American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

Mussar Practice Essential: Understanding Mussar Choice Points

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understanding mussar choice points

The Choice Point is a fundamental element of Mussar practice. It is the moment when we are balanced between doing the right or the wrong thing. When we are awake, we see the choices in front of us, and are better positioned to exercise our free will. This excerpt, from my book “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions,” explains the importance of Understanding Mussar Choice Points.

Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler one of the foremost Mussar masters of the early 20th century, describes the struggle between the Good and Evil Inclinations as a battlefront. Behind the front lines, our actions are firmly entrenched such that we act without thinking to follow either the Good or Evil Inclination. When we are at the boundary, however, we are faced with a choice, and feel the pull towards both positive and negative behaviors. Rabbi Dessler called this a choice point.[1] For example, stopping at a red light under ordinary circumstances is in the category of an automatic behavior in the area of the Good Inclination. However, if we are running late, we may be tempted to race through the intersection while the light is changing. Choice points are critical, since that is where we have an opportunity to exercise free will, and decide which way to go. We might make a decision to do right by our Soul, or to follow the Evil Inclination. It is only a choice point if the decision could go either way.

This picture of the confluence of the Rhone and Arve rivers illustrates the metaphor of the battle between the Good and Evil Inclinations. Imagine that you on a boat traveling towards the confluence of the clear and muddy rivers. In some parts of our life, we generally do the right thing and thus are sailing through the clear waters on the left side. In other areas, however, our weakness hold sway, and we are in the habit of following our base instincts in the cloudy water. In the middle, there is a grey area, where our spiritual challenges lie. The boundary is jagged, uneven, and in constant flux. There are places where the good juts out a bit or the Evil Inclination is starting to permeate under the Good Inclination. Each action we take influences our Soul, making it more likely that we will make a similar decision in the future. Thus when we follow the Good Inclination, the boundary is pushed to the right. When we follow the Evil Inclination, the boundary is pushed to the left. Dessler supports this conclusion by citing Ethics of the Fathers, which says “One sin leads to another,” and the Talmud, which teaches, “as soon as one has committed a sin twice, it is no longer a sin for him.”[3] In America, we call this phenomenon the slippery slope.

Rabbi Dessler teaches us that our choice points are a product of our education, environment, and state of spiritual development.[4] Two people with different spiritual curriculums will face very different choice points day to day. For example, lets compare the choice points between two men, one righteous, and the other a thief. For the thief, the choice point is whether to take the television but leave behind the Blu-Ray player. For him, that would represent a great step forward since he did not commit as big a crime as he usually did. The challenge for the righteous person is to give to charity with a feeling of Loving-Kindness instead of out of obligation.[5]

We all have issues. Mussar concerns the point of choice, that moment of conflict when we have to choose between being patient, or yelling at the kids to hurry up and get out the door. Choice? When I start yelling it doesn’t feel like a choice, it just comes out. While this is true, amazingly enough, two weeks after I began to focus on the Soul Trait Patience I experienced a dramatic change in my typical behavior. My kids were slow getting out the door in the morning, and I opened my mouth to yell at them. In that moment, I recognized them as little divine Souls, just playing around and not giving a fig about getting to the car. I closed my mouth and smiled.

In that moment, I chose to sail in clear waters.

“Excerpt from “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions” by Greg Marcus, PhD © 2016 by Greg Marcus, PhD. Used by permission from Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd., www.Llewellyn.com.”  Order now on Amazon

Image credit: La Jonction used with permission from S. Brandt.

[1] Rabbi E. E. Dessler, Strive for Truth, reprinted on Torah.org, accessed August 7, 2015, http://www.torah.org/features/spirfocus/FreeChoice-point2.html.

[2] Go to http://americanmussar.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Figure-4.1-Mussar.jpg  to look at this picture in more detail.

[3]Avot 4:2 and Talmud, Yoma 86b.

[4] Rabbi Eliyahu E. Dessler, Strive for Truth!, trans. Aryeh Carmell (Jerusalem: Feldheim, 1978), 54-55.

[5] Derived from an example from Rabbi E.E. Dessler shared by Morinis in Everyday Holiness, 23.

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Overcoming a Hopeless Moment the Mussar Way

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Overcoming a hopeless momentMy summer vacation is over, and it’s nice to be back in a routine. Actually, I kind of miss vacation, but I don’t miss being sick the entire month of July. Right before I came down with pneumonia, I wrote an article that appeared on Tikkun.org called Join the Mensch Movement. It was after the Democratic sit in in Congress as a protest against inaction on gun violence. I explained that John Lewis is a mensch – he has dedicated his life to fighting injustice. At one point, the Democrats on the floor of Congress started singing “We Shall Overcome.” Believe it or not, I have used that same song to diffuse family situations. It not a go to strategy for overcoming a hopeless moment.
My family was on vacation. It was one of those awful vacation moments when the entire family was bickering. Two teenagers and two strong willed parents can be volatile. Feeling helpless and hopeless, suddenly I started to sing.
We shall overcome.
 
We shall overcome.
 
We shall overcome, some day.
Those were the only words that I knew, so I started to sing them again until the stunned silence was replaced by howls of protest.
We shall overcome.
 
We shall overcome.
 
We shall overcome, some day.
At the time, I was practicing the soul trait of Patience. Mussar teaches that Patience is a gift, to help bear the burden of an unpleasant situation until it is over. For me, it was a struggle to sing or yell, which would have hurt and upset people who were already frustrated and suffering. People I loved.
I agreed to stop singing if we could stop arguing, and carry on without complaint. It was a compromise, a fragile peace that opened a space for us to be together. It gave us hope.
Did anything change from the Democratic sit in? There was still a recess, and there is still no new gun legislation. But for the men in women in Congress who are part of the Democratic party, they were changed. They had hope. Sometimes we need to act. We can’t just sit there in silence and suffer. Sometimes we need to take action.
So in a hopeless place, sometimes all we can do is sing.
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Did Ginsberg Speak Too Much Truth?

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Did Ginsberg Speak Too Much TruthThis week I’m practicing the soul trait of Truth. It has been showing up everywhere in my life. For example, I moved a  couch, and found a sticky note that said “Fear avoidance leads to deception.”
It was from when I was preparing the outline for my book. Yes, from the chapter on Truth.
But Truth has been no more prominent than in the comments Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg made about Donald Trump. Initially, she said ““I can’t imagine what this place would be — I can’t imagine what the country would be — with Donald Trump as our president,” She elaborated concerns over the makeup of the supreme court, and went on to criticize the press and Trump himself for not releasing his tax returns.” In this case, did Ginsberg speak too much Truth?
Ginsberg’s remarks were very much in line with Jewish tradition. We are taught to speak out against injustice, and clearly her concern for the country motivated her remarks. Speaking Truth to power is sometimes referred to as the prophetic tradition – like the prophets of old, sometimes we are required to speak uncomfortable truths.
In this case, however, Ginsberg was speaking from a position of power. She was perceived as stepping over the line, and eventually apologized, saying, “On reflection, my recent remarks in response to press inquiries were ill-advised and I regret making them. Judges should avoid commenting on a candidate for public office. In the future I will be more circumspect.”
We see in action an important element of Mussar’s teachings – too much of a soul trait is just as bad as not enough. Perhaps Ginsberg was speaking too much Truth in this case. I say perhaps because it is not for me to judge whether on a spiritual level what she did was too much or the right amount. That is for Justice Ginsberg alone to evaluate. The classic indicator of too much Truth is when we are being unkind; more generally we might say that too much Truth causes more harm than good. Personally, I know that I have a tendency to be Truthful to a fault and on many occasions I’ve caused myself and others unnecessary pain by being too Truthful.
There is another important side of Truth: human perception of Truth is subjective. Ginsberg was telling her truth, reality as she sees it. Have you ever been in a situation when you and someone else have very different perceptions of the same experience? This is common, and part of being human. As a result, we need to be cautious when we start tossing our Truth out into the world.
Food for thought.
Truth spectrum
Spectrum of Truth, from too little to too much
Where do you fall on the spectrum from too little to too much Truth?
In these turbulent times, having a firm grasp on our soul trait of Truth is a must.
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Mensch or Jerk is Determined by Small Moments

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Mensch or jerkAt breakfast a few years ago, a friend of mine and I discussed a volunteer meeting we had recently attended. It ran over its allotted time by 45 minutes, until 9:45 at night. My friend was really upset because it interfered with family plans. As one of the leaders of the meeting, I instantly apologized. Interestingly, my friend quickly corrected himself, insisting that it was a small thing, and that he should not have gotten upset.

While my friend seemed suddenly ashamed of his emotional reaction, I reassured him that he was not out of line, explaining that a central teaching of Mussar is that life is lived by small things. Mensch or jerk is determined by how we show up in small moments. How often do we have a really big thing land in our lap? It is these small things – the small moments of life — that make up daily life. And the one thing a Jewish leader should never do is disrespect the people he or she is serving. His candor was actually a gift, reminding me of my sacred duty.

The Soul Trait of Honor reminds us that each person is a Divine Soul, and should be treated accordingly. While it is true that as a leader, I did not do anything egregious – no human rights violations or dehumanizing behavior —  what I failed to do was adequately coordinate with the other leaders to ensure that we delivered on our promise of ending the meeting by 9:00. The Soul Trait of Enthusiasm, reminds us that we need to proactively run to do good, as Abraham does in Genesis 18:6-7 when he runs around arranging food for guests a few hours after being circumcised at the age of 99.

As leaders, we should proactively make sure that we are honoring and respecting the time of volunteers, especially in this over-scheduled age. This is a lesson many non-profit organizations would do well to learn.

I remember that day because a few hours later, something amazing happened. I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, reading the New York Times on my phone. I mindlessly stepped forward, as I had already put the groceries on the belt, and the cashier said “Hi.” In a flash, I remembered a recent article I read about how awful it feels to be ignored because the person you are serving has their face in a phone. And I remembered the Mussar teaching for Honor, to greet everyone before they greet you (reference).

So I put down the phone, looked her in the eye, smiled, and said “Hi.” It was like magic. She smiled back, a full face smile and her eyes sparkled.

I felt great. We both did. I kept thinking about it over and over as I walked to my car and started to leave the parking lot. “Wasn’t that great? Who can I tell? Should I include the story in my book….” I started composing in my head.

My happy reverie was suddenly broken as someone yelled loudly as I drove towards the exit.

“A-hole!”

The word rang in my ears. “Was that at me?” I wondered. “What did I do?” Did I cut someone off? Did I just miss a pedestrian? Maybe I was so wrapped up thinking about what a great Mensch I am that I wasn’t paying enough attention to my driving.

Or maybe the irate individual wasn’t even talking to me.

Whatever the case, the incident was a good reminder from the Universe: Life is lived in small moments. There is no room for complacency or patting myself on the back. We do not honor others so we can feel good about ourselves; we do it because it is the right thing to do.

And we move on from one instance of menschiness to the next.

Planning a meeting, going through the check out line, driving in the parking lot: three small opportunities to practice honor in a short span of time. Mensch or jerk? I got it right 1 time out of 3. Hey, in baseball that would put me in the Hall of Fame.

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Trump’s Biggest Danger: Too Much Truth

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Trump's Biggest Danger: Too Much Truth

It might strike you as strange to think that Donald Trump’s biggest danger is too much truth. After all, The Atlantic just ran a story called “Trump’s War On Truth” that laid out how often Trump deliberately and manipulatively lies in order to smear his opponents. Yes, he tells some whoppers. But why do people believe them? Because he speaks to a deeper, darker truth. Let me explain.

Mussar teaches that too much of a Soul Trait is as bad as not enough. Too little Truth undermines Trust, meaning that you won’t be believed even when you are being honest. Too much Truth can leads to a lack of kindness. You have probably heard the expression, “Truthful to a fault.” Mussar teaches that we should only speak if we can bring good into the world. Just because it is true doesn’t mean that we should say it! I think all kinds of things. They are better left unsaid.

Here’s another Mussar lesson about Truth: There is no absolute Truth, or put put another way, only God knows the full Truth. If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it this way – our perceptions limit our ability to know exactly what happened. Two people can be in the same room, and walk out with two completely different versions of what happened. They each in a sense have their own Truth. And this is where Trump gets dangerous.

Trump’s biggest danger is not that he promotes lies but that he speaks his Truth out loud. He believes what he says, and broadcasts his beliefs.

Last summer a retired friend in Syracuse told me she was aghast at how many people in her apartment building supported Trump. They all said the same thing: “He says exactly what I’m thinking.” Many people think his candor is a good thing. His success shows us how hungry people are for an authentic politician. For example, when Trump said that Mexican immigrants are criminals and rapists, some people gave him credit for “telling it like it is.” I don’t think Trump was lying – I think he believed what he said. He is a racist. (If you don’t believe that racism is alive and well in  America, see this insightful article by Jenee Desmond-Harris in the New York Times.) Donald Trump is the very definition of a racist because no one but a racist would hang on so fiercely to the birther claims about President Obama.

Trump’s blatant racism is a rallying cry for everyone who is consciously or unconsciously unhappy about eight years of a black President. If a significant portion of the American people didn’t resonate with Trump’s racist messages, he would not have the support that he does. This terrible truth is something that we as a country have tried to deny.

Trump’s biggest danger is that he appeals to the Evil Inclination in all of us

As a reminder, Judaism and Mussar teach that the Evil Inclination represents our animal drives, such our fight or flight response, sexual urges, and the fear of the unknown. The Evil Inclination is an essential part of who we are, but it must be guided by our Good Inclination. Trump in many respects appears to be an example of the Evil Inclination run amok. And in a very real, charismatic way, he draws on our Fear of the Other. We just relearned one of the most import lessons in the Torah regarding the Other on Passover:

“You must neither wrong nor oppress a foreigner living among you, for you yourselves were foreigners in the land of Egypt.  – Exodus 22:21, CJB”

We repeat this lesson year after year because it is extraordinarily hard to do! If it were easy, we wouldn’t need the lesson. While I hope that few of us are raging racists like the KKK, I believe that all people have unconscious bias. Once when I was in college, I was hanging out in my girlfriend’s sorority. The doorbell rang, and when I answered it, a black student was there. He asked for “Jane.” I was nervous, and had him wait outside. Five minutes later he was in the living room,  with Jane sitting on his lap; he was her boyfriend. He just looked at me. I felt like a complete and total jerk. My Evil Inclination got the better of me that day. I could have made a different choice, to overcome my fear and welcome the stranger in. I’ve learned a few things since then, and have not made that particular mistake again. But I have no illusions that I am without bias, and I certainly have an active Evil Inclination.

Our job is not to judge Trump supporters, or let our emotions drive us to disrespectful speech and actions. To do so would be to surrender to the Evil Inclination. If you don’t like Trump, speak out, donate money, or volunteer time to keep Trump from getting the power of the Presidency. But flaming on social media, or remaining silent when rocks are thrown at Trump supporters won’t make the world a better place, and won’t further our spiritual journey. None of us are without bias.

As practitioners of Mussar, our primary mission is to be the best people we can be. We don’t get a free pass to behave badly just because the future of the country is at stake. Anti-Trump people I’m talking to you too.

Imagine what would our nation – and the world – look like if our personal truth acknowledged that each of us is created in the image of the Divine. Use this moment, when Trump is one vote from the Presidency, to look within and find one small step to see the Other with a gentle eye. You’ll be amazed at how transformational small steps can be.

 

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