful, more kind—is a wonderful goal.

Making Kindness Our Punk Rock

So I’d like to add something to Superman’s lesson.

Let’s make our punk rock acts of kindness.

We can’t control media personalities. We can’t control politicians. We can’t control the tone of public discourse.

But we can control how we treat other people. So lets lead with kindness.

When we practice small acts of kindness, like holding a door or reaching out to someone having a hard time, it helps us practice kindness in more difficult situations. For example, if someone is annoying or offensive, practice in lower stakes situations helps us set a firm boundary in a kind and respectful way.

A Question for Reflection

In our weekly Mussar Community Gathering, we’ve been exploring the soul trait of Equanimity—remaining steady and grounded amid life’s ups and downs.

I find myself wondering about the connection between kindness and Equanimity.

Do acts of kindness help you maintain Equanimity because they align you with your values?

Or do they sometimes lead to frustration because you feel like a lone voice in the wilderness?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

And perhaps that’s another way of asking Superman’s question:

What would happen if, in a world that favors rudeness, we chose kindness as our act of rebellion? Please share your thoughts below. I answer every comment.

AI Disclosure: AI generated the image, and I used AI to format my email newsletter into this post.

mussar chesed — Spectrum of Chesed from too little to too much

One of the foundational principles of American Mussar is “No Hebrew except for the word Mussar.” This is a critically important plank that helps make Mussar accessible, because Hebrew is a barrier, sometimes causing shame in people when they don’t know what a word means. (And I’m speaking from personal experience.)

However, I need to make a second exception to also use the Hebrew word Chesed instead of LovingKindness. Chesed doesn’t really translate well to English. The closest I can come is going beyond the minimum for someone else without expecting anything in return.

I wrote my thesis about Team Chesed, a voice in Jewish text that puts Chesed on an equal or greater footing than the legal commandments in the Torah. next Mussar cycle will focus on Chesed. Our eighth Mussar cycle starts with Chesed instead of Humility. Then as we move on to each new soul trait, we’ll spend some time exploring how it relates to Chesed. These are free weekly drop in groups that meet on Thursdays at 4 Pacific on Zoom. Sign up for the email list here to get the zoom link. This focused Mussar Chesed practice should be fun and illuminating.

Like all soul traits, too much Chesed causes as many issues for us as too little Chesed. Too much Chesed can lead to a lack of self care while too little Chesed can lead to being self centered, or even selfish. By understanding where we sit on the spectrum, we can focus our practice on things to bring us towards balance.

Where do you fall on the spectrum of Chesed? As always, I’ll reply to every comment.