Mussar - American Mussar

When 9/11 and Elul Collide: A Mussar Reflection on Life and Death

September 11, 2025 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

9/11 and Elul Mussar reflection — Photo by Richard Fullbrook on Unsplash

When 9/11 and the 18th of Elul Fall on the Same Day

This morning, during my daily Psalm 27 meditation, I was struck by something unusual: September 11th coincides this year with the 18th of Elul.

Elul is the Jewish month of contemplation and reflection before the High Holidays. The 18th, meanwhile, corresponds to Chai, the Hebrew word for life. And of course, September 11th is the anniversary of the attack on the Twin Towers in New York and the Pentagon.

Contemplation. Life. Death. All on one day.

Sometimes my writing leans toward clarity. Today, it feels more like poetry. Because this year, the convergence of these two dates stopped me in my tracks: 18 for life, 9/11 for loss.

Holding Life and Death Together

It has already been a difficult week. Just yesterday, a teenager in Evergreen, Colorado, shot two classmates and himself. On the same day, conservative podcaster Charlie Kirk was assassinated while speaking on a college campus, his killing broadcast across TikTok.

And yet, on the other side of the ledger, there is life: Elizabeth Tsurkov was released from captivity in Iraq.

We are grateful that more people were not hurt in Evergreen, and still devastated knowing how many were traumatized. We grieve violence in our politics and feel the danger of what may come next.

Contemplating life and death is unavoidable. But Mussar teaches us not to immerse so deeply in sorrow that we lose sight of blessing.

Mussar Soul Traits for Days Like This

When I looked at the Mussar Center’s list of middot (soul traits), two spoke to me:

Self-Control (Perishut) – not giving in to despair, rage, or hopelessness.
Strength (Gevurah) – the courage to hold grief, while also making space for gratitude.

These traits remind me that even in dark times, we are not powerless. Mussar offers a path to respond with balance—feeling the weight of loss while still reaching for life.

Your Turn

Which traits speak to you today? When the world feels heavy, what inner qualities do you lean on to steady yourself?

I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments below.

—Rabbi Greg

Finding Awe During Life Transitions: A Mussar Perspective

July 10, 2025 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

I have a lot of change in my life right now.

Change is inherently stressful. Even good change—like moving to something exciting or meaningful—can stir up anxiety, disorientation, and overwhelm. It turns out that moving is consistently ranked among the top of life’s most stressful experiences. And right now, I’m deep in it.

In the middle of these changes, I came across a teaching by Rabbi Tali Adler on this week’s Torah portion that helped me shift my perspective. It reminded me of the importance of Awe—Yirah—as a spiritual anchor during times of change.

Two Prophets, Two Responses

Rabbi Adler compares Moses and Balaam—both prophets, both people who could perceive the Divine directly. And yet, when faced with something unexpected, they responded in very different ways.

Moses sees a bush that burns but is not consumed. He turns aside with curiosity. He listens. That moment of awe-filled attention changes the entire course of his life—and ours.

Balaam, on the other hand, encounters a talking donkey (which, yes, is objectively wild), and responds with anger and violence. He can’t make space for the possibility that the world is different from how he expected it to be. He misses the miracle right in front of him.

Rabbi Adler’s insight? Balaam couldn’t access awe—because he was too attached to his expectations. His certainty closed him off to the sacred in the moment.

Mussar and the Middah of Awe (Yirah)

In Mussar, Yirah isn’t just awe in the sense of standing before a sunset or a mountain. It’s a soul-trait, a way of orienting ourselves to the mystery and grandeur embedded in everyday life. It’s what allows us to see that there might be more going on than we can immediately understand.

Right now, as boxes pile up and my routines unravel, I’m trying to remember that. That beneath the stress of moving, there’s a sacred opportunity—if I’m willing to notice it.

It’s not easy. Yirah doesn’t mean pretending things aren’t stressful. It means approaching the stress with a spiritual posture of curiosity rather than judgment. And it begins with a small but powerful shift: the intention to be open to wonder, even here.

An Invitation to You

I know these are stressful times for many of you as well. We all have moments—big and small—where life veers off the expected path. The middah of Yirah invites us to ask:

What might be sacred about this moment, exactly as it is?

So let me ask you:

Have you ever had a moment of unexpected awe or possibility when you chose curiosity over frustration?
I’d love to hear your story. Feel free to reply or leave a comment. Maybe together we can help each other recognize the burning bushes hidden in plain sight.

Five Mussar Traits to Help You Move

June 25, 2025 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

“I love packing and moving!”

Said no one, ever.

After 22 years in the home where we raised our children, Rachel and I are preparing to move to the Denver area, where I’ll be starting as the new rabbi at B’nai Torah in Westminster. It is a huge transition, that impacts the body, mind, and spirit. I’ve noticed a lot of soul traits in play helping me along the way.

Moving is also a metaphor for getting unstuck, which is very much in the Mussar wheelhouse. When we are stuck, it is hard to find a path forward, and sometimes we don’t even know where to start. Maybe one of these five soul traits can help you “get moving” as well.

Mussar Trait 1: Enthusiasm / Alacrity

As a reminder, the trait of enthusiasm is not about the rah-rah—it’s more about taking action. Another translation is alacrity, which means to be prompt and cheerful in taking action.

I can’t say that I was always cheerful, but when we were in Denver looking for a house to rent, we needed to make decisions quickly. We decided to proactively keep checking Zillow for new listings. The house we rented was one that became available the day we arrived, and we were the first to see it the next morning. We applied immediately—on a phone while eating sandwiches at a local deli.

Where can you apply alacrity to help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 2: Order

Planning, planning, planning. We have several spreadsheets and lists to break down this monumental task into doable chunks. We also bought a big pack of red, green, and yellow stickers to label furniture and other things around the house so we can immediately see what we want to bring, and what we want to get rid of.

How might a list help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 3: Silence

This trait governs when we should speak and when to remain quiet. Moving is one of the most stressful things people go through, and there have been several times when I’ve had to hang in there and listen during a stressful moment with my partner. I’ve also tried to ask for what I need and ask for clarity if I’m not sure what my partner needs.

How might better communication help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 4: Patience

It doesn’t matter how much I wish I could just skip this part and get to the end. That is not the way the world works. There is a lot of “grind it out” work that needs to be done in a move. It’s not necessarily fun, although there is a satisfaction in getting rid of things that no longer “spark joy,” as Marie Kondo would say.

Patience is about enduring an uncomfortable situation that we have little control over. Yes, I made the choice to move—but that set off a chain of events that I can only ride and not control. As the mantra reminds us:
“This too shall pass, and I have the strength to get by until it does.”

How might patience help you reduce your suffering as you work to get moving?

Mussar Trait 5: Trust

Trusting in the Divine. Many of us are uncomfortable bringing God into everyday life, and don’t really believe in Divine intervention. You don’t need to in order to benefit from trust.

“Trust in God but tie your camel” is the mantra. It reminds us that there is only so much we can do. It is easy to get caught up in worry about the future.
“What if my new congregation doesn’t like my ideas? What if I don’t make any new friends? What if the plane gets delayed and the cats wake up and start yowling?”

Trust helps us combat worry by reminding us that we do our best to prepare, and at some point we need to let go of the outcome. In the end, I really do trust in the Divine / the Universe / myself that everything will be okay.

How might trust help you worry less and get moving?

Bonus Mussar Trait: Gratitude

Recognizing the good—the essence of gratitude—is a never-ending font of energy.

And as always, I am super grateful for this community. I look forward to resuming our weekly gatherings on Zoom August 28th.

Which of these traits can help you get moving?
Please reply or leave a comment and let me know. I’ll do my best to answer.

Don’t Let Your Spirits Be Crushed in 2022

December 31, 2021 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

As I sat down to write, I wondered: “What I could say to wrap up 2021, and provide some guidance as we approach 2022? Covid is once again exploding, and I find myself at a bit of a loss.”

Last week in “Jewish Wisdom for Coping with a Pandemic,” I asked people to share how they were coping. It was nice to both share where I am, and to hear how we all are doing. You can see a video recording here. Overall people are doing ok, but some like me are struggling to some degree.

I had an intuition to look to the Torah for inspiration, so I opened the Mussar Torah Commentary, edited by Rabbi Barry Block, and read this week’s chapter, written by Rabbi Joshua Mikutis. Rabbi Mikutis highlights that the part of the story where the people did not listen to Moses because “their spirits were crushed by cruel bondage.” (Exodus 6:9). AHHHH – that phrase resonated with me. While my spirits are not exactly crushed, I am feeling a bit fatalistic about the Omicron surge. I read on.

In the story, Moses’ initial efforts to bring liberation did not start well – Pharaoh answered his first request with scorn and further oppression The Israelites now had to make bricks without straw, and some were mad at Moses. When Moses turned to God for help, help was provided in the form of his brother Aaron who spoke for him. Whether or not you would turn to the Divinity, the principle remains – it is critical to ask for help. With Aaron’s assistance, Moses carried on with his work, and ultimately our people were freed.

The pandemic is a long haul struggle. As we head into 2022, we have choices. We can allow ourselves to be crushed by the unfairness and unpredictability of the pandemic, or we can reach out to others to help us get through. And, we should not underestimate the mental health toll of this continued stress and isolation. The pandemic gives us opportunities for both self care, and to be there for others.

I can acknowledge the feelings of loss, without getting buried by worry. And most importantly, I will be turning to the people in my life, and to my spiritual practice, to help me get through. Because at the end of the day, it is about carrying on. We still get only one life, and I’d like to make this one the best I can.

I’m curious, is there a role for spirituality in your life, and is it helping you cope with the pandemic? Please reply and let me know. As always, I’ll answer every comment.

Jewish Wisdom for Coping with a Pandemic is a drop in group that meets every Thursday at 4 Pacific. You can sign up for our email list to get notices, or check out previous meetings on Youtube.

15 Minutes of Gratitude Could Change Your Life

November 25, 2020 By Greg Marcus 10 Comments

“Things are good”

So said one of the participants in last week’s Jewish Wisdom For Coping with a Pandemic gathering. We were focused on Truth, and with a partner, we tried to look at the Truth of our lives, with an eye out for what is good.

She acknowledged that she had not touched another human being for months because of the pandemic, and that she missed her community. Yet she was ok and could do what she needed to from her home. The realization was on empowering for her, and an inspiration for all of us. (You can see it here).

As we approach Thanksgiving, there are invited to look for the good in our lives. 2020 has been one of the hardest and saddest of my life. I lost my mother to Covid, and yet I’ve tried not to lose the whole year. There have been real moments of joy, community and connection.

This Thanksgiving, will you join me in taking the 15 minute Gratitude challenge? Carve out 15 minutes for yourself, and sit with a journal or a piece of paper. Start a timer, and write down everything in your life that you are grateful for. When I first did this in 2016, it was absolutely transformative. Before I started, I reviewed some key teachings about Gratitude that helped me a great deal.

Mussar teaches that Gratitude is the ability to recognize the good in any situation, and to give thanks. Thus, we are enjoined to be grateful for both good and bad things that happen to us. The latter can be a challenge. For example, when we are in shock over unexpectedly losing our job, and the mortgage payment is coming due, it may be hard to feel grateful. With the fullness of time we may end up with a better job, or being home may allow us to reconnect with our friends and family. Thus, in the moment, we can be grateful that we have an opportunity to spend our time doing other things. In addition, Mussar teaches us to be grateful for inanimate things. For example, right now I am Grateful to the nice lazy boy that supports me in comfort as I write to you. Not only that, I nap regularly in this chair with a cat on my lap.

In the 11th century Mussar classic Duties of the Heart, Rabbi ibn Paquda teaches that there are three things that keep us from being grateful.

We become too occupied with material things. For example, we want the very latest iPhone, and forget how useful the version we already have is.
We take things for granted. Here, we fail to recognize the bounty of everyday blessings, like a comfortable bed, a safe neighborhood, and being alive.
We focus on the negative. We tend to focus on mistakes people make, and the small hurts we receive from loved ones, and don’t notice the positives they do for us.

Before you start, write the three barriers to gratitude at the top of your paper. Then write down the three categories of things we should be grateful for. As a reminder they are:

Good things
Bad things (by finding the good in them)
Inanimate things

Then, start the clock and write your list of things to be grateful for. As you are working on your list, try to overcome each of the objections, and remember to write down things in each of the categories to be grateful for. Don’t stop writing until the timer reaches 15 minutes. Some people find it very hard to write for the entire time. Frankly, this is what I expected to happen to me the first time I tried it.

In contrast, I was quite amazed to discover that at 15 minutes, I wasn’t done. I kept writing for another ten minutes! In those final minutes, I started to feel a sense of calm, peace, and fulfillment. I was amazed, because prior the the exercise I was feeling a bit restless and fretful. When I was done, I was filled with energy and confidence. I still feel the residue of the experience a day later.

So did that change my life? Heck Yah! Even had I only felt those positive feelings for part of a day, that in itself is life changing. Yes, making your today better is life changing. And I have the opportunity to keep making my today better each and every day. Beyond that, I know that I filled almost four pages in my journal of things to be grateful for. When I have such abundance in my life, it is hard to worry about even the big things that can be overwhelming. May this wealth of things to be grateful for give me strength and help me through these challenging times.

So, do you agree that 15 minutes of Gratitude could change your life?

Will you join me? Comment below me and let me know how it goes.

Ready to start your own Mussar journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz now.

An earlier version of this post was published in January 2016 and again in December 2018.