Recently, we had perhaps one of our best Mussar gatherings as we started to explore the soul trait of Honor. You can see the recording here. What made is special was how often the stories turned relational. Honor is about recognizing the Divine spark in others and acting accordingly. When we act from a place where we recognize the fundamental worth of others, it become all about relationship.
Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that Mussar is “learning to bear the burden of the other.” If that is our fundamental job, then Honor must play a foundational role in Mussar. Patience becomes staying in relationship with someone who annoys us. Humility becomes not taking space that belongs to another because it might damage the relationship.
Last week in our breakout groups, we discussed a teaching from 13th century Rabbi Yonah of Gerondi that stressed the importance of one’s own self worth. If we put this in the context of bearing the burden of the other, we quickly realize that unless we are strong enough to hold our own weight, how can we carry the weight of another?
I wrote this post on the last day of my internship working in bereavement. Over the last nine months, I built my capacity to hear people’s stories without carrying them around for days after. This too was an exercise in Honor. I needed to be able to build my own foundation, to bear their burden while they shared it, and then to not carry it in ways that are not helpful to them, and frankly harmful to me.
How do you relate to the concept of “bearing the burden of the other?” I’d love to hear from you, and as always I answer every email.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
One of the goals of a Mussar practice is to achieve a state of wholeness. What does that mean exactly? Just the sound of the phrase evokes almost a wistfulness in me, a longing for peace. Indeed, the Hebrew word for wholeness as the same root at the Hebrew word for peace, which is Shalom.
