American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

Time To Leave Your Post Election Cave

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Time To Leave Your Post Election Cave
Gender inequality awareness idea by craftivist collective via Flickr CC

As you may know, after the election, I stopped reading the news and in many ways went into a cave. It was not a very Jewish thing to do. Unfortunately, we do not have the luxury of checking out and ignoring the world. To quote Rabbi Yisroel Salanter, the founder of the 19th Century Mussar Movement, “One who lives a life of tranquility in the service of God knows nothing about true service.” As I wrote in my book, this quote really gobsmacked me when I first read it. But I came to understand that the point is that our job on this planet is to make the world a better place. And we can’t do that if we are focused on being blissed out all the time. Even if you are unsure of the Divinity, the point still applies.

In my own defense, it was a tough time for me. As I wrote previously, my father had a stroke in late October, and I was pretty shattered by the whole experience. Thank you if you were one of many  who reached out over the months to ask how he was doing. I am happy to report that he finally came home a few weeks ago, and is doing much much better. Still lots of rehab work to do, but being at home with his wife and cat has been a big moral boost. Sometimes we need to withdraw to take care of ourselves, and when it is over, we need to get back in the game.

A friend of mine last week said that after the inauguration was a great time to leave your post election cave. He was referring to the literal sense, of coming out and reengaging in life. Neither of us is happy about the outcome, but this is the world and we need to live in it.

I immediately thought of the cave on a metaphorical level. Plato wrote that most people live life as if they were chained in a cave, and could only look at shadows of the real world on the wall. Very few people can break free of those chains and see the world the way it really is. Wow, does that fit the world today. We can’t agree on the facts, and the media seems helpless to take a stand over what is True. That is a post for another day.

On a personal level, I am working on the Soul Trait of Watchfulness. It is very much Jewish Mindfulness, watching oneself, and trying to see life the way it really is. That is a key part of Mussar – and Jewishness – to see the world the way it really is, and to jump in to close the gap with the way it could be. There is no closing in the gap while huddled in a cave, watching shadows on the wall, wringing our hands, or preaching to or listening to the chorus.

How Awake do you think you are? How much are you watching shadows versus striving to see the underlying reality beyond what is being shown to you?

Comment below and let me know.

2016 Was a Year of Wonder

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2016 Was a Year of WonderAs I wrote in my last post, I was among many people who felt an urge to wish 2016 away. It was a year of personal and emotional hardship for me in many ways. It started with two friends who died in their 50s… at this point I have a mental list of people with cancer, personal illness, and a litany of bad news in 2016, culminating with you know who and you know what. That is yesterday’s bad news. Today I realize that 2016 Was a Year of Wonder

 

I am practicing Gratitude, which sports the mantra “Give thanks for the good and the bad.”
One of the things I am most Grateful for is Hanukkah – it brought light at a time of darkness.  One of you wrote the following in response to last weeks post, and it give me hope. You wrote, If 2016 has thought me anything, it’s that life has its own story and how that story is told is determined by those who live in it who can set the darkest of nights against the backdrop of a new dawn and day! Better times will come.

 

Another one of you wrote a moving tribute to your father who passed away. I love the way you said My father was known for his kindness…and while I am good at being kind to strangers, it is those I am closest to that I wish to work on being more of that with. I can so relate to that – I too want to be better with those closest to me. And my fathers illness brought us closer this year.

 

In addition to the litany of bad news, 2016 was a year of absolute wonder for me. Just before writing you, I did the 15 Minute Gratitude Challenge, and identified some amazing milestones last year:  One daughter became Bat Mitzvah, and another was confirmed. One daughter discovered a love of volleyball, and the other got her drivers license. My wife had a meaningful milestone, and she and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. My cats turned seven, and I turned 50. And my dream of having a Mussar book was realized. The outpouring of love an support related to the book has truly been remarkable.

 

But none of that compares to the miracle of the Cubs winning the world series. I mean seriously, who can’t feel good about that? No, Cleveland fans, of course I did not forget you. I’m sure you are really bummed, but I also suspect at least some of you feel hope that if the Cubs can win, then the Indians day will come too. And the Cavs won it all, beating my Warriors. You see, for every winner in sports, someone has to lose. For every loss in an election, someone wins.

 

In Mussar, there are no winners or losers. Why? Because Mussar is a spiritual exercise. It looks at the world differently, with a sense of wonder and gratitude. It does not mean that there are not issues to deal with. There are, but with a spiritual outlook the context and coloring is improved. Our task is to improve ourselves, which adds light to the world, and makes everyone else better too.

 

But I really got energized and jazzed reading this list of amazing things that happened in 2016. Please skip the beginning of the article that rehashes the sorrow of 2016. A few things on the list with particular meaning for me:
  • 200 people attending the funeral of a homeless vet with no family. This is just awesome, and reminds me of the Jewish practice of everyone standing and reciting Kadish (the mourning prayer) in services together. Even if we do not have someone specific we are saying Kadish for, we say it for those who may not have someone to say it for them, or for people who died in the Holocaust and may not have family left today.
  • New chemotherapy treatments, robotic limbs directly connected to the brain, and a decrease in child mortality worldwide. As Rabbi Yitz Greenberg reminded me earlier this year, Jews are on team life. How can I not rejoice at this news?
  • Portugal and Costa Rica ran their entire countries on renewable energy for a few days, India planted 50 million trees in 24 hours, and California has 6 million solar roofs. And, Pandas and many other animals came off the endangered species lists. This is significant progress in our task to repair the world.

 

This list, and the Twitter hashtag  that reminds me of advice from Fred Rogers, who reminded us that in every disaster, there are always helpers. And Mussar teaches us that we have a choice whether or not to be a helper.

 

I’ll admit it – I am feeling super energized by writing you this letter. I am reminded of the time when I was a super helper last year – I left my power cord at the library with a young woman taking her end of year exams. I was awake enough and aware enough to see an opportunity to make someone’s day. That was an easy one. Now the task is to find a way to be a helper every day.

 

Should we have a live event, a Google hangout or Zoom video call to share some of the experiences we had helping others in 2016?

 

For now, you are invited to do three things.
1. Take the 15 minute Gratitude Challenge. Click Here to take the challenge.
2. Read about the amazing things that happened in 2016, and then comment below to let me know what resonates with you.
3. Set an intention for 2017 – what will you do to be a helper?

 

2016 Was a Year of Wonder, if we remember to look for it.

 

Here’s to an amazing 2017, filled with wonder and community.

 

Want to learn more about Mussar and Gratitude? Here’s a free preview of the Gratitude content from the American Mussar cycle.

Jewish Superhero Carrie Fisher Dies During Hanukkah

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Jewish Superhero Carrie Fisher Dies During Hanukkah
I particularly like that she had a name tag, even though she was famous. See Humility below.

Jewish Superhero Carrie Fisher Dies During Hanukkah. Oy vey, what a year. I admit it – one of my first thoughts was can’t 2016 just be over already? My second thought was, “What about the next Star Wars movie.” Lets dispense with the second thought first. They already filmed episode 8, so we’ll see the General again. But seriously, someone died, and I’m worried about a movie? We think all kinds of things. The reason why I know about Carrie Fisher is because of Star Wars. So I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that I have that kind of mental association.

I feel like I’m channeling the Jewish Forward, calling out Carrie Fisher as Jewish in the headline. Her father was Jewish, and so according to the ruling of the Union of Reform Judaism, she is Jewish from her father’s side. Others would say she isn’t Jewish because her mother wasn’t. I won’t get into that debate here. I consider her a Jewish Superhero because of the way she lived her life. She was an outspoken advocate for the mentally ill. Fisher told the truth, and her openness and example helped combat the stigma that goes with mental illness and addiction recovery. The Vilna Gaon, a famous Lithuanian Rabbi of the 19th century, taught that the greater the person, the greater the evil inclination. She was a larger than life character, whose great appetites and passions were her greatest strengths and weaknesses.
I find it particularly poignant that Fisher died during Hanukkah. An upcoming documentary about Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds is called “Bright Lights.” Many describe her as fearless, and unflinchingly honest about her own shortcomings. While I doubt Fisher ever heard of Mussar, I think she would have loved it. Those of us who practice Mussar are trained to be open about our journey, honest about our shortcomings, while at the same time working every day to make small improvements. Here are a few soul traits that I see in Ms. Fisher’s life
One soul trait I think about in particular is Humility – Carrie Fisher occupied a lot of space. She was famous from the time she was born. She worked hard, and applied her talents to be a successful actress and a great writer. In an era were people are famous for being famous, she delivered value added content to the world. Moreover, she used her fame as a platform for social good. I particularly admire the way she took on Twitter trolls commenting on how poorly she had aged in Episode Seven. To paraphrase- “I was 19 when Star Wars was filmed. Of course I look older. Get a life.”
I also think about Enthusiasm, because Carrie Fisher was one to take action. Enthusiasm is about taking action, and it seems like she was proactive about taking on the world. Which brings me back to where I started this post.
My first reaction to Fisher’s death was “can’t 2016 be over already?” So many famous people died. I’ve had serious illness in my family. And I am in the majority of Americans who voted for one candidate, but will see the candidate who got fewer votes go on to be the president. It was distressing. But to wish 2016 away is off base. If we could somehow magically jump ahead to January 1st, 2017, we’d never get those last few days back.As I’ll write in my New Years post, 2016 was also a year of wonder. Who knows what great things will happen over the next few days. Not the least of which will be my birthday. You don’t want the world to skip past my birthday, do you?
There is always light – sometimes we have to work just a bit harder to find it. Carrie Fisher’s career started with a movie we now call A New Hope. It was a time of darkness, yet a small group of good people called upon a mystical Force to help right the course of history. Kind of like a story from a few thousand years ago, when a small group of Jews called the Maccabees used their Faith as a rallying cry to defeat a vastly superior occupying army. Today we celebrate the Hanukkah miracles.
Hanukkah means dedication. I don’t think it is an accident that the last night of Hanukkah begins on December 31st. To what will you dedicate yourself in 2017? Lets use the next few days to contemplate and prepare ourselves.
Comment below and I’ll use your feedback in my New Years post.
Want to start your own Mussar journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz here. 
Image credit: By Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America (Carrie Fisher) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

What is Mussar?

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what is mussar
Excerpt from “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions”

What is Mussar?

Believe it or not, there is a solid argument that the Jews invented self-help over 1000 years ago. At the time, the Rabbinic scholars were trying to understand why it is so hard to be good. The Ten Commandments and other Jewish teachings clearly spell out how we should act. Yet many of us, both now and then, violate either the letter or the spirit of these commandments quite regularly. One of the answers to this question was Mussar.

Mussar is a practice that gives concrete instructions and guidelines to help you live a meaningful and ethical life. The first Mussar book was Duties of the Heart by Rabbi Bahya ibn Paquda, which was written in eleventh century Spain. Rabbi ibn Paquda clarified a central tenet of Mussar: Following the spirit of the commandments is just as important as following the letter of the Law. For example, he scorns a scholar who focuses on pointless intellectual exercises instead of working to become a better person,[1] and he praises a scholar who worked for 25 years refining his conduct.[2]

In the ensuing centuries, the Mussar literature grew as scholars contemplated how various character traits like humility, patience, anger and jealousy contribute to a good life. Mussar became a widespread movement in Eastern Europe starting in the early 19th century under the leadership of Rabbi Yisroel Salenter. Rabbi Salenter transformed Mussar from a solitary practice to something practiced in community. Throughout it’s history, Mussar masters used real world examples, and describing situations that are often as relevant today as they were hundreds and thousands of years ago. In short, the struggles of our soul have not changed.

The fact of the matter is that we all have issues, whatever our religion or level of spirituality. Mussar teaches how to find those things inside that cause us to get in the same situation over and over again. And, it provides guidance for how we can begin to make small changes in our lives to help bring healing to the Soul through greater balance. Rabbi Elya Lopian (1876-1970) defined Mussar as “making the heart feel what the mind understands.”[3] I love this definition, because so often we know what we should be doing, but we just can’t seem to make ourselves do it.

Mussar can be translated from Hebrew to mean, “correction” or “instruction.”[4] In modern Hebrew, Mussar means ethics. When we practice Mussar, we are adjusting and correcting our Soul. But we don’t try to adjust the whole thing at once. Rather, we focus on specific parts of the Soul called Soul Traits.

Real World Spirituality

Compared to Mussar, Kabbalah is the more widely known branch of Jewish spirituality. Kabbalah is spiritual/mystical and focuses on the unseen forces in the universe. Mussar is spiritual/practical, and focuses more on our inner world, and how it impacts the choices we make day today. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know a lot about either traditional or modern Kabbalah. I do know that there is significant overlap in the traditional Mussar and Kabbalistic literature. If you are currently a seeker who has explored Kabbalah, Mussar will complement and enrich your understanding. If you find Kabbalah a bit too “out there,” you will be able to relate to the Mussar because it is a very grounded practice.

The great 20th Century Mussar master Rabbi Schlomo Wolbe defined spirituality as building your interior world,[5] and Mussar is the process we use to build it. In Judaism, we don’t wake up, decide to be spiritual, and then book a retreat to a mountain top for contemplation. Jewish spirituality is doing the inner work, to change our very Souls to become better at living in the real world. We are not expected to become great over night, and we only strive to become a little better than we were the day before.

One of my teachers Alan Morinis writes that we each have our own unique spiritual curriculum, meaning that we each have our own path in life, with a unique set of challenges and opportunities. We are presented with the same test over and over again until we pass it.[6] For example, my trait of Humility is out of balance – I have a tendency to be arrogant. My arrogance hurt my relationships with others, especially my coworkers, for years. Each chance I had to say something arrogant was a test, and until I learned to make room for other people’s opinions and feelings, I was caught in this cycle of starting well on a job, and then gradually losing support from my colleagues. When I started bringing my Humility into balance, I started keeping my mouth shut, (“passing the test,”) and became easier to work with. As a result, I was spared a lot of unnecessary stress and conflict.

As this example also illustrates, Mussar teaches that actions count – in fact only actions count. We all have good intentions, but more often than not our intentions don’t translate into good actions. Mussar brings our actions and intentions into alignment with Jewish values. What are Jewish Values? Rabbi Hillel summarized it best: “That which is hateful to you, don’t do to another. The rest [of the Torah] is just detail.”[7] Mussar offers key insights to help us understand why we sometimes do the right thing, and sometimes not. Hillel was articulating the Jewish version of the Golden Rule, more commonly knows as, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Whether or not you are Jewish, it is hard to argue with the Golden Rule as a universal ethical principle. Mussar turns real world situations into opportunities for spiritual growth, which in turn make the world a better place.

From The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions by Greg Marcus, PhD. © 2016 by Greg Marcus, PhD. Used by permission from Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd.www.Llewellyn.com.

Want to learn more about Mussar? Check out this article Greg Marcus wrote for MyJewishLearning.com.

[1] Rabbi Bachya ibn Pacuda, Duties of the Heart, Hebrew trans. Rabbi Yehuda ibn Tibbon Feldheim, English trans. Daniel Haberman (Jerusalem: Feldheim, 1996) 1:23.

[2] Ibid 1:25.

[3] Morinis, With Heart in Mind, 6.

[4] Alan Morinis, Everyday Holiness: The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar (Boston: Trumpeter, 2007), 8.

[5] Alan Morinis, With Heart in Mind: Mussar Teachings to Transform Your Life (Boston: Trumpeter, 2014), 13.

[6] Morinis, Everyday Holiness, 3.

[7] Talmud Shabbat 31a.

5 Ways Spirituality Can Fight Post Election Despair

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Spirituality Can Fight Post Election Despair
For those who wait by Robert Couse-Baker via Flickr CC

I am really sad about the outcome of the election on many levels. I suspect that many (but not all) of you feel the same way. Now what? I’m looking for ways that spirituality can fight post election despair. But first, something must be said.

I have not made a secret of the fact that I do not like Donald Trump. At the same time, I have done my best to remain in conversation with Trump supporters, especially on my Facebook page. And I often wrote “whomever wins, we need to come together as a country and find a way to heal.” I’ll be honest – I hoped that I would be the one who got to play the role of gracious winner, but the Universe has other plans for me. So I will take a page from Hilary Clinton’s speech, and look at Trump with an open mind. He won, and he and his supporters have an opportunity to prove that my fears are unfounded.

I really do want to heal as a country. This does not, however, mean giving up on what I believe in. As President Obama said, we see to a peaceful transition of power. Then we go back to work and fight the political fights.

But what can I do? I feel like crap. 

Mussar as always has some suggestions.

Here are Five Soul Traits to help you process the election results and fight post-election despair.

Humility: We each only get one vote. Although I volunteered and donated, in the ballot box, I only have one vote. In fact, my vote counts less in California than it would have in the Midwest. It appears that Clinton won the popular vote. When it comes to a National Election, I occupy a very small space. We can rage against the machine, or we can accept reality. On the National and World Stage, I occupy a very small space.

However, in other parts of my life, I occupy a much larger space. I can make a positive contribution to my family and community. One friend of mine said she will write one letter about climate change a day for the next year. And I love this article from Jenna Amatulli in the Huffington post that outlines ways to help, by listing organizations that support progressive causes. Don’t move. Volunteer.

Patience – Mussar is teaching that Patience is bearing the burden of the situation, much as the Israelites bore the burden of slavery in Egypt. It is a gift to help us endure when we cannot take action. When it comes to this election, there is little we can do. The painter Paul Klee died in 1940, at a time when it looked like Hitler would take over everything. Five years later Hitler was destroyed. This election is not the end of the story, but we will have to endure years of policy changes that will hurt some of us to the core.

Honor the Divine Spark in others. I remember feeling bad for Republicans who were so bitterly disappointed that Obama was re-elected in 2012. I felt the same way in 2004 when Kerry lost to Bush. Today I tip my cap to the Trump supporters. It is their turn. I hope they will be gracious winners.

HOWEVER, it is more important to honor minority communities who may be feeling scared about what a Trump presidency means for them. And they way we can honor them is by taking action.

Enthusiasm – Mussar teaches that we should “Run to do good.” There are many hurting people out there. We can acknowledge Trump’s presidency while at the same time remain active in the civic and political arenas. Be aggressive to stop bullying  when you see it. Reach out to your LGBT, black, Latino, Muslim, Jewish, feminist friends and let them know that you have their back.  Another thing you can do is provide a safe space for people. A Rabbi friend started a private group where people can support each other through the stress of the election. And the Pantsuit Nation Facebook Group of women who support Clinton has over 3 million members. The woman’s issues raised in this campaign are not going away. Join a group and get active.

Equanimity – This soul trait is also known as Calmness of the Soul. It is a zen-like ability to be present, to accept what is, and stay on an even keel whatever happens.This is so hard for me. Spiritual masters like Eckhart Tolle call it being present, or being Awake. I’ll be honest – I’ve suffered a lot this year. I write suffered with a small s because the things that caused me unhappiness are stress and work related. Now, I have something truly calamitous to be unhappy about. Maybe this will be the incentive I need to start meditating, and doing what I need to do to wake up. Tolle tells a story of a student of his who was grateful for his illness because it forced him to go deeper into their consciousness and dissolve the ego. I really want to do this.

Finally, let me leave you with a Korean quote from my sister in law “It’s not the seven falls. It’s the eight rises.”

For many of us, this is a fall. When you rise, look around, and look within. I’m sure that something needs fixing in your own back yard.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Click here to join me on the Soul Trait Profile Quiz. 

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