Featured - American Mussar

Mussar Perspective on Truth: More Than the Absence of Falsehood

June 27, 2023 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

Last week we began exploring the soul trait of Truth. For example, we discussed how flattery is different from praise. For one thing, flattery is motivated by some degree of manipulation, with the hope of personal gain in the short or long run. Praise, on the other hand, is more of a genuine recognition of a positive trait or accomplishment by someone. Notice that they key difference is not whether something is true or not; it is about the motivation of the speaker. Sometimes flattery can encompass saying something that is false, but other times flattery is relaying information that is factually correct. Yes, telling the truth in a manipulative way is flattery, and thus undesirable. You can see the recording here.

Truth is not the same as the absence of falsehood. Indeed, falsehood is easier to identify than the truth. Falsehood is something that is demonstrably inaccurate. For example, I say that I went to the store, when I really went over to my friends house. Therefore the opposite of false is “accurate.”

How often have you been in a conversation with someone where each of you walked away with a different version of what was said? Both of you have true but different versions of what was said. You are both accurately recounting what happened from your perspective, and thus have two versions of what is true. Other times, our opinions masquerade as the truth. Do I look good in this shirt? It is one thing to have an opinion that I do. It is another to assert that no other opinion is possible. Is so and so a terrible person? The answer is an opinion, not a fact.

The second week on Truth started with the statement “Is a baby step a big deal or not?” I shared an insight I had when working with grief clients that relates to this question. And we’ll also look at some of the traps that can lead us to falsehood. You can see the recording here.

Do you agree that Truth is not the opposite of falsehood? What is your take? As always, I’ll answer every comment

Practice Mussar Order When Things Get Crazy

June 23, 2023 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

When I went to log in to the weekly Mussar meeting last week, I was locked out of the Jewish Live account – some zoom reset required me to change the password. I called my contact – No Answer! Five Minutes till the meeting starts. What to do? I stopped for a moment, and then decided to set up a new zoom link from my own account. Although we started 10 minutes late, everyone made it.

It felt like the universe was sending a message because we are just about to start practicing the soul trait of Order. The best way to practice Order when things get crazy is to plan ahead, and have a plan B already in place. Indeed, this zoom thing happened once before, so I knew that I might need to send out a different link. Of course when we don’t have a plan B already, we need to stop a moment to plan one. Planning is better than reacting when things get crazy.

But there is a larger issue at play here: Simplification. Jewish Wisdom for Coping with a Pandemic has been going for over three years, using the Jewish Live platform, as well as weekly publicity from my home synagogue. Neither one has sent many, if any, participants lately. Therefore, I decided to simplify by creating a new zoom link from the American Mussar account, and to discontinue the synagogue and Jewish Live Platforms. As a bonus, we can change the name of the meeting now that the pandemic has passed.

This plan to practice Order when things get crazy may seem pretty simple. That’s because it is. While Order does encompass complex mechanisms that only work if everything is just right, we are much better served by robust, simple systems.

Can you think of a time when your life was improved by simplification? Please hit reply and share. I answer every comment.

Photo by John Diez

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Does Time Off Make You Stressed Out? Gratitude Can Help

June 11, 2023 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

At long last: A week off! No classes, no internship, no deadlines. And as a result, I’m really stressed out. I find myself pulled into the future, wondering about classes for next year, how to fill gaps I have in service leading, and planning for a return as student Rabbi to the synagogue where I interned.

Some of this may be a rebound from a high octane trip to LA, which featured lots of time with my friends from school and my first in person ordination. After returning from such a great experience, it isn’t always easy to get back into the routine of everyday life. As mindfulness master Jack Kornfield wrote, “After the Ecstasy, The Laundry.” I was so annoyed when I first heard that teaching. I always hoped a vacation and great time would spill over into a greater feeling of satisfaction throughout life. Alas, things don’t work that way.

To help get myself back into the moment, I’m turning to this week’s soul trait: Gratitude. Last week we began exploring Gratitude, focusing on the importance of “enoughness.” You can see the recording here. This is an important first step. Reminding myself that I am enough, even as I work on building professional competencies is important.

In addition, Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda taught that people do not feel gratitude because they become preoccupied with worldly things, and therefore miss out on many opportunities to experience joy. Therefore, I’ll build some time for mindful fun and joy into the week. I am playing some games I like, but it feels a bit more like numbing than actual enjoyment. Time to remedy that!

Do you see a difference between an enjoyable and a numbing activity? Please comment and let me know. I reply to every comment.

Photo by Avi Richards on Unsplash

Ready to Bear the Burden of the Other? The Mussar Quest

June 8, 2023 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Recently, we had perhaps one of our best Mussar gatherings as we started to explore the soul trait of Honor. You can see the recording here. What made is special was how often the stories turned relational. Honor is about recognizing the Divine spark in others and acting accordingly. When we act from a place where we recognize the fundamental worth of others, it become all about relationship.

Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that Mussar is “learning to bear the burden of the other.” If that is our fundamental job, then Honor must play a foundational role in Mussar. Patience becomes staying in relationship with someone who annoys us. Humility becomes not taking space that belongs to another because it might damage the relationship.

Last week in our breakout groups, we discussed a teaching from 13th century Rabbi Yonah of Gerondi that stressed the importance of one’s own self worth. If we put this in the context of bearing the burden of the other, we quickly realize that unless we are strong enough to hold our own weight, how can we carry the weight of another?

I wrote this post on the last day of my internship working in bereavement. Over the last nine months, I built my capacity to hear people’s stories without carrying them around for days after. This too was an exercise in Honor. I needed to be able to build my own foundation, to bear their burden while they shared it, and then to not carry it in ways that are not helpful to them, and frankly harmful to me.

How do you relate to the concept of “bearing the burden of the other?” I’d love to hear from you, and as always I answer every email.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Understanding Mussar Wholeness

January 2, 2023 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

One of the goals of a Mussar practice is to achieve a state of wholeness. What does that mean exactly? Just the sound of the phrase evokes almost a wistfulness in me, a longing for peace. Indeed, the Hebrew word for wholeness as the same root at the Hebrew word for peace, which is Shalom.

Wholeness is to be comfortable in one’s own skin, warts and all. We know who we are, including our strengths and weaknesses, and we are at peace with it. That doesn’t mean that we are complacent, or “accepting of mediocrity.” Those phrases give voice to thoughts of self-judgements that can pain us. Rather, part of wholeness is to continue to strive for growth and internal healing. We do that striving from a place of peace and acceptance.

One of the assumptions of an American Mussar practice is: “We are driven by the conflict between the Evil Inclination and the Good Inclination.” Remember that the Evil Inclination is not the Voldmort type of evil – rather it is a label given to our selfish drives, as well as the influence of anger and sexuality. The evil inclination is an essential part of who we are. We don’t seek to get rid of it, but rather to guide it with our Good Inclination. Part of Mussar wholeness is accepting this dynamic, and practicing self-compassion when we miss the mark.

Finally, wholeness is a state of being. It is something that can come and go, and is something we can achieve from wherever we are. We don’t need to meet any particular achievement milestone, or listen to the voice of perfectionism to get to a state of wholeness. Rather, the more we can accept ourselves and others with love, the closer we are to wholeness.

If you found this post interesting, you may also like Understanding Mussar Choice Points

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