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Mussar Book Review: Rebbe by Joseph Telushkin

May 7, 2017 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

Rebbe by Joseph TelushkinRebbe by Joseph Telushkin is a wonderful read – it is like having a conversation with someone telling you about the most interesting Jew in the world. And Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, was an innovator, a man of strong conviction, and a Mensch of the first order.

When I was growing up in Syracuse and into early adulthood, the Rebbe was hardly on my radar, beyond an impression that he claimed to be the Messiah. That alone was turn off enough to keep me away from the book. Let me clear that up right away. Telushkin makes it abundantly clear that the Rebbe did not consider himself the Messiah, nor did the majority of his followers. And even most of those who considered him the Messiah really only thought of him as a potential Messiah. There is a teaching that a Messiah is born in every generation. Such people of outstanding character walk among us, and after reading about the Rebbe’s life, I can understand why people revered him so deeply. You do not need to be Orthodox, or familiar with the chasidic world to appreciate this book. In fact, I thought it was really interesting to get a view into this world.

Here are a few of the things I particularly appreciated about the Rebbe’s life.

Love and Pride of Judaism.

The Rebbe was passionate that every Jewish life was sacred, and that no one should be left behind. He sent young couples to live all over the world to open Chabbad houses, to offer observant and non-observant Jews a place to go. I share this passion – there is so much more to Judaism than most people know. The Rebbe instructed his followers to offer an opportunity to do just one traditional observance, like putting on tefillin or lighting shabbat candles. While such ritual observances are not a priority for me, I am moved by the love behind the Rebbe’s plan.

Passionate Disagreement While Staying In Relationship

He was a man of extraordinary influence, who knew the secret of disagreeing with someone while at the same time finding common cause with them. Such is the soul trait of Honor. His secret – he never criticized someone by name.The Rebbe once said, “I don’t speak about people, I speak about opinions.” And the Rebbe was fearless about stating his opinion. Telushkin wrote, “Confidence in your idea means that you don’t have to make other people wrong for you to be right.” Rebbe Schneerson took many positions that I disagree with. For example, we was for prayer in schools, and against public protests against the Soviet Union. Inevitably, his positions were motivated by a sincere belief in what he thought was best for the Jewish people, and often, best for humanity in toto.

Values Are Primary

While Rebbe is not a Mussar book per se, and the Rebbe did not as far as I know follow the Mussar masters, he lived a life of kindness, focused on the needs of the other, that is the primary goal of Mussar practice. While the Rebbe was a stickler for  traditional Jewish practice, he felt the commandments about slander were just as important as the dietary laws. In fact, he was critical of Orthodox Jews who shamed others for not being traditionally observant. There was a great anecdote about a time when he chastened a follower who was so wrapped up in studying Torah that he didn’t hear a child crying in the other room. Again and again throughout the book, Telushkin shared examples of the Rebbe’s thoughtfulness. He even went so far as to conceal the deal of his younger brother from his mother for 12 years for fear that news of his death would harm her health.

In summary, I highly recommend Rebbe by Joseph Telushkin. If you read it, you’ll be uplifted, and inspired to be your best self.

Looking for more Mussar books? Check out our Mussar Book Page.

Learn more about Rebbe by Joseph Telushkin on Amazon. 

Filed Under: Featured, Mussar Books Tagged With: mussar book review, rebbe by joseph telushkin

Mussar Basics: Pirkei Avot Asks Who Is Wise

April 27, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

pirkei avot
Who Is Wise?

When it comes to Mussar basics, Pirkei Avot is high on the list. It is hard for me to describe the delight I felt while attending a wonderful webinar by Yaakov Feldman discussing my favorite lesson from Pirkei Avot. If you are not familiar with Pirkei Avot, you are in for a treat.

First, let me start by sharing the text of Pirkei Avot 4:1 (from Sefaria.org)

ben Zoma says: Who is the wise one? He who learns from all men, as it says, “I have acquired understanding from all my teachers” (Psalms 119:99).

Who is the mighty one? He who conquers his impulse, as it says, “slowness to anger is better than a mighty person and the ruler of his spirit than the conqueror of a city.” (Proverbs 16:32).

Who is the rich one? He who is happy with his lot, as it says, “When you eat [from] the work of your hands, you will be happy, and it will be well with you” (Psalms 128:2). “You will be happy” in this world, and “it will be well with you” in the world to come.

Who is honored? He who honors the created beings, as it says, “For those who honor Me, I will honor; and those who despise Me will be held in little esteem” (I Samuel 2:30).

ben Zoma is a hero of mine – he was not a Rabbi, and I find it inspiring that he teaches that we can learn from anyone. The soul trait of Honor reminds us that part of our mission in the world is to respect the Divine in everyone. Feldman explains this basic interpretation, and then turns it on it’s head. He reminds us that most people don’t know much, and that many people are fools. What are we to learn from them? Feldman says that we can learn from a fools mistakes.  I was a bit uncomfortable with this lesson. Who am I to call another a fool? And moreover, are they a fool about everything? Then I remembered that, I wrote a blog post calling Bernie Sander’s supporters fools for blindly believing fake news about Hilary Clinton. It is an important lesson for all of us.

Feldman also contrasts the idea of learning from everyone with the idea of having one master to learn from. There are strands of Judaism that tend to follow a Rebbe, a singular leader, and branches of Mussar that limit the universe of texts from which we draw inspiration. I carry more of the ben Zoma sensibility – there are lessons to be learned from everyone. Yes, of course there are Rabbis and masters to learn from, but there are also more secular experts like Brene Brown, as well as menchy people in our own lives who may never have read a word of Torah. And, we can learn from our kids, parents, the check out person in the grocery store, and the homeless.

You are heartily invited to give the webinar a view. Rabbi Feldman goes on to discuss each of the parts of the teaching. Strength is measured by overcoming the worst part of ourself. I live the way Feldman kept saying “little by little” – that is how we do Mussar. The “little by little” approach works, and can show immediate results. Riches are measured by the Soul Trait of Gratitude, being content with what you have. (more below)

Feldman ends the webinar with an invitation to develop a personal relationship to God, to ask God questions and to make God a presence in your life. I know that many of you are not sure of the Divinity, and I admit that I found his suggestion somewhat jarring. But then again, he brings up an interesting point: When you learn to ask God for help, you learn to ask others for help too.

The whole webinar is part of a backstory to our Mussar practice. Ending with Humility – an invitation to ask for help – WOW.

Where do you need help in your life? Where do you want help? Are they the same? Take a few moments to write down an answer.

Interested in reading Pirkei Avot or other Mussar books? See the recommended translation on the Mussar Books page. 

Hat tip to The Mussar Institute for producing the great webinar series about Pirkei Avot.

Filed Under: Featured, Honor, Mussar Basics Tagged With: ben zoma, mussar pirkei avot, pirkei avot 4:1, talmud, who is wise?, Yaakov Feldman mussar

Trans Outing on Survivor: a Mussar Practice Lesson

April 18, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BXqrOSNKn0

If you are a Survivor fan, you already watched the tribal council when Jeff outed Zeke as a transgender man, arguing that Zeke’s secrecy made him untrustworthy. This tribal council represents a rare opportunity to glean a Mussar practice lesson from a complicated and painful human experience.  I was stunned, not only because it was a cruel and dangerous thing to do, but because I am practicing the Mussar Soul Trait of Silence this week. Silence governs when we should speak and when we shouldn’t. Of course you don’t need Mussar to know that Jeff should have stayed Silent. But what Mussar can teach us is how to process the entire experience.

Mussar Practice Lesson 1: The Evil Inclination will lead you hurt others to save yourself

Remember that the Evil Inclination represents our survival instincts. Because Varner was facing elimination, he allowed his survival instincts to override his conscience. The EI operates in the subconscious, and provides a wealth of rationalizations to justify bad behavior.

Varner: “I feel horrible about it, I’m just trying everything I can”

Ozzie  “Jeff, you should be ashamed of yourself for what you are willing to do for a million dollars.”

Probst: “You are saying there is no line. If I am desparate enough, I will do or say anything.”

Mussar Practice Lesson 2: The Evil inclination will lead you to rationalize your decisions

Varner:”I thought he was out and proud and loud about [being trans].” (5:30)

Others did not buy Varner’s argument

Sarah: If you thought that, why did you make a point of everyone had to know it.”

Probst: “You can’t have it both ways, to say he was deceptive, and then immediately say he was out and proud of it.”

Sarah: “That was a malicious attack”

Varner: “There was no malice in it. … I don’t treat people that way. … I don’t want you to paint me as something I’m not.”

Mussar Practice Lesson 3: We can have Compassion for someone who has messed up, even as we deliver consequences.

The cast member Tai, who is gay, was crying and upset when Varner outed Zeke. Yet he still showed compassion for Varner a few minutes later when he put his hand on Varner’s back as he wept. Tai at one point said, “I can understand he was desperate, and crossed a line that he didn’t realize he did.” This is the soul trait of compassion in action, feeling what another person feels, and seeing it from their point of view. And he presented compassion in balance, and did not let Varner off the hook.

Mussar Practice Lesson 4: Humility helps you through a crisis

Zeke showed amazing Humility, in that he seems to know who he is. While visibly upset, he didn’t go to pieces, apologize, or point fingers. And, he explained why he didn’t tell anyone. (8:08)

Transitioning is a long and difficult process. There are people who know. I stopped telling people, because it becomes who you are … and overwhelms everything else that they know about you…I didn’t want to be the trans survivor player, I wanted to be Zeke the survivor player. … So I think I’m ok.”

Jeff Probst also displayed amazing Humility balance, occupying his space by keeping control of a very emotional and raw conversation.

Learn more about Humility Here.

Mussar Practice Lesson 5: Good Can come out of bad situations.

The soul trait of Gratitude teaches that we should give thanks for the bad, because often there is a unique opportunity that comes out of awful things. Varner’s behavior was awful, yet something amazing happened.

Sarah Lacina explained her personal growth  (11:15):

Sarah: “I’m thankful that I got to know Zeke for who Zeke is.  I’m from the midwest. I come from a super conservative background. It’s not very diverse when it comes to gay and lesbian and transgender … I’m not exposed to it like most of these people are. The fact that I can love this guy so much and it doesn’t change anything for me makes me realize that I’ve grown huge as a person… the metamorphosis that I’ve made as a person that I didn’t realize I made until this moment is invaluable. I’m sorry it came out that way, but I’m glad it did. I’m glad I got to know you as Zeke, and I’ll never look at you this way.”

And then Zeke was equally amazing. (12:00)

Zeke: “I’m certainly not someone who should be a role model for anyone else, but maybe there is someone who is a survivor fan and me being out on the show helps him or her or someone else. Maybe this will lead to a greater good.”

Probst: “Tonight was a complicated, but ultimately beautiful night, that will never be forgotten.”

Mussar Practice Lesson 6: We all have a choice

The reason why this was powerful, and ultimately positive experience was the choices that people made. Zeke’s tribe members chose to immediately speak out in his defense. They could have acted with revulsion at the news that Zeke was trans – I suspect that the North Carolina legislature would have voted him out on the spot, using the “deception” as a fig leaf to cover their prejudiced actions. Each and every one of us has a choice when faced with injustice. In fact, we face Choice Points all the time, where we have an opportunity to follow the influence of the Good Inclination or the Evil Inclination. In this Survivor episode, we saw one person make a very bad choice, and many more people make good choices.

Mussar practice requires knowledge of who you are. What Soul Traits hold you back? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to find out. Click here to take the quiz.

Filed Under: Featured, Mussar Practice Tagged With: mussar practice, survivor, Zeke smith mussar

Three Key Soul Traits for Your Passover Mussar Practice

April 10, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

passover mussar practice
Remember this day by Tim Sackton via Flickr CC
Passover is THE Jewish story. Yes we became liberated from bondage, and more importantly, the fundamental message of Judaism is told again and again in this story and throughout Jewish literature. “Be Kind to the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that the goal of Mussar is to learn to bear the burden of other people – which itself directly translates from this Passover lesson. So let’s take this opportunity to do a Passover Mussar practice.
Remember that Passover is not only about ancient liberation but personal liberation. The Hebrew word for Egypt, Mitzrayim, is translated as “narrow place.” Slavery in Egypt confined us to a narrow place, with constrictions on our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. The Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov (1772-1822) said, “The Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” Exodus is the story of liberation from the things that hold us back. By practicing Enthusiasm, Order, and Honor, we can begin to exit our narrow place.

Focus on Enthusiasm in your Passover Mussar Practice

In the Mussar classic Path of the Just, Rabbi Luzzatto makes Enthusiasm a key pillar of personal transformation. In part, this is because he argues that our natural inclination is to be “lazy.” While I dislike the judgmental connotation of the term, the fact remains that many of us would prefer to just avoid the hard work of personal change. I saw a great cartoon with two panels. In the first, the speaker asks who wants change? Everyone raises their hand. In the second, he asks “Who wants to change.?” As you may have guessed, not a single hand was raised. Even when we are unhappy about something, the Evil Inclination will supply us with ample excuses and fears to prevent us from taking action to make it better.
Luzzatto points to Abraham, who ran around his camp to welcome guests, and Rebecca who hastened to water a guests camels, as examples of our behavior. We should run to do good. When we do, we unlock an inner fire as our “emotions are aroused and [our] enthusiasm waxes stronger.”
Moses saw a flame that did not consume, that led him on a path of discovery and personal growth, that led him to take on a seemingly impossible task. Moses was reluctant at first, but the Divine helped him grow personally to take this task on. And one way he helped was to give Moses a plan.

Practice Order by Creating  a Plan to Change as Part of Your Passover Mussar Practice

The Hebrew word for Order is Seder – yes, that meal we have every year at least once during Passover. Moses presented a litany of excuses why he could not lead the Israelites out of Egypt, including worries about his speaking ability, and fears that the people will not believe him. In response, God gives Moses a plan, teaching him a few miracles to show the people, and reminding him that his brother can do the talking when needed.(See Exodus 4:1-17 for the full story). While you may be unsure of the Divinity, forming a plan of action is a sensible approach to bring about personal change. What are some small miracles that you can perform to help you on the way? By miracle, I mean some action outside of your comfort zone. I have a friend who was a cut you off, screamer of a driver. As part of her Mussar practice she started letting every car that wanted to merge in front of her. She became a calm driver, and as far as I’m concerned, it was a miracle.
The second part of the story is equally important? Who will be the Aaron in your life, a relative, friend, or mentor who will help you on your journey? Part of the challenge is to be bold enough to commit to change, and to ask for someone for help.

Balance Honor in your Passover Mussar Practice

Part of the answer to changing oneself is paradoxically to think less about yourself. When we focus our energy on serving others, we can take a break from our own worries, and the path of such service will carry us outside boundaries that are keeping us stuck. And, often we hold ourselves back precisely because we are framing the issue in a self-centered way. Try doing something particularly loving for your partner or for a friend. Listen without speaking. Bringing the focus away from yourself will provide you a breath of fresh air, to carry your life in a new direction.
Now of course, your narrow place might be excessive service to others. In fact Tova Ross wrote a great article for Tablet about overcoming her narrow place of people pleasing. Ross shares an inspiring story of he she came to recognize just how miserable and unhealthy she was making herself trying to be well liked. Passover teaches us that we should remember the stranger, not that we should become a stranger, nor make self care a stranger in our life.
What is the narrow place you are seeking liberation from this year? What soul traits can help you overcome it? Please share below.
What Soul Traits are keeping you in your narrow place? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to find out. Click here now to take it.

Filed Under: Mussar Practice Tagged With: honor, moses mussar, mussar practice, order, passover, passover narrow place, seder

Why Did Sanders Supporters Ignore Truth and Share Fake News?

March 24, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Why did Sanders supporters ignore Truth
Bernie Sanders – Painting by DonkeyHotey via Flickr CC

Recently, I read a story that described a systematic effort to plant false news stories in Facebook groups of Sander’s supporters during the 2016 general election campaign. While the details and politics of this effort are beyond the scope here, what particularly interests me is what happened when someone discovered the deceptions, and tried to inform other people in the group. They were shunned and ostracized, accused of being a “Hillbot” and in some cases kicked out of the group. You can read the story here. Why did Sanders supporters ignore Truth?

There is an important Mussar less for us about the Soul Trait of Truth. It took me a while to sort it out, because Truth teaches that falsehood has no legs, and if you supply untruths, people will no longer believe you. Yet these statements seem to have little bearing on what actually happened. In the long run of course, these falsehoods were ultimately uncovered. But in the short run, they may have had their intended impact, making Sanders supporters less likely to vote for Clinton.

Some people were so insistent about sharing these obviously fake news stories that they where kicked out of the Facebook groups by the moderator. The fake news stories ranged from “the Clinton-has-Parkinson’s conspiracy to the Clinton-is-running-a-pedophilia-ring-out-of-a-pizza-shop conspiracy.” Pedophilia ring? Seriously? Mussar provides two answers to help us understand why Sanders supporters ignored Truth.

First, the fake news  was feeding into anger they already felt. For example, many Sanders supporters were livid that the DNC was biased for Clinton. Anger lies within the realm of the evil inclination, and when the evil inclination is aroused, we become susceptible to manipulation. As Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto wrote in the Path of the Just, “One who the evil inclination holds in bondage either does not see the truth, or fails to recognize it when he beholds it, for the evil inclination literally renders a man so blind that he becomes like one that gropes in the dark and stumbles over the obstacles which he does not see.” (Path of the Just chapter 3).

This realization holds an important lesson for all of us: who has not gotten angry and had their judgment impaired? When you were in the midst of that anger, were you even aware that your judgment was off? The key mistake the Sanders supporters made was to share this fake news without discernment. And, they ignored evidence that the news was fake.

The second reason comes from Proverbs:

  • “Fools see their own way as right, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15
  • “A fool gives vent to all his feelings, but the wise, thinking of afterwards, stills them.” Proverbs 29:11
  • To answer someone before hearing him out is both stupid and embarrassing. Proverbs 18:13

Do you get the gist of the point I am making? These people were acting like fools, allowing their evil inclination to incite them to participate in the perpetuation of a falsehood. Some of you might rightly think this is a harsh assessment. Nevertheless, I stand by the assertion. People who ignored evidence that they were sharing fake news were acting like fools.

At the same time, who among us has never acted like a fool? I know I have, more often than I’d care to admit. The more asleep we are, stumbling in darkness & ruled by our emotions, the more we’ll find ourselves acting the fool.

One Mussar practice to counter the danger of passing on false information comes from Rabbi M. M. Levin, who wrote “Do not allow anything to pass your lips that you are not certain is completely true.” (Chesbon HaNefesh chapter 12). Were Facebook and Twitter available in the 19th century when Levin wrote his classic, he undoubtedly would have included a picture of an unfortunate retweet with embarrassing consequences. This lesson is so important, and so counter to the prevailing culture in the world today, that it bears repeating: Do not allow anything to pass your lips that you are not certain is completely true.

What would it take for you to meet this very high bar? What is one step you can take today to move in this direction? I’ll be honest, it becomes a lot easier with a dedicated Mussar practice. Start your practice now by taking the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

Filed Under: Featured, Truth Tagged With: bernie sanders, fake news, Mussar, truth

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