Featured - American Mussar

Five Mussar Traits to Help You Move

June 25, 2025 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

“I love packing and moving!”

Said no one, ever.

After 22 years in the home where we raised our children, Rachel and I are preparing to move to the Denver area, where I’ll be starting as the new rabbi at B’nai Torah in Westminster. It is a huge transition, that impacts the body, mind, and spirit. I’ve noticed a lot of soul traits in play helping me along the way.

Moving is also a metaphor for getting unstuck, which is very much in the Mussar wheelhouse. When we are stuck, it is hard to find a path forward, and sometimes we don’t even know where to start. Maybe one of these five soul traits can help you “get moving” as well.

Mussar Trait 1: Enthusiasm / Alacrity

As a reminder, the trait of enthusiasm is not about the rah-rah—it’s more about taking action. Another translation is alacrity, which means to be prompt and cheerful in taking action.

I can’t say that I was always cheerful, but when we were in Denver looking for a house to rent, we needed to make decisions quickly. We decided to proactively keep checking Zillow for new listings. The house we rented was one that became available the day we arrived, and we were the first to see it the next morning. We applied immediately—on a phone while eating sandwiches at a local deli.

Where can you apply alacrity to help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 2: Order

Planning, planning, planning. We have several spreadsheets and lists to break down this monumental task into doable chunks. We also bought a big pack of red, green, and yellow stickers to label furniture and other things around the house so we can immediately see what we want to bring, and what we want to get rid of.

How might a list help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 3: Silence

This trait governs when we should speak and when to remain quiet. Moving is one of the most stressful things people go through, and there have been several times when I’ve had to hang in there and listen during a stressful moment with my partner. I’ve also tried to ask for what I need and ask for clarity if I’m not sure what my partner needs.

How might better communication help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 4: Patience

It doesn’t matter how much I wish I could just skip this part and get to the end. That is not the way the world works. There is a lot of “grind it out” work that needs to be done in a move. It’s not necessarily fun, although there is a satisfaction in getting rid of things that no longer “spark joy,” as Marie Kondo would say.

Patience is about enduring an uncomfortable situation that we have little control over. Yes, I made the choice to move—but that set off a chain of events that I can only ride and not control. As the mantra reminds us:
“This too shall pass, and I have the strength to get by until it does.”

How might patience help you reduce your suffering as you work to get moving?

Mussar Trait 5: Trust

Trusting in the Divine. Many of us are uncomfortable bringing God into everyday life, and don’t really believe in Divine intervention. You don’t need to in order to benefit from trust.

“Trust in God but tie your camel” is the mantra. It reminds us that there is only so much we can do. It is easy to get caught up in worry about the future.
“What if my new congregation doesn’t like my ideas? What if I don’t make any new friends? What if the plane gets delayed and the cats wake up and start yowling?”

Trust helps us combat worry by reminding us that we do our best to prepare, and at some point we need to let go of the outcome. In the end, I really do trust in the Divine / the Universe / myself that everything will be okay.

How might trust help you worry less and get moving?

Bonus Mussar Trait: Gratitude

Recognizing the good—the essence of gratitude—is a never-ending font of energy.

And as always, I am super grateful for this community. I look forward to resuming our weekly gatherings on Zoom August 28th.

Which of these traits can help you get moving?
Please reply or leave a comment and let me know. I’ll do my best to answer.

Mussar Chesed As a Focused Practice

July 14, 2024 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

One of the foundational principles of American Mussar is “No Hebrew except for the word Mussar.” This is a critically important plank that helps make Mussar accessible, because Hebrew is a barrier, sometimes causing shame in people when they don’t know what a word means. (And I’m speaking from personal experience.)

However, I need to make a second exception to also use the Hebrew word Chesed instead of LovingKindness. Chesed doesn’t really translate well to English. The closest I can come is going beyond the minimum for someone else without expecting anything in return.

I wrote my thesis about Team Chesed, a voice in Jewish text that puts Chesed on an equal or greater footing than the legal commandments in the Torah. next Mussar cycle will focus on Chesed. Our eighth Mussar cycle starts with Chesed instead of Humility. Then as we move on to each new soul trait, we’ll spend some time exploring how it relates to Chesed. These are free weekly drop in groups that meet on Thursdays at 4 Pacific on Zoom. Sign up for the email list here to get the zoom link. This focused Mussar Chesed practice should be fun and illuminating.

Like all soul traits, too much Chesed causes as many issues for us as too little Chesed. Too much Chesed can lead to a lack of self care while too little Chesed can lead to being self centered, or even selfish. By understanding where we sit on the spectrum, we can focus our practice on things to bring us towards balance.

Where do you fall on the spectrum of Chesed? As always, I’ll reply to every comment.

Mussar Hitlamdut This Fourth of July

July 3, 2024 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

I’m thinking about how to approach this fourth of July, the great American holiday of our independence. Recently in Paris, I became inspired to read a biography of the Marquis de Lafayette, who was a hero of the American and French Revolutions. He was a true idealist, who worked hard to live his values even when inconvenient or at personal cost. For example, when the Revolution outlawed the Catholic Church, he believed so strongly in the freedom of religion that he continued to support his wife working with a Catholic priest, even though it undermined his position as Commander of the National Guard.

At the same time, Lafayette had his blind spots, especially when it came to King Louis’ loyalty to the Revolution and creation of a constitutional monarchy. Lafayette was completely blindsided when the royal family fled, and left behind a note denouncing the Revolution.

To me this represents the challenge of a Mussar practice. How do we live up to our values while living in the real world? It is one thing to knowingly take an unpopular stand, or to make a values-driven decision that can have consequences. It is quite another to face consequences for the actions of someone we trust.

One important practice to help us on our journey is Mussar Hitlamdut. Rabbi David Jaffe teaches that, “Hitlamdut is the practice of cultivating a stance of non-judgmental curiosity towards our experiences, and making what we learn deeply impact our lives.”

This 4th of July, I’ll take some time reflecting. What do the American values of liberty and equality mean to me? Are they expressed in how I show up in the world? What is my truth for the state of the country, and how does that truth differ from other viewpoints? How do I show up with people with whom I differ? Am I putting my trust in the right people, both in my life and more globally? What is in my control, and what isn’t?

And more importantly, how am I showing up in my own life? Am I taking anyone for granted? Am I trusting anyone blindly? Am I living up to my values in my relationships big and small.

Some big questions on the birthday of a big country is a lot of fuel for my Mussar Hitlamdut. Wishing you a joyous and reflective fourth of July.

I have a favor to ask. With the audiobook version of “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions” due out in a few weeks, it would be helpful to have some fresh reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. If you’ve read the book, could you please take a moment to leave a review? If you are interested, you can hear a preview of the audiobook here.

Photo by Spenser Sembrat on Unsplash

Mussar Reflections On Becoming a Rabbi

June 2, 2024 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Even though my wife and I lived together for over a year, things felt different after we were married. I felt more settled, and in hindsight maybe a bit more whole. I felt a bit of that after my ordination becoming a rabbi.

When I finished my Ph.D, I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I remember clearly thinking, “No matter what happens, no one can take this away from me.” I put a lot of work in, and earned that degree. I felt the same way the evening of my ordination.

But the next morning, something amazing emerged. While my Ph.D. was an individual accomplishment, becoming a rabbi was a group accomplishment, a community accomplishment. I wrote the following when I first woke up, which has only slightly been edited.

I feel like a tree, with roots deeply embedded with my wife Rachel. But not just roots – vines, vein and arteries, and too many capillaries to count. She supported me through the day with such deep love. The toast she gave about me was special. She described someone who loves family and community; someone who is dedicated to their well being and also is dedicated to making the world a better place. And that someone was me. And I felt it and believed it. And my kids and cousins and friends who traveled to be there – the cheer everyone gave me was so filled with love. It felt wonderful, and I felt a great peace in my body taking it in. Not an ounce of discomfort. And I feel deeply embedded with them. Roots and rhizobium going back and forth. It was what Martin Buber would agree was a true “I Thou” moment – there was not an ounce of individuality – we were all in the moment, just souls together.

And I shared the ordination with twelve other people, three of whom I am particularly close with. It was a group accomplishment. We went through this together. The classes, the thesis and the ordination. We were in the here with each other and for each other. And when we went back to our seats after the Beit Din conferred ordination on all of us, we laughted and danced and cheered right along with the hundreds of people who were there to support us. It was a true moment of communitas.

I feel floated and sustained by our Jewish community, and I sense the neshamas, the souls, of the disconnected among us. Each one has a life beacon, calling for help and yearning to plug into the network. It is like the tiny people of Whoville, all crying loudly together – we’re here we’re hear we’re here…

At breakfast after I wrote the above paragraphs, I could literally feel lines of connections to the people around me. Alas like all experiences of I-Thou or communitas, it was transitory. By the end of the day, my normal perceptions of the world returned. Yet the memory of that connection is strong. Such experiences are rare and a gift.

The great 20th Century Mussar Master Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe taught that Hitlamdut was the most important Mussar practice. Hitlamdut means self reflective learning. He taught that every day we should learn something based on what we are experiencing and the demands of the moment. This is a time of incredible transformation that goes beyond a new career. I can’t wait to see where it goes.

Have you had major transformations or transitions in your life? What were they like? Please comment below – I’d love to know and promise to reply to every comment.

Harm Reduction as a Mussar Humility Practice

November 3, 2023 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

This has been a challenging month for me, as it has been for many in the Jewish and Jewish adjacent communities. The War in Israel has cut to the core in ways that I can’t begin to enumerate. Many people both inside and outside of the Jewish community are fragile and overwrought by the scale of death and suffering, and the surge of antisemitism around the world.

This week as we enter our second week practicing Humility, I’m asking myself how much space I should take up. I’ve decided to take a harm reduction approach, and I invite you to join me in this practice. Harm reduction has its roots in drug treatment, and assumes that everyone has dignity, and that sometimes we can reduce harm to ourselves and others even if we can’t or won’t stop using completely.

The idea behind a harm reduction as a Mussar Humility practice is to assume that everyone is having a difficult time, and avoid things that could cause more pain. For example, I have friends who think Israel needs to end the occupation immediately. While I disagree, I am not going to get into it with them. This is particularly important on Facebook or social media. A time will come for us to work out these differences, but now is not the time, and social media certainly is not the place. In fact, I am reducing harm to myself by limiting my time on social media.

This practice is particularly important for me because I have been wracked by judgement, and set off by small things. For example, in a class this week we became “sidetracked” only five minutes into class by a series of questions from my fellow students . I was disturbed, and ready to ask that we “get back on track.” Two things held me back. First, I realized that it was not my place to tell a professor how to run their class. Just because I didn’t like it did not mean it was the wrong way to go. And second, I realized that my objections could potentially upset the professor and my fellow students engaged in a lively discussion. “I don’t want to do any harm here,” I said to myself and kept quiet. After the break the professor shared how happy and excited he was at the participation, and that the content per se was not as important as our collective engagement with the material. I was really happy that I’d kept my mouth shut.

Alan Morinis wrote, “No more than my place. Not less than my space.” Now it is particularly important to be mindful of how much space to take up.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash