Is Kindness the Real Punk Rock?

I’m a big fan of superhero movies. In last year’s Superman, there was an exchange that really stayed with me:

Lois Lane: You think everything and everyone is beautiful.

Superman: Maybe that’s the real punk rock.

For context, Lois was explaining why she wasn’t sure their relationship would work out. She liked punk rock, and he liked fun, positive music.

(Spoiler alert: by the end of the movie, they declare their love for each other.)

Comparing punk rock to seeing everything as beautiful is mind bending. But the more I thought about it, the more profound it is.

What Does It Mean to Be Counter-Cultural Today?

When punk rock came on the scene in the 1970s, groups like the Sex Pistols presented a style of music that was brash, offensive, and decidedly anti-establishment. It challenged social norms and pushed against accepted ways of thinking.

Today, the establishment and much of the surrounding culture can feel brash, offensive, cruel, and strangely enough, anti-establishment. Even sports talk media is dominated by personalities giving “hot takes,” statements designed to garner attention for their critical and negative content. Frankly, a lot of it is just talking crap without much insight or thoughtful reflection behind it.

That’s why Superman’s comment grabbed my attention.

Looking at the World with a Loving Eye

I think Superman’s point is that being punk is to be anti-establishment, and today that means to focus on the world with a loving eye. looking for the beauty instead of looking to find fault. It is very much like the mantra we use when we practice Honor – “Find the good in anyone.”

Instead of looking to find fault, look for beauty.

In Mussar, this connects closely with the soul trait of Honor (Kavod). One of the mantras we use when practicing Honor is:

“Find the good in anyone.”

It isn’t easy to do, and it is decidedly counter-cultural.

Striving to Be Human

Pirkei Avot offers a teaching that feels especially relevant:

Rabbi Gamliel used to say, “In a place where there are no humans, strive to be a human.” (Pirkei Avot 2:5)

The word strive matters.

It reminds us that being fully human isn’t always easy. It takes effort. It takes practice. It takes choosing our values again and again, especially when the people around us seem to be choosing something else.

Yet working to be more human—to be more compassionate, more thoughtful, more kind—is a wonderful goal.

Making Kindness Our Punk Rock

So I’d like to add something to Superman’s lesson.

Let’s make our punk rock acts of kindness.

We can’t control media personalities. We can’t control politicians. We can’t control the tone of public discourse.

But we can control how we treat other people. So lets lead with kindness.

When we practice small acts of kindness, like holding a door or reaching out to someone having a hard time, it helps us practice kindness in more difficult situations. For example, if someone is annoying or offensive, practice in lower stakes situations helps us set a firm boundary in a kind and respectful way.

A Question for Reflection

In our weekly Mussar Community Gathering, we’ve been exploring the soul trait of Equanimity—remaining steady and grounded amid life’s ups and downs.

I find myself wondering about the connection between kindness and Equanimity.

Do acts of kindness help you maintain Equanimity because they align you with your values?

Or do they sometimes lead to frustration because you feel like a lone voice in the wilderness?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

And perhaps that’s another way of asking Superman’s question:

What would happen if, in a world that favors rudeness, we chose kindness as our act of rebellion? Please share your thoughts below. I answer every comment.

AI Disclosure: AI generated the image, and I used AI to format my email newsletter into this post.

Feeling Compassion For a Gun Enthusiast After Vegas Shooting?

I am not a gun guy, but somehow I felt compassion for a gun enthusiast who was talking about the Las Vegas shooting. I went on Facebook Live to talk about it, and how my feelings relate to the soul traits of Compassion and Abstinence. The back story.

I listened to an interview on All Things Considered with a gun enthusiast who was clearly upset about the shooting. This is someone who owns a lot of guns. He freely admits that there is no reason for someone to have that many guns in a hotel room. And he was clearly upset about the shootings in Las Vegas, Newton CT and at the Pulse in Florida. In fact, he felt responsible, because he believes in responsible gun ownership, and it was painful to him that “one of their own” did such unspeakable evil. Mary Louise Kelly deserves an award for the quality of the interview, because she asked questions without judgement. (Listen here, starting around 5:30). The man explained that he once fired a fully automatic weapon at a gun range under supervision, and he liked it. It gave a rush, like driving a fast car. His argument was this: why should I be punished for the actions of one person?

I’ve heard that argument by lawmakers previously, and dismissed it out of hand. But here was a real person saying the words with feeling and pain. In that past I would have felt judgement, thinking “People are dying, and you don’t want to do anything because you think guns are fun?” But none of that as I listened, perhaps because I am practicing the Mussar Soul Trait of Compassion this week. Compassion teaches us to be close to another, so close that you feel what they feel. And I felt the anguish, and the seductive power of the rush.

I was reminded of the Soul Trait of Abstinence, as explained in The Path of the Just by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto. (Watch starting around 4:00.) Abstinence is about giving something up on the path to self improvement. Gun owners can voluntarily give up something they like. Before we jump on them for not doing so, or for fighting to keep their ability for a fun hobby, lets look in the mirror. Are you ready to stop driving fast because another driver driving that fast might kill someone? Give a watch to see what I say about sexual abstinence too.

I still don’t agree with his position, but at least I understand it. He is not crazy, and is no more selfish than the rest of us. And I think I could talk to him in a respectful way. Being sympathetic to his point of view will go a long way towards getting him to take the high road, or at least understand that we have nothing against him if we want safety regulations on gun ownership.

This woman enjoys shooting. That does not make her a bad person.

Healing and reconciliation in this country will only take place when we learn to understand our fellow Americans.

Have a listen. Tell me what you feel. Can you feel compassion for gun a enthusiast? Do you get it now in a new way? Agree? Disagree?

Reply below and let me know.