Featured - American Mussar

Understanding Mussar Wholeness

January 2, 2023 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

One of the goals of a Mussar practice is to achieve a state of wholeness. What does that mean exactly? Just the sound of the phrase evokes almost a wistfulness in me, a longing for peace. Indeed, the Hebrew word for wholeness as the same root at the Hebrew word for peace, which is Shalom.

Wholeness is to be comfortable in one’s own skin, warts and all. We know who we are, including our strengths and weaknesses, and we are at peace with it. That doesn’t mean that we are complacent, or “accepting of mediocrity.” Those phrases give voice to thoughts of self-judgements that can pain us. Rather, part of wholeness is to continue to strive for growth and internal healing. We do that striving from a place of peace and acceptance.

One of the assumptions of an American Mussar practice is: “We are driven by the conflict between the Evil Inclination and the Good Inclination.” Remember that the Evil Inclination is not the Voldmort type of evil – rather it is a label given to our selfish drives, as well as the influence of anger and sexuality. The evil inclination is an essential part of who we are. We don’t seek to get rid of it, but rather to guide it with our Good Inclination. Part of Mussar wholeness is accepting this dynamic, and practicing self-compassion when we miss the mark.

Finally, wholeness is a state of being. It is something that can come and go, and is something we can achieve from wherever we are. We don’t need to meet any particular achievement milestone, or listen to the voice of perfectionism to get to a state of wholeness. Rather, the more we can accept ourselves and others with love, the closer we are to wholeness.

If you found this post interesting, you may also like Understanding Mussar Choice Points

Photo by Mario Dobelmann on Unsplash

Practicing Mussar Equanimity, Even When You’re Not a Basket Case

April 29, 2022 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

I am just back from a wonderful week in Hawaii with my wife. Every day was fun and relaxing. So many people commented on my picture: “Greg, you look so happy.” or “Greg, it’s nice to see you look so happy.” I started to wonder, do I look unhappy all the time?

While I don’t think that is the case, the wide gap between how I felt on vacation and in everyday life gives me pause. While I am sure I am hardly the first person to want to “stay relaxed” after vacation. I remember in the corporate world two hours after I was back it was like I never left. Thankfully, it isn’t that bad today.

As it happens, it was time for me to begin practicing Mussar Equanimity, also known as Calmness of the Soul. Inspired by how relaxed I was on vacation, I am really trying not to get carried away by the ups and downs of everyday life. Last night I woke up annoyed about a podcast episode. I tossed and turned for an hour, and then something clicked: “this isn’t something I need to worry about right now.” I quickly relaxed and went back to sleep.

When practicing Mussar Equanimity, we are not removed from life. We remain active participants in the world, but with a higher level of consciousness that helps us avoid getting sucked into emotional drama. As Rabbi Menachem Mendel Levin wrote, “Rise above events that are inconsequential—both bad and good—for they are not worth disturbing your equanimity.”

I’m not a basket case right now, but there is room for improvement. Mussar helps me find that next step.

What are things that disturb your equanimity? Are there both good and bad things on the list? Please reply and let me know. As always, I answer every comment.

Is It Worth Losing a Friend Over the Truth? A Mussar Perspective

February 18, 2022 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

“I don’t want to be outed,” he said to me. “If they knew the truth, I don’t know if our friendship could survive it.”

Growing up, being outed generally referred to someone’s sexual identity being revealed against their wishes. And indeed, this is still an issue today. I very much would not want someone to lose their job, a friend, or family member because they were not accepted because of their sexual orientation.

In this case, the person was not hiding his sexuality. He is hiding his political and social views. He are a Republican and conservative in this very liberal SF Bay area.

As we focus on the soul trait of Truth for a second week in Jewish Wisdom For Coping for a Pandemic, we are challenged by our current reality that people within our community have very different ideas of what is True, and the values that they live by. I am currently in a training by the organization “Resetting the Table,” to learn how to facilitate conversations between people who have very different ideas about important issues like climate change, politics, and covid. All of these are near and dear to me, and my progressive point of view is not a secret. Yet at the same time, it is foundational for me to stay in community with people I disagree with.

During the Omicron surge, someone made a comment that both covid cases and deaths were coming down. I knew this was not correct, but decided not to get into it with them because I thought the relationship was more important than arguing with someone whose mind was not going to change. This was really hard for me to do.

I don’t want people in my community to be afraid to be who they are, even when I find their beliefs objectionable. We can and must stay in conversation and community. Truth is learning to see the Truth from another’s perspective, as it says “Execute the judgment of truth.”- Zachariah 8:16. Moreover, it is permissible to deviate from the Truth for the purpose of peace.

What do you think? When should we prioritize a relationship over the truth. As always, I answer every comment.

A Mussar Approach to the Congregation Beth Israel Hostage Situation

January 16, 2022 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

mussar practices congregation beth israel hostage — Help Congregation Beth Israel get back on its feet

Like all of us, I am shocked and disturbed at the hostage situation at Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville, Texas. I am moved by the Facebook post in which Rabbi Cytron Walker expressed his gratitude. And I too am grateful that he and the others are alive.

From a Mussar perspective, we can and must do more than sending our love and prayers to our siblings in Texas. Our job is to support one another in concrete ways, or as Rabbi Ira Stone reminds us, to “bear the burden of the other.” And support for our fellow Jews is a bedrock value of the Jewish community. So how can we concretely support Congregation Beth Israel and Rabbi Cytron-Walker? Each of us, as individuals, has a responsibility to act. Here are five mussar traits we can practice to help us:

Practice Generosity by donating money to Congregation Beth Israel.

Rabbi Cytron-Walker, the other hostages, and their whole have been through a terrible trauma that will have lasting effects. Money will help pay for therapists and experts to help them through. Moreover, there may be physical repairs, upgrades to security, and food to send to people too upset to cook. You can join me and make a donation by clicking here.

Practice Compassion by writing a letter or sending a card

If you are feeling helpless or would like to do more, send a short note or letter to the Rabbi or Congregation Beth Israel. If your kids are scared, help them feel empowered by making a card or drawing for the Rabbi and community. Fellow Rabbinical student and child psychologist Dr. Jody Kussen said “This is a beautiful, healthy, idea – for any age.”

I have a vision of that scene from the movie Miracle on 34th street when bags and bags of mail show up in the courtroom. We can let them plaster their walls with children’s drawings from around the world.

Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker
Congregation Beth Israel
6100 Pleasant Run Road
Colleyville, Texas 76034

Practice Alacrity by posting on their Facebook page

I wrote a note on the Congregation Beth Israel page letting them know they are loved and supported. Alacrity meets to act now. Is is something all of us can do. Just click here to get started.

Practice Silence by speaking up

Remember that Silence governs when to talk, and when not to talk. This is a time to let your friends know you are hurting, and how we are always a little on guard in Jewish spaces. For example, you can share this poem by Beth Rader.

I also agree with Rabbi Jeff Salkin that we should not let anyone tell us this was not an anti-Semitic attack. Of course it was – he took hostages in a synagogue on Shabbat. He could have gone to a day care center or grocery store; he choose to target us.

Practice “Gratitude And”

There is much to be grateful for in this situation, as many have said. Gratitude is important and essential for Jewish living. But we don’t want to let Gratitude become a means of spiritually bypassing the real pain and horror caused by the desecration of Shabbat by a hostage taker.

It is ok to feel angry, afraid, confused, sad… Don’t jump to gratitude as a way to try to make those feelings go away in yourself or others. We need space for the negative feelings. Gratitude can help us cope, and provide us energy to be there for those who need us.

What else can we do to support Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker and Congregation Beth Israel? How can we help them bear their burden? Please respond in comments – as always I’ll answer every one.

Don’t Let Your Spirits Be Crushed in 2022

December 31, 2021 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

As I sat down to write, I wondered: “What I could say to wrap up 2021, and provide some guidance as we approach 2022? Covid is once again exploding, and I find myself at a bit of a loss.”

Last week in “Jewish Wisdom for Coping with a Pandemic,” I asked people to share how they were coping. It was nice to both share where I am, and to hear how we all are doing. You can see a video recording here. Overall people are doing ok, but some like me are struggling to some degree.

I had an intuition to look to the Torah for inspiration, so I opened the Mussar Torah Commentary, edited by Rabbi Barry Block, and read this week’s chapter, written by Rabbi Joshua Mikutis. Rabbi Mikutis highlights that the part of the story where the people did not listen to Moses because “their spirits were crushed by cruel bondage.” (Exodus 6:9). AHHHH – that phrase resonated with me. While my spirits are not exactly crushed, I am feeling a bit fatalistic about the Omicron surge. I read on.

In the story, Moses’ initial efforts to bring liberation did not start well – Pharaoh answered his first request with scorn and further oppression The Israelites now had to make bricks without straw, and some were mad at Moses. When Moses turned to God for help, help was provided in the form of his brother Aaron who spoke for him. Whether or not you would turn to the Divinity, the principle remains – it is critical to ask for help. With Aaron’s assistance, Moses carried on with his work, and ultimately our people were freed.

The pandemic is a long haul struggle. As we head into 2022, we have choices. We can allow ourselves to be crushed by the unfairness and unpredictability of the pandemic, or we can reach out to others to help us get through. And, we should not underestimate the mental health toll of this continued stress and isolation. The pandemic gives us opportunities for both self care, and to be there for others.

I can acknowledge the feelings of loss, without getting buried by worry. And most importantly, I will be turning to the people in my life, and to my spiritual practice, to help me get through. Because at the end of the day, it is about carrying on. We still get only one life, and I’d like to make this one the best I can.

I’m curious, is there a role for spirituality in your life, and is it helping you cope with the pandemic? Please reply and let me know. As always, I’ll answer every comment.

Jewish Wisdom for Coping with a Pandemic is a drop in group that meets every Thursday at 4 Pacific. You can sign up for our email list to get notices, or check out previous meetings on Youtube.