mussar passover - American Mussar

Practice Enthusiasm To Escape Your Personal Egypt

April 7, 2020 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Red on the doorpost in remembrance of the first Passover in Egypt

“This Passover is like the very first Passover. Where was it?” asked Ahoova, my Hebrew teacher.

“It was in Egypt! Everyone was in their own home, with just their families, afraid, while the angel of death was outside.”

Wow, this Passover is a lot like the first one. I was inspired to put some red paper below our Mezusah, as a symbol of our isolation, staying inside to avoid death.

While for many, Passover has been a time to get together with family, and along the way we have a seder to remember that once we were slaves in the land of Egypt. And if we are paying attention, maybe later we remember the disadvantaged, because we were once slaves in the land of Egypt.

The Hebrew word for Egypt is Mitzrayim, which means narrow place. The Zohar (the book of Kabbalah) made this connection because the Divine liberated us from a place of constriction, where as slaves we had little control of our movement. Like today. We are constricted in our movement.

Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov (1772-1822) said, “The Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” Rabbi Nachman was talking about liberation from constraints we place upon ourselves. Those ideas, baggage, habits that keep us from being fully human, and seeing the humanity in everyone else.

Yes, I wrote “everyone.” That includes the invisible people who have been working in grocery stores keeping us alive, as well as those who hold political beliefs we find repugnant. Until we can put humanity first and foremost, the spiritual sickness that contributed to this calamity will not be cured.

Mussar makes this Passover special because it gives us tools to look inside, and practices to help escape from our own Egypt. This week, focuse on the soul trait of Alacrity/Enthusiasm. During this time of physical isolation, Alacrity can help us get going and face what we need to face, and then GET THE HECK OUT OF OUR OWN PERSONAL EGYPT.

As a mantra, here are a few good ones to consider

If now now, when? – Pirkei Avot 1:14

Be bold as a leopard, light as an eagle, swift as a deer, and strong as a lion – Pirkei Avot 5:23

What is one small action you can take to liberate yourself? For me, I’m going to reach out to someone special to me who is a bit distant from me, to focus on repair.

Mussar makes this Passover special because it gives us tools to change who we are, so we emerge from physical distancing a better version of ourselves. Who do you aspire to be?

The themes of this post were covered in the April 9th Mussar Community Gathering.

If you are not sure what is holding you back, I suggest taking the Soul Trait Quiz again to inspire you.

Who Will You Liberate This Passover?

April 14, 2019 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

As we approach Passover, I’ve learned of a new way to think about the holiday. It stems from a conversation I was in recently, when a friend shared how her mother freed her from guilt.

A few years earlier, she and her family moved away from her parents, and her father used to needle her about how much he missed his grandkids. My friend confessed her guilt to her mother, who said “Do you really think your father is moping around all the time? He is fine and happy. He is living his life, and you are living yours.”

My friend said it was like a weight lifted from her shoulders. She truly felt liberated in that moment. And she was liberated – we carry these negative feelings around with us. They weigh us down, and prevent us from being our best selves.

In past years, I’ve written how we must free ourselves from the our personal “narrow place” every Passover.

Yet we did not free ourselves in Egypt. There were many people involved in our liberation – leaders like Moses, Aaron, and Miriam; individuals who painted the doorposts with lambs blood so they and their families would be spared the visit from the angel of death, and of course the Torah teaches that the Divine itself played a direct hand in our liberation.

So this year, I have a new Mussar practice to suggest.

Here’s the Mussar Practice*

Free someone else. Look for opportunities to free someone else from a long standing burden. Help them to get free of their “narrow place.” Here are a few ways you can do this.

1. Dispel a myth or story. Encourage people to walk their own path and dispel the story that is causing them suffering. In my friends case, her mother stepped up and dispelled the myth that her father was unhappy. If you are lucky, someone will confide in you and be open to advice. Remember, giving advice unlooked for is not helpful and is actually forbidden in the Talmud.

2. Forgive someone. Has someone asked for forgiveness, but you have found it hard to forgive? Find a way to forgive them, and help them move past the guilt they are feeling. Have they promised to never do it again and are they making good on it? Healing and reconciliation is a collaborative process – try to get to the place of forgiveness by talking with them if you need to.

3. End the guilt trip. Maybe you are playing the role of the father in this story, and are guilt tripping someone else. Your words may be having a far bigger impact than you realize. All trips come to an end. Take this opportunity to let the other person know that you are over it and they should not feel guilty. Not sure this is you? This about your relationships with friends and family, and do an audit to see if you are laying it on too thick.

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On Passover, we are instructed to think as though we were personally delivered from bondage. The Divine heard our cry and set us free.

We all carry the spark of Divinity, and have an opportunity to participate in the liberation of others. (If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it as the core spark of human goodness.)

This practice is a great way to focus on the needs of others, and provide help where you can.

How do you plan to liberate others this Passover? Leave a comment and let me know.

Want to understand what is holding you back from liberating others? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

Four Tips For a Parent Friendly Seder

April 23, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Passover is for the kids, right? Passover IS for the kids, isn’t it? My kids are teenagers, which means that they can shift from the Wise to the Wicked to the Simple to the oblivious child without notice. In fact, sometimes they can play more then one role at any given time. But I remember what it was like when they were younger. It can be a slog. Don’t get me started on the year when we hosted a Seder for ten. Four were under six, and my cousin and I were the only Jews. I was the Wicked Child before that night was over. All of this can be avoided if you use some Mussar wisdom to create a parent friendly seder.

Tip 1: Remember that Passover is for everyone, and act accordingly

As parents, we fall into the trap of making everything about the kids. Were we liberated from slavery in Egypt only to fall into bondage to our own children? One way to have a parent friendly Seder is to find something special for yourself. Put all the kids together at one end of the table, and all the adults at the other to experience some adult time. Or, if you are having a smallish Seder with family members, find a way to Honor your parents or elders. Your kids will be watching how you treat them. Dedicate one of the glasses of wine to your parents, and remember departed relatives who you love. This will help you feel a connection to your own past, which is both comforting and nurturing.

Tip 2: Eat early and often

I’ll put it out there. I am one of those hungry guys who doesn’t do well waiting for food. My father always told me that I had to wait to eat until we got through the Seder. I didn’t like it. Jews love food, but also practice food discipline. Keeping Kosher means many things to many people. To me it is about being mindful of what you put in your body. Mussar is about mindfully living your life. Because Passover is a time of joy, don’t sit there miserable and hungry, counting the pages until you get to the Hillel sandwich. Mindfully nibble on Matzah, and be sure to have a snack 30 minutes before the Seder begins.

Tip 3: Sing Dayenu with gusto

I am not a Dayenu fan. When I was a kid I wasn’t a fan. If you watch the beginning of this Maccabeats video, you’ll see what it was like for me to sing Dayenu. The kids are falling asleep, and the parents are trying to put a good face on it. Yet as the video goes on, this amazing a cappella group does each verse of the song in a radically different music style. The costumes and locations change to match. The message – Dayenu is whatever we make of it. The Soul Trait of Enthusiasm teaches that we should go about life with energy and focus. There is no point just phoning it in – it is a wasted opportunity to live life to the fullest.

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said “Get into the habit of singing a tune. It will give you new life and fill you with joy.” Many people feel self conscious about their singing. (Have you ever noticed that this has little to do with how good a voice people have? Some people with terrible voices love to sing out loud, while unrequited opera singers are self conscious). If you have a terrible voice, think of the stories your kids can tell. “My mom has a terrible voice. But every Seder, she sang Dayenu at the top of her lungs.”

And why Dayenu? It is about the soul trait of Gratitude. You may be unsure of the Divinity, and not have any idea what Mana in the desert is all about. However, we all have many wonderful things in our lives that we take for granted. Friends, family, our own bed to sleep in, clean air to breathe. Just once a year, sing Gratitude at the top of your lungs.

Tip 4: Try one parent friendly seder tip that makes you uncomfortable

What do you think if these tips? One or more may put you out of your comfort zone. If that is the case, give it a try anyway. Passover is about spiritual liberation. It wasn’t easy for our ancestors to just pack up and cross the desert. To grow we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Let the joy of the Seder carry you just a bit farther than you would normally go.

You just might find yourself a step closer to the Promised Land.

Like Four Tips for a Parent friendly Seder? You might also like

The Connection Between Prince and Passover You Won’t Believe

The One Thing You Should Know About Passover

Who Will You Liberate This Passover?

The One Thing You Should Know About Passover

April 20, 2016 By Greg Marcus 5 Comments

Passover is a wonderful holiday for getting together with friends and family. In fact, a Passover Seder is probably the most common Jewish practice in America. We like the ceremony, the special foods, and complaining about the Matzah. There is one thing you should know about Passover but probably don’t.

I just learned it, and my view of Passover has changed considerably. For me, Passover moved from being a holiday of Joy to a holiday of Joy AND an opportunity for spiritual growth. The Hebrew word for Egypt is translated as “narrow place.” Slavery in Egypt confined us to a narrow place, with constrictions on our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives. The Exodus is the story of liberation from the things that hold us back.

Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov (1772-1822) said, “The Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” I admit it – the quote gives me chills. What an amazing opportunity we have every day – to liberate ourselves from what holds us back. Each Choice Point* we face is an opportunity for liberation.

So the one thing you should know about Passover is that is is an opportunity for spiritual growth. Why not use this Passover as an opportunity to rededicate yourself to your Mussar practice? I suggest restarting with Enthusiasm, which teaches us to focus on proactively doing good things. And, it reminds us to finish the task. What is one small thing you can do to proactively to bring good into the world. And let me know if I can help!

*A Choice Point is the type of decision where we sit on the cusp of following the path of the Good Inclination or the Evil Inclination. See this post for more

If you are new to Mussar, the Four Week Challenge is a great way to get a taste.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice*****