jewish mindfulness - American Mussar

“I love packing and moving!”

Said no one, ever.

After 22 years in the home where we raised our children, Rachel and I are preparing to move to the Denver area, where I’ll be starting as the new rabbi at B’nai Torah in Westminster. It is a huge transition, that impacts the body, mind, and spirit. I’ve noticed a lot of soul traits in play helping me along the way.

Moving is also a metaphor for getting unstuck, which is very much in the Mussar wheelhouse. When we are stuck, it is hard to find a path forward, and sometimes we don’t even know where to start. Maybe one of these five soul traits can help you “get moving” as well.

Mussar Trait 1: Enthusiasm / Alacrity

As a reminder, the trait of enthusiasm is not about the rah-rah—it’s more about taking action. Another translation is alacrity, which means to be prompt and cheerful in taking action.

I can’t say that I was always cheerful, but when we were in Denver looking for a house to rent, we needed to make decisions quickly. We decided to proactively keep checking Zillow for new listings. The house we rented was one that became available the day we arrived, and we were the first to see it the next morning. We applied immediately—on a phone while eating sandwiches at a local deli.

Where can you apply alacrity to help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 2: Order

Planning, planning, planning. We have several spreadsheets and lists to break down this monumental task into doable chunks. We also bought a big pack of red, green, and yellow stickers to label furniture and other things around the house so we can immediately see what we want to bring, and what we want to get rid of.

How might a list help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 3: Silence

This trait governs when we should speak and when to remain quiet. Moving is one of the most stressful things people go through, and there have been several times when I’ve had to hang in there and listen during a stressful moment with my partner. I’ve also tried to ask for what I need and ask for clarity if I’m not sure what my partner needs.

How might better communication help you get moving?

Mussar Trait 4: Patience

It doesn’t matter how much I wish I could just skip this part and get to the end. That is not the way the world works. There is a lot of “grind it out” work that needs to be done in a move. It’s not necessarily fun, although there is a satisfaction in getting rid of things that no longer “spark joy,” as Marie Kondo would say.

Patience is about enduring an uncomfortable situation that we have little control over. Yes, I made the choice to move—but that set off a chain of events that I can only ride and not control. As the mantra reminds us:
“This too shall pass, and I have the strength to get by until it does.”

How might patience help you reduce your suffering as you work to get moving?

Mussar Trait 5: Trust

Trusting in the Divine. Many of us are uncomfortable bringing God into everyday life, and don’t really believe in Divine intervention. You don’t need to in order to benefit from trust.

“Trust in God but tie your camel” is the mantra. It reminds us that there is only so much we can do. It is easy to get caught up in worry about the future.
“What if my new congregation doesn’t like my ideas? What if I don’t make any new friends? What if the plane gets delayed and the cats wake up and start yowling?”

Trust helps us combat worry by reminding us that we do our best to prepare, and at some point we need to let go of the outcome. In the end, I really do trust in the Divine / the Universe / myself that everything will be okay.

How might trust help you worry less and get moving?

Bonus Mussar Trait: Gratitude

Recognizing the good—the essence of gratitude—is a never-ending font of energy.

And as always, I am super grateful for this community. I look forward to resuming our weekly gatherings on Zoom August 28th.

Which of these traits can help you get moving?
Please reply or leave a comment and let me know. I’ll do my best to answer.

Time To Leave Your Post Election Cave — Gender inequality awareness idea by craftivist collective via Flickr CC

As you may know, after the election, I stopped reading the news and in many ways went into a cave. It was not a very Jewish thing to do. Unfortunately, we do not have the luxury of checking out and ignoring the world. To quote Rabbi Yisroel Salanter, the founder of the 19th Century Mussar Movement, “One who lives a life of tranquility in the service of God knows nothing about true service.” As I wrote in my book, this quote really gobsmacked me when I first read it. But I came to understand that the point is that our job on this planet is to make the world a better place. And we can’t do that if we are focused on being blissed out all the time. Even if you are unsure of the Divinity, the point still applies.

In my own defense, it was a tough time for me. As I wrote previously, my father had a stroke in late October, and I was pretty shattered by the whole experience. Thank you if you were one of many who reached out over the months to ask how he was doing. I am happy to report that he finally came home a few weeks ago, and is doing much much better. Still lots of rehab work to do, but being at home with his wife and cat has been a big moral boost. Sometimes we need to withdraw to take care of ourselves, and when it is over, we need to get back in the game.

A friend of mine last week said that after the inauguration was a great time to leave your post election cave. He was referring to the literal sense, of coming out and reengaging in life. Neither of us is happy about the outcome, but this is the world and we need to live in it.

I immediately thought of the cave on a metaphorical level. Plato wrote that most people live life as if they were chained in a cave, and could only look at shadows of the real world on the wall. Very few people can break free of those chains and see the world the way it really is. Wow, does that fit the world today. We can’t agree on the facts, and the media seems helpless to take a stand over what is True. That is a post for another day.

On a personal level, I am working on the Soul Trait of Watchfulness. It is very much Jewish Mindfulness, watching oneself, and trying to see life the way it really is. That is a key part of Mussar – and Jewishness – to see the world the way it really is, and to jump in to close the gap with the way it could be. There is no closing in the gap while huddled in a cave, watching shadows on the wall, wringing our hands, or preaching to or listening to the chorus.

How Awake do you think you are? How much are you watching shadows versus striving to see the underlying reality beyond what is being shown to you?

Comment below and let me know.