American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

Is the Pope Jewish?

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Judaism teaches that we should not make vows, because they might lead us to do something that we would later regret. More specifically, they might lead us to take an action in conflict with Jewish values. For example, if you vow to never speak to someone until they apologize, you have set a very high bar that you may later regret. People try to keep their vows, and in the example above the vow would serve to preserve the pain and make reconciliation harder.

I made a vow earlier this year never to write about Donald Trump after the racist comments he made about Mexicans. Alas, that is a vow I cannot keep. If I were to keep it, it would deprive me of an opportunity to learn from the spat between the Pope and the Donald. As I suspect you already know, Pope Francis suggested that Trump is not a Christian because he talks about building walls and not building bridges. The Donald shot back that it is disgraceful for the Pope to question another person’s faith. Wow, I am not a Trump fan, but I think I have to give him the nod on this one, with some caveats below.

The whole interchange reminds me of the fights between the different branches of Judaism. Some people in the ultra-Orthodox community say that Reform Jews are not Jewish. I once explained to an Israeli friend about Reform Judaism, and he said jokingly “why don’t you just put a cross on the wall.” I was not amused. Just last year, I realized that I was walking around with a secret shame that I wasn’t Jewish enough. I think many are raised to think that Orthodox Judaism is the real Judaism, and that people who don’t follow that lifestyle can’t cut it. It is a character flaw that we don’t keep Kosher or practice the rituals. I don’t like people questioning my Judaism. I intentionally said “Judaism” instead of “faith” because for many people, being Jewish is about much more than faith. Jewish identity is complex, and who am I to say that a love of pastrami is any less Jewish than going to services?

It is in that sense that I side with the Donald. One should not question another person’s faith. I noticed that in the rejoinder, Trump said that the Pope’s behavior was disgraceful. He did not say that the Pope is a disgrace, as some media have reported. Had the Pope said something like “Building walls instead of building bridges is not consistent with Christian values,” he would have focused on behavior and not the person.

Mussar teaches that we are to focus on our own behavior. Speaking out against injustice is something important for us to do. But I think Mussar teaches us to speak out against unjust behavior, without generalizing to the person. After all, we all carry a Divine spark that is occluded by our baggage. We should Honor the spark, even if we can’t Honor the behavior.

#iAMHonor

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UMOM New Day Centers and the Soul Trait of Equanimity

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Equanimity is a tough concept to explain, and as a Soul Trait it can be one of the toughest to bring into balance. The Hebrew name for the Equanimity Soul Trait literally translates as “calmness of the soul,” and putting Equanimity in proper balance means not becoming overwhelmed by the world but not tuning it out, either—not becoming so frenzied that we lose all purpose, and not becoming so sedentary that we lose all action.

The UMOM New Day Centers work throughout the Phoenix, Arizona area to make sure families have the medical care, childcare, education, and job skills training they need to establish successful and loving lives. They work with some of the most vulnerable members of the community every day, and they do not become overwhelmed and quit nor do they shut their eyes to the problems so many encounter. their work is a testament to the power of proper Equanimity in action, and American Mussar is proud to present this organization with a Point of Light award.

Homelessness is a problem all too easy to turn a blind eye toward. It’s also easy to look at the staggering size of the problem—as many as 3.5 million people in the United States, nearly half of them children, will experience homelessness at some point in a given year—and to see the problem as unsolvable. UMOM does neither, taking the direct action it can to bring an end to homelessness in its own community.

True Equanimity is active, not apathetic, and UMOM New Day Centers give us an important lesson in Equanimity impact. You can join American Mussar in donating to their efforts here.

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Sojourn to the Past: The Enthusiasm Soul Trait and the Civil Rights Movement

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At a time when racial tensions are higher than they’ve been in generations, and when Americans are being told to fear all manner of “outsiders,” it is important to remember that good intentions are not enough to bring about healing and togetherness—it takes action. For its work inspiring Enthusiasm in today’s youth in regards to the Civil Rights Movement of our nation’s past, American Mussar is happy to recognize Sojourn to the Past with a Point of Light award.

While too much Enthusiasm can lead to rash and ineffective action, most of us tend to suffer from the opposite problem, and a lack of Enthusiasm translates to a lack of meaningful action for even our most strongly held beliefs. While we might all firmly believe that racism is wrong, how many of us are taking the direct action necessary to bring it to an end. Of those who are taking action, how many of us are doing all we can?

Sojourn to the Past takes young students, from middle school through college-age, on a tour through the American South to visit and learn about important sites in the Civil Rights Movement. Recognizing the Enthusiasm and action necessary in this movement of the past helps to inspire greater Enthusiasm today—a time when it is quite clearly needed.

Over the years Sojourn to the Past has received recognition from numerous officials and other prominent figures and organizations, and American Mussar is happy to join those who recognize this organization’s important and action-based work.

To donate to Sojourn to the Past or see how the students in your life can become involved, you can learn more here.

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The Honor Soul Trait and the Rotary Club of Great Neck, New York

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Continuing with our series of charitable donations to groups that exemplify the Soul Traits central to American Mussar, we are proud to announce the Rotary Club of Great Neck, New York as the next recipient of our Point of Light award. Their work with families and others in Great Neck and throughout Long Island exemplifies the Soul Trait of Honor, and we are happy to honor them with this award.

When we honor other, we recognize the Divine Spark we all share, even in our lowest moments. By providing meals to hungry Long Island families and performing other acts of charity and community-building that help to bring people dignity, security, and comfort when they are at their lowest moments, the Rotary Club of Great Neck reminds us that all humans are equally deserving of Honor, and that we must act in order to see that all are honored accordingly.

As an example of their long-running work in the Great Neck community, this past year the Rotary Club provided full Thanksgiving meals to more than 1,000 families in need—an effort supported not only by Rotary Club members but by donations from the larger community as well. American Mussar honors everyone who helped achieve this goal, and the Rotary Club for its many years of similar service and for continuing to organize action that makes us all aware of the Honor we owe each other.

To learn more about the charitable work performed by the Rotary Club of Great Neck, New York, or to volunteer or donate, please visit their site here.

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What Not To Say To Someone In Mourning

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What Not To Say To Someone In Mourning
I miss you… by Matthew Fang via Flcr CC

It has been a rough week. A good friend of mine who also happens to be one of my Mussar students passed away over the weekend. She was about 50 and has two teens at home. It was sudden and unexpected, and her husband, kids, mother, and the rest of us are quite devastated.

Her husband and I are friends; we’ve talked a few times. It is so hard to know what to say to someone who has just lost so much. “How are you?” doesn’t seem like a helpful question. Legacy Connect offers many short articles that cover how to handle a variety of situations. (Read them here.)

Caring for the dead and comforting the bereaved are two important acts of Loving Kindness. While caring for the dead is something we generally leave to professionals these days, comforting the bereaved is something we can all do. When I was putting the finishing touches on The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions, I came across an article by writer Anita Diamant, who shared her struggle to comfort a friend who lost a baby.[1] Here is what I wrote

“Diamant described being “in mourning” as a parallel universe where being in the shadow of death is not a metaphor. Her friend told her that every gesture of support, even if it was a phone call or email to say “I’m sorry” counted for a lot because it gave her a connection to the living world. Diamant described her struggle not to try to cheer her friend up as she held her hand while she cried. While I have not been in those exact shoes, I know what it feels like to want to cheer someone else up. In part, it is because we want to feel better. It is really heavy to be there with someone who is in such terrible pain. Diamant’s act of selfless Loving-Kindness leaves me in a kind of helpless awe.”

I thought of Diamant’s words often this week, as I just tried to be there. This week I was in Diamant’s shoes, and as I was with the grieving husband. I just listened. Other times, I also needed support, and was grateful that I had people listening to me as I shared my grief  I’m thankful that I have so many friends willing to be there with me, to listen without judgement and without giving advice.

Mussar teaches that there is no escape from the ups and downs of life. We do not have the luxury of retreating and hoping it all goes away. We show up, and do the best we can. It’s nice to have some teachings and guidance along the way. At the end of the day, we all need each other. With the right people at your back, we can live each day like it might be our last, not in frantic haste, but in mindful presence, getting the most out of every moment.

If you are thinking of joining us on our Mussar journey, a good place to start is with the Soul Trait Profile Quiz. Click here to take it now. 

[1] Anita Diamant, Pitching My Tent, (New York: Scribner, 2005), 104-106.

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