American Mussar

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Can Mussar Silence Heal The Political Divide?

July 16, 2019 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

Photo by Ricardo Mancía on Unsplash

When I was in my twenties, a friend told me I was really religious.

“Really?” I said. “I never go to the synagogue.”

“You are constantly talking about Jewish stuff. During Passover you are obsessed with Matzah.”

Maybe he was on to something. Thirty years later I’m off to Rabbinical school, and right now I’m obsessed with Hebrew. I’m taking an online class, and meeting with a tutor a few times a week on a separate track. I’m learning, but it is exhausting.

And, I’m noticing how often the English translation strays from the Hebrew. For example, in the Reform prayer book, it does not change the Hebrew in the prayers, but gives a translation removing gendered language and softening the role of the Divine. For example, instead of “His people Israel” it will say something like “the Jewish people.”

On the other side of the spectrum, Chabad translates Exodus 15:2 as God’s “strength and vengeance,” whereas most translations say “strength and might.” As context, this is in the Song of the Sea, an ancient poem presented in a special script within the Torah that recounts the drowning of the Egyptians in the Red Sea. Rabbi Janet Marder from Congregation Beth Am explained that the word “vengeance” incorporates an interpretation of this verse from the medieval commentator Rashi.

The words we choose have the power to change the world.

Hebrew has such a sacred place within the Jewish tradition that whomever translates it has tremendous power in how the words will be interpreted. The Hebrew word “Mussar” is translated as “rebuke” in much of the Orthodox word, instead of “guidance” or “discipline” which is much more in line with how we think of Mussar today. Just look at the difference it makes in the following Psalm 1:8

My son, heed the Mussar of your father, And do not forsake the instruction of your mother;

One translation shows an angry and disapproving father; the other two parents providing moral lessons, which is both easier for me to hear and more appropriate to the Mussar project as it stands today.

In a similar way, Jefferson’s word choices for the Declaration of Independence continue to have significant implications for our country. The phrase “all men are created equal” serves both as a beacon to highlight how far we are from living up to its promise, and the opportunity to reimagine it as “all men and women are created equal.”

Which brings us to a Mussar Silence practice we can all try during this time of division within our country

*****Here’s the Mussar Silence Practice*********

Speak respectfully about the other side, or at least do not call them names and make things worse.

Today, our country has political, social and class divisions that in my opinion threaten our future. The stakes are high, with intolerable situations like the immigrant detention camps. Yet if we cannot fight for change without name calling or demonizing our opponents, we will just exacerbate and deepen the spiritual sickness that is killing our nation.

As it says in the Mussar classic Pele Yoetz,“Silence at the time of anger is like water on a fire.” This does not mean to remain silent in the time of injustice. But when it comes to people who disagree with you, speak of the problem and try to get them to agree or disagree on whether it is a problem. Remain silent if you feel the urge to attack them.

*****************************************
Recently, I almost had to ban one of the most active people on the American Mussar Facebook page. While I agreed with their comments, they were name calling and being unnecessarily harsh, especially when the initial comment was nuanced and reasonable. They removed their comment after I asked them to, although they messaged me that I had shamed them publicly which is also not a proper way to use the power of speech.

This is not easy stuff!

Whether or not you can speak respectfully about people who vote differently from you, I know that we can all at least not dehumanize each other.

Want to understand why it is hard for you to stay silent? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz. No email address required.

Filed Under: silence Tagged With: american mussar, mussar political divide, mussar silence

Allow The Notre Dame Fire To Inspire You This Passover

April 18, 2019 By Greg Marcus 3 Comments

Notre Dame Fire
Notre Dame fire, with a sky that looks like the Angel of Death

In the days before Passover, I was saddened by the  Notre Dame fire. As I was busy feeling terrible, I found myself personally challenged by Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz’s Facebook post.

He argued that we as Americans should be less worried about the loss of a building, and more concerned about “the oppression of invisible people around the world.” Rabbi Shmuly cited a story from Leviticus Rabbah about the Romans giving better treatment to stone columns than to the poor. I was stopped in my tracks, and immediately stopped thinking of the fire as a “tragedy.” Instead, it became something I am sad about.

Then, I read about some of the backlash against the billion dollars pledged by the ultra wealthy to rebuild the cathedral. While some of the criticism is overblown, I personally agree with those who point out that if we can find  money for a building, we can find money to deal with societal inequality and poverty.

Which brings us back to Passover. The story we tell every year is a central narrative of Jewish peoplehood. Throughout the Torah, we are asked to remember that we were slaves in the land of Egypt, as it says “You too must befriend (love) the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt. (Deuteronomy 10:19).”

When we were slaves, we too were invisible.

This Passover, let us channel our emotions from Notre Dame fire to remember the forgotten and invisible people all over the world. When we see and remember, how can we not act?

What invisible people or person would you like to remember? Please reply below. I’ll repost your answer on Facebook. (Or if you are shy, you can email me here)

You might also like these other posts about Passover 

Photo by Olivier Mabelly via Flickr CC

Filed Under: Compassion, Featured, Holidays Tagged With: love the stranger, notre dame fire, passover, remember invisible people

Who Will You Liberate This Passover?

April 14, 2019 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

passover
Who will you liberate this Passover?

As we approach Passover, I’ve learned of a new way to think about the holiday. It stems from a conversation I was in recently, when a friend shared how her mother freed her from guilt.

A few years earlier, she and her family moved away from her parents, and her father used to needle her about how much he missed his grandkids. My friend confessed her guilt to her mother, who said “Do you really think your father is moping around all the time? He is fine and happy. He is living his life, and you are living yours.”

My friend said it was like a weight lifted from her shoulders. She truly felt liberated in that moment. And she was liberated – we carry these negative feelings around with us. They weigh us down, and prevent us from being our best selves.

In past years, I’ve written how we must free ourselves from the our personal “narrow place” every Passover.

Yet we did not free ourselves in Egypt. There were many people involved in our liberation – leaders like Moses, Aaron, and Miriam; individuals who painted the doorposts with lambs blood so they and their families would be spared the visit from the angel of death, and of course the Torah teaches that the Divine itself played a direct hand in our liberation.

So this year, I have a new Mussar practice to suggest.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice*****

Free someone else. Look for opportunities to free someone else from a long standing burden. Help them to get free of their “narrow place.” Here are a few ways you can do this.

1. Dispel a myth or story. Encourage people to walk their own path and dispel the story that is causing them suffering. In my friends case, her mother stepped up and dispelled the myth that her father was unhappy. If you are lucky, someone will confide in you and be open to advice. Remember, giving advice unlooked for is not helpful and is actually forbidden in the Talmud.

2. Forgive someone. Has someone asked for forgiveness, but you have found it hard to forgive? Find a way to forgive them, and help them move past the guilt they are feeling. Have they promised to never do it again and are they making good on it? Healing and reconciliation is a collaborative process – try to get to the place of forgiveness by talking with them if you need to.

3. End the guilt trip. Maybe you are playing the role of the father in this story, and are guilt tripping someone else. Your words may be having a far bigger impact than you realize. All trips come to an end. Take this opportunity to let the other person know that you are over it and they should not feel guilty. Not sure this is you? This about your relationships with friends and family, and do an audit to see if you are laying it on too thick.

****************************

On Passover, we are instructed to think as though we were personally delivered from bondage. The Divine heard our cry and set us free.

We all carry the spark of Divinity, and have an opportunity to participate in the liberation of others. (If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it as the core spark of human goodness.)

This practice is a great way to focus on the needs of others, and provide help where you can.

How do you plan to liberate others this Passover?  Leave a comment and let me know.

Want to understand what is holding you back from liberating others? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz. 

Filed Under: Mussar Practice Tagged With: mussar passover, mussar practice, passover, passover narrow place

Do You See Esther As A Jewish Woman Of Color?

March 19, 2019 By Greg Marcus 11 Comments

jewish woman of color
Esther has white skin and the servants have dark skin in this painting by Edwin Long

As I was revising last Purim’s blog post Esther’s Mussar Humility Lesson, I had a shocking realization. Esther is a Jewish Woman of Color.

Could that be true? I asked myself. I’ve always thought of her as white.

She must have been. The story takes place in Persia, and Persian people have darker skin.

In the painting to the left, notice how Esther has white skin and the servants have dark skin. I absorbed a cultural transformation: We’ve turned a Person of Color into a white person.

I did some research online, and found this wonderful story that describes what happened when a young boy heard a description of Queen Esther as someone with beautiful brown skin and hair in braids. He started jumping up and down, saying “Like me! I have brown skin too.” This young Jewish boy with a white mother and a dark skinned father saw himself in the Jewish narrative for the first time.

And I got an inkling of how it must feel to be a Jewish Woman of Color. I’ve read articles about Jews of Color feeling like they don’t fit in because in the synagogue people automatically think they are a guest or worse. Or they are ignored and not seen.

I admit, I felt a little sick to my stomach. It was confusing as my body coped with the discord of wanting to be inclusive, and my unconscious “elevation” of one of our greatest heroes to whiteness. I did not see Queen Esther for who she was.

In the words of Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, The ultimate value you can give a person is to treat a person seriously, to take notice of that person. When you treat a person lightly and you don’t acknowledge them, you sit at a table and talk to all your friends, ignoring the one person who sits by themselves you are stripping this person of their value in effect giving them a curse. – Alei Shor Chapter 8

This offers us an opportunity for a Purim Mussar Practice.

***********Here’s The Mussar Practice***********************

Name Queen Esther as a Jewish Woman of Color, especially if no people of color are around.
Whether or not you are Jewish, you are invited to participate in this practice. Please join me in this practice of Honor, going out of our way to make our siblings of color feel seen today.

I hope you’ll give this practice a try. When you do, be on the lookout for how it feels inside. Will you havec a strong somatic reaction like me, or something else?

*******************************************************************
As it says in the Book of Esther, this is a time when we remember a day when great sorrow turned to joy.

This practice offers us opportunity to take people in our community seriously. It can turn their sorrow of being invisible to the joy of being seen.

When we do so, we add another inch on the road to the World to Come.

What do you think? Comment below and let me know.

Filed Under: Featured, Honor, Mussar Practice Tagged With: Esther jewish woman of color, mussar practice purim, queen esther

Three Steps To Judge The Truth About Green Book Like a Mensch

February 28, 2019 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Truth About Green Book
What is the Truth about Green Book?

Spoiler Alert: Green Book won the Oscar for Best Picture. And some people are really pissed off about that. What is the Truth about Green Book that makes it so polarizing?

I loved Green Book, and I smiled when it won Best Picture. My smile faded a bit as I watched the producers acceptance speech. (You an watch it here on YouTube). I thought it weird that Vigo Morenson and Carrie Fischer got more praise than Mahershala Ali, who played the musical genius Dr. Don Shirley. And neither Shirley, the Green Book, nor civil rights were mentioned.

Then I read criticism of the movie by Spike Lee and others. I became downright confused. For some people of color, this movie win, and the silence about Don Shirley, became another story of marginalization. They saw what should be a black story co-opted by white film makers, with a white man put in the role of savior.

Many white presenting people share this perspective. On Facebook, the writer Peter Birkenhead compared Green Book to the story of Anne Frank, told from the viewpoint of “Miep Geis, one of the gentiles who helped hide her.” In this version, Miep is the hero and center of the story, and anti-semitism gets reduced to stereotypes. And when the movie wins best picture, not a single writer or producer accepting the award is Jewish.

How was I to square my reactions liking the movie with this true and authentic reaction from some people of color and their allies? And how could Mussar help me understand the truth about Green Book?

First, I stepped back and remembered that the screenplay was cowritten by Tony’s son Nick Vallelonga. It isn’t a movie about a black man dealing with racism in the South. It tells the story of a white man who took a job working for a black man and became friends with him. It is a story Nick is telling about his dad. If Miep’s daughter decided to write a movie that made her mom the hero, that would be ok with me.

Why do I say this? Because I had been telling people the movie was about Don Shirley. Yet there were no scenes with Don Shirley that did not also have Tony Lip in them. I was confused in part because I was trying to make Green Book a civil rights movie, which it isn’t. It is a relationship movie, between people of different backgrounds during the last days of the Jim Crow Era.

Second, we Americans have a long history of marginalizing and silencing people of color.  I interpret reactions against the movie from some people of color as “Here we go again. I’m tired of this crap.” That is the Truth from their perspective, and I  am trying my best to hear them and honor them.

As Rabbi Hillel said, “Do not judge your fellow until you have come to [their] place.” (Pirkei Avot 2:4). Since I have not been a person of color, I don’t know what they have been through. But I know enough to know they are not wrong for thinking this way.

Third, it is ok for me to like the movie, and have my own Truth. It was wonderful watching the movie with my father and 16 year old daughter. She had never seen what it was like in the South, when people of color used the Green Book to know where they would be allowed to stay and eat. My father shared that when Don Shirley came to Syracuse, NY in 1970ish, the hotel would not let him stay there. Dr. Shirley stayed with a Syracuse University faculty member.

Now that I’ve shared with you how I processed this movie in the Mussar way, I hereby invite you to try a Mussar Practice. After all, the point of Mussar is personal growth. I hope you’ll give this practice a try.

**********Here’s the Mussar Practice*********************************

See the Truth from another’s perspective. The people who dislike Green Book and I have different Truths. This is part of the human condition. Here are three steps to judge the comprehensive Truth about Green Book.

First, think about your own Truth about the movie. What leads you to that perspective? Have you seen it yourself, or are you reacting to other people’s reactions? What about you makes you have that perspective?

Second, pick a perspective different from yours. What is the Truth of persons of color who don’t like the movie? What about them makes them have that perspective. If their story were your story, would you be reacting the same way?

If you are one of the people uncomfortable about Green book, think about the Truth of the people who are annoyed with the backlash against the movie. Are they all white supremacists in the making? What about them makes them have that perspective. If their story were your story, would you be reacting the same way?

Third, integrate the truths together. Allow your Truth to evolve. Accept that it is ok to have a different Truth from someone else. You can both have different Truths and be in relationship together. After all, isn’t that one of the messages of Green Book?

********************************************************

Mussar teaches that only the Divine sits on the Throne of Truth, meaning that humans are incapable of knowing the Truth from all perspectives. As humans, we need to do some work to see the Truth from multiple perspectives.

Finally, Truth is key for Tikkun Olam, repair of the world.

The world stands on three things: truth, justice, and peace. Truth brings justice, which results in peace.” –Rabbi Simeon ben Gamliel

Until we can acknowledge the Truth about historical and current marginalization, we will never have justice. If you are skeptical about marginalization, start with an academic description, like this one here.

At the end of the day, it isn’t about Hollywood. It is about the pain of our fellow humans.

How do you see the Truth about Green Book?

What steps will you do to see the Truth from another’s perspective?

Want to learn more about the Truth and Mussar? Start with the Soul Trait Quiz. 

Filed Under: Featured, Mussar Practice, Truth Tagged With: Don Shirley Jewish, Green book

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