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mussar lessons after paris terrorist attack — Photo by Beatrice Urrupsil via Flickr CC

Like most of us, I was saddened and horrified by the attacks in Paris on Friday night. I was traveling, and did not fully immerse myself in the news until a few days later. The responses are all over the map.

There are a significant number of people who blame “the other” for the attacks. Many politicians seem to be reacting from fear by calling for restrictions on Syrian refugees. Yet the reality is that most of the terrorists were European citizens. Other leaders make rational, data driven arguments that the refugees are victims of trauma themselves, and merit our help not scorn. Ok, I’ll admit it: I’m disgusted to see politicians grandstanding and saying that they won’t accept Syrian refugees in their states. However, I think the real issue for us to grapple with is the appropriate spiritual response to Paris. I don’t mean prayer or calls for peace. Rather, I ask myself what do the Paris attacks trigger my own Soul Traits? How can I work on my spiritual curriculum? Do my own actions bring people together, or do they ever lead anyone to feel alienated or alone?

Mussar Lessons After Paris Terrorist Attack

The debate about the refugees reminds me of the struggle inside all of us between the Good Inclination and the Evil Inclination. The Evil Inclination comes from our emotional drives and survival impulses. When there is an attack, the EI screams “Protect Protect” and automatically looks externally for threats. In contrast, Good Inclination derives from our social and intellectual abilities. The GI will look at data, offer a rational course of action, and reminds us that we all share a Divine Spark. When we remember the Divine Spark in the other, the bar is much higher for judgement and reactivity. And, the GI fosters our desire to give comfort to others in need.

When something like the Paris attacks happen, we are all tested.

A government can close its borders. An an individual can close his or her heart.

It is far easier to see this issue as something in Europe and the Middle East. It is more comfortable to frame the discussion around military solutions or refugee assistance than it is to take the opportunity to look within. The French government should ask of the welfare of it’s citizens of North African ancestry. Yes, Isis funded and trained people, and I think a military response is warranted. However, the masterminds and most attackers were European. I admit it, I notice that the attackers do not look like the people I think of as typical Europeans. But if I let the difference in skin tone color my reactions, I will have failed an important spiritual test. I need to rise to the occasion, and train myself to think of these dark skinned people born in France as French.

But even then, if I am only thinking of Europe, I will miss the greater test. Did you see the article in the Huffpost about the conversation between Alex Malloy and his Muslim cab driver in New York City? Malloy was thanked by his cab driver when he got in. Why? He was the first fare the driver had had in two hours. You see, the driver was a Muslim, and no one would get in his cab. Malloy wrote on twitter that the driver was crying, and said “Allah my God does not want this but people think I am a part of it and I’m not. Nobody wants to drive with me bc they feel unsafe.” Malloy expressed his support, shared his experience on Twitter and was shocked to find over 30K retweets overnight. “Please stop generalizing ppl” was his plea. While I don’t know Alex Malloy personally, I thank him for having an open heart when the taxi pulled to the curb to offer him a ride.

Please stop generalizing captures the spiritual challenge when our soul trait of Honor is out of balance. We were born to judge, and few of us will ever escape our instinct to judge any time soon. (I know that I won’t.) However, we do not have to listen to or act on the judging voice. We have the opportunity to overcome our judgements and unconscious bias on a daily basis.

Just now, someone’s computer in the library started playing a loud video. My first thoughts about the person were unkind. My instinct was to pick up the sign saying “quiet area” and put it on his table. Thankfully I did not act on the impulse. It was only when he managed to shut off whatever was happening did I realize that it was an ad that started playing without his permission.

If Parisians can overcome their fears to flock back to the cafes and museums, than surely I can find a way to mentally quiet my judging voice more quickly. And, I’d like to think I can find a way to support the Stranger in my own community. After all, I was once a stranger in the land of Egypt.

I hope that you did not lose someone close to you in the attack, and may we all find the resolve to become better people.

#iAMHonor.

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On this Veterans Day, I was working on the Gratitude chapter of my forthcoming book. On the drive home, I heard the end of a discussion of Vets in college. The speaker made reference to the loneliness that many Veterans feel. She suggested that they try to reach out to different professors or professionals. As she put it, “Educators love to help people. We don’t do it for the the money, and if you don’t connect with the first person, try someone else.”

While my father and grandfather were both in the service, few of my friends are veterans, and none of them were in combat. The reality is, I don’t have the slightest idea what combat veterans have gone through. My knowledge comes from movies like The Hurt Locker and American Sniper. In each movie, a veteran comes home, and really struggles to re-integrate into society.

One common approach that I’ve seen and used myself is to say, “Thank you for your service.” I’m told that this can make Veterans uncomfortable. They feel it is their duty to serve, and further, sometimes the generic “thank you for your service” can come across with an unspoken “I don’t know why you did it, because I sure never would have signed up to go to war.” For me, the “thank you for your service” at least gave me something to say. So if that statement isn’t appropriate, what is?

One thing that comes to mind is a phrase I picked up from an essay by Sheryl Sandberg about dealing with people after the accidental death of her husband. Sandberg explained that the question, “How are you today?” displayed a sensitivity because it acknowledged that globally she is far from fine, and allowed for a relative answer. I don’t know how well that will translate to the case of talking to a Veteran, because they may or may not be struggling personally. Perhaps the answer is to ask a personalized question, like “When did you serve?” or “How has the transition back to civilian life been for you?”

Hmmm, the latter is a bit scary, because it opens the door to an answer that could be intense.

Mussar started this line of thought for me, so perhaps Mussar can help answer the question. How do we show Gratitude towards Veterans? The Soul Trait Gratitude is a measure of how we see the world. The literal translation from the Hebrew for this Soul Trait is “Recognizing the good,” as in finding the good in any situation that life puts you in. Part of practicing Gratitude is not taking things for granted, and we certainly should not take it for granted that people are willing to volunteer for combat duty. Yet if we shouldn’t say “thank you,” what should we do?

One approach is to practice Honor, which teaches us to honor the Divine Spark in others. Rabbi Alan Lew wrote that when we look at life through a spiritual lens, for every situation we ask ourselves “How did I contribute to this situation?” and “What can I do to make sure it doesn’t happen again?” We live in a country where our Veterans suffer from PTSD, depression, and commit suicide at an alarming rate. Maybe the answer is on two fronts:

Personal connection as above when we meet or know a Veteran, as above
Action in the political arena. For example, too long we tolerated a government that did not adequately fund the VA. I read an encouraging article today that a growing number of cities and states have resolved to end Veteran homelessness.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject. I really am looking for answers, and additional ways to either connect or help. Please share your ideas below.

#iAMGrateful

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