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Mussar Can Open Hearts on the Internet

February 13, 2017 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

To say that things have gotten nasty on the internet is an understatement. To say that people behave like animals is not as harsh as it sounds. We all have animal instincts, which show up as the evil inclination, that drives us to behave in a selfish, uncaring, and/or fearful way. This is side we see on the Internet – people write harsh and unthinking things, without regard for the impact on others. The Good Inclination is what inspires us to be our best selves, caring of others, and mindful of the impact of our actions on others. And believe it or not, Mussar can open hearts on the internet.

For example, I recently got into it with someone on Twitter* over my letter to the editor in the Forward. I stressed how important it was not to judge and stereotype others. Someone responded on Twitter that they agreed me, and then went on to tweet that Peter Beinart, the author of the article I was refuting, “exists 2 hurt #ISRAEL, & Jews he does not approve of.”

This kind of reaction is just not acceptable, dehumanizing someone with whom you disagree, and deciding that they must hate Israel and other Jews. There was a back and forth, and in the end, something amazing happened. He tweeted “I will say I should learn to tone down my words, u were correct.” We remain connected and in relationship.

Do you want to help improve conversation and connection on social media? Here are three Mussar soul traits you can call on to help you do it.

Mussar Humility: Come clean, occupy your space and remember it’s not about you.

It is important to come clean about one’s own mistakes. In the letter to the editor, I freely admitted my enjoyment at reading criticism of our Orthodox brothers and sisters, and explained how I used that mistake for spiritual growth. Leading by example can disarm someone who could become an opponent, and open the door for reconciliation.

At the same time, you should be ready to occupy the space of calling someone on bad behavior. If not you, who? The key is to do so in light of the soul traits below. And, your job here is not to let hurt feelings about being misunderstood and mischaracterized get in the way of learning about other people.

Mussar Honor: Remember the Divine Spark, and make your comments only after being given permission to do so.

We all have a Divine Spark, occluded by our baggage. That person making the snarky comment has one too. If you keep that idea first and foremost, it will influence the way you address them. They have the right to their opinions, and they have the right to hold positions with which you passionately disagree. Our goal is to elevate the level of discourse, and restore respect. You don’t have to agree, you don’t have to change your mind. But it isn’t ok to just think the person making a snarky comment, or espousing a political position you find abhorrent is a bad person.

In addition, don’t try the technique below with just anyone. You should only ask for someone to moderate their stance if they initiate the conversation with you. In the examples I give above, the people were making comments directly to me on Twitter, or on my Facebook page. They have given permission for a conversation. It is a very different dynamic if you just start responding to someone you hardly know on social media. The point is to build on an existing relationship and opening.

Mussar Silence: Choose your words carefully, for you are helping create the world.

Judaism teaches that God created the world with words, and when we speak, we participate in this act of creation. If you are insure of the Divinity, the point still holds: What we say has a profound impact, and changes reality for both ourselves and those who hear us.

The secret to improving discourse is to ask people one by one to withdraw, moderate, or change their comments. You aren’t asking them to change what they believe, only how they say it. Ask them to take responsibility, and to make a change. For example, someone posted a comment about Hitler and Muslims on the American Mussar Facebook Page. I was direct, writing below his comment, “This is a page to elevate our personal conduct. This link is offensive and inappropriate. You are better than this. Please remove it so I don’t have to.” To my amazement, he not only took down the comment, but replaced it with the picture to the right, wishing me a #ShabbatShalom. Similarly on Twitter, I pointed out that it was dehumanizing to say that Beinart wants to hurt other Jews. It is fine to disagree with him, but don’t dehumanize him.

Mussar Can Open Hearts on the Internet

This method doesn’t always work, but to paraphrase Rabbi Tarfon, we don’t need to complete a hard task, but neither are we free to desist from trying. We need to learn how to heal the divisions within the country and within the Jewish community.

Special shout out to Rabbi Sharon Brous who helped me recognize the power of the 1:1 approach after her talk at my synagogue. She explained how prophets who run naked through the streets and scream at the top of their lungs are ignored, but 1:1, thoughtful conversations can change hearts and minds. Listen to her teaching and get the handouts here.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz now.

Time To Leave Your Post Election Cave

January 26, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

As you may know, after the election, I stopped reading the news and in many ways went into a cave. It was not a very Jewish thing to do. Unfortunately, we do not have the luxury of checking out and ignoring the world. To quote Rabbi Yisroel Salanter, the founder of the 19th Century Mussar Movement, “One who lives a life of tranquility in the service of God knows nothing about true service.” As I wrote in my book, this quote really gobsmacked me when I first read it. But I came to understand that the point is that our job on this planet is to make the world a better place. And we can’t do that if we are focused on being blissed out all the time. Even if you are unsure of the Divinity, the point still applies.

In my own defense, it was a tough time for me. As I wrote previously, my father had a stroke in late October, and I was pretty shattered by the whole experience. Thank you if you were one of many who reached out over the months to ask how he was doing. I am happy to report that he finally came home a few weeks ago, and is doing much much better. Still lots of rehab work to do, but being at home with his wife and cat has been a big moral boost. Sometimes we need to withdraw to take care of ourselves, and when it is over, we need to get back in the game.

A friend of mine last week said that after the inauguration was a great time to leave your post election cave. He was referring to the literal sense, of coming out and reengaging in life. Neither of us is happy about the outcome, but this is the world and we need to live in it.

I immediately thought of the cave on a metaphorical level. Plato wrote that most people live life as if they were chained in a cave, and could only look at shadows of the real world on the wall. Very few people can break free of those chains and see the world the way it really is. Wow, does that fit the world today. We can’t agree on the facts, and the media seems helpless to take a stand over what is True. That is a post for another day.

On a personal level, I am working on the Soul Trait of Watchfulness. It is very much Jewish Mindfulness, watching oneself, and trying to see life the way it really is. That is a key part of Mussar – and Jewishness – to see the world the way it really is, and to jump in to close the gap with the way it could be. There is no closing in the gap while huddled in a cave, watching shadows on the wall, wringing our hands, or preaching to or listening to the chorus.

How Awake do you think you are? How much are you watching shadows versus striving to see the underlying reality beyond what is being shown to you?

Comment below and let me know.

2016 Was a Year of Wonder

January 4, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

As I wrote in my last post, I was among many people who felt an urge to wish 2016 away. It was a year of personal and emotional hardship for me in many ways. It started with two friends who died in their 50s… at this point I have a mental list of people with cancer, personal illness, and a litany of bad news in 2016, culminating with you know who and you know what. That is yesterday’s bad news. Today I realize that 2016 Was a Year of Wonder

I am practicing Gratitude, which sports the mantra “Give thanks for the good and the bad.”

One of the things I am most Grateful for is Hanukkah – it brought light at a time of darkness. One of you wrote the following in response to last weeks post, and it give me hope. You wrote, If 2016 has thought me anything, it’s that life has its own story and how that story is told is determined by those who live in it who can set the darkest of nights against the backdrop of a new dawn and day! Better times will come.

Another one of you wrote a moving tribute to your father who passed away. I love the way you said My father was known for his kindness…and while I am good at being kind to strangers, it is those I am closest to that I wish to work on being more of that with. I can so relate to that – I too want to be better with those closest to me. And my fathers illness brought us closer this year.

In addition to the litany of bad news, 2016 was a year of absolute wonder for me. Just before writing you, I did the 15 Minute Gratitude Challenge, and identified some amazing milestones last year: One daughter became Bat Mitzvah, and another was confirmed. One daughter discovered a love of volleyball, and the other got her drivers license. My wife had a meaningful milestone, and she and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. My cats turned seven, and I turned 50. And my dream of having a Mussar book was realized. The outpouring of love an support related to the book has truly been remarkable.

But none of that compares to the miracle of the Cubs winning the world series. I mean seriously, who can’t feel good about that? No, Cleveland fans, of course I did not forget you. I’m sure you are really bummed, but I also suspect at least some of you feel hope that if the Cubs can win, then the Indians day will come too. And the Cavs won it all, beating my Warriors. You see, for every winner in sports, someone has to lose. For every loss in an election, someone wins.

In Mussar, there are no winners or losers. Why? Because Mussar is a spiritual exercise. It looks at the world differently, with a sense of wonder and gratitude. It does not mean that there are not issues to deal with. There are, but with a spiritual outlook the context and coloring is improved. Our task is to improve ourselves, which adds light to the world, and makes everyone else better too.

But I really got energized and jazzed reading this list of amazing things that happened in 2016. Please skip the beginning of the article that rehashes the sorrow of 2016. A few things on the list with particular meaning for me:

200 people attending the funeral of a homeless vet with no family. This is just awesome, and reminds me of the Jewish practice of everyone standing and reciting Kadish (the mourning prayer) in services together. Even if we do not have someone specific we are saying Kadish for, we say it for those who may not have someone to say it for them, or for people who died in the Holocaust and may not have family left today.
New chemotherapy treatments, robotic limbs directly connected to the brain, and a decrease in child mortality worldwide. As Rabbi Yitz Greenberg reminded me earlier this year, Jews are on team life. How can I not rejoice at this news?
Portugal and Costa Rica ran their entire countries on renewable energy for a few days, India planted 50 million trees in 24 hours, and California has 6 million solar roofs. And, Pandas and many other animals came off the endangered species lists. This is significant progress in our task to repair the world.

This list, and the Twitter hashtag #GoodThingsin2016 that reminds me of advice from Fred Rogers, who reminded us that in every disaster, there are always helpers. And Mussar teaches us that we have a choice whether or not to be a helper.

I’ll admit it – I am feeling super energized by writing you this letter. I am reminded of the time when I was a super helper last year – I left my power cord at the library with a young woman taking her end of year exams. I was awake enough and aware enough to see an opportunity to make someone’s day. That was an easy one. Now the task is to find a way to be a helper every day.

Should we have a live event, a Google hangout or Zoom video call to share some of the experiences we had helping others in 2016?

For now, you are invited to do three things.

1. Take the 15 minute Gratitude Challenge. Click Here to take the challenge.

2. Read about the amazing things that happened in 2016, and then comment below to let me know what resonates with you.

3. Set an intention for 2017 – what will you do to be a helper?

2016 Was a Year of Wonder, if we remember to look for it.

Here’s to an amazing 2017, filled with wonder and community.

Want to learn more about Mussar and Gratitude? Here’s a free preview of the Gratitude content from the American Mussar cycle.

What is Mussar?

December 16, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

What is Mussar?

Believe it or not, there is a solid argument that the Jews invented self-help over 1000 years ago. At the time, the Rabbinic scholars were trying to understand why it is so hard to be good. The Ten Commandments and other Jewish teachings clearly spell out how we should act. Yet many of us, both now and then, violate either the letter or the spirit of these commandments quite regularly. One of the answers to this question was Mussar.

Mussar is a practice that gives concrete instructions and guidelines to help you live a meaningful and ethical life. The first Mussar book was Duties of the Heart by Rabbi Bahya ibn Paquda, which was written in eleventh century Spain. Rabbi ibn Paquda clarified a central tenet of Mussar: Following the spirit of the commandments is just as important as following the letter of the Law. For example, he scorns a scholar who focuses on pointless intellectual exercises instead of working to become a better person,[1] and he praises a scholar who worked for 25 years refining his conduct.[2]

In the ensuing centuries, the Mussar literature grew as scholars contemplated how various character traits like humility, patience, anger and jealousy contribute to a good life. Mussar became a widespread movement in Eastern Europe starting in the early 19^th century under the leadership of Rabbi Yisroel Salenter. Rabbi Salenter transformed Mussar from a solitary practice to something practiced in community. Throughout it’s history, Mussar masters used real world examples, and describing situations that are often as relevant today as they were hundreds and thousands of years ago. In short, the struggles of our soul have not changed.

The fact of the matter is that we all have issues, whatever our religion or level of spirituality. Mussar teaches how to find those things inside that cause us to get in the same situation over and over again. And, it provides guidance for how we can begin to make small changes in our lives to help bring healing to the Soul through greater balance. Rabbi Elya Lopian (1876-1970) defined Mussar as “making the heart feel what the mind understands.”[3] I love this definition, because so often we know what we should be doing, but we just can’t seem to make ourselves do it.

Mussar can be translated from Hebrew to mean, “correction” or “instruction.”[4] In modern Hebrew, Mussar means ethics. When we practice Mussar, we are adjusting and correcting our Soul. But we don’t try to adjust the whole thing at once. Rather, we focus on specific parts of the Soul called Soul Traits.

Real World Spirituality

Compared to Mussar, Kabbalah is the more widely known branch of Jewish spirituality. Kabbalah is spiritual/mystical and focuses on the unseen forces in the universe. Mussar is spiritual/practical, and focuses more on our inner world, and how it impacts the choices we make day today. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know a lot about either traditional or modern Kabbalah. I do know that there is significant overlap in the traditional Mussar and Kabbalistic literature. If you are currently a seeker who has explored Kabbalah, Mussar will complement and enrich your understanding. If you find Kabbalah a bit too “out there,” you will be able to relate to the Mussar because it is a very grounded practice.

The great 20^th Century Mussar master Rabbi Schlomo Wolbe defined spirituality as building your interior world,[5] and Mussar is the process we use to build it. In Judaism, we don’t wake up, decide to be spiritual, and then book a retreat to a mountain top for contemplation. Jewish spirituality is doing the inner work, to change our very Souls to become better at living in the real world. We are not expected to become great over night, and we only strive to become a little better than we were the day before.

One of my teachers Alan Morinis writes that we each have our own unique spiritual curriculum, meaning that we each have our own path in life, with a unique set of challenges and opportunities. We are presented with the same test over and over again until we pass it.[6] For example, my trait of Humility is out of balance – I have a tendency to be arrogant. My arrogance hurt my relationships with others, especially my coworkers, for years. Each chance I had to say something arrogant was a test, and until I learned to make room for other people’s opinions and feelings, I was caught in this cycle of starting well on a job, and then gradually losing support from my colleagues. When I started bringing my Humility into balance, I started keeping my mouth shut, (“passing the test,”) and became easier to work with. As a result, I was spared a lot of unnecessary stress and conflict.

As this example also illustrates, Mussar teaches that actions count – in fact only actions count. We all have good intentions, but more often than not our intentions don’t translate into good actions. Mussar brings our actions and intentions into alignment with Jewish values. What are Jewish Values? Rabbi Hillel summarized it best: “That which is hateful to you, don’t do to another. The rest [of the Torah] is just detail.”[7] Mussar offers key insights to help us understand why we sometimes do the right thing, and sometimes not. Hillel was articulating the Jewish version of the Golden Rule, more commonly knows as, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Whether or not you are Jewish, it is hard to argue with the Golden Rule as a universal ethical principle. Mussar turns real world situations into opportunities for spiritual growth, which in turn make the world a better place.

Want to learn more about Mussar? Check out this article Greg Marcus wrote for MyJewishLearning.com.

[1] Rabbi Bachya ibn Pacuda, Duties of the Heart, Hebrew trans. Rabbi Yehuda ibn Tibbon Feldheim, English trans. Daniel Haberman (Jerusalem: Feldheim, 1996) 1:23.

[2] Ibid 1:25.

[3] Morinis, With Heart in Mind, 6.

[4] Alan Morinis, Everyday Holiness: The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar (Boston: Trumpeter, 2007), 8.

[5] Alan Morinis, With Heart in Mind: Mussar Teachings to Transform Your Life (Boston: Trumpeter, 2014), 13.

[6] Morinis, Everyday Holiness, 3.

[7] Talmud Shabbat 31a.

What’s In It For Me? How Moses Answered the Call to Conscience

November 28, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Today, I am pleases to share with you an excerpt from What’s In It for me: Finding Ourselves in Biblical Narratives by Rabbi Stephen Fuchs.

I rarely post excerpts from books or have guest posts on American Mussar. I picked this one because I love the way Rabbi Fuchs brings the biblical story of Moses into the realm of human decision making. If you are unsure of the Divinity, where the text says things like “God spoke” think of it as the Universe, or the internal Divinity, that spark of goodness that no one can take away.

I can only hope that I will never be challenged with a task as great as the one that confronted Moses. Yet I can relate to the idea of being overwhelmed by a great task, and the importance of not ignoring the quiet voice of conscience.

Chapter 11: Moses Answered the Call to Conscience. Will We?

Moses grows up as an Egyptian prince. According to the Midrash, his mother, Yocheved, teaches him about his heritage and the importance of loyalty to his people. Her efforts pay off.

One day, as Moses walks among the Hebrew slaves he encounters an Egyptian taskmaster beating one of them. An Egyptian prince should not care, but Moses smites the Egyptian.

In one of the most profound of all Midrashic statements, the Eternal One observes Moses’ action and says, “Moses, if you have descended from your high station to take up the case of a Hebrew slave, then it is time for Me to descend from my high station and redeem my people, the Children of Israel” (Shemot Rabbah 2:2).

Wow. It doesn’t get more dramatic than that. Imagine, through our acts of righteousness, we are capable of influencing the Almighty. The notion of a God responding positively to human goodness is one of the most revolutionary ideas in the Torah.

Unfortunately, because he smote the taskmaster, Moses has to leave Egypt and his princely status behind. Again, he is a role model for us and encourages us to consider one of life’s most vital questions: What is more important? Success and reward? Or doing what is just and right?

Moses traverses the desert, arrives in Midian, meets (like Jacob and Isaac) his wife-to-be at a well, and eventually settles into a comfortable existence as shepherd for his father-in-law, the Midianite priest, Jethro.

Later, Moses encounters God, calling him back to Egypt from a burning bush. A burning bush, as the rabbis note, was hardly a dramatic event in the desert. It took a person with extraordinary insight to realize the bush did not go up in flames, and to listen to the voice of God calling from within [Louis Ginzberg, Legends of the Jews, (Philadelphia, Jewish Publication Society of America, 1968) Vol. 2, 304].

People often ask me, “Why doesn’t God speak with us anymore?” I believe God does, but we must learn how to listen to God’s voice. Like Cain, we can choose to ignore the voice or defy it. If we train ourselves to not only hear, but to listen, God will speak to us in the voice of our conscience⎯just as God spoke long ago. We must strive to recognize that voice urging us to choose the path of righteousness and justice over that of expedience and narrow self-interest.

Although Moses clearly heard God’s voice, initially, he was reluctant to heed it. He throws every possible excuse at the Almighty: “Who am I,” he asks, “to go before Pharaoh? I don’t speak very well.” But God would not be dissuaded (Exodus 3 and 4).

The task God had chosen Moses to undertake was enormous. Moses had to convince himself, that he was the man for the job.

Fortunately, Moses heeded God’s voice and fulfilled his destiny. Perhaps there is only one real difference between Moses and Cain. Cain turned away from God’s call, but Moses obeyed it.

Think of it. The Torah teaches that our lives can have purpose and meaning. The rest is up to us. God wants us to try our best⎯setbacks and frustrations notwithstanding⎯to use our talents to make the world better. We do not all have the ability to lead a nation, cure cancer, or invent a life-changing device, but we all can do something to make life better for others. Cain said no to God. Moses said yes. Perhaps the most important question we can ask ourselves is, “What will our answer be when God⎯in whatever mysterious way God chooses⎯affords us a glimpse of our potential destiny?”

Rabbi Stephen Lewis Fuchs is Rabbi Emeritus of Congregation Beth Israel, West Hartford, Connecticut and the former President of the World Union for Progressive Judaism. Earlier is his career he served at Temple Isaiah in Columbia, Maryland and at The Temple, Congregation Ohabai Sholom in Nashville, Tennessee. Since 2014 Rabbi Fuchs and his wife Victoria have spent several weeks in Germany raising Holocaust awareness in secondary schools and speaking in synagogues, churches and universities. They are the proud parents of three children and five grandchildren. Please visit http://www.rabbifuchs.com to learn more.

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