Greg Marcus - American Mussar

Finding Trust in a Troubled World: A Mussar Perspective on Worry

January 17, 2025 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Do We Really Stop Worrying When We Trust?

Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in his 11th-century Mussar classic Duties of the Heart, taught:

“One who trusts in the Divine neither worries nor laments.”

Do you buy it?

Not all of us are sure about the Divine. And I don’t know about you, but I’m doing a lot of worrying and lamenting these days. Worry is fear for the future, and lament is sadness for the present or past. I don’t need to list all the reasons to worry or grieve in the world right now—you already know them.

The Promise of Trust

It sure would be nice to let go of the worry, to spend more of my mental bandwidth in the present. Whether you take ibn Pakuda’s teaching literally or metaphorically, Trust is a cure for worry because it is an exercise in hope. Whatever we believe about Divinity, we can hold on to hope—for a better future and for the power of community to make things better.

What About Grief?

But what about lament? Should we let go of that too?

Yesterday, I attended a funeral for someone special. I also have many friends impacted by the fires in LA, including members of our community who lost people close to them. It would not be appropriate to “spiritually bypass” grief in the name of Trusting in the Divine. And I don’t think that’s what our tradition asks of us either.

Rather, we might look toward the Divine—or toward something greater than ourselves—as a source of comfort in difficult times.

Trusting… But Also Tying Our Camels

Finally, a reminder: Trust, like all Mussar traits, should be practiced in balance. We still have work to do. As I put it in my book The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions:

“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”

A camel will run off if you don’t do your part to take care of it. And we need to do our part to create the world we want to live in. Worry and lament can lead to paralysis—but these times call for action.

How does this idea of Trust land with you? Comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Want more on Trust? Check out the recording of the American Mussar weekly gathering that was inspired by this blog post.

Mussar Chesed Story of Comforting a Mourner

July 25, 2024 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

I am delighted to share an inspiring Mussar Chesed story. As a reminder, Chesed means going above and beyond to support another person without expecting anything in return.

A while ago a Rabbi’s mother died. She was in her 90s, and he had been the Rabbi at a medium sized synagogue for several decades. She zoomed into every service, and he would say “hi mom” in a very loving and affectionate way each time. Everyone in the service felt a connection to his mom.

The Rabbi stayed home for a week for shiva (the traditional seven days of mourning after the burial). Each night there was a memorial service in his home, when 50 plus people showed up to support him. When he returned to work after a week, he asked the community to come to the synagogue for a 30 minute afternoon service each day at 5:00, to let him say the Mourner’s Kaddish, with the traditional minimum of ten people. He was vulnerable and transparent that he wanted and needed to be uplifted by the community.

I had never been to the afternoon service in my life, but I wanted to be there for him. And I was not alone. Both times I went there were dozens of people, some of whom were not even members of the synagogue any longer.

When we lose a loving parent, the level of loss can’t be described. Our tradition prizes “comforting the mourner” as one of the most important things we can do. It was heartwarming to see someone who had given so much of himself over the years be supported in his time of need. We can’t fix their pain, but we can give comfort by showing up.

As it says in the Talmud, “Just as the Divine comforts the mourner, so should you comfort the mourner.” Whatever you may think of the Divinity, I hope you can relate to this idea of having a model and inspiration to help you show up for someone in need. In this case, we have hundreds of people to inspire us to practice Mussar Chesed.

Photo by Lyyfe Williams on Unsplash

Mussar Chesed As a Focused Practice

July 14, 2024 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

One of the foundational principles of American Mussar is “No Hebrew except for the word Mussar.” This is a critically important plank that helps make Mussar accessible, because Hebrew is a barrier, sometimes causing shame in people when they don’t know what a word means. (And I’m speaking from personal experience.)

However, I need to make a second exception to also use the Hebrew word Chesed instead of LovingKindness. Chesed doesn’t really translate well to English. The closest I can come is going beyond the minimum for someone else without expecting anything in return.

I wrote my thesis about Team Chesed, a voice in Jewish text that puts Chesed on an equal or greater footing than the legal commandments in the Torah. next Mussar cycle will focus on Chesed. Our eighth Mussar cycle starts with Chesed instead of Humility. Then as we move on to each new soul trait, we’ll spend some time exploring how it relates to Chesed. These are free weekly drop in groups that meet on Thursdays at 4 Pacific on Zoom. Sign up for the email list here to get the zoom link. This focused Mussar Chesed practice should be fun and illuminating.

Like all soul traits, too much Chesed causes as many issues for us as too little Chesed. Too much Chesed can lead to a lack of self care while too little Chesed can lead to being self centered, or even selfish. By understanding where we sit on the spectrum, we can focus our practice on things to bring us towards balance.

Where do you fall on the spectrum of Chesed? As always, I’ll reply to every comment.

Mussar Hitlamdut This Fourth of July

July 3, 2024 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

I’m thinking about how to approach this fourth of July, the great American holiday of our independence. Recently in Paris, I became inspired to read a biography of the Marquis de Lafayette, who was a hero of the American and French Revolutions. He was a true idealist, who worked hard to live his values even when inconvenient or at personal cost. For example, when the Revolution outlawed the Catholic Church, he believed so strongly in the freedom of religion that he continued to support his wife working with a Catholic priest, even though it undermined his position as Commander of the National Guard.

At the same time, Lafayette had his blind spots, especially when it came to King Louis’ loyalty to the Revolution and creation of a constitutional monarchy. Lafayette was completely blindsided when the royal family fled, and left behind a note denouncing the Revolution.

To me this represents the challenge of a Mussar practice. How do we live up to our values while living in the real world? It is one thing to knowingly take an unpopular stand, or to make a values-driven decision that can have consequences. It is quite another to face consequences for the actions of someone we trust.

One important practice to help us on our journey is Mussar Hitlamdut. Rabbi David Jaffe teaches that, “Hitlamdut is the practice of cultivating a stance of non-judgmental curiosity towards our experiences, and making what we learn deeply impact our lives.”

This 4th of July, I’ll take some time reflecting. What do the American values of liberty and equality mean to me? Are they expressed in how I show up in the world? What is my truth for the state of the country, and how does that truth differ from other viewpoints? How do I show up with people with whom I differ? Am I putting my trust in the right people, both in my life and more globally? What is in my control, and what isn’t?

And more importantly, how am I showing up in my own life? Am I taking anyone for granted? Am I trusting anyone blindly? Am I living up to my values in my relationships big and small.

Some big questions on the birthday of a big country is a lot of fuel for my Mussar Hitlamdut. Wishing you a joyous and reflective fourth of July.

I have a favor to ask. With the audiobook version of “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions” due out in a few weeks, it would be helpful to have some fresh reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. If you’ve read the book, could you please take a moment to leave a review? If you are interested, you can hear a preview of the audiobook here.

Photo by Spenser Sembrat on Unsplash

Mussar Reflections On Becoming a Rabbi

June 2, 2024 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Even though my wife and I lived together for over a year, things felt different after we were married. I felt more settled, and in hindsight maybe a bit more whole. I felt a bit of that after my ordination becoming a rabbi.

When I finished my Ph.D, I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I remember clearly thinking, “No matter what happens, no one can take this away from me.” I put a lot of work in, and earned that degree. I felt the same way the evening of my ordination.

But the next morning, something amazing emerged. While my Ph.D. was an individual accomplishment, becoming a rabbi was a group accomplishment, a community accomplishment. I wrote the following when I first woke up, which has only slightly been edited.

I feel like a tree, with roots deeply embedded with my wife Rachel. But not just roots – vines, vein and arteries, and too many capillaries to count. She supported me through the day with such deep love. The toast she gave about me was special. She described someone who loves family and community; someone who is dedicated to their well being and also is dedicated to making the world a better place. And that someone was me. And I felt it and believed it. And my kids and cousins and friends who traveled to be there – the cheer everyone gave me was so filled with love. It felt wonderful, and I felt a great peace in my body taking it in. Not an ounce of discomfort. And I feel deeply embedded with them. Roots and rhizobium going back and forth. It was what Martin Buber would agree was a true “I Thou” moment – there was not an ounce of individuality – we were all in the moment, just souls together.

And I shared the ordination with twelve other people, three of whom I am particularly close with. It was a group accomplishment. We went through this together. The classes, the thesis and the ordination. We were in the here with each other and for each other. And when we went back to our seats after the Beit Din conferred ordination on all of us, we laughted and danced and cheered right along with the hundreds of people who were there to support us. It was a true moment of communitas.

I feel floated and sustained by our Jewish community, and I sense the neshamas, the souls, of the disconnected among us. Each one has a life beacon, calling for help and yearning to plug into the network. It is like the tiny people of Whoville, all crying loudly together – we’re here we’re hear we’re here…

At breakfast after I wrote the above paragraphs, I could literally feel lines of connections to the people around me. Alas like all experiences of I-Thou or communitas, it was transitory. By the end of the day, my normal perceptions of the world returned. Yet the memory of that connection is strong. Such experiences are rare and a gift.

The great 20th Century Mussar Master Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe taught that Hitlamdut was the most important Mussar practice. Hitlamdut means self reflective learning. He taught that every day we should learn something based on what we are experiencing and the demands of the moment. This is a time of incredible transformation that goes beyond a new career. I can’t wait to see where it goes.

Have you had major transformations or transitions in your life? What were they like? Please comment below – I’d love to know and promise to reply to every comment.