Mussar Chesed Story of Comforting a Mourner

I am delighted to share an inspiring Mussar Chesed story. As a reminder, Chesed means going above and beyond to support another person without expecting anything in return.

A while ago a Rabbi’s mother died. She was in her 90s, and he had been the Rabbi at a medium sized synagogue for several decades. She zoomed into every service, and he would say “hi mom” in a very loving and affectionate way each time. Everyone in the service felt a connection to his mom.

The Rabbi stayed home for a week for shiva (the traditional seven days of mourning after the burial). Each night there was a memorial service in his home, when 50 plus people showed up to support him. When he returned to work after a week, he asked the community to come to the synagogue for a 30 minute afternoon service each day at 5:00, to let him say the Mourner’s Kaddish, with the traditional minimum of ten people. He was vulnerable and transparent that he wanted and needed to be uplifted by the community.

I had never been to the afternoon service in my life, but I wanted to be there for him. And I was not alone. Both times I went there were dozens of people, some of whom were not even members of the synagogue any longer.

When we lose a loving parent, the level of loss can’t be described. Our tradition prizes “comforting the mourner” as one of the most important things we can do. It was heartwarming to see someone who had given so much of himself over the years be supported in his time of need. We can’t fix their pain, but we can give comfort by showing up.

As it says in the Talmud, “Just as the Divine comforts the mourner, so should you comfort the mourner.” Whatever you may think of the Divinity, I hope you can relate to this idea of having a model and inspiration to help you show up for someone in need. In this case, we have hundreds of people to inspire us to practice Mussar Chesed.

Photo by Lyyfe Williams on Unsplash