mussar chesed - American Mussar

I am delighted to share an inspiring Mussar Chesed story. As a reminder, Chesed means going above and beyond to support another person without expecting anything in return.

A while ago a Rabbi’s mother died. She was in her 90s, and he had been the Rabbi at a medium sized synagogue for several decades. She zoomed into every service, and he would say “hi mom” in a very loving and affectionate way each time. Everyone in the service felt a connection to his mom.

The Rabbi stayed home for a week for shiva (the traditional seven days of mourning after the burial). Each night there was a memorial service in his home, when 50 plus people showed up to support him. When he returned to work after a week, he asked the community to come to the synagogue for a 30 minute afternoon service each day at 5:00, to let him say the Mourner’s Kaddish, with the traditional minimum of ten people. He was vulnerable and transparent that he wanted and needed to be uplifted by the community.

I had never been to the afternoon service in my life, but I wanted to be there for him. And I was not alone. Both times I went there were dozens of people, some of whom were not even members of the synagogue any longer.

When we lose a loving parent, the level of loss can’t be described. Our tradition prizes “comforting the mourner” as one of the most important things we can do. It was heartwarming to see someone who had given so much of himself over the years be supported in his time of need. We can’t fix their pain, but we can give comfort by showing up.

As it says in the Talmud, “Just as the Divine comforts the mourner, so should you comfort the mourner.” Whatever you may think of the Divinity, I hope you can relate to this idea of having a model and inspiration to help you show up for someone in need. In this case, we have hundreds of people to inspire us to practice Mussar Chesed.

Photo by Lyyfe Williams on Unsplash

One of the foundational principles of American Mussar is “No Hebrew except for the word Mussar.” This is a critically important plank that helps make Mussar accessible, because Hebrew is a barrier, sometimes causing shame in people when they don’t know what a word means. (And I’m speaking from personal experience.)

However, I need to make a second exception to also use the Hebrew word Chesed instead of LovingKindness. Chesed doesn’t really translate well to English. The closest I can come is going beyond the minimum for someone else without expecting anything in return.

I wrote my thesis about Team Chesed, a voice in Jewish text that puts Chesed on an equal or greater footing than the legal commandments in the Torah. next Mussar cycle will focus on Chesed. Our eighth Mussar cycle starts with Chesed instead of Humility. Then as we move on to each new soul trait, we’ll spend some time exploring how it relates to Chesed. These are free weekly drop in groups that meet on Thursdays at 4 Pacific on Zoom. Sign up for the email list here to get the zoom link. This focused Mussar Chesed practice should be fun and illuminating.

Like all soul traits, too much Chesed causes as many issues for us as too little Chesed. Too much Chesed can lead to a lack of self care while too little Chesed can lead to being self centered, or even selfish. By understanding where we sit on the spectrum, we can focus our practice on things to bring us towards balance.

Where do you fall on the spectrum of Chesed? As always, I’ll reply to every comment.

Mussar Chesed Story of Comforting a Mourner

Mussar Chesed As a Focused Practice