American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

Gratitude Mussar Practice After a Job Setback

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gratitude mussar practice
Journaling is a powerful gratitude mussar practice

This month I am consulting for the Judaism Unbound Podcast, helping them raise money through a Kickstarter campaign for their first book. It has been super fun! It is no secret that I am a big fan, (and a former guest) because they bring to the forefront ideas from many Jewish innovators. Unlike other podcasts, they don’t ask how many twitter followers you have when picking a guest – if they like your ideas, you are in. One of the particularly fun things I am doing is interviewing superfans and former guests. I was very moved by my interview with Sarah Lefton, who was the founder and creative director of BimBam, which to discontinue making its educational animations because it could not secure funding to continue.

I asked Sarah how she was post BimBam, and she said “I was sad but things are great in ways I did not expect. I spent a lot of time in 2019 focused on my own art making – mostly ceramics.” She went on to describe how she is reconnecting with her science roots, and is working on two incredible projects she never would have had time for had she continued her work at BimBam. She also offers some great advice for people who may feel embarrassed because they feel they don’t know enough Jewishly. And she closes advising all of us to tell our stories our own way. You can read the whole interview here.

It was a great example of multiple Mussar soul traits in action. Telling your story your way is all about Humility, feeling comfortable in your space, and inviting others to join your worldview. And so many of us have felt less than in Jewish spaces. I know I did when I was younger. The best thing I ever did was seek out opportunities to learn more, even though I was out of my comfort zone. But the Mussar Practice I’m inspired to share is about Gratitude.

************Here’s the Gratitude Mussar Practice**********************

Recognize the Good and give thanks in a negative situation. When things are not going well, the last thing we want to do is look for a positive. Sometimes when we are in truly horrible situations, or in grief, it might be something like an 800 number to find resources, or noticing the friend who sent you a text of support.

What can you be grateful for about something negative? Does that gratitude give you energy to take action in a way that could change thing for the better?

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The Hebrew word for the soul trait of Gratitude is Hakaret Ha’tov, which means recognize the good (as explained in this BimBam video.) Sometimes it takes time to get the perspective to find something to be grateful for. And certainly there is nothing inherently good about terrible things that happen. Yet gratitude offers a way to cope, and find a path through.

For tips on how to recognize the good and be grateful, check out the 15 minute Gratitude challenge  The 15 minute challenge is a great gratitude mussar practice.

image credit:Photo by My Life Journal on Unsplash

Practice Gratitude After Tree of Life?

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Gratitude after Tree of Life
Reverend Terry Gleason gives support and comfort from the Bimah

Is it too soon to practice Gratitude after Tree of Life? It was a massacre of our siblings on Shabbat. Less than a week later, I remain upset, sick, worried, sad, mad and confused.

I am working to make room for the sadness, as I described in the last post. And in that context, Gratitude after Tree of Life may seem a long way away. Yet is it exactly part of what we need to help get through.

The soul trait of Gratitude in Hebrew is Hakarat Ha’Tov, recognizing the good. In Mussar, we train ourselves to recognize the good, even in bad situations. I’ve done this mussar practice many times. While is works after I’ve gotten a parking ticket, or been in a painful argument with my wife, can it really help at a time like this?

Being grateful for the good and the bad is one of the most challenging Mussar lessons. Each and every time I facilitate a Mussar circle focusing on Gratitude, people initially get tripped up at the idea that we should give thanks for bad things.

The idea comes straight from the Talmud

One recites a blessing for the bad that befalls him just as he does for the good. Berachot 54a 

The word “recognizing” reminds us how often we take things for granted. Even in a terrible event, some good things happen that we can take for granted. Together, lets us try to practice Gratitude after Tree of Life.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice*****

Recognize the good and give thanks for the events after the murders. Being sad is the first mussar practice after the murders. Now lets try to find a few areas of light. Here are three things to be grateful for:

  1. We live in a country where police will rush into a building to protect us. Four police officers were wounded trying to save Jewish lives. Throughout our history, again and again, the police turned a blind eye or were complicit in killing us. It is wonderful and amazing to live in a country where today, the police risk their lives to protect us.
  2. We can be grateful to the people who care for the bodies of the dead. I don’t want his mother to see him this way, Don Corleone said to Bonasera the undertaker in the Godfather, referring to the bullet riddled body of Sonny. The Chevra Kadisha is the Jewish burial society who wash and care for the bodies of the dead. In Pittsburgh, a team of volunteers stood outside the Tree of Life synagogue through the night until the bodies were removed. Later, they cleaned the synagogue to gather all of the human remains for burial. Every day, all over the world, volunteers and professionals work to treat the bodies of the dead with dignity. Truly Holy and sacred work.
  3.  People are coming together. Sunday night I attended a community gathering hosted by my synagogue. I was astounded to see a traffic jam, and close to 1000 people jammed into our sanctuary and social hall. It lifted my heart to see so many people there to support each other. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to hear from clergy from many faiths, including a woman who chanted the Koran from the Bimah. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard.

Be sure to verbalize your Gratitude after Tree of Life, both directly to the people you are grateful to, and to  third parties. 

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Almost 1000 years ago, Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda wrote “Many good things are left unenjoyed, and the happiness to be had from them becomes tainted either because people do not recognize the good in it, or they do not realize its value.” (Duties of the Heart.)

For me, there is no joy in recognizing the good in these circumstances. However, Gratitude after Tree of Life does ease the pain. A Mussar practice of Gratitude today means that, in the future we will not miss an opportunity to recognize the good, and enjoy something that can be enjoyed.

For the good will return. It is still here. We can and must find it again.

See also 15 Minutes of Gratitude Could Change Your Life