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Five Mussar Practices To Charge Your Life In 2018

January 26, 2018 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

I am at my favorite Philz, drinking coffee, and reflecting on the past two years since American Mussar was founded. I’ve looked through so many of your stories, and am inspired and humbled by the ways that Mussar is changing your lives. 2018 is a year of blessing – 18 stands for life, and this year I am dedicated to helping you deepen your mussar practice. Below I’ll share five Mussar practices you can try. But first some background.

The last few months have been rough for me, with three parents in the hospital at various times with serious conditions. All three are on the mend thank goodness. The experience has really offered me lots of grist for the Mussar mill. Mussar has made it much easier for me to keep perspective, and to give myself time to recover my energy after difficult conversations before pushing on.

As is often the case with life, personal struggles can come against the backdrop of successes in other parts of life. As the American Mussar community has grown to over 1800 on the American Mussar Facebook page, and 5000 on the email list, your stories have been an inspiration to me to help me get through. Here are a few of the key highlights from 2017:

1. The Transform Yourself Through Jewish Wisdom Weekend was an amazingly transformative experience. I got to meet some of you there, and heard from many others who were not able to attend. This was our first live weekend event. The ten of us ended with our arms around each other, resolving to use the weekend as a springboard for change. One participant, Dr Dan Brown of San Diego said, “The Program has changed the trajectory of my life for the better.”

For me personally, it was also a breakthrough. You see, I struggle to feel satisfied. For all of my accomplishments, from MIT to the corporate world to my books, I never felt a sense of contentment like I did after this weekend. Yes, working to digest and unpack how Mussar can change your life left me with the highest feelings of satisfaction I have had. And since then, I’ve caught myself being happy and satisfied on multiple occasions. This may be commonplace for you, but for me it is a new and unique experience. If you have an opportunity to do an immersive experience like this one from any teacher you like, do it!

2. Stories of how Mussar is changing your lives. Here are a few examples:
• Healed sibling rivalry: You shared how Mussar helped you heal a 30 year sibling rivalry situation, and you chose to enjoy the holidays with people you rarely see rather than get sucked into old patterns.
• Loving Kindness: The blessing of being reminded of the impact you have on other people when you remember to practice Loving Kindness.
• Humility: You recognized how strongly you feel the need to be heard, and that sometimes it is too much for others. And you shared how it stemmed from a traumatic experience in your past. That recognition is a key step on the path to transformation.
I am so touched because you’ve let me touch you in this way.

3. I am particularly grateful to my 1:1 coaching clients. It has been a privilege to listen to your stories, and work with you to overcome those things holding you back and causing unnecessary suffering in your lives. To see you grow and thrive has been the best part of my week.

4. You let me into your lives through the book too. In the 15 months since The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions: Finding Balance Through the Soul Traits of Mussar was published, you’ve bought almost 2000 copies, and left more than 50 Reviews on Amazon. The latest particularly touches my heart. This book is changing my life …it takes the daunting and seemingly insurmountable spiritual journey of improving one’s character and reduces it to taking the first step, then the next, and so on. Read the full review here .

5. Rolling out the American Mussar Parenting Curriculum by working with lay leaders at two large synagogues. With just a few hours of training, anyone can use these materials to facilitate a mussar parenting group. One leader, from Temple Isaiah in Lafayette CA said the following after just two meetings, “I’m amazed at how the teachings are already having a positive effect on people’s lives.”

The key to Mussar is taking action, and you are discovering that taking one small step is everything – it is the whole game, because a first step leads to a second step and then a third step. But if you don’t take that first step, the journey never begins. Once you’ve taken it, you’ll begin building resilience to pick the practice up again with much less activation energy.

My focus for 2018 is to help you deepen your Mussar practice. There is no one size fits all solution. Here are five Mussar practices you could try. I don’t care which one you pick, but pick one.

1. Read a Mussar book. Here is a list of classic and modern Mussar books to choose from.
2. Schedule a free one hour strategy consultation with me. I love these calls. I listen, and then help you start to craft a strategy to become unstuck, get through a transition, or get to the next level in your practice. If you’d like to schedule the call, just click here to schedule one.
3. Sign up for the American Mussar Sampler program. For 13 weeks, you’ll get an email with practice prompts with a link to a video to give you a structure to practice the 13 soul traits in The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions. The cost of the sampler is $24 – a discount off the regular price of $36. As a special bonus, I’ll include a copy of the matching mantra cards, which have a retail value of $18 with free shipping within the US. Click Here to Order.
4. Sign up for the waiting list for the upcoming Mussar intensive courses. This will be a series of one month virtual Mussar groups each focused on a particular issue. Planning for the Mussar intensives will begin soon – we’ll be asking for your advice. By signing up for the waiting list, you will have the first opportunity to sign up for the class, and get a discount. Sign Up Here

5. Try a Patience Practice from the Mussar Parenting Curriculum. Sign up at the bottom of the info page here, and I’ll send you the participants and facilitators guides for you to review and select a practice.

My heart is really full because the practice is spreading. Please comment below and let me know what you are deciding to do. Let me tell you, if you are thinking to yourself, “I really should do this, but I have too much going on,” take my advice and just go ahead and do it. It will be a step forward. When in doubt, do the phone call. Nothing is more precious than your time, and if after 30 minutes you think it is a waste of time, we can end it then and there with no hard feelings.

As Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?”

2018 is a year of blessing – 18 stands for life, and this year I am dedicated to helping you deepen your mussar practice.

Most sincerely,

Greg

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Silence: A Mussar Practice For Trump Angst

October 16, 2017 By Greg Marcus 18 Comments

Would you like a mussar practice for Trump angst? First a question: If you hate Trump so much, why do you keep talking about him?

I asked that question to a close relative over the weekend. We were sitting together, watching TV when he said, “I am smarter than that guy, referring to a sports expert.” He had a little grin on his face, and from the way he said it, I could tell that he was lampooning Trump’s statement that he was smarter than Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.

In another conversation about the suffering in Puerto Rico, someone said “the problem is that Puerto Rico is an island, surrounded by water.” She looked at me expectantly, with almost a hunger for me to engage.

A few months ago, I posted something on Twitter, and out of the blue someone tweeted the “That explains Trump.” I made no response, and I imagine a great disappointment in the poster that I did not take the bait.

In each case, it appeared that the person was looking for me to justify and feed their anger. I see the exchanges on Facebook all the time. One person rants, and their friends jump in, either agreeing or disagreeing. Everyone is angry.

If this sounds at all like you, let me ask you: Is this the life you want to live? Is this what Judaism teaches us, to feed anger and disaffection? I know, we are supposed to speak out against injustice. But what injustice are we speaking about when we bring up Trump out of the blue to make fun of him? Here, you are just feeding the anger within.

The Talmud teaches “Whosoever yields to anger, if he be a wise man his wisdom leaves him, and if he be a prophet his prophecy leaves him.” (Pesachim 66b). In modern language, the Talmud is saying that when we get angry, we don’t think straight, and we do things we may regret. I know that when I am angry, I say and do some really hurtful things to the people I care most about.

In addition, insulting Trump instead of talking about actual issues amounts to gossip, which in Hebrew is known as lashon ha’ra. The Talmud teaches that harmful speech kills three people – the speaker, the listener, and the one being talked about. Rabbi Joseph Teluskin argues that avoiding gossip allows the speaker and listener to form a closer relationship because they are forced to focus on each other. Thus, when we bring up Trump at random times, we lose an opportunity to really connect and get to know other people. It may feel good to share misery, but it won’t actually make you feel better. And it won’t help you form community.

Instead of giving in to the urge to mock Trump, practice the Soul Trait of Silence. In the Mussar classic Cheshbon Ha’nefesh, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Levin wrote, “Before you open your mouth, be silent and reflect: What benefit will my speech bring to me or others?” One way to begin this Mussar practice is to write Levin’s phrase on an index card or sticky note, and put it on your bed table where you will see it in the morning. Read, chant, and/or contemplate it for a minute to begin your day. This will make you more aware of thoughtless speech in general. Next, stop and reflect before you say anything. As you become more mindful of your speech, you can choose to avoid the mocking speech we discussed above.

Lets consider a world in which you don’t bring up Trump at random times. It opens the door to focus on positive things that bring you energy and joy. I’ve seen it happen again and again – a positive conversation gets derailed into anger, frustration, and cynicism. Instead of allowing your negative side to bring the conversation down with insults, look for an opportunity to bring the conversation up. Staying present and plugged into the world is both empowering and life affirming. After all, our mission is Tikkun Olam, repair of the world. And mocking speech never repaired anything

Mussar has soul traits to help us focus on Tikkun Olam in the face of anger and despair. It is not enough simply to say “No Trump thoughts” or “keep it positive.” A full mussar practice for Trump angst requires a strategy to focus on something else.

Come back next week to read a post on moving from anger to Tikkun Olam.

Want to know which soul traits you need to work on? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

Three Tips To Practice Mussar Equanimity

June 13, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Many people starting their Mussar journey jump to the chapter on Equanimity. I remember doing exactly that, and then being confused. In this post, I’ll explain why this soul trait is hard, and offer you some ways to practice Mussar Equanimity. As you may recall, Equanimity translates directly from Hebrew as “calmness of the soul.” Equanimity in balance means that, we have the ability to keep our head, to not get too high when things are going well, and not too low in a setback.

Right now, my own Equanimity is being challenged. You have been sending me lots of feedback on what to write about, and I have to battle not to get too excited – part of me wants to just keep working to learn everything I can, and turn that info around in blog posts and new offerings. That voice is my Evil Inclination, trying to get me off the workaholic bandwagon. I know that path, and the outcome for me isn’t good.

My Equanimity was challenged in the opposite direction, this past weekend. I was talking to a friend from my corporate days, who mentioned that he ran into someone who I used to work with. I was surprised at how overcome I was with negative feelings. Yes, I have reason to dislike this person, because they directly caused me “harm” and made some decisions that in my opinion set back the company in a big way. I “watched” in amazement as my Equanimity was thrown off. I became upset – my blood pressure went up, and I started bad mouthing the person. The latter is a real Mussar no no, and I knew it. Yet the words just tumbled out of my mouth.

WOW. This is exactly why Mussar is a practice. We need to keep working to gradually over time heal and bring these soul traits towards balance. I’ll frame the remainder of the story around three paths to help you practice Mussar Equanimity.

1. Practice Mussar Equanimity Directly

I think of Equanimity as being what Eckhart Tolle calls “the watcher,” which is our higher consciousness that exists independently of, and behind the thinking mind. When we are the watcher, we are mindfully present, and better able to access our free will. In the story above, I was being the watcher as my ego bad mouthed this person. Because I was mindfully present, I said less than I might have otherwise, and limited myself to a factual recitation of the things the person had done. I kept judging thoughts out of my mouth. For example, I did not use words like “evil” or “poisonous.”

It is very hard to directly build Equanimity. It required a practice like mediation to learn how to both observe and quiet thoughts as they come into the head. Tolle’s book The Power of Now is the best I have read on the direct approach to Equanimity.

2. Practice Mussar Equanimity Indirectly

There is a reason that I put the chapter on Equanimity late in my Mussar book. It is hard to just do, especially because our Equanimity is often thrown off by other underlying soul traits that are out of balance. I can look within, and see many other soul traits that contributed to my Equanimity imbalance. For example, my Honor was activated because today I was judging this person based on something they did 10 years ago; Humility because I think I know better than this person who was much more senior than I was; Silence because I could not keep quiet; and of course Forgiveness. I am a grudge holder. Rabbi Micha Berger has an interesting suggestion on how not to hold a grudge in this article. Part of the answer is to remember a teaching from Alan Morinis – often when things go wrong, they only seem wrong to us, which is a gift because we are being shown a part of our spiritual curriculum, and thus an opportunity for growth.

By committing to our Mussar practice, we begin to heal the various soul traits that disturb our Equanimity.

3. Take a Walk in Nature.

Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook once wrote the following: “The song of the birds as they perch in the trees… the sweet smells of lilies and the fruit of God’s garden…return one’s mind to it’s natural state.” (With Heart in Mind by Alan Morinis chapter 12). Kook’s advice to seek nature to restore tranquility is supported by modern science – numerous studies have shown that being in nature lowers blood pressure, and improves depression.

Sorry, there are no magic bullets. But that good news is that a Mussar practice can be conducted in about 5 minutes a day. They are five minutes that can and will transform your life.

Want to figure out which soul traits are disturbing your equanimity? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

Why Did Sanders Supporters Ignore Truth and Share Fake News?

March 24, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Recently, I read a story that described a systematic effort to plant false news stories in Facebook groups of Sander’s supporters during the 2016 general election campaign. While the details and politics of this effort are beyond the scope here, what particularly interests me is what happened when someone discovered the deceptions, and tried to inform other people in the group. They were shunned and ostracized, accused of being a “Hillbot” and in some cases kicked out of the group. You can read the story here. Why did Sanders supporters ignore Truth?

There is an important Mussar less for us about the Soul Trait of Truth. It took me a while to sort it out, because Truth teaches that falsehood has no legs, and if you supply untruths, people will no longer believe you. Yet these statements seem to have little bearing on what actually happened. In the long run of course, these falsehoods were ultimately uncovered. But in the short run, they may have had their intended impact, making Sanders supporters less likely to vote for Clinton.

Some people were so insistent about sharing these obviously fake news stories that they where kicked out of the Facebook groups by the moderator. The fake news stories ranged from “the Clinton-has-Parkinson’s conspiracy to the Clinton-is-running-a-pedophilia-ring-out-of-a-pizza-shop conspiracy.” Pedophilia ring? Seriously? Mussar provides two answers to help us understand why Sanders supporters ignored Truth.

First, the fake news was feeding into anger they already felt. For example, many Sanders supporters were livid that the DNC was biased for Clinton. Anger lies within the realm of the evil inclination, and when the evil inclination is aroused, we become susceptible to manipulation. As Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto wrote in the Path of the Just, “One who the evil inclination holds in bondage either does not see the truth, or fails to recognize it when he beholds it, for the evil inclination literally renders a man so blind that he becomes like one that gropes in the dark and stumbles over the obstacles which he does not see.” (Path of the Just chapter 3).

This realization holds an important lesson for all of us: who has not gotten angry and had their judgment impaired? When you were in the midst of that anger, were you even aware that your judgment was off? The key mistake the Sanders supporters made was to share this fake news without discernment. And, they ignored evidence that the news was fake.

The second reason comes from Proverbs:

“Fools see their own way as right, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15
“A fool gives vent to all his feelings, but the wise, thinking of afterwards, stills them.” Proverbs 29:11
To answer someone before hearing him out is both stupid and embarrassing. Proverbs 18:13

Do you get the gist of the point I am making? These people were acting like fools, allowing their evil inclination to incite them to participate in the perpetuation of a falsehood. Some of you might rightly think this is a harsh assessment. Nevertheless, I stand by the assertion. People who ignored evidence that they were sharing fake news were acting like fools.

At the same time, who among us has never acted like a fool? I know I have, more often than I’d care to admit. The more asleep we are, stumbling in darkness & ruled by our emotions, the more we’ll find ourselves acting the fool.

One Mussar practice to counter the danger of passing on false information comes from Rabbi M. M. Levin, who wrote “Do not allow anything to pass your lips that you are not certain is completely true.” (Chesbon HaNefesh chapter 12). Were Facebook and Twitter available in the 19^th century when Levin wrote his classic, he undoubtedly would have included a picture of an unfortunate retweet with embarrassing consequences. This lesson is so important, and so counter to the prevailing culture in the world today, that it bears repeating: Do not allow anything to pass your lips that you are not certain is completely true.

What would it take for you to meet this very high bar? What is one step you can take today to move in this direction? I’ll be honest, it becomes a lot easier with a dedicated Mussar practice. Start your practice now by taking the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

Did Warren Beatty Need Mussar at the Oscars?

February 27, 2017 By Greg Marcus 4 Comments

Did you watch the Oscars? Even if you didn’t, you probably heard that there was a colossal error: The wrong winner for best picture was announced. It was a surreal moment – in the middle of his acceptance speech, the producer of La La Land suddenly said “Moonlight won, this isn’t a joke.”

It was a real stunner, and a real bummer. Warren Beatty, who along with Faye Dunaway made the announcement, explained what happened. Apparently, he was handed the wrong envelope, and it read “Emma Stone, La La Land.” He looked in the envelop, read slowly, and was understandably confused. In hindsight, he could have said “Hey, something doesn’t seem right. Let me check backstage to make sure this is correct.” It raises the question: Did Warren Beatty Need Mussar at the Oscars?

Mussar teaches us to be in the moment, and perhaps if Beatty were a practitioner, he would have behaved differently. Maybe he would have called on the Soul Trait of Enthusiasm to overcome his paralysis and run over to the side to check with someone backstage. Or maybe he would have called on Equanimity to have the presence of mind to ask someone to come double check right there on live TV. But of course Mussar is not a practice for us to back seat drive other people’s lives.

The question for me is why am I obsessed with this mistake on an awards show? I feel badly for the cast and crew of La La Land, who thought for a moment that they won the big one. And I feel badly for the Moonlight folks whose moment in the sun was tarnished. Then I remind myself – no one here is suffering too badly. Everyone made a great movie, and both movies won Oscars and recognition.

The Soul Trait being activated for me is Order – I like things to happen the way they are supposed to happen. When they don’t, I am bothered. I’m reminded of the mistake I made at my Bar Mitzvah that haunted me for years. And I’m reminded of when my grandmother touched the chuppah and it went crashing over at my wedding. My grandmother was fine – she rightly put the responsibility on the planners who had an unstable design. But I was bothered.

To quote David Byrne “Things fall apart; it’s scientific.” I’ll take this an an opportunity to remind myself to be a bit more flexible, and a bit more forgiving when things don’t go to plan.

Where do you come down on the spectrum of Order? Do you get stressed when things deviate from your expectations? If you are like me in that respect, we can both practice a bit of Trust, remembering that things usually work out in the end. And when they don’t go according to plan, sometimes something wonderful and unexpected emerges.

Please comment below.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Click here to take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz now. In just 5 minutes, you’ll get an idea of what is causing you to get stuck, and where you can focus to bring balance and healing.

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