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Mussar Hopes and Fears For 2021

January 6, 2021 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

2021 is here at long last. Like many of you I am feeling grateful that 2020 is over. And yet…

… what does it really mean to start a New Year? There is nothing intrinsic about a change in date that will make our world better. On the surface, our hopes and fears for 2021 are pretty straightforward. We hope that 2021 will be better that 2020, and fear that it will be worse.

It is easy to attribute the fear to the Evil Inclination, what Rabbi Alan Lew called ““the tumultuous whirl-wind of impulses and dysfunctions that prevents us from doing what we should be doing.” We can become paralyzed about all kinds of awful things that are happening and might happen.

Could the hope for a better 2021 also be coming from the Evil Inclination? Don’t get me wrong – hope is powerful, necessary, and good. In fact Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said “Never give up hope! There is no despair!”

However, the Evil Inclination will sometimes try to build us up to then attack when we let our guard down. I hope that my kids will be able to go in person to college classes in the fall. But if I pin too much on that hope, I am in danger of being despondent if that doesn’t come to pass. And, I might miss opportunities to appreciate the good in today. The Covid vaccine is a source of hope, yet the growing case numbers and deaths are a cause for fear.

Some of you may have heard the teaching from Rabbi Nachman that the whole world is a narrow bridge and the important thing is not to be afraid. The present is a bridge connecting the past and the future. Let us walk together on that bridge, drawing courage from one another.

We can be 100% certain that this pandemic will pass. How and when we don’t know. But whatever happens, lets do our best to have a better 2021 than 2020. There is much we can control, but whatever happens, we can face it together.

If you’d like a closer connection to the American Mussar community, please join us in our weekly gathering Jewish Wisdom For Coping with a Pandemic. This is a drop in group, for people of any age, religion or level of Jewish background. Just come and bring a friend. Click here to learn more and get the zoom link.

Photo by Alex Azabache on Unsplash

Three Key Soul Traits for Your Passover Mussar Practice

April 10, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Passover is THE Jewish story. Yes we became liberated from bondage, and more importantly, the fundamental message of Judaism is told again and again in this story and throughout Jewish literature. “Be Kind to the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that the goal of Mussar is to learn to bear the burden of other people – which itself directly translates from this Passover lesson. So let’s take this opportunity to do a Passover Mussar practice.

Remember that Passover is not only about ancient liberation but personal liberation. The Hebrew word for Egypt, Mitzrayim, is translated as “narrow place.” Slavery in Egypt confined us to a narrow place, with constrictions on our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. The Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov (1772-1822) said, “The Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” Exodus is the story of liberation from the things that hold us back. By practicing Enthusiasm, Order, and Honor, we can begin to exit our narrow place.

Focus on Enthusiasm in your Passover Mussar Practice

In the Mussar classic Path of the Just, Rabbi Luzzatto makes Enthusiasm a key pillar of personal transformation. In part, this is because he argues that our natural inclination is to be “lazy.” While I dislike the judgmental connotation of the term, the fact remains that many of us would prefer to just avoid the hard work of personal change. I saw a great cartoon with two panels. In the first, the speaker asks who wants change? Everyone raises their hand. In the second, he asks “Who wants to change.?” As you may have guessed, not a single hand was raised. Even when we are unhappy about something, the Evil Inclination will supply us with ample excuses and fears to prevent us from taking action to make it better.

Luzzatto points to Abraham, who ran around his camp to welcome guests, and Rebecca who hastened to water a guests camels, as examples of our behavior. We should run to do good. When we do, we unlock an inner fire as our “emotions are aroused and [our] enthusiasm waxes stronger.”

Moses saw a flame that did not consume, that led him on a path of discovery and personal growth, that led him to take on a seemingly impossible task. Moses was reluctant at first, but the Divine helped him grow personally to take this task on. And one way he helped was to give Moses a plan.

Practice Order by Creating a Plan to Change as Part of Your Passover Mussar Practice

The Hebrew word for Order is Seder – yes, that meal we have every year at least once during Passover. Moses presented a litany of excuses why he could not lead the Israelites out of Egypt, including worries about his speaking ability, and fears that the people will not believe him. In response, God gives Moses a plan, teaching him a few miracles to show the people, and reminding him that his brother can do the talking when needed.(See Exodus 4:1-17 for the full story). While you may be unsure of the Divinity, forming a plan of action is a sensible approach to bring about personal change. What are some small miracles that you can perform to help you on the way? By miracle, I mean some action outside of your comfort zone. I have a friend who was a cut you off, screamer of a driver. As part of her Mussar practice she started letting every car that wanted to merge in front of her. She became a calm driver, and as far as I’m concerned, it was a miracle.

The second part of the story is equally important? Who will be the Aaron in your life, a relative, friend, or mentor who will help you on your journey? Part of the challenge is to be bold enough to commit to change, and to ask for someone for help.

Balance Honor in your Passover Mussar Practice

Part of the answer to changing oneself is paradoxically to think less about yourself. When we focus our energy on serving others, we can take a break from our own worries, and the path of such service will carry us outside boundaries that are keeping us stuck. And, often we hold ourselves back precisely because we are framing the issue in a self-centered way. Try doing something particularly loving for your partner or for a friend. Listen without speaking. Bringing the focus away from yourself will provide you a breath of fresh air, to carry your life in a new direction.

Now of course, your narrow place might be excessive service to others. In fact Tova Ross wrote a great article for Tablet about overcoming her narrow place of people pleasing. Ross shares an inspiring story of he she came to recognize just how miserable and unhealthy she was making herself trying to be well liked. Passover teaches us that we should remember the stranger, not that we should become a stranger, nor make self care a stranger in our life.

What is the narrow place you are seeking liberation from this year? What soul traits can help you overcome it? Please share below.

What Soul Traits are keeping you in your narrow place? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to find out. Click here now to take it.

Four Conversation Starters for Your Seder

April 18, 2016 By Greg Marcus 3 Comments

Does your Seder conversation ever get boring? Passover means many things to many people. Sometimes there is a raucous conversation. Sometimes the kids dominate. Sometimes the Jews are outnumbered. What counts is that people come together. Whatever the character of your Seder this year, you may come across a moment where you want to change the direction of conversation. Whether it needs a jump start or a right turn, here are four conversation starters for your Seder.

What am I supposed to do with all the Matzah?

It seems that Costco packaging has taken over Matzah distribution. The supermarket seems to only carry multi-pacs of Matzah. (Maybe this is just a California thing.) My family just doesn’t need this much Matzah. We have our traditions like Nutella, PB&J, and tuna. We used to try to make Matzah Brei (which is kind of like Matzah french toast). Even so, we come no where near finishing our Matzah stash. And that conversation is old. What are some creative things to do with Matzah? It seems like Matzah could make a good building material with legos, or could be used to clean up spills or stop flooding. Is it ok to donate to a homeless shelter, or is it cruel to pass on the bread of affliction to those who are already struggling?

Do you tend towards too much or too little Order in your life?

Seder is the Hebrew word for Order. When we have a Passover Seder, notice how we use the Haggadah to guide us through the ceremonial meal. There is a certain order to things. At the same time however, every Seder is different. One year we may spend more time on telling the story of the Exodus, and another there may be a skit about the plagues. The best Passover Seders embrace balanced order – they stick to the stories and rituals, but are flexible to meet the needs of the particular audience.

Spectrum Diagram of the Soul Trait Order

Order is also a soul trait in Mussar. You guessed it, Order governs, among other things, how orderly we are. (Order also governs the Laws of Nature, but that is the subject of another post.) We all share the Soul Trait of Order, but have different amounts of it. People on one extreme never plan anything, and live in a perpetual state of chaos. On the other end of the spectrum, people can bring so much order and control that it stifles freedom.

After someone answers, ask his or her spouse or partner. I think Order is one area where opposites attract.

What are you Grateful for?

We tell the story of the Exodus every year to remind us that we were slaves, and now we are free. We sing the song Dayenu as a means of saying thank you for all the things God did for us when we were liberated from Egypt. BTW, I am a bit of a scrooge when it comes to the song. This video of the Maccabeets singing Dayenu both captures the lethargy I feel, as well as transforms Dayenu into something cool.

Whatever you think of the song, Passover is a great opportunity to enumerate the things we are grateful for. Mussar practitioners will know to find something to be grateful for even in the bad or ordinary.

What is your narrow place?

The Hebrew word for Egypt is literally translated as “narrow place.” So the story of the Exodus can be a metaphor for personal transformation. We all have a narrow place, something that constricts us and holds us back. Often, we need the strength of community to help us get through. Passover is a great opportunity to deepen community connections.

Happy Passover!

You might also like: The One Thing You Should Know About Passover

Image Credit: #snoopy gets ready for #Passover #Peanuts #squirrelhill #pittsburgh by Harriet Schwartz via Flickr CC

I’m Glad I Didn’t Win Powerball. Really!

January 14, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

I’m glad that I’ve moved on to practicing the Soul Trait Order this week. I’ve been scrambling around, and need some help to get my schedules and priorities re-established. No, I was not distracted by Powerball fever, although I did watch with a kind of detached fascination. (I was far more drawn in by all of the David Bowie tributes.) In fact, I did not buy a ticket because I feared winning.

My Mussar teacher Alan Morinis once reminded us that for many people, winning the lottery is the worst thing that ever happened to them. I am pretty sure a billion dollars would ruin my life. I couldn’t live in my current house, and would need someplace with more security. Would I need to worry about someone kidnapping my kids? I can imagine people coming out of the woodwork asking for money, and friendships becoming strained. Because of these reasons, I’m Glad I didn’t win Powerball. At the same time, I recognize that I am in a financially secure situation right now, and that if I were living in poverty to struggling to get by, I might take the billion to improve my life situation. I think Mark Cuban summed it up well, saying “If you weren’t happy yesterday, you won’t be happy tomorrow. It’s money. It’s not happiness.”

In addition, several research studies have shown that those with more wealth tend to have less empathy and compassion for others. (Read more here). I have enough trouble with empathy and compassion – the last thing I need is something that could make me less compassionate.

Whoever the winner is, I wish them well. Their spiritual curriculum just got a lot more interesting! For me, it is back to making lists and setting priorities. And, I’m happy to say that this morning I unloaded the dishwasher before breakfast. It always makes the day go better, but lately I haven’t done it.