American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

Finding Awe During Life Transitions: A Mussar Perspective

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awe during life transitions
Photo by Andrew Ly on Unsplash

I have a lot of change in my life right now.

Change is inherently stressful. Even good change—like moving to something exciting or meaningful—can stir up anxiety, disorientation, and overwhelm. It turns out that moving is consistently ranked among the top of life’s most stressful experiences. And right now, I’m deep in it.

In the middle of these changes, I came across a teaching by Rabbi Tali Adler on this week’s Torah portion that helped me shift my perspective. It reminded me of the importance of Awe—Yirah—as a spiritual anchor during times of change.

Two Prophets, Two Responses

Rabbi Adler compares Moses and Balaam—both prophets, both people who could perceive the Divine directly. And yet, when faced with something unexpected, they responded in very different ways.

Moses sees a bush that burns but is not consumed. He turns aside with curiosity. He listens. That moment of awe-filled attention changes the entire course of his life—and ours.

Balaam, on the other hand, encounters a talking donkey (which, yes, is objectively wild), and responds with anger and violence. He can’t make space for the possibility that the world is different from how he expected it to be. He misses the miracle right in front of him.

Rabbi Adler’s insight? Balaam couldn’t access awe—because he was too attached to his expectations. His certainty closed him off to the sacred in the moment.

Mussar and the Middah of Awe (Yirah)

In Mussar, Yirah isn’t just awe in the sense of standing before a sunset or a mountain. It’s a soul-trait, a way of orienting ourselves to the mystery and grandeur embedded in everyday life. It’s what allows us to see that there might be more going on than we can immediately understand.

Right now, as boxes pile up and my routines unravel, I’m trying to remember that. That beneath the stress of moving, there’s a sacred opportunity—if I’m willing to notice it.

It’s not easy. Yirah doesn’t mean pretending things aren’t stressful. It means approaching the stress with a spiritual posture of curiosity rather than judgment. And it begins with a small but powerful shift: the intention to be open to wonder, even here.

An Invitation to You

I know these are stressful times for many of you as well. We all have moments—big and small—where life veers off the expected path. The middah of Yirah invites us to ask:

What might be sacred about this moment, exactly as it is?

So let me ask you:

Have you ever had a moment of unexpected awe or possibility when you chose curiosity over frustration?
I’d love to hear your story. Feel free to reply or leave a comment. Maybe together we can help each other recognize the burning bushes hidden in plain sight.

Mussar Awe Practice To Gain Strength in These Times

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mussar awe practiceHave you ever had something show up in your life at the exact moment when you need it? This happens to me all the time when it comes to the soul trait I am practicing. I must say this happened to me less often the last few months, as I sank into and then emerged from the fog of grief. But I was thrilled to experience it again a few days ago.

I was meeting with my study partner Henri, when out of the blue, the book we are reading started to cover Awe, which is our topic for this Thursday. Duties of the Heart is itself a source of Awe for me. It was written in the 11th century in Judeo-Arabic, hundreds of years before the printing press. Yet we still read this first full book on Mussar today, and it’s lessons are spot on. 

ibn Paquda wrote that one who knows how to calculate the cycles of the stars but does not, is like one who drinks and listens to music at a party but does not notice the wonder of creation. This reminds me of the people who are going to bars, or listening to conspiracy theories and ignoring the perils of Covid-19. Most of these people have sufficient education to understand what is happening, yet they choose not to. Which brings us to a Mussar practice.

**********************Here’s the Mussar Awe Practice*******************

What are you missing? The Baal Shem Tov founder of the Chasidic movement taught the following:
The world is full of wonders and miracles, but we take our little hand and we cover our eyes and see nothing

What is it that you are not seeing? Do you see the wonder of Covid? It is horrible, yet as a scientist part of me is fascinated that a virus can jump to humans and then infect all kinds of tissues in the body. Sometimes it kills healthy people, and more often than not our immune system fights it off. (Notice how close Awe and Fear come, as we covered last week.) The world is bigger and more powerful than humankind, and if we keep ignoring the threats of this disease and global warming, we are going to pay for it.

My suggestion is to start with something small. For example, once I was out walking, ruminating on something, and I decided to just stop and take a breath. Suddenly I heard birds singing. They had been singing all along. What is a small miracle that you are missing?

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Please give this practice a try, and then let me know how it goes. If you do, you’ll have an opportunity to experience how much energy we can gain from experiencing Awe. As always, I answer every email and comment.

This post was a lead in for the July 30th Jewish Wisdom For Coping with a Pandemic gathering on Zoom. You can watch the video here.

Mussar Practice Secret From Hawaii Volcano

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Take a moment to watch this time lapse video of the lava just wiping out the car. The car doesn’t stand a chance. How can you not feel the soul trait of Awe when you see the ongoing volcanic activity from Kilauea? This feeling of Awe can open the door to a Mussar practice secret about another soul trait.

We can feel Mussar Awe on several levels – awe at the unstoppable power of the lava flow, awe at the technology to create the time lapse, awe at overall scale of the eruption, that currently may begin to include “ballistic projectiles” from the caldera.

Seeing the car helplessly devoured is like many parts of life. Forces and events beyond our control happen. Whether they are set in motion by the Divinity, or are “just” nature in action doesn’t matter. They offer an opportunity to experience something greater, which can inspire us to greater heights. One moment the car is there, and the next it is gone. But finding Awe is not the Mussar practice secret for today.

At the same time, we are watching a video at high speed. In reality, someone could have driven the car away before the lava arrived. Sometimes these unstoppable forces of nature can be foreseen, and avoided. As someone who used to own a condo in Kona on the other side of the Island, we all knew about the volcanos. Everyone in Puna knows they are living on an active volcano. Around the world, people live in dangerous environments – some choose to stay, some can’t leave, and some never notice. So in theory, the car could have been saved, but in reality there was nothing that could be done at that time. Rather than look back and lament, Mussar offers an alternative way to address the situation.

The Mussar practice secret is to use the Awe as a path to overcome the Illusion of Control.  Research has shown the people have a tendency to overestimate the level of control we have over outcomes. This even holds to playing dice – people throw the dice harder or softer depending on whether they need a high or low number. The reality is that we play a very small part in the universe. When we see things truly out of our control, it can help us to realize how little control we actually have.

Letting go of the illusion of control will significantly reduce your stress. If you no longer feel that everything depends on you, you will be more open to self care, and more open to collaboration with friends, family members, and coworkers.

Where does the illusion of control show up in your life?

Which parts of our soul lead make you susceptible to the Illusion of Control? Tale the Soul Trait Quiz to find out. Click here to begin.

2016 Was a Year of Wonder

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2016 Was a Year of WonderAs I wrote in my last post, I was among many people who felt an urge to wish 2016 away. It was a year of personal and emotional hardship for me in many ways. It started with two friends who died in their 50s… at this point I have a mental list of people with cancer, personal illness, and a litany of bad news in 2016, culminating with you know who and you know what. That is yesterday’s bad news. Today I realize that 2016 Was a Year of Wonder

 

I am practicing Gratitude, which sports the mantra “Give thanks for the good and the bad.”
One of the things I am most Grateful for is Hanukkah – it brought light at a time of darkness.  One of you wrote the following in response to last weeks post, and it give me hope. You wrote, If 2016 has thought me anything, it’s that life has its own story and how that story is told is determined by those who live in it who can set the darkest of nights against the backdrop of a new dawn and day! Better times will come.

 

Another one of you wrote a moving tribute to your father who passed away. I love the way you said My father was known for his kindness…and while I am good at being kind to strangers, it is those I am closest to that I wish to work on being more of that with. I can so relate to that – I too want to be better with those closest to me. And my fathers illness brought us closer this year.

 

In addition to the litany of bad news, 2016 was a year of absolute wonder for me. Just before writing you, I did the 15 Minute Gratitude Challenge, and identified some amazing milestones last year:  One daughter became Bat Mitzvah, and another was confirmed. One daughter discovered a love of volleyball, and the other got her drivers license. My wife had a meaningful milestone, and she and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. My cats turned seven, and I turned 50. And my dream of having a Mussar book was realized. The outpouring of love an support related to the book has truly been remarkable.

 

But none of that compares to the miracle of the Cubs winning the world series. I mean seriously, who can’t feel good about that? No, Cleveland fans, of course I did not forget you. I’m sure you are really bummed, but I also suspect at least some of you feel hope that if the Cubs can win, then the Indians day will come too. And the Cavs won it all, beating my Warriors. You see, for every winner in sports, someone has to lose. For every loss in an election, someone wins.

 

In Mussar, there are no winners or losers. Why? Because Mussar is a spiritual exercise. It looks at the world differently, with a sense of wonder and gratitude. It does not mean that there are not issues to deal with. There are, but with a spiritual outlook the context and coloring is improved. Our task is to improve ourselves, which adds light to the world, and makes everyone else better too.

 

But I really got energized and jazzed reading this list of amazing things that happened in 2016. Please skip the beginning of the article that rehashes the sorrow of 2016. A few things on the list with particular meaning for me:
  • 200 people attending the funeral of a homeless vet with no family. This is just awesome, and reminds me of the Jewish practice of everyone standing and reciting Kadish (the mourning prayer) in services together. Even if we do not have someone specific we are saying Kadish for, we say it for those who may not have someone to say it for them, or for people who died in the Holocaust and may not have family left today.
  • New chemotherapy treatments, robotic limbs directly connected to the brain, and a decrease in child mortality worldwide. As Rabbi Yitz Greenberg reminded me earlier this year, Jews are on team life. How can I not rejoice at this news?
  • Portugal and Costa Rica ran their entire countries on renewable energy for a few days, India planted 50 million trees in 24 hours, and California has 6 million solar roofs. And, Pandas and many other animals came off the endangered species lists. This is significant progress in our task to repair the world.

 

This list, and the Twitter hashtag  that reminds me of advice from Fred Rogers, who reminded us that in every disaster, there are always helpers. And Mussar teaches us that we have a choice whether or not to be a helper.

 

I’ll admit it – I am feeling super energized by writing you this letter. I am reminded of the time when I was a super helper last year – I left my power cord at the library with a young woman taking her end of year exams. I was awake enough and aware enough to see an opportunity to make someone’s day. That was an easy one. Now the task is to find a way to be a helper every day.

 

Should we have a live event, a Google hangout or Zoom video call to share some of the experiences we had helping others in 2016?

 

For now, you are invited to do three things.
1. Take the 15 minute Gratitude Challenge. Click Here to take the challenge.
2. Read about the amazing things that happened in 2016, and then comment below to let me know what resonates with you.
3. Set an intention for 2017 – what will you do to be a helper?

 

2016 Was a Year of Wonder, if we remember to look for it.

 

Here’s to an amazing 2017, filled with wonder and community.

 

Want to learn more about Mussar and Gratitude? Here’s a free preview of the Gratitude content from the American Mussar cycle.

What Holds You Back from Repairing the World?

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What Holds You Back from Repairing the World
Cutting down fruit trees in a time of war is forbidden

It would seem like not wasting resources, and preserving the world would be common sense, no brainer, consensus principles. And maybe they are in theory. But in reality, the planet is kind of a mess, and getting worse all the time. While it is tempting to throw up our hands at the scope of the problem, or to blame corporations, Mussar teaches us that we should approach life looking for small actions we can take in everyday life to bring ourselves into balance. After all, there is something inside that holds us back from doing the right thing. So the question is, what holds you back from repairing the world?

The teachings around the Commandment Bal Taschit translated as “do not destroy” are an instructive place to go as we look for soul traits to help us become more environmentally balanced within. Bal Tashchit comes from a principle that in the time of war we are not allowed to cut down fruit trees. You may eat of them, but not cut them down to make siege engines or the like. (Deuteronomy 20:19).

The Book of Education, (Sefer HaChinuch) written in the 13th Century relates this environmental stewardship to the state of the soul. It reads, “Righteous people … do not waste in this world even a mustard seed. They become sorrowful with every wasteful and destructive act that they see, and if they can, they use all their strength to save everything possible from destruction. But the wicked … rejoice in the destruction of the world, just as they destroy themselves.” (Sefer HaChinuch 529; )

If only it were that simple. We could blame the wicked for everything, secure in our knowledge that we are “outraged and sorrowful” with global warming, and the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. But if you are like me, edible food ends up in the compost bin, and a large pile of trash is hauled away from my home every week.

George RR Martin, author of the Game of Thrones books, and Tolkien, author of the Lord of the Rings have different conceptions of evil. For Tolkien, Evil is external, in the form of Sauron, a supernatural being bent on the destruction of all that is good. For Martin, the evil is inside – each of his characters have the capacity for both good and evil. And some of the most interesting characters, like Tyrian Lannister have exhibited both in plenty.

Mussar sides with Martin – we are driven by the conflict between the Good and Evil Inclinations. Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that Mussar offers an opportunity to strengthen the Good Inclination by balancing our Soul Traits, which in turn makes it easier to keep commandments like Bal Tashchit. Here are three Soul Traits we can cultivate to strengthen our ability to protect our planet.

  1. Honor, which reminds us to Honor the Divine spark in others. – People need to eat, and to destroy fruit trees makes it likely that someone will go hungry. In fact, sages of the Talmud generalized this commandment to teach that we should not wantonly spoil opportunities or resources of other people. Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook taught that the fruit trees are an allegory of human dignity, and we are forbidden from degrading human dignity. Thus, if we focus on the needs of others, bringing our Honor towards balance, we will be less likely to waste resources.
  2. Gratitude reminds us to recognize the good and give thanks. The Book of Education teaches that the purpose of the Commandment “do not waste” is to teach us to “love that which is good and worthwhile and to cling to it, so that good becomes a part of us.” Thus by practicing Bal Tashchit we become more grateful, and conversely, if we practice gratitude, recognizing the good and appreciating what we have, we will be less likely to run out and buy the latest version of the iPhone, even though the phone we have is more than sufficient for what we need.
  3. Awe – to quote Eliza in the musical Hamilton, “Look around, Look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now.” The Baal Shem Tov said, “The world is full of wonders and miracles, but we take our little hand and we cover our eyes and see nothing.” The world is an amazing place, and if we take some time to appreciate the beauty in the world, we will, as a matter of course, be more mindful of how we use our resources.

Thus by cultivating Honor, Gratitude and Awe, we strengthen our Good Inclination, and can more easily keep the Commandment “Do Not Waste.” What is one small action you can take in your life to cultivate balance in one of these traits?

If you would like to start your own Mussar Journey, take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz right now.

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