Even though my wife and I lived together for over a year, things felt different after we were married. I felt more settled, and in hindsight maybe a bit more whole. I felt a bit of that after my ordination becoming a rabbi.
When I finished my Ph.D, I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I remember clearly thinking, “No matter what happens, no one can take this away from me.” I put a lot of work in, and earned that degree. I felt the same way the evening of my ordination.
But the next morning, something amazing emerged. While my Ph.D. was an individual accomplishment, becoming a rabbi was a group accomplishment, a community accomplishment. I wrote the following when I first woke up, which has only slightly been edited.
I feel like a tree, with roots deeply embedded with my wife Rachel. But not just roots – vines, vein and arteries, and too many capillaries to count. She supported me through the day with such deep love. The toast she gave about me was special. She described someone who loves family and community; someone who is dedicated to their well being and also is dedicated to making the world a better place. And that someone was me. And I felt it and believed it. And my kids and cousins and friends who traveled to be there – the cheer everyone gave me was so filled with love. It felt wonderful, and I felt a great peace in my body taking it in. Not an ounce of discomfort. And I feel deeply embedded with them. Roots and rhizobium going back and forth. It was what Martin Buber would agree was a true “I Thou” moment – there was not an ounce of individuality – we were all in the moment, just souls together.
And I shared the ordination with twelve other people, three of whom I am particularly close with. It was a group accomplishment. We went through this together. The classes, the thesis and the ordination. We were in the here with each other and for each other. And when we went back to our seats after the Beit Din conferred ordination on all of us, we laughted and danced and cheered right along with the hundreds of people who were there to support us. It was a true moment of communitas.
I feel floated and sustained by our Jewish community, and I sense the neshamas, the souls, of the disconnected among us. Each one has a life beacon, calling for help and yearning to plug into the network. It is like the tiny people of Whoville, all crying loudly together – we’re here we’re hear we’re here…
At breakfast after I wrote the above paragraphs, I could literally feel lines of connections to the people around me. Alas like all experiences of I-Thou or communitas, it was transitory. By the end of the day, my normal perceptions of the world returned. Yet the memory of that connection is strong. Such experiences are rare and a gift.
The great 20th Century Mussar Master Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe taught that Hitlamdut was the most important Mussar practice. Hitlamdut means self reflective learning. He taught that every day we should learn something based on what we are experiencing and the demands of the moment. This is a time of incredible transformation that goes beyond a new career. I can’t wait to see where it goes.
Have you had major transformations or transitions in your life? What were they like? Please comment below – I’d love to know and promise to reply to every comment.
Leave a Reply