evil inclination - American Mussar

How Not To Offer Help – a Mussar Practice Perspective

June 15, 2018 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Imagine yourself a writer with two books. You are waiting in line after an event to introduce yourself to the speaker. Someone in front of you was talking about a manuscript they have that no one will publish. You offer your card, saying you’ll introduce them to your agent for the book. After some more conversation on and off over the next 15 minutes, you walk away thinking, “They will never email me.”

You go on to construct a story in your head about everything wrong with this other person. You know Mussar enough to recognize a soul trait imbalance in the other, and weave that imbalance into your story. After all, they bragged to you that they already had one book out that sold more than 10,000 copies. You decide they would rather be a victim about their book and story, rather than taking ownership and opportunities for help.

You even find a text to back you up.

He who purifies himself will be assisted. One who sets out to defile himself will find the way open. (Yoma 38b)

You teach text all the time to help build resilience. When we are willing to reach out to others and ask for help to improve, help will be provided. But if we want to let ourselves go down a negative path, we have the free will to make those choices.

As you may have guessed by now, this is not a hypothetical example. I am describing an incident that happened recently, and those thoughts and reactions were my own.

I journaled about them, and a small warning bell went off in my head.

Greg, you are being awfully judgy.

Judging others is a big no no in a Mussar practice. The soul trait of Honor teaches us to be wary of judgements. So I asked myself a question: “What other explanation is there for this person’s actions? Maybe I did or said something that elicited their response.”

Here are a few things I noticed when I thought about our interactions in more detail:

They never asked me for help or advice
I inserted myself into their conversation several times as they spoke to different people
The final time I inserted myself, I said something about writing 2 books, to which they responded about the success of their first book.

My entire perspective on the experience changed. I don’t know what their situation is, and frankly it isn’t any of my business. Offering help is a fine thing to do, but all the other stuff, including the story and judgements I constructed is the work of the Evil Inclination throwing me off track.

And it is an important reminder of the following teaching:

“Wisdom is what brings a person to conceit and haughtiness more than anything else, because it derives from a noble quality that is inherent in the person himself—the intellect.” –Rabbi Chaim Luzatto, Path of the Just

The tone of this quote is a bit harsh, but I don’t take it that way. My Mussar knowledge should not be used to judge other people. And I normally don’t push myself on others in that way. I find comfort that this mistake is made by many of the most wise.

And I am so thankful that I have this practice to help me learn and grow.

Want to give Mussar a try? Take the Soul Trait Quiz.

Photo by Jonas Jacobsson on Unsplash

Mussar Can Open Hearts on the Internet

February 13, 2017 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

To say that things have gotten nasty on the internet is an understatement. To say that people behave like animals is not as harsh as it sounds. We all have animal instincts, which show up as the evil inclination, that drives us to behave in a selfish, uncaring, and/or fearful way. This is side we see on the Internet – people write harsh and unthinking things, without regard for the impact on others. The Good Inclination is what inspires us to be our best selves, caring of others, and mindful of the impact of our actions on others. And believe it or not, Mussar can open hearts on the internet.

For example, I recently got into it with someone on Twitter* over my letter to the editor in the Forward. I stressed how important it was not to judge and stereotype others. Someone responded on Twitter that they agreed me, and then went on to tweet that Peter Beinart, the author of the article I was refuting, “exists 2 hurt #ISRAEL, & Jews he does not approve of.”

This kind of reaction is just not acceptable, dehumanizing someone with whom you disagree, and deciding that they must hate Israel and other Jews. There was a back and forth, and in the end, something amazing happened. He tweeted “I will say I should learn to tone down my words, u were correct.” We remain connected and in relationship.

Do you want to help improve conversation and connection on social media? Here are three Mussar soul traits you can call on to help you do it.

Mussar Humility: Come clean, occupy your space and remember it’s not about you.

It is important to come clean about one’s own mistakes. In the letter to the editor, I freely admitted my enjoyment at reading criticism of our Orthodox brothers and sisters, and explained how I used that mistake for spiritual growth. Leading by example can disarm someone who could become an opponent, and open the door for reconciliation.

At the same time, you should be ready to occupy the space of calling someone on bad behavior. If not you, who? The key is to do so in light of the soul traits below. And, your job here is not to let hurt feelings about being misunderstood and mischaracterized get in the way of learning about other people.

Mussar Honor: Remember the Divine Spark, and make your comments only after being given permission to do so.

We all have a Divine Spark, occluded by our baggage. That person making the snarky comment has one too. If you keep that idea first and foremost, it will influence the way you address them. They have the right to their opinions, and they have the right to hold positions with which you passionately disagree. Our goal is to elevate the level of discourse, and restore respect. You don’t have to agree, you don’t have to change your mind. But it isn’t ok to just think the person making a snarky comment, or espousing a political position you find abhorrent is a bad person.

In addition, don’t try the technique below with just anyone. You should only ask for someone to moderate their stance if they initiate the conversation with you. In the examples I give above, the people were making comments directly to me on Twitter, or on my Facebook page. They have given permission for a conversation. It is a very different dynamic if you just start responding to someone you hardly know on social media. The point is to build on an existing relationship and opening.

Mussar Silence: Choose your words carefully, for you are helping create the world.

Judaism teaches that God created the world with words, and when we speak, we participate in this act of creation. If you are insure of the Divinity, the point still holds: What we say has a profound impact, and changes reality for both ourselves and those who hear us.

The secret to improving discourse is to ask people one by one to withdraw, moderate, or change their comments. You aren’t asking them to change what they believe, only how they say it. Ask them to take responsibility, and to make a change. For example, someone posted a comment about Hitler and Muslims on the American Mussar Facebook Page. I was direct, writing below his comment, “This is a page to elevate our personal conduct. This link is offensive and inappropriate. You are better than this. Please remove it so I don’t have to.” To my amazement, he not only took down the comment, but replaced it with the picture to the right, wishing me a #ShabbatShalom. Similarly on Twitter, I pointed out that it was dehumanizing to say that Beinart wants to hurt other Jews. It is fine to disagree with him, but don’t dehumanize him.

Mussar Can Open Hearts on the Internet

This method doesn’t always work, but to paraphrase Rabbi Tarfon, we don’t need to complete a hard task, but neither are we free to desist from trying. We need to learn how to heal the divisions within the country and within the Jewish community.

Special shout out to Rabbi Sharon Brous who helped me recognize the power of the 1:1 approach after her talk at my synagogue. She explained how prophets who run naked through the streets and scream at the top of their lungs are ignored, but 1:1, thoughtful conversations can change hearts and minds. Listen to her teaching and get the handouts here.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz now.

The Spiritual Practice of Star Trek

September 9, 2016 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

I can’t believe that I didn’t notice that my book is being published on the 50th anniversary of Star Trek. I have been a Star Trek Fan my whole life. I am an MIT science guy, turned marketer, turned spiritual seeker. I am excited that The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions is for sale on Amazon. But I am GAGA through the roof that the publication date is on Star Trek Day. It is a spiritual convergence. It must be. It’s the Spiritual Practice of Star Trek.

I even wrote about Star Trek in the book to illustrate The Evil Inclination. Here is an excerpt.

In the episode called “The Enemy Within” a transporter accident splits Captain Kirk into the good Kirk and the evil Kirk. The evil Kirk gets into fights, swigs brandy from the bottle, and even tries to assault the beautiful Yeoman Janis Rand. The good Kirk is kind and empathic, but he can no longer make decisions and thus has lost his ability to command. Spock says to McCoy, “And what is it that makes one man an exceptional leader? We see here indications that it’s his negative side which makes him strong, that his evil side, if you will, properly controlled and disciplined, is vital to his strength.

There is a story in the Talmud that follows a similar theme. The Rabbis trapped the Evil Inclination, and initially rejoiced. Soon, however, they noticed that no one did any work and the chickens stopped laying eggs. Just as the Rabbis needed to let the Evil Inclination free into the world once again, the two halves of Captain Kirk needed to be reunited.

The Evil Inclination is a fundamental part of who we are. Our challenge is to guide our Evil Inclination towards positive contributions. For example, ambition is good when it helps you achieve things in the world. Unbridled ambition, however, can lead to unethical and anti-social behavior. – “The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions” Llewellyn p. 35

That is what I love about Mussar – it shows up everywhere. We all have what it takes to be a Mensch, a person of outstanding character. But we have this thing called the Evil Inclination that holds us back. We are faced with choices, and when we practice Mussar, we learn to channel the Evil Inclination to make us outstanding people.

If you have not already done so, please go buy a copy of The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions. People love it, and you will too. If you are a regular visitor to American Mussar, you probably have have some idea of what it is about. You’ve seen snippets – maybe the Soul Trait Profile Quiz, maybe an excerpt, and maybe the American Mussar Sampler. In the book, I bring it all together, using my own story and many stories from friends and students to illustrate how Mussar can change your life.

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Five Mussar Lessons From Star Wars

December 16, 2015 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

I was super caught up in the hype prior to the release of The Force Awakens. I was inspired to write five mussar lessons from Star Wars.

I was in 4th grade when Star Wars first came out, and my father took me to opening night of each of the original three movies. And my beloved wife bought tickets for the whole family to go opening night on Friday. Given that it is hard for me to think of anything other than Star Wars this morning, I thought I would try to do some soul work with my obsessive focus. So here are five American Mussar lessons we can learn from Star Wars

1. The Spiritual is more powerful than technology.

At the end of Star Wars episode 4, Luke turns off his targeting computer, and uses the Force to destroy the Death Star. For all that this forerunner of the franchise is recognized as a science fiction powerhouse, at the end of the day it is the power of something greater, something unseen that changes the world. Technology is but a tool. It is not like Luke isn’t using technology – he is. But technology cannot guide technology, it must be a human hand inspired by something greater.

The Soul Trait in play here is Awe of Something Greater. On my best mornings, I meditate for 40 minutes, and am filled with a Divine energy that powers me through the day. Five years ago I would have bet you a million dollars that I would never write or feel such a thing. But the truth is, that on multiple occasions I have tacked obstacles that I thought were impossible after a deep meditation. The answer was not found out there, but became apparent when I unblocked my Divine Spark.

2. We are driven by the battle between the Good and Evil Inclinations

The first three movies in the series are about the battle within Anakin Skywalker between the dark side and the light side of the Force. Such a battle goes on inside of each of us every day. We are presented with Choice Points, spiritual challenges where we can pick the good or evil path. Each decision makes it more likely that we will make a similar decision in the future, as it says in the the Talmud, “one mitzvah leads to another mitzvah, and one sin leads to another sin.” Anakin does not become Darth Vader overnight. He makes a series of choices that leads him to become the embodiment of evil. Yet the battle still rages within, and eventually the good once again becomes ascendant as he returns to his Jedi roots to kill the Emperor.

3. Too Much Good is Bad

Yoda caused the destruction of the Jedi because he was too Humble. In the third movie, Anakin goes to Yoda sick at heart because he has visions of Padme’s death. Yoda stayed with the party line that “Attachment leads to jealousy”, and advises him to “let go … of everything you fear to lose.” Where else does Anakin have to go but towards the dark side? Yoda was a leader, who could have bent the rules and helped Anakin come out of hiding with his marriage, and helped him channel his strong emotions. Anakin was prophesied to bring balance to the Force, and he did in an sense because he wiped out the Jedi who became detached from human emotion, and then defeated the Emperor who became ruled by his dark emotions. We cannot defeat the Evil Inclination, nor should we want to. When the Rabbis trapped the Evil Inclination, the chickens stopped laying eggs, and no one went to work. The key is to guide our impulses and emotions, and not let them control us.

4. No Victory is Complete

I haven’t seen the movie yet, but a shadowy figure in front of a melted Darth Vader helmet shows that the battle within is a constant one. Rabbi Dessler teaches that one the Evil Inclination tries to lull us into complacency by telling us that we are done (Strive for Truth p 46). We then let down our guard, and become susceptible to the impulses that lead to bad decisions. We need the Soul Trait of Enthusiasm to keep our focus on proactively doing the right thing.

5. Keep Going When It Seems Hopeless

It doesn’t get much darker than the end of Episode 3. We know that things will get better with A New Hope. Rabbi Tarfon taught, “It is not incumbent on you to complete the task, but neither are you at liberty to desist from it.” (Pirkei Avot 2:16). Moses did not live to see the Promised Land, just as Obi Wan and Yoda did survive to see the victory in Jedi. Each of these great leaders kept going when all seemed lost. And for every Yoda and Moses, there were thousands of people doing their small part in service of something greater.

What do you think of these five mussar lessons from Star Wars? Do they fit with your life experience? Let me know below or on Facebook.

Want to start your own American Mussar journey? Take the free Soul Trait Profile Quiz and get the American Mussar Sampler as a bonus. Click here to begin.

Mussar Lessons After Paris Terrorist Attack

November 19, 2015 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Like most of us, I was saddened and horrified by the attacks in Paris on Friday night. I was traveling, and did not fully immerse myself in the news until a few days later. The responses are all over the map.

There are a significant number of people who blame “the other” for the attacks. Many politicians seem to be reacting from fear by calling for restrictions on Syrian refugees. Yet the reality is that most of the terrorists were European citizens. Other leaders make rational, data driven arguments that the refugees are victims of trauma themselves, and merit our help not scorn. Ok, I’ll admit it: I’m disgusted to see politicians grandstanding and saying that they won’t accept Syrian refugees in their states. However, I think the real issue for us to grapple with is the appropriate spiritual response to Paris. I don’t mean prayer or calls for peace. Rather, I ask myself what do the Paris attacks trigger my own Soul Traits? How can I work on my spiritual curriculum? Do my own actions bring people together, or do they ever lead anyone to feel alienated or alone?

Mussar Lessons After Paris Terrorist Attack

The debate about the refugees reminds me of the struggle inside all of us between the Good Inclination and the Evil Inclination. The Evil Inclination comes from our emotional drives and survival impulses. When there is an attack, the EI screams “Protect Protect” and automatically looks externally for threats. In contrast, Good Inclination derives from our social and intellectual abilities. The GI will look at data, offer a rational course of action, and reminds us that we all share a Divine Spark. When we remember the Divine Spark in the other, the bar is much higher for judgement and reactivity. And, the GI fosters our desire to give comfort to others in need.

When something like the Paris attacks happen, we are all tested.

A government can close its borders. An an individual can close his or her heart.

It is far easier to see this issue as something in Europe and the Middle East. It is more comfortable to frame the discussion around military solutions or refugee assistance than it is to take the opportunity to look within. The French government should ask of the welfare of it’s citizens of North African ancestry. Yes, Isis funded and trained people, and I think a military response is warranted. However, the masterminds and most attackers were European. I admit it, I notice that the attackers do not look like the people I think of as typical Europeans. But if I let the difference in skin tone color my reactions, I will have failed an important spiritual test. I need to rise to the occasion, and train myself to think of these dark skinned people born in France as French.

But even then, if I am only thinking of Europe, I will miss the greater test. Did you see the article in the Huffpost about the conversation between Alex Malloy and his Muslim cab driver in New York City? Malloy was thanked by his cab driver when he got in. Why? He was the first fare the driver had had in two hours. You see, the driver was a Muslim, and no one would get in his cab. Malloy wrote on twitter that the driver was crying, and said “Allah my God does not want this but people think I am a part of it and I’m not. Nobody wants to drive with me bc they feel unsafe.” Malloy expressed his support, shared his experience on Twitter and was shocked to find over 30K retweets overnight. “Please stop generalizing ppl” was his plea. While I don’t know Alex Malloy personally, I thank him for having an open heart when the taxi pulled to the curb to offer him a ride.

Please stop generalizing captures the spiritual challenge when our soul trait of Honor is out of balance. We were born to judge, and few of us will ever escape our instinct to judge any time soon. (I know that I won’t.) However, we do not have to listen to or act on the judging voice. We have the opportunity to overcome our judgements and unconscious bias on a daily basis.

Just now, someone’s computer in the library started playing a loud video. My first thoughts about the person were unkind. My instinct was to pick up the sign saying “quiet area” and put it on his table. Thankfully I did not act on the impulse. It was only when he managed to shut off whatever was happening did I realize that it was an ad that started playing without his permission.

If Parisians can overcome their fears to flock back to the cafes and museums, than surely I can find a way to mentally quiet my judging voice more quickly. And, I’d like to think I can find a way to support the Stranger in my own community. After all, I was once a stranger in the land of Egypt.

I hope that you did not lose someone close to you in the attack, and may we all find the resolve to become better people.

#iAMHonor.

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