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Three Key Soul Traits for Your Passover Mussar Practice

April 10, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Passover is THE Jewish story. Yes we became liberated from bondage, and more importantly, the fundamental message of Judaism is told again and again in this story and throughout Jewish literature. “Be Kind to the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that the goal of Mussar is to learn to bear the burden of other people – which itself directly translates from this Passover lesson. So let’s take this opportunity to do a Passover Mussar practice.

Remember that Passover is not only about ancient liberation but personal liberation. The Hebrew word for Egypt, Mitzrayim, is translated as “narrow place.” Slavery in Egypt confined us to a narrow place, with constrictions on our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. The Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov (1772-1822) said, “The Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” Exodus is the story of liberation from the things that hold us back. By practicing Enthusiasm, Order, and Honor, we can begin to exit our narrow place.

Focus on Enthusiasm in your Passover Mussar Practice

In the Mussar classic Path of the Just, Rabbi Luzzatto makes Enthusiasm a key pillar of personal transformation. In part, this is because he argues that our natural inclination is to be “lazy.” While I dislike the judgmental connotation of the term, the fact remains that many of us would prefer to just avoid the hard work of personal change. I saw a great cartoon with two panels. In the first, the speaker asks who wants change? Everyone raises their hand. In the second, he asks “Who wants to change.?” As you may have guessed, not a single hand was raised. Even when we are unhappy about something, the Evil Inclination will supply us with ample excuses and fears to prevent us from taking action to make it better.

Luzzatto points to Abraham, who ran around his camp to welcome guests, and Rebecca who hastened to water a guests camels, as examples of our behavior. We should run to do good. When we do, we unlock an inner fire as our “emotions are aroused and [our] enthusiasm waxes stronger.”

Moses saw a flame that did not consume, that led him on a path of discovery and personal growth, that led him to take on a seemingly impossible task. Moses was reluctant at first, but the Divine helped him grow personally to take this task on. And one way he helped was to give Moses a plan.

Practice Order by Creating a Plan to Change as Part of Your Passover Mussar Practice

The Hebrew word for Order is Seder – yes, that meal we have every year at least once during Passover. Moses presented a litany of excuses why he could not lead the Israelites out of Egypt, including worries about his speaking ability, and fears that the people will not believe him. In response, God gives Moses a plan, teaching him a few miracles to show the people, and reminding him that his brother can do the talking when needed.(See Exodus 4:1-17 for the full story). While you may be unsure of the Divinity, forming a plan of action is a sensible approach to bring about personal change. What are some small miracles that you can perform to help you on the way? By miracle, I mean some action outside of your comfort zone. I have a friend who was a cut you off, screamer of a driver. As part of her Mussar practice she started letting every car that wanted to merge in front of her. She became a calm driver, and as far as I’m concerned, it was a miracle.

The second part of the story is equally important? Who will be the Aaron in your life, a relative, friend, or mentor who will help you on your journey? Part of the challenge is to be bold enough to commit to change, and to ask for someone for help.

Balance Honor in your Passover Mussar Practice

Part of the answer to changing oneself is paradoxically to think less about yourself. When we focus our energy on serving others, we can take a break from our own worries, and the path of such service will carry us outside boundaries that are keeping us stuck. And, often we hold ourselves back precisely because we are framing the issue in a self-centered way. Try doing something particularly loving for your partner or for a friend. Listen without speaking. Bringing the focus away from yourself will provide you a breath of fresh air, to carry your life in a new direction.

Now of course, your narrow place might be excessive service to others. In fact Tova Ross wrote a great article for Tablet about overcoming her narrow place of people pleasing. Ross shares an inspiring story of he she came to recognize just how miserable and unhealthy she was making herself trying to be well liked. Passover teaches us that we should remember the stranger, not that we should become a stranger, nor make self care a stranger in our life.

What is the narrow place you are seeking liberation from this year? What soul traits can help you overcome it? Please share below.

What Soul Traits are keeping you in your narrow place? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to find out. Click here now to take it.

Did Warren Beatty Need Mussar at the Oscars?

February 27, 2017 By Greg Marcus 4 Comments

Did you watch the Oscars? Even if you didn’t, you probably heard that there was a colossal error: The wrong winner for best picture was announced. It was a surreal moment – in the middle of his acceptance speech, the producer of La La Land suddenly said “Moonlight won, this isn’t a joke.”

It was a real stunner, and a real bummer. Warren Beatty, who along with Faye Dunaway made the announcement, explained what happened. Apparently, he was handed the wrong envelope, and it read “Emma Stone, La La Land.” He looked in the envelop, read slowly, and was understandably confused. In hindsight, he could have said “Hey, something doesn’t seem right. Let me check backstage to make sure this is correct.” It raises the question: Did Warren Beatty Need Mussar at the Oscars?

Mussar teaches us to be in the moment, and perhaps if Beatty were a practitioner, he would have behaved differently. Maybe he would have called on the Soul Trait of Enthusiasm to overcome his paralysis and run over to the side to check with someone backstage. Or maybe he would have called on Equanimity to have the presence of mind to ask someone to come double check right there on live TV. But of course Mussar is not a practice for us to back seat drive other people’s lives.

The question for me is why am I obsessed with this mistake on an awards show? I feel badly for the cast and crew of La La Land, who thought for a moment that they won the big one. And I feel badly for the Moonlight folks whose moment in the sun was tarnished. Then I remind myself – no one here is suffering too badly. Everyone made a great movie, and both movies won Oscars and recognition.

The Soul Trait being activated for me is Order – I like things to happen the way they are supposed to happen. When they don’t, I am bothered. I’m reminded of the mistake I made at my Bar Mitzvah that haunted me for years. And I’m reminded of when my grandmother touched the chuppah and it went crashing over at my wedding. My grandmother was fine – she rightly put the responsibility on the planners who had an unstable design. But I was bothered.

To quote David Byrne “Things fall apart; it’s scientific.” I’ll take this an an opportunity to remind myself to be a bit more flexible, and a bit more forgiving when things don’t go to plan.

Where do you come down on the spectrum of Order? Do you get stressed when things deviate from your expectations? If you are like me in that respect, we can both practice a bit of Trust, remembering that things usually work out in the end. And when they don’t go according to plan, sometimes something wonderful and unexpected emerges.

Please comment below.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Click here to take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz now. In just 5 minutes, you’ll get an idea of what is causing you to get stuck, and where you can focus to bring balance and healing.

2016 Was a Year of Wonder

January 4, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

As I wrote in my last post, I was among many people who felt an urge to wish 2016 away. It was a year of personal and emotional hardship for me in many ways. It started with two friends who died in their 50s… at this point I have a mental list of people with cancer, personal illness, and a litany of bad news in 2016, culminating with you know who and you know what. That is yesterday’s bad news. Today I realize that 2016 Was a Year of Wonder

I am practicing Gratitude, which sports the mantra “Give thanks for the good and the bad.”

One of the things I am most Grateful for is Hanukkah – it brought light at a time of darkness. One of you wrote the following in response to last weeks post, and it give me hope. You wrote, If 2016 has thought me anything, it’s that life has its own story and how that story is told is determined by those who live in it who can set the darkest of nights against the backdrop of a new dawn and day! Better times will come.

Another one of you wrote a moving tribute to your father who passed away. I love the way you said My father was known for his kindness…and while I am good at being kind to strangers, it is those I am closest to that I wish to work on being more of that with. I can so relate to that – I too want to be better with those closest to me. And my fathers illness brought us closer this year.

In addition to the litany of bad news, 2016 was a year of absolute wonder for me. Just before writing you, I did the 15 Minute Gratitude Challenge, and identified some amazing milestones last year: One daughter became Bat Mitzvah, and another was confirmed. One daughter discovered a love of volleyball, and the other got her drivers license. My wife had a meaningful milestone, and she and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. My cats turned seven, and I turned 50. And my dream of having a Mussar book was realized. The outpouring of love an support related to the book has truly been remarkable.

But none of that compares to the miracle of the Cubs winning the world series. I mean seriously, who can’t feel good about that? No, Cleveland fans, of course I did not forget you. I’m sure you are really bummed, but I also suspect at least some of you feel hope that if the Cubs can win, then the Indians day will come too. And the Cavs won it all, beating my Warriors. You see, for every winner in sports, someone has to lose. For every loss in an election, someone wins.

In Mussar, there are no winners or losers. Why? Because Mussar is a spiritual exercise. It looks at the world differently, with a sense of wonder and gratitude. It does not mean that there are not issues to deal with. There are, but with a spiritual outlook the context and coloring is improved. Our task is to improve ourselves, which adds light to the world, and makes everyone else better too.

But I really got energized and jazzed reading this list of amazing things that happened in 2016. Please skip the beginning of the article that rehashes the sorrow of 2016. A few things on the list with particular meaning for me:

200 people attending the funeral of a homeless vet with no family. This is just awesome, and reminds me of the Jewish practice of everyone standing and reciting Kadish (the mourning prayer) in services together. Even if we do not have someone specific we are saying Kadish for, we say it for those who may not have someone to say it for them, or for people who died in the Holocaust and may not have family left today.
New chemotherapy treatments, robotic limbs directly connected to the brain, and a decrease in child mortality worldwide. As Rabbi Yitz Greenberg reminded me earlier this year, Jews are on team life. How can I not rejoice at this news?
Portugal and Costa Rica ran their entire countries on renewable energy for a few days, India planted 50 million trees in 24 hours, and California has 6 million solar roofs. And, Pandas and many other animals came off the endangered species lists. This is significant progress in our task to repair the world.

This list, and the Twitter hashtag #GoodThingsin2016 that reminds me of advice from Fred Rogers, who reminded us that in every disaster, there are always helpers. And Mussar teaches us that we have a choice whether or not to be a helper.

I’ll admit it – I am feeling super energized by writing you this letter. I am reminded of the time when I was a super helper last year – I left my power cord at the library with a young woman taking her end of year exams. I was awake enough and aware enough to see an opportunity to make someone’s day. That was an easy one. Now the task is to find a way to be a helper every day.

Should we have a live event, a Google hangout or Zoom video call to share some of the experiences we had helping others in 2016?

For now, you are invited to do three things.

1. Take the 15 minute Gratitude Challenge. Click Here to take the challenge.

2. Read about the amazing things that happened in 2016, and then comment below to let me know what resonates with you.

3. Set an intention for 2017 – what will you do to be a helper?

2016 Was a Year of Wonder, if we remember to look for it.

Here’s to an amazing 2017, filled with wonder and community.

Want to learn more about Mussar and Gratitude? Here’s a free preview of the Gratitude content from the American Mussar cycle.

Jewish Superhero Carrie Fisher Dies During Hanukkah

December 28, 2016 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

Jewish Superhero Carrie Fisher Dies During Hanukkah. Oy vey, what a year. I admit it – one of my first thoughts was can’t 2016 just be over already? My second thought was, “What about the next Star Wars movie.” Lets dispense with the second thought first. They already filmed episode 8, so we’ll see the General again. But seriously, someone died, and I’m worried about a movie? We think all kinds of things. The reason why I know about Carrie Fisher is because of Star Wars. So I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that I have that kind of mental association.

I feel like I’m channeling the Jewish Forward, calling out Carrie Fisher as Jewish in the headline. Her father was Jewish, and so according to the ruling of the Union of Reform Judaism, she is Jewish from her father’s side. Others would say she isn’t Jewish because her mother wasn’t. I won’t get into that debate here. I consider her a Jewish Superhero because of the way she lived her life. She was an outspoken advocate for the mentally ill. Fisher told the truth, and her openness and example helped combat the stigma that goes with mental illness and addiction recovery. The Vilna Gaon, a famous Lithuanian Rabbi of the 19th century, taught that the greater the person, the greater the evil inclination. She was a larger than life character, whose great appetites and passions were her greatest strengths and weaknesses.

I find it particularly poignant that Fisher died during Hanukkah. An upcoming documentary about Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds is called “Bright Lights.” Many describe her as fearless, and unflinchingly honest about her own shortcomings. While I doubt Fisher ever heard of Mussar, I think she would have loved it. Those of us who practice Mussar are trained to be open about our journey, honest about our shortcomings, while at the same time working every day to make small improvements. Here are a few soul traits that I see in Ms. Fisher’s life

One soul trait I think about in particular is Humility – Carrie Fisher occupied a lot of space. She was famous from the time she was born. She worked hard, and applied her talents to be a successful actress and a great writer. In an era were people are famous for being famous, she delivered value added content to the world. Moreover, she used her fame as a platform for social good. I particularly admire the way she took on Twitter trolls commenting on how poorly she had aged in Episode Seven. To paraphrase- “I was 19 when Star Wars was filmed. Of course I look older. Get a life.”

I also think about Enthusiasm, because Carrie Fisher was one to take action. Enthusiasm is about taking action, and it seems like she was proactive about taking on the world. Which brings me back to where I started this post.

My first reaction to Fisher’s death was “can’t 2016 be over already?” So many famous people died. I’ve had serious illness in my family. And I am in the majority of Americans who voted for one candidate, but will see the candidate who got fewer votes go on to be the president. It was distressing. But to wish 2016 away is off base. If we could somehow magically jump ahead to January 1st, 2017, we’d never get those last few days back.As I’ll write in my New Years post, 2016 was also a year of wonder. Who knows what great things will happen over the next few days. Not the least of which will be my birthday. You don’t want the world to skip past my birthday, do you?

There is always light – sometimes we have to work just a bit harder to find it. Carrie Fisher’s career started with a movie we now call A New Hope. It was a time of darkness, yet a small group of good people called upon a mystical Force to help right the course of history. Kind of like a story from a few thousand years ago, when a small group of Jews called the Maccabees used their Faith as a rallying cry to defeat a vastly superior occupying army. Today we celebrate the Hanukkah miracles.

Hanukkah means dedication. I don’t think it is an accident that the last night of Hanukkah begins on December 31st. To what will you dedicate yourself in 2017? Lets use the next few days to contemplate and prepare ourselves.

Comment below and I’ll use your feedback in my New Years post.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz here.

Image credit: By Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America (Carrie Fisher) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

How to Give Unconditional Loving Thanks

November 22, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

This is a difficult time in this country for many people. This time of fear, sorrow, and uncertainty is exactly the time when we need to cling to our spirituality, and draw close with this we most care about. This Thanksgiving, lets turn to Rabbi Nachman of Breslov to help us learn how to give unconditional loving thanks. Rabbi Nachman (1772–1811) taught that music is a way of directly hacking the soul to make a connection with the Divinity, and to unlock the joy latent within all of us.

Kind and Generous by Natalie Marchant brings up special memories for me. I took my wife Rachel to a 10,000 Maniacs concert for her 25th birthday. We had been dating just a few months and we had an amazing time. The concert was pivotal for us, and remains a huge milestone in a love that continues to grow more than 20 years later.

I can in no way adequately express the gratitude I feel towards her every day. So I’ll let Natalie speak for me. I read the lyrics to the song (here) and if I pasted every section that spoke to me, I’d be accused of plagiarism. So here is the passage that speaks to me the most.

You’ve been so kind and generous
I don’t know how you keep on giving
For your kindness I’m in debt to you
And I never could have come this far without you
So for everything you’ve done

Who is close to you in your life that you want to thank for being there? Friend, lover, parent, mentor?

Maybe it is a stranger who showed you kindness just when you needed it the most.

A Mussar Gratitude Practice to Give Unconditional Loving Thanks

Visualization is a powerful technique to get in touch with the soul, and this song is just perfect for a Mussar visualization. Please join me in this visualization exercise, to open the heart to unhindered loving action.

To prepare, get your Mussar journal or a piece of paper, something to write with, and make yourself comfortable.

Start the recording, and close your eyes.

Just listen to the music, and allow the words to wash over you. No analysis. Just listen, and allow images to form in your mind.

Who do you see?

What do you feel?

When the song ends, leave your eyes closed for a few minutes. Take a few relaxing breaths, and then write down what you experienced. Who did you see? What came to you?

And finally, how can you give unconditional loving thanks you felt towards the one you care about?

Write down your intention, including a specific time and place when you will act. For example, you might write “At dinner tonight, I will thank my husband in front of the kids.” Or it might be “On Thanksgiving, I will call my sister at 11 AM and thank her for being there. Or maybe you will write a thank you note to your best friend who you haven’t talked to in 2 years.

Please share your intention below.

Ready to start your own Mussar Journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz now.

You might also like: 15 Minutes of Gratitude Could Change Your Life

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