American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

The One Thing You Should Know About Passover

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One Thing You Should Know About Passover
Photo by Richard Rubin via Flickr CC

Passover is a wonderful holiday for getting together with friends and family. In fact, a Passover Seder is probably the most common Jewish practice in America. We like the ceremony, the special foods, and complaining about the Matzah. There is one thing you should know about Passover but probably don’t.

I  just learned it, and  my view of Passover has changed considerably. For me, Passover moved from being a holiday of Joy to a holiday of Joy AND an opportunity for spiritual growth. The Hebrew word for Egypt is translated as “narrow place.” Slavery in Egypt confined us to a narrow place, with constrictions on our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. The Exodus is the story of liberation from the things that hold us back.

Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov (1772-1822) said, “The Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” I admit it – the quote gives me chills. What an amazing opportunity we have every day – to liberate ourselves from what holds us back. Each Choice Point* we face is an opportunity for liberation.

So the one thing you should know about Passover is that is is an opportunity for spiritual growth. Why not use this Passover as an opportunity to rededicate yourself to your Mussar practice? I suggest restarting with Enthusiasm, which teaches us to focus on proactively doing good things. And, it reminds us to finish the task. What is one small thing you can do to proactively to bring good into the world. And let me know if I can help!

*A Choice Point is the type of decision where we sit on the cusp of following the path of the Good Inclination or the Evil Inclination. See this post for more

If you are new to Mussar, the Four Week Challenge is a great way to get a taste.

Four Conversation Starters for Your Seder

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Four Conversation Starters for Your Seder
What am I supposed to do with all this matzah?

Does your Seder conversation ever get boring? Passover means many things to many people. Sometimes there is a raucous conversation. Sometimes the kids dominate. Sometimes the Jews are outnumbered. What counts is that people come together. Whatever the character of your Seder this year, you may come across a moment where you want to change the direction of conversation. Whether it needs a jump start or a right turn, here are four conversation starters for your Seder.

What am I supposed to do with all the Matzah?

It seems that Costco packaging has taken over Matzah distribution. The supermarket seems to only carry multi-pacs of Matzah. (Maybe this is just a California thing.) My family just doesn’t need this much Matzah. We have our traditions like Nutella, PB&J, and tuna. We used to try to make Matzah Brei (which is kind of like Matzah french toast).  Even so, we come no where near finishing our Matzah stash. And that conversation is old. What are some creative things to do with Matzah? It seems like Matzah could make a good building material with legos, or could be used to clean up spills or stop flooding. Is it ok to donate to a homeless shelter, or is it cruel to pass on the bread of affliction to those who are already struggling?

Do you tend  towards too much or too little Order in your life?

Seder is the Hebrew word for Order. When we have a Passover Seder, notice how we use the Haggadah to guide us through the ceremonial meal. There is a certain order to things. At the same time however, every Seder is different. One year we may spend  more time on telling the story of the Exodus, and another there may be a skit about the plagues. The best Passover Seders embrace balanced order – they stick to the stories and rituals, but are flexible to meet the needs of the particular audience.

Four Conversation Starters for Your Seder
Spectrum Diagram of the Soul Trait Order

Order is also a soul trait in Mussar. You guessed it, Order governs, among other things, how orderly we are. (Order also governs the Laws of Nature, but that is the subject of another post.) We all share the Soul Trait of Order, but have different amounts of it. People on one extreme never plan anything, and live in a perpetual state of chaos. On the other end of the spectrum, people can bring so much order and control that it stifles freedom.

After someone answers, ask his or her spouse or partner. I think Order is one area where opposites attract.

What are you Grateful for?

We tell the story of the Exodus every year to remind us that we were slaves, and now we are free. We sing the song Dayenu as a means of saying thank you for all the things God did for us when we were liberated from Egypt. BTW, I am a bit of a scrooge when it comes to the song. This video of the Maccabeets singing Dayenu both captures the lethargy I feel, as well as transforms Dayenu into something cool.

Whatever you think of the song, Passover is a great opportunity to enumerate the things we are grateful for. Mussar practitioners will know to find something to be grateful for even in the bad or ordinary.

What is your narrow place?

The Hebrew word for Egypt is literally translated as “narrow place.” So the story of the Exodus can be a metaphor for personal transformation. We all have a narrow place, something that constricts us and holds us back. Often, we need the strength of community to help us get through. Passover is a great opportunity to deepen community connections.

Happy Passover!

You might also like: The One Thing You Should Know About Passover

Image Credit: #snoopy gets ready for #Passover #Peanuts #squirrelhill #pittsburgh by Harriet Schwartz via Flickr CC

Feeling Overwhelmed? Try a Mussar Solution to Stress

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Mussar Solution to StressIt was a stressful time for me, perhaps one of the most stressful times since I left the corporate world six years ago. I was trying to raise money for a Mussar app called the Pocket Mensch, and we were falling short.  I was overwhelmed, felt alone, and felt cut off from my Mussar practice. I asked myself, “What is going on? Isn’t Mussar supposed to help me here?” The Evil Inclination had the upper hand, and was feeding me messages that Mussar was useless. Glad to say that there is Mussar solution to stress.
Mussar helped, but, I had to fight to get myself back on track. Here are three soul traits that were impacted by my stress. By focusing on them, I found balance and healing.

Order as a Mussar solution to stress

Order is the Soul Trait that governs planning, how we structure our lives, as well as the very organization of our thoughts. Stress makes me miss appointments, ignore my to do list and lose things. Then I get frustrated and embarrassed. For me, Order is the canary in a coal mine. When Order breaks down, it is a signal to slow down. I started looking for simple ways to bring just a bit more order to my life, like putting things away immediately. And, I focused on slowing down and planning my day. Finally, I tried to get back to meditating. Just a few days of short meditations helped a lot.

Humility as a Mussar solution to stress

Humility out of balance leads to an excessive focus on the self. In my mind, it was all about me. No one would help me. It was unfair; I was sunk and doomed. Sound familiar? (Hope so, I’d hate to think I am the only one who gets this way.) I made a conscious effort to stop complaining, and to start asking for help. My family helped at home, and I others helped with the work-related stuff. The reality is that we are not alone. We all have people there to help us. (Not sure who to ask? Send me an email and I’ll try to help you.)

Trust as a Mussar solution to stress

Trust is short for Trust in God. If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it as Trusting the Universe. Most things work out far better than our fear says they will. Something that seems awful today may have a kernel of good that will to something awesome.
Normally Trust is a source of strength for me, but when I was overwhelmed, it seemed like an alien concept. I don’t think the Trust was gone, it was simply blocked by the Evil Inclination.
Fighting and willing myself to Trust did no good, and just led to more frustration. Finally, I just let go, and decided to stop worrying about the outcome of the crowdfunding campaign. At 3 in the morning, I bolted awake with a sense of peace and Trust. And, I had a fully formed plan in my head to create the app for far less money.  I took a few notes, went back to sleep, and then woke to find a text from a supporter waiting for me. It was a sign from the Universe.

Gratitude as a Mussar solution to stress

Gratitude is a bonus. Mussar teaches to be grateful for the good and the bad. It was hard for me to do either. Then, I read what I wrote in the 15 minutes of gratitude challenge earlier in the year. I realized that I have so much in my life, which helped immensely.
Today I feel so Grateful that almost 100 people contributed to the crowdfunding campaign, for my family, and for my cats. And I am grateful to my Mussar practice and community that helped me get back on track.
Want to start your own Mussar journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz now.
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Get Drunk On Purim – It Is Required

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get drunk on purim
Purim hamentashen by Nate Steiner via Flickr CC

If you are Jewish and celebrate Purim, you might know that we are commanded to get drunk on Purim. In fact, tradition says that one should be so drunk that you can’t tell the difference between Haman and Mordechai.

For those of you who are not familiar with the story, Haman is the villain who tried to have the Jews exterminated, and Mordechai is one of the good guys who opposed him. Rabbis, scholars and everyday Jews have joyously followed this tradition, and of course debated what it really means for thousands of years. I won’t try to recapitulate their various arguments – indeed I haven’t read up on the subject. My understanding comes from Rabbi Jennifer Clayman, who taught me one interpretation: For most of the year we are expected to be restrained, thoughtful and dignified. For one day a year, it is important to cut loose, and go for unrestrained joy. (Apologies to R. Clayman if I am misremembering this.)

With Purim starting tonight, I’ve been thinking about this interpretation through a Mussar lens. The night of partying, silliness and even raunchiness balances everyday life when we are serious. Does that mean that if we spend our life drunk, should we spend this day sober? What is to be learned from having an experience far outside of your normal behavior?

I won’t be attending the Purim Shpiel tonight. The Shpiel is a funny re-enactment of the Purim story. It would be a great time, but I’ve just had too much going on. I’m wiped out from both work and personal stresses. Yes, the one who writes about work life balance isn’t going to the party because he has been working too much. I will, however, take the night off, and make it an evening of fun.

Whether it is tonight or in the near future, I wish you a window of unadulterated joy. Life will have its ups and downs. Sometimes the downs are trivial, sometimes they are severe. Whatever our life circumstance, we all deserve times of joy. Tell me about yours. I’d love to hear it.

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A Word on Ribbons and “Raising Awareness” for Cancer

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Awareness of problems and the fact that others are suffering is a good thing. It’s the first step—and a very necessary step—towards meaningful solutions and increased healing and comfort.

But it’s only the first step. Awareness in and of itself does not help solve a problem, and thinking otherwise can actually cause a lot of harm.

To be clear, I do not fault anyone for wearing a pink ribbon to raise cancer awareness, or to recognize a loved one who struggled or is struggling with this terrible taker of life. I understand and support the sentiments behind the ribbon, and I believe the cause of supporting cancer patients, cancer research, and the eventual and inevitable discovery of a cure (or cures) is an important one.

I also worry that for some people, wearing a ribbon and raising awareness is seen as action enough. Mussar teaches that we should “run to do good,” which is how we practice the Soul Trait of Enthusiasm.

There are lots of things we can all do to help those in our community who have been afflicted by cancer. Make meals for families who are struggling to get by with a debilitated parent. Visit children to read stories, to play games, to hold hands, and to listen. Volunteer with the Road to Recovery program and drive cancer patients to and from their treatments.

Real action is almost as easy as purchasing a ribbon to pin on, and it does a whole lot more to solve problems and create good in the world.

It might just bring you a whole new awareness of what you can achieve, as well.

Set yourself an intention: What is one small way that you can “run to do good” this week.

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