Mussar Practice - American Mussar

3 Character Traits That Make You a Better Leader

November 4, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

15845979_s Being a better person is easy in theory – do less of the negative stuff, and more of the positive stuff. The same holds true for leadership. The problem comes in when we either don’t know what we should do, or we do know but can’t help ourselves and do the negative anyway. When I was in the corporate world, I was very good at my job, and very, very arrogant. It held me back in a very, very, very, big way. I so wish I had practiced Mussar back then.

Mussar is a 1000-year-old Jewish mindfulness practice that teaches us how to find those things inside that cause us to get stuck making the same mistakes again and again. And, Mussar offers a step-by-step way to bring those things towards balance and healing. On a personal level, Mussar is a daily practice that helps one become a Mensch, a person of outstanding character. On a professional level, Mussar can be the key to unlocking your full leadership potential.

Mussar offers a different perspective than many other wisdom practices, in that having too much of the trait is just as bad as having not enough. The way we change is to first identify where we are on the spectrum from too much to too little for a given trait, and then to take action to bring ourselves towards balance.

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What Holds You Back from Repairing the World?

September 6, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

It would seem like not wasting resources, and preserving the world would be common sense, no brainer, consensus principles. And maybe they are in theory. But in reality, the planet is kind of a mess, and getting worse all the time. While it is tempting to throw up our hands at the scope of the problem, or to blame corporations, Mussar teaches us that we should approach life looking for small actions we can take in everyday life to bring ourselves into balance. After all, there is something inside that holds us back from doing the right thing. So the question is, what holds you back from repairing the world?

The teachings around the Commandment Bal Taschit translated as “do not destroy” are an instructive place to go as we look for soul traits to help us become more environmentally balanced within. Bal Tashchit comes from a principle that in the time of war we are not allowed to cut down fruit trees. You may eat of them, but not cut them down to make siege engines or the like. (Deuteronomy 20:19).

The Book of Education, (Sefer HaChinuch) written in the 13^th Century relates this environmental stewardship to the state of the soul. It reads, “Righteous people … do not waste in this world even a mustard seed. They become sorrowful with every wasteful and destructive act that they see, and if they can, they use all their strength to save everything possible from destruction. But the wicked … rejoice in the destruction of the world, just as they destroy themselves.” (Sefer HaChinuch 529; )

If only it were that simple. We could blame the wicked for everything, secure in our knowledge that we are “outraged and sorrowful” with global warming, and the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. But if you are like me, edible food ends up in the compost bin, and a large pile of trash is hauled away from my home every week.

George RR Martin, author of the Game of Thrones books, and Tolkien, author of the Lord of the Rings have different conceptions of evil. For Tolkien, Evil is external, in the form of Sauron, a supernatural being bent on the destruction of all that is good. For Martin, the evil is inside – each of his characters have the capacity for both good and evil. And some of the most interesting characters, like Tyrian Lannister have exhibited both in plenty.

Mussar sides with Martin – we are driven by the conflict between the Good and Evil Inclinations. Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that Mussar offers an opportunity to strengthen the Good Inclination by balancing our Soul Traits, which in turn makes it easier to keep commandments like Bal Tashchit. Here are three Soul Traits we can cultivate to strengthen our ability to protect our planet.

Honor, which reminds us to Honor the Divine spark in others. – People need to eat, and to destroy fruit trees makes it likely that someone will go hungry. In fact, sages of the Talmud generalized this commandment to teach that we should not wantonly spoil opportunities or resources of other people. Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook taught that the fruit trees are an allegory of human dignity, and we are forbidden from degrading human dignity. Thus, if we focus on the needs of others, bringing our Honor towards balance, we will be less likely to waste resources.
Gratitude reminds us to recognize the good and give thanks. The Book of Education teaches that the purpose of the Commandment “do not waste” is to teach us to “love that which is good and worthwhile and to cling to it, so that good becomes a part of us.” Thus by practicing Bal Tashchit we become more grateful, and conversely, if we practice gratitude, recognizing the good and appreciating what we have, we will be less likely to run out and buy the latest version of the iPhone, even though the phone we have is more than sufficient for what we need.
Awe – to quote Eliza in the musical Hamilton, “Look around, Look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now.” The Baal Shem Tov said, “The world is full of wonders and miracles, but we take our little hand and we cover our eyes and see nothing.” The world is an amazing place, and if we take some time to appreciate the beauty in the world, we will, as a matter of course, be more mindful of how we use our resources.

Thus by cultivating Honor, Gratitude and Awe, we strengthen our Good Inclination, and can more easily keep the Commandment “Do Not Waste.” What is one small action you can take in your life to cultivate balance in one of these traits?

If you would like to start your own Mussar Journey, take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz right now.

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Mussar Practice Essential: Understanding Mussar Choice Points

August 31, 2016 By Greg Marcus 8 Comments

The Choice Point is a fundamental element of Mussar practice. It is the moment when we are balanced between doing the right or the wrong thing. When we are awake, we see the choices in front of us, and are better positioned to exercise our free will. This excerpt, from my book “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions,” explains the importance of Understanding Mussar Choice Points.

Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler one of the foremost Mussar masters of the early 20^th century, describes the struggle between the Good and Evil Inclinations as a battlefront. Behind the front lines, our actions are firmly entrenched such that we act without thinking to follow either the Good or Evil Inclination. When we are at the boundary, however, we are faced with a choice, and feel the pull towards both positive and negative behaviors. Rabbi Dessler called this a choice point.[1] For example, stopping at a red light under ordinary circumstances is in the category of an automatic behavior in the area of the Good Inclination. However, if we are running late, we may be tempted to race through the intersection while the light is changing. Choice points are critical, since that is where we have an opportunity to exercise free will, and decide which way to go. We might make a decision to do right by our Soul, or to follow the Evil Inclination. It is only a choice point if the decision could go either way.

This picture of the confluence of the Rhone and Arve rivers illustrates the metaphor of the battle between the Good and Evil Inclinations. Imagine that you on a boat traveling towards the confluence of the clear and muddy rivers. In some parts of our life, we generally do the right thing and thus are sailing through the clear waters on the left side. In other areas, however, our weakness hold sway, and we are in the habit of following our base instincts in the cloudy water. In the middle, there is a grey area, where our spiritual challenges lie. The boundary is jagged, uneven, and in constant flux. There are places where the good juts out a bit or the Evil Inclination is starting to permeate under the Good Inclination. Each action we take influences our Soul, making it more likely that we will make a similar decision in the future. Thus when we follow the Good Inclination, the boundary is pushed to the right. When we follow the Evil Inclination, the boundary is pushed to the left. Dessler supports this conclusion by citing Ethics of the Fathers, which says “One sin leads to another,” and the Talmud, which teaches, “as soon as one has committed a sin twice, it is no longer a sin for him.”[3] In America, we call this phenomenon the slippery slope.

Rabbi Dessler teaches us that our choice points are a product of our education, environment, and state of spiritual development.[4] Two people with different spiritual curriculums will face very different choice points day to day. For example, lets compare the choice points between two men, one righteous, and the other a thief. For the thief, the choice point is whether to take the television but leave behind the Blu-Ray player. For him, that would represent a great step forward since he did not commit as big a crime as he usually did. The challenge for the righteous person is to give to charity with a feeling of Loving-Kindness instead of out of obligation.[5]

We all have issues. Mussar concerns the point of choice, that moment of conflict when we have to choose between being patient, or yelling at the kids to hurry up and get out the door. Choice? When I start yelling it doesn’t feel like a choice, it just comes out. While this is true, amazingly enough, two weeks after I began to focus on the Soul Trait Patience I experienced a dramatic change in my typical behavior. My kids were slow getting out the door in the morning, and I opened my mouth to yell at them. In that moment, I recognized them as little divine Souls, just playing around and not giving a fig about getting to the car. I closed my mouth and smiled.

In that moment, I chose to sail in clear waters.

“Excerpt from “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions” by Greg Marcus, PhD © 2016 by Greg Marcus, PhD. Used by permission from Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd., www.Llewellyn.com.” Order now on Amazon

Image credit: La Jonction used with permission from S. Brandt.

[1] Rabbi E. E. Dessler, Strive for Truth, reprinted on Torah.org, accessed August 7, 2015, http://www.torah.org/features/spirfocus/FreeChoice-point2.html.

[2] Go to http://americanmussar.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Figure-4.1-Mussar.jpg to look at this picture in more detail.

[3]Avot 4:2 and Talmud, Yoma 86b.

[4] Rabbi Eliyahu E. Dessler, Strive for Truth!, trans. Aryeh Carmell (Jerusalem: Feldheim, 1978), 54-55.

[5] Derived from an example from Rabbi E.E. Dessler shared by Morinis in Everyday Holiness, 23.

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Overcoming a Hopeless Moment the Mussar Way

August 29, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

My summer vacation is over, and it’s nice to be back in a routine. Actually, I kind of miss vacation, but I don’t miss being sick the entire month of July. Right before I came down with pneumonia, I wrote an article that appeared on Tikkun.org called Join the Mensch Movement. It was after the Democratic sit in in Congress as a protest against inaction on gun violence. I explained that John Lewis is a mensch – he has dedicated his life to fighting injustice. At one point, the Democrats on the floor of Congress started singing “We Shall Overcome.” Believe it or not, I have used that same song to diffuse family situations. It not a go to strategy for overcoming a hopeless moment.

My family was on vacation. It was one of those awful vacation moments when the entire family was bickering. Two teenagers and two strong willed parents can be volatile. Feeling helpless and hopeless, suddenly I started to sing.

We shall overcome.

We shall overcome, some day.

Those were the only words that I knew, so I started to sing them again until the stunned silence was replaced by howls of protest.

We shall overcome.

We shall overcome, some day.

At the time, I was practicing the soul trait of Patience. Mussar teaches that Patience is a gift, to help bear the burden of an unpleasant situation until it is over. For me, it was a struggle to sing or yell, which would have hurt and upset people who were already frustrated and suffering. People I loved.

I agreed to stop singing if we could stop arguing, and carry on without complaint. It was a compromise, a fragile peace that opened a space for us to be together. It gave us hope.

Did anything change from the Democratic sit in? There was still a recess, and there is still no new gun legislation. But for the men in women in Congress who are part of the Democratic party, they were changed. They had hope. Sometimes we need to act. We can’t just sit there in silence and suffer. Sometimes we need to take action.

So in a hopeless place, sometimes all we can do is sing.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Click Here to take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

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Four Tips For a Parent Friendly Seder

April 23, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Passover is for the kids, right? Passover IS for the kids, isn’t it? My kids are teenagers, which means that they can shift from the Wise to the Wicked to the Simple to the oblivious child without notice. In fact, sometimes they can play more then one role at any given time. But I remember what it was like when they were younger. It can be a slog. Don’t get me started on the year when we hosted a Seder for ten. Four were under six, and my cousin and I were the only Jews. I was the Wicked Child before that night was over. All of this can be avoided if you use some Mussar wisdom to create a parent friendly seder.

Tip 1: Remember that Passover is for everyone, and act accordingly

As parents, we fall into the trap of making everything about the kids. Were we liberated from slavery in Egypt only to fall into bondage to our own children? One way to have a parent friendly Seder is to find something special for yourself. Put all the kids together at one end of the table, and all the adults at the other to experience some adult time. Or, if you are having a smallish Seder with family members, find a way to Honor your parents or elders. Your kids will be watching how you treat them. Dedicate one of the glasses of wine to your parents, and remember departed relatives who you love. This will help you feel a connection to your own past, which is both comforting and nurturing.

Tip 2: Eat early and often

I’ll put it out there. I am one of those hungry guys who doesn’t do well waiting for food. My father always told me that I had to wait to eat until we got through the Seder. I didn’t like it. Jews love food, but also practice food discipline. Keeping Kosher means many things to many people. To me it is about being mindful of what you put in your body. Mussar is about mindfully living your life. Because Passover is a time of joy, don’t sit there miserable and hungry, counting the pages until you get to the Hillel sandwich. Mindfully nibble on Matzah, and be sure to have a snack 30 minutes before the Seder begins.

Tip 3: Sing Dayenu with gusto

I am not a Dayenu fan. When I was a kid I wasn’t a fan. If you watch the beginning of this Maccabeats video, you’ll see what it was like for me to sing Dayenu. The kids are falling asleep, and the parents are trying to put a good face on it. Yet as the video goes on, this amazing a cappella group does each verse of the song in a radically different music style. The costumes and locations change to match. The message – Dayenu is whatever we make of it. The Soul Trait of Enthusiasm teaches that we should go about life with energy and focus. There is no point just phoning it in – it is a wasted opportunity to live life to the fullest.

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said “Get into the habit of singing a tune. It will give you new life and fill you with joy.” Many people feel self conscious about their singing. (Have you ever noticed that this has little to do with how good a voice people have? Some people with terrible voices love to sing out loud, while unrequited opera singers are self conscious). If you have a terrible voice, think of the stories your kids can tell. “My mom has a terrible voice. But every Seder, she sang Dayenu at the top of her lungs.”

And why Dayenu? It is about the soul trait of Gratitude. You may be unsure of the Divinity, and not have any idea what Mana in the desert is all about. However, we all have many wonderful things in our lives that we take for granted. Friends, family, our own bed to sleep in, clean air to breathe. Just once a year, sing Gratitude at the top of your lungs.

Tip 4: Try one parent friendly seder tip that makes you uncomfortable

What do you think if these tips? One or more may put you out of your comfort zone. If that is the case, give it a try anyway. Passover is about spiritual liberation. It wasn’t easy for our ancestors to just pack up and cross the desert. To grow we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Let the joy of the Seder carry you just a bit farther than you would normally go.

You just might find yourself a step closer to the Promised Land.

Like Four Tips for a Parent friendly Seder? You might also like

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