American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

How To Wait In Line Like a Mensch

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Wait In Line Like a Mensch
Which of these people are waiting in line like a mensch?

I am writing today from the DMV, while I wait for my daughter to take her learners permit test. The DMV is the great equalizer –everyone needs to go there. And when we go, waiting in line is inevitable.

At one point, I stood on my tippy toes to peak over the wall to see how many testing computers there were. “Dad, be patient!” my daughter said with exasperation.

“But I am being patient,” I thought. “I’m not ruminating or raging. I was just curious to see how many testing machines there are.”

“OK,” I said. I know better than to get into it with a teen. And really, she had a point. I was wondering how many computers there were, because the line just wasn’t moving.

Patience, like all soul traits, lives on a spectrum from too little to too much. Too little patience and we are angry and frustrated; too much and we are staying in bad situations without taking action. My peaking over the top was perhaps a strategy to try to deal with rising impatience. All of this makes me wonder:

How does one wait in line like a mensch?

When we wait in line, we have three options.

  • Wait with suffering and impatience.
  • Wait with indifference, zoning out or snacking on phone content.
  • Wait with connection and meaning.

There are no right or wrong answers per se. But if we want to wait in line like a mensch, we take the opportunity to make the most of the moment. A mussar practice comes to mind.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice***

Wait in line with a sense of wonder. As you wait, look around and try to find cool and interesting things.

The world is full of wonders and miracles, but we take our little hand and we cover our eyes and see nothing.” – The Baal Shem Tov

I tried this practice today, and it wasn’t easy. The DMV does not exactly present a feast for the eyes. Yet I was able to see some interesting patterns on the wall, and all kinds of different people. I wondered what their stories were. A few years ago, I would seek out longer lines, and say the Patience mantra “This too shall pass, and I have the strength to get by until it does.” Now that I don’t get frustrated waiting like I used to, this feels like the next challenge for me.

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R. Dov Ber of Radoshitz would waken his roommates with the call “Wake up, my brothers! A guest you’ve never seen has arrived. Once he leaves, you will never see him again. [Who is the guest?] Today.” I was going to spend two hours at the DMV no matter what. Instead of just hoping the time would pass as quickly as possible, why not try to make the most of the moment?

This is a Mussar Practice for Enthusiasm. B”en Azzai would say: “Run to pursue a minor mitzvah , and flee from a transgression. For a mitzvah brings another mitzvah, and a transgression brings another transgression.” (Pirkei Avot 4:2).

Life is the sum total of many minor moments, and a few major ones. Elevating the minor moments like waiting in line can add up to huge changes over time. If we can find meaning in the DMV, how much more so will we find in situations that inherently have more opportunities for meaning and connection?

As it happens, the DMV was the DMV. We were sent to the wrong line when we arrived. After two hours, we were told that we needed to come back with different paperwork. It was not a waste of time.

Where do you sit on the ladder of waiting in line? Reply below and let me know.

A Word on Ribbons and “Raising Awareness” for Cancer

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Awareness of problems and the fact that others are suffering is a good thing. It’s the first step—and a very necessary step—towards meaningful solutions and increased healing and comfort.

But it’s only the first step. Awareness in and of itself does not help solve a problem, and thinking otherwise can actually cause a lot of harm.

To be clear, I do not fault anyone for wearing a pink ribbon to raise cancer awareness, or to recognize a loved one who struggled or is struggling with this terrible taker of life. I understand and support the sentiments behind the ribbon, and I believe the cause of supporting cancer patients, cancer research, and the eventual and inevitable discovery of a cure (or cures) is an important one.

I also worry that for some people, wearing a ribbon and raising awareness is seen as action enough. Mussar teaches that we should “run to do good,” which is how we practice the Soul Trait of Enthusiasm.

There are lots of things we can all do to help those in our community who have been afflicted by cancer. Make meals for families who are struggling to get by with a debilitated parent. Visit children to read stories, to play games, to hold hands, and to listen. Volunteer with the Road to Recovery program and drive cancer patients to and from their treatments.

Real action is almost as easy as purchasing a ribbon to pin on, and it does a whole lot more to solve problems and create good in the world.

It might just bring you a whole new awareness of what you can achieve, as well.

Set yourself an intention: What is one small way that you can “run to do good” this week.

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Sojourn to the Past: The Enthusiasm Soul Trait and the Civil Rights Movement

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At a time when racial tensions are higher than they’ve been in generations, and when Americans are being told to fear all manner of “outsiders,” it is important to remember that good intentions are not enough to bring about healing and togetherness—it takes action. For its work inspiring Enthusiasm in today’s youth in regards to the Civil Rights Movement of our nation’s past, American Mussar is happy to recognize Sojourn to the Past with a Point of Light award.

While too much Enthusiasm can lead to rash and ineffective action, most of us tend to suffer from the opposite problem, and a lack of Enthusiasm translates to a lack of meaningful action for even our most strongly held beliefs. While we might all firmly believe that racism is wrong, how many of us are taking the direct action necessary to bring it to an end. Of those who are taking action, how many of us are doing all we can?

Sojourn to the Past takes young students, from middle school through college-age, on a tour through the American South to visit and learn about important sites in the Civil Rights Movement. Recognizing the Enthusiasm and action necessary in this movement of the past helps to inspire greater Enthusiasm today—a time when it is quite clearly needed.

Over the years Sojourn to the Past has received recognition from numerous officials and other prominent figures and organizations, and American Mussar is happy to join those who recognize this organization’s important and action-based work.

To donate to Sojourn to the Past or see how the students in your life can become involved, you can learn more here.

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