Greg Marcus - American Mussar

Assume You Have a Divine Spark, an American Mussar Practice

May 16, 2017 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

Recently I got the following question by email:

I’ve seen you write on several occasions that we all have a Divine Spark. I don’t believe it. I need external validation. My Divine Spark is flickering. It is very faint. What advice can you give me?

– Dark Inside

Dear Dark Inside,

Thank you for having the courage to admit that is how you feel. You are not alone. I also need external validation. As I shared in my book – despite my Ph.D. from MIT, and string of career successes, I felt worthless. To this day, I still fight those feelings, but thanks to Mussar they are not nearly as strong as they used to be.

My advice? Stop trying to believe that you have a Divine Spark. Rather, assume you have a Divine Spark. When we assume something to be true, we act as if it is, and don’t waste mental energy wondering and debating. Then, when a voice of doubt starts to talk in your head, you can answer with confidence based on this assumption. (See this excerpt which explains the Four Assumptions of American Mussar)

Moreover, the full assumption that I teach in The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions is that we all have a Divine Spark that is occluded by our baggage. When we practice Mussar, it helps us move the bags and let the light shine through. Or as Leonard Cohen wrote, the cracks let the light in.

I love the image of a flickering Divine Spark that you share. It is wonderful, because the flickering is caused by the baggage, not any defect in your spark. Again, you don’t need to believe it, just assume it is true, and use that as a basis for your Mussar practice.

Ask yourself, what if it were true that you have a Divine Spark? How would that change your self image, even for a moment? Rabbi Akiva taught that we were given two gifts, a Divine Spark and the knowledge that we have a Divine Spark. (Pirkei Avot 3:14). Knowing that you have a Divine Spark gives you the knowledge and comfort that you already have everything you need.

Remember that Mussar practice is a practice. By practice, I mean something that we do every day. We practice a musical instrument so that when the concert arrives, we play better. We practice Mussar to exercise our spiritual muscles in small situations. Then, when the challenge arrives, we find ourselves acting in a different way.

I encourage you to commit to your Mussar practice. Simply reading this post will not get you anywhere. In fact, your Evil Inclination may take this opportunity to make you feel better. Simply being reassured will set you back unless you allow that feeling to empower you to take action.

Each time you take action, you make a small change in your soul. Slowly, slowly over time the small changes will add up. The good news is that the more out of balance you feel, the more opportunity you have to make progress quickly.

So pick a soul trait, any soul trait, and commit to it for two weeks. Do the mantra, observe mindfully through the day, pick one small area for change, and journal at night. (I know, we all hate the journaling part.) Just write a few words on your napkin after dinner.

The next time you think your Divine Spark is faint, don’t sweat it. It just appears to be faint, the the corona around the sun during a lunar eclipse. Just assume the sun is burning brightly, and moving the moon even a bit will restore light to the world.

Sincerely,

Greg, practitioner, facilitator, and innovator of American Mussar

Not sure which soul trait to start with? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz for inspiration.

Want to learn more? Check out the list of Mussar books.

Mussar Book Review: Rebbe by Joseph Telushkin

May 7, 2017 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

Rebbe by Joseph Telushkin is a wonderful read – it is like having a conversation with someone telling you about the most interesting Jew in the world. And Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, was an innovator, a man of strong conviction, and a Mensch of the first order.

When I was growing up in Syracuse and into early adulthood, the Rebbe was hardly on my radar, beyond an impression that he claimed to be the Messiah. That alone was turn off enough to keep me away from the book. Let me clear that up right away. Telushkin makes it abundantly clear that the Rebbe did not consider himself the Messiah, nor did the majority of his followers. And even most of those who considered him the Messiah really only thought of him as a potential Messiah. There is a teaching that a Messiah is born in every generation. Such people of outstanding character walk among us, and after reading about the Rebbe’s life, I can understand why people revered him so deeply. You do not need to be Orthodox, or familiar with the chasidic world to appreciate this book. In fact, I thought it was really interesting to get a view into this world.

Here are a few of the things I particularly appreciated about the Rebbe’s life.

Love and Pride of Judaism.

The Rebbe was passionate that every Jewish life was sacred, and that no one should be left behind. He sent young couples to live all over the world to open Chabbad houses, to offer observant and non-observant Jews a place to go. I share this passion – there is so much more to Judaism than most people know. The Rebbe instructed his followers to offer an opportunity to do just one traditional observance, like putting on tefillin or lighting shabbat candles. While such ritual observances are not a priority for me, I am moved by the love behind the Rebbe’s plan.

Passionate Disagreement While Staying In Relationship

He was a man of extraordinary influence, who knew the secret of disagreeing with someone while at the same time finding common cause with them. Such is the soul trait of Honor. His secret – he never criticized someone by name.The Rebbe once said, “I don’t speak about people, I speak about opinions.” And the Rebbe was fearless about stating his opinion. Telushkin wrote, “Confidence in your idea means that you don’t have to make other people wrong for you to be right.” Rebbe Schneerson took many positions that I disagree with. For example, we was for prayer in schools, and against public protests against the Soviet Union. Inevitably, his positions were motivated by a sincere belief in what he thought was best for the Jewish people, and often, best for humanity in toto.

Values Are Primary

While Rebbe is not a Mussar book per se, and the Rebbe did not as far as I know follow the Mussar masters, he lived a life of kindness, focused on the needs of the other, that is the primary goal of Mussar practice. While the Rebbe was a stickler for traditional Jewish practice, he felt the commandments about slander were just as important as the dietary laws. In fact, he was critical of Orthodox Jews who shamed others for not being traditionally observant. There was a great anecdote about a time when he chastened a follower who was so wrapped up in studying Torah that he didn’t hear a child crying in the other room. Again and again throughout the book, Telushkin shared examples of the Rebbe’s thoughtfulness. He even went so far as to conceal the deal of his younger brother from his mother for 12 years for fear that news of his death would harm her health.

In summary, I highly recommend Rebbe by Joseph Telushkin. If you read it, you’ll be uplifted, and inspired to be your best self.

Looking for more Mussar books? Check out our Mussar Book Page.

Learn more about Rebbe by Joseph Telushkin on Amazon.

Mussar Basics: Pirkei Avot Asks Who Is Wise

April 27, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

When it comes to Mussar basics, Pirkei Avot is high on the list. It is hard for me to describe the delight I felt while attending a wonderful webinar by Yaakov Feldman discussing my favorite lesson from Pirkei Avot. If you are not familiar with Pirkei Avot, you are in for a treat.

First, let me start by sharing the text of Pirkei Avot 4:1 (from Sefaria.org)

ben Zoma says: Who is the wise one? He who learns from all men, as it says, “I have acquired understanding from all my teachers” (Psalms 119:99).

Who is the mighty one? He who conquers his impulse, as it says, “slowness to anger is better than a mighty person and the ruler of his spirit than the conqueror of a city.” (Proverbs 16:32).

Who is the rich one? He who is happy with his lot, as it says, “When you eat [from] the work of your hands, you will be happy, and it will be well with you” (Psalms 128:2). “You will be happy” in this world, and “it will be well with you” in the world to come.

Who is honored? He who honors the created beings, as it says, “For those who honor Me, I will honor; and those who despise Me will be held in little esteem” (I Samuel 2:30).

ben Zoma is a hero of mine – he was not a Rabbi, and I find it inspiring that he teaches that we can learn from anyone. The soul trait of Honor reminds us that part of our mission in the world is to respect the Divine in everyone. Feldman explains this basic interpretation, and then turns it on it’s head. He reminds us that most people don’t know much, and that many people are fools. What are we to learn from them? Feldman says that we can learn from a fools mistakes. I was a bit uncomfortable with this lesson. Who am I to call another a fool? And moreover, are they a fool about everything? Then I remembered that, I wrote a blog post calling Bernie Sander’s supporters fools for blindly believing fake news about Hilary Clinton. It is an important lesson for all of us.

Feldman also contrasts the idea of learning from everyone with the idea of having one master to learn from. There are strands of Judaism that tend to follow a Rebbe, a singular leader, and branches of Mussar that limit the universe of texts from which we draw inspiration. I carry more of the ben Zoma sensibility – there are lessons to be learned from everyone. Yes, of course there are Rabbis and masters to learn from, but there are also more secular experts like Brene Brown, as well as menchy people in our own lives who may never have read a word of Torah. And, we can learn from our kids, parents, the check out person in the grocery store, and the homeless.

You are heartily invited to give the webinar a view. Rabbi Feldman goes on to discuss each of the parts of the teaching. Strength is measured by overcoming the worst part of ourself. I live the way Feldman kept saying “little by little” – that is how we do Mussar. The “little by little” approach works, and can show immediate results. Riches are measured by the Soul Trait of Gratitude, being content with what you have. (more below)

Feldman ends the webinar with an invitation to develop a personal relationship to God, to ask God questions and to make God a presence in your life. I know that many of you are not sure of the Divinity, and I admit that I found his suggestion somewhat jarring. But then again, he brings up an interesting point: When you learn to ask God for help, you learn to ask others for help too.

The whole webinar is part of a backstory to our Mussar practice. Ending with Humility – an invitation to ask for help – WOW.

Where do you need help in your life? Where do you want help? Are they the same? Take a few moments to write down an answer.

Interested in reading Pirkei Avot or other Mussar books? See the recommended translation on the Mussar Books page.

Hat tip to The Mussar Institute for producing the great webinar series about Pirkei Avot.

Trans Outing on Survivor: a Mussar Practice Lesson

April 18, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BXqrOSNKn0

If you are a Survivor fan, you already watched the tribal council when Jeff outed Zeke as a transgender man, arguing that Zeke’s secrecy made him untrustworthy. This tribal council represents a rare opportunity to glean a Mussar practice lesson from a complicated and painful human experience. I was stunned, not only because it was a cruel and dangerous thing to do, but because I am practicing the Mussar Soul Trait of Silence this week. Silence governs when we should speak and when we shouldn’t. Of course you don’t need Mussar to know that Jeff should have stayed Silent. But what Mussar can teach us is how to process the entire experience.

Mussar Practice Lesson 1: The Evil Inclination will lead you hurt others to save yourself

Remember that the Evil Inclination represents our survival instincts. Because Varner was facing elimination, he allowed his survival instincts to override his conscience. The EI operates in the subconscious, and provides a wealth of rationalizations to justify bad behavior.

Varner: “I feel horrible about it, I’m just trying everything I can”

Ozzie “Jeff, you should be ashamed of yourself for what you are willing to do for a million dollars.”

Probst: “You are saying there is no line. If I am desparate enough, I will do or say anything.”

Mussar Practice Lesson 2: The Evil inclination will lead you to rationalize your decisions

Varner:”I thought he was out and proud and loud about [being trans].” (5:30)

Others did not buy Varner’s argument

Sarah: If you thought that, why did you make a point of everyone had to know it.”

Probst: “You can’t have it both ways, to say he was deceptive, and then immediately say he was out and proud of it.”

Sarah: “That was a malicious attack”

Varner: “There was no malice in it. … I don’t treat people that way. … I don’t want you to paint me as something I’m not.”

Mussar Practice Lesson 3: We can have Compassion for someone who has messed up, even as we deliver consequences.

The cast member Tai, who is gay, was crying and upset when Varner outed Zeke. Yet he still showed compassion for Varner a few minutes later when he put his hand on Varner’s back as he wept. Tai at one point said, “I can understand he was desperate, and crossed a line that he didn’t realize he did.” This is the soul trait of compassion in action, feeling what another person feels, and seeing it from their point of view. And he presented compassion in balance, and did not let Varner off the hook.

Mussar Practice Lesson 4: Humility helps you through a crisis

Zeke showed amazing Humility, in that he seems to know who he is. While visibly upset, he didn’t go to pieces, apologize, or point fingers. And, he explained why he didn’t tell anyone. (8:08)

Transitioning is a long and difficult process. There are people who know. I stopped telling people, because it becomes who you are … and overwhelms everything else that they know about you…I didn’t want to be the trans survivor player, I wanted to be Zeke the survivor player. … So I think I’m ok.”

Jeff Probst also displayed amazing Humility balance, occupying his space by keeping control of a very emotional and raw conversation.

Learn more about Humility Here.

Mussar Practice Lesson 5: Good Can come out of bad situations.

The soul trait of Gratitude teaches that we should give thanks for the bad, because often there is a unique opportunity that comes out of awful things. Varner’s behavior was awful, yet something amazing happened.

Sarah Lacina explained her personal growth (11:15):

Sarah: “I’m thankful that I got to know Zeke for who Zeke is. I’m from the midwest. I come from a super conservative background. It’s not very diverse when it comes to gay and lesbian and transgender … I’m not exposed to it like most of these people are. The fact that I can love this guy so much and it doesn’t change anything for me makes me realize that I’ve grown huge as a person… the metamorphosis that I’ve made as a person that I didn’t realize I made until this moment is invaluable. I’m sorry it came out that way, but I’m glad it did. I’m glad I got to know you as Zeke, and I’ll never look at you this way.”

And then Zeke was equally amazing. (12:00)

Zeke: “I’m certainly not someone who should be a role model for anyone else, but maybe there is someone who is a survivor fan and me being out on the show helps him or her or someone else. Maybe this will lead to a greater good.”

Probst: “Tonight was a complicated, but ultimately beautiful night, that will never be forgotten.”

Mussar Practice Lesson 6: We all have a choice

The reason why this was powerful, and ultimately positive experience was the choices that people made. Zeke’s tribe members chose to immediately speak out in his defense. They could have acted with revulsion at the news that Zeke was trans – I suspect that the North Carolina legislature would have voted him out on the spot, using the “deception” as a fig leaf to cover their prejudiced actions. Each and every one of us has a choice when faced with injustice. In fact, we face Choice Points all the time, where we have an opportunity to follow the influence of the Good Inclination or the Evil Inclination. In this Survivor episode, we saw one person make a very bad choice, and many more people make good choices.

Mussar practice requires knowledge of who you are. What Soul Traits hold you back? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to find out. Click here to take the quiz.

Three Key Soul Traits for Your Passover Mussar Practice

April 10, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Passover is THE Jewish story. Yes we became liberated from bondage, and more importantly, the fundamental message of Judaism is told again and again in this story and throughout Jewish literature. “Be Kind to the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that the goal of Mussar is to learn to bear the burden of other people – which itself directly translates from this Passover lesson. So let’s take this opportunity to do a Passover Mussar practice.

Remember that Passover is not only about ancient liberation but personal liberation. The Hebrew word for Egypt, Mitzrayim, is translated as “narrow place.” Slavery in Egypt confined us to a narrow place, with constrictions on our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. The Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov (1772-1822) said, “The Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” Exodus is the story of liberation from the things that hold us back. By practicing Enthusiasm, Order, and Honor, we can begin to exit our narrow place.

Focus on Enthusiasm in your Passover Mussar Practice

In the Mussar classic Path of the Just, Rabbi Luzzatto makes Enthusiasm a key pillar of personal transformation. In part, this is because he argues that our natural inclination is to be “lazy.” While I dislike the judgmental connotation of the term, the fact remains that many of us would prefer to just avoid the hard work of personal change. I saw a great cartoon with two panels. In the first, the speaker asks who wants change? Everyone raises their hand. In the second, he asks “Who wants to change.?” As you may have guessed, not a single hand was raised. Even when we are unhappy about something, the Evil Inclination will supply us with ample excuses and fears to prevent us from taking action to make it better.

Luzzatto points to Abraham, who ran around his camp to welcome guests, and Rebecca who hastened to water a guests camels, as examples of our behavior. We should run to do good. When we do, we unlock an inner fire as our “emotions are aroused and [our] enthusiasm waxes stronger.”

Moses saw a flame that did not consume, that led him on a path of discovery and personal growth, that led him to take on a seemingly impossible task. Moses was reluctant at first, but the Divine helped him grow personally to take this task on. And one way he helped was to give Moses a plan.

Practice Order by Creating a Plan to Change as Part of Your Passover Mussar Practice

The Hebrew word for Order is Seder – yes, that meal we have every year at least once during Passover. Moses presented a litany of excuses why he could not lead the Israelites out of Egypt, including worries about his speaking ability, and fears that the people will not believe him. In response, God gives Moses a plan, teaching him a few miracles to show the people, and reminding him that his brother can do the talking when needed.(See Exodus 4:1-17 for the full story). While you may be unsure of the Divinity, forming a plan of action is a sensible approach to bring about personal change. What are some small miracles that you can perform to help you on the way? By miracle, I mean some action outside of your comfort zone. I have a friend who was a cut you off, screamer of a driver. As part of her Mussar practice she started letting every car that wanted to merge in front of her. She became a calm driver, and as far as I’m concerned, it was a miracle.

The second part of the story is equally important? Who will be the Aaron in your life, a relative, friend, or mentor who will help you on your journey? Part of the challenge is to be bold enough to commit to change, and to ask for someone for help.

Balance Honor in your Passover Mussar Practice

Part of the answer to changing oneself is paradoxically to think less about yourself. When we focus our energy on serving others, we can take a break from our own worries, and the path of such service will carry us outside boundaries that are keeping us stuck. And, often we hold ourselves back precisely because we are framing the issue in a self-centered way. Try doing something particularly loving for your partner or for a friend. Listen without speaking. Bringing the focus away from yourself will provide you a breath of fresh air, to carry your life in a new direction.

Now of course, your narrow place might be excessive service to others. In fact Tova Ross wrote a great article for Tablet about overcoming her narrow place of people pleasing. Ross shares an inspiring story of he she came to recognize just how miserable and unhealthy she was making herself trying to be well liked. Passover teaches us that we should remember the stranger, not that we should become a stranger, nor make self care a stranger in our life.

What is the narrow place you are seeking liberation from this year? What soul traits can help you overcome it? Please share below.

What Soul Traits are keeping you in your narrow place? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to find out. Click here now to take it.