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How Much Space Should I Take Up? A Mussar Reflection on Humility

October 30, 2025 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

How Much Space Do We Take Up?

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the space we take up in the world.

Not just physical space, but emotional and spiritual space, too — in relationships, in community, and especially in leadership. I’ve stepped into a role where people tend to look to me for direction, and that’s a gift. But it’s also a responsibility.

Because leadership isn’t about talking the loudest. It’s about knowing when to speak… and when to step back so others can rise.

The Question: How Much Space Should I Take Up?

This question sits at the heart of the Mussar practice of Anavah — humility. Alan Morinis captures it beautifully:

“No more than my space, not less than my place.”

I am in a new leadership position, a position that naturally invites me to take up more space. Some of it is appropriate. I am the spiritual leader in the community. However, there are many other leaders, including the Board and my clergy partner. My job is not to override them, nor is it to dictate to congregants what they should or should not think about politics or Israel. I view my position as rabbi as I view my position in the American Mussar community – guide and empower others on their spiritual journeys.

The running of the synagogue is a partnership. In fact, I try to be very careful about what I do and do not ask for, because congregants and volunteers will want to do what they can to meet my requests. I’ve experienced too many leaders who take up too much space, sending people running left and right to meet a flurry of requests. In fact, I’ve been that leader.

I’ve taken up too much space before. And I’ve also held back when my voice or presence was needed. Getting it right is a practice — a lifelong one.

Mussar Reflection: Where Do You Stand?

So I’m asking myself daily:

Where is it mine to act — and where is it mine to step back?

Some days the practice is stepping forward.
Other days it’s creating space for someone else to shine.

How about you?

Where in your life could you take up more space — or less?

Let this be a gentle invitation to notice the size of your presence. Not to shrink, and not to dominate — but to stand in the right-sized space that’s truly yours.

Your Turn

Where are you practicing this balance in your life?

Please share below. I try to answer every comment.

And if you’d like more Mussar reflections like this one, subscribe to the American Mussar newsletter

How To Dress Like a Mensch

August 17, 2018 By Greg Marcus 5 Comments

A few weeks ago, I was arriving at my synagogue for a board meeting. One of my fellow board members looked at my shorts and sneakers, and said “Greg, you look like you rolled in from the beach.” I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but I did notice that everyone else in the meeting was dressed business casual.

Then yesterday, when I was preparing to lead a Torah Study in a few weeks, I opened The Book of Legends, (a great compendium of the Talmud), and my eyes fell on this passage

He who walks in the marketplace with his shoes unlaced is among those who are of haughty spirit. He who walks with his cloak thrown over his shoulder or his cap tilted back or sits crosslegged or holds the straps of the tefillin in his hands and throws them behind him while walking in the marketplace – he is among those who are of haughty spirit. – Derrik Eretz Rabbah chapter 11, The Book Of Legends p 711:241

Not How a Mensch Would Act

Arrogance was my fatal flaw in the corporate world. And as I thought back to that board meeting, I decided not to bother to get changed. I thought to myself “They know me. What difference does it make anyway? I am really tired, and have had a rough week.”

Looking back on it, I am reminded of a passage in the medieval Mussar masterpiece Orchot Tzadikim (The Ways of the Righteous). about a man who uses every excuse in the world not to get out of bed, starting with “There is a lion in the street.” Spoiler: there was no lion in the street and he knew that. And I know that dressing appropriately is a sign of respect for the institution and my fellow board members. It was a failure of Enthusiasm, and of Humility. Enthusiasm, because I gave in to laziness, and Humility because I was arrogant for acting as if I did not need to follow the conventions of others.

Mussar is a practice of personal elevation, and how we dress is an important part of the journey. Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel, the Alter of Slobodka, emphasized immaculate dress as a way of honoring the Divine within. He didn’t want his students wearing tattered clothing like the stereotype of a starving yeshiva student. Check out how dapper his students look in this picture above, which dates from the 20s in the British Mandate of Palestine.

You don’t need to be a Rabbi or psychiatrist to know that dressing well is part of healthy self esteem. Here is a Mussar Practice that we can take from this lesson.

**Here’s the Mussar Practice*

Be mindful of what you are wearing. Before you get dressed, think about the day to come. Is what you are going to wear respectful and appropriate to the people you are going to see. Will you be honoring the greatness within yourself? Are you dressing blandly because you don’t feel good about yourself?

At the same time, ask yourself if you are using your look or dress to try to overcome a hollow place within. In his book Everyday Holiness, Alan Morinis shared the story of one of his students who realized that she always dressed in bright colors and sat in the front row because of her insecurities. When she went to a meeting in beige and sat in the back, it helped her connect with others better. And she turned her focus from her dress towards building self-love. (EH p 47).

When we dress like a Mensch, we are comfortable in our shoes, respectful to the people we will be with, and look good.

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Remember – each and every one of has what it takes to be a Mensch, a person of outstanding character. In the grand scheme of things, what it a big deal that I wore shorts to a Board Meeting? Not really. But it is a good opportunity for growth on the path of the Mensch.

Making mindful choices about how you dress can open the door to balance and healing in the Humility and other soul traits.

Want to try Mussar in community?

Sign up for the Personal Transformation High Holidays Mussar Workshop

Made Myself a Nazi Target

June 6, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

By changing my name to (((Greg Marcus))), I made myself a Nazi target on Twitter. They have a way of searching for names with the “echo” ((())), in order to bombard the victim with anti-Semitic comments. (Read more here.)

Then over the weekend, I started seeing Jewish names on Twitter with the echo. I was horrified – what are they doing? Then today, I read this article by (((Yair Rosenberg))) in the Tablet, and I started to get it. By placing the echo around our own names, we are co-opting the Nazi process. Nazi’s are great at anonymously berating someone on social media, which is the equivalent of catching you alone in a dark alley. In the dark they’ll gang up on you like nobody’s business. In the light however, they hide.

As I write this, I am tempted to use phrases like “they crawl back under their rocks.” Pithy, feels good, might even get a retweet. Fortunately, I am constrained by my Mussar practice. It pains me to say so, but Nazi’s too, have a Divine Spark. They were born an innocent soul like the rest of us. Part of me does feel compassion that someone could become so broken by life and twisted by hate. There is no cause for me to go out of my way to say personally insulting things. What I am obliged to do, however, is to bring their activities into the light, and to work to keep them out of power.

I admit it – it makes me nervous that I made myself a Nazi target on Twitter. Extremists cannot be reasoned with. Then it occurred to me: I was already a target. The anti-semites are out there. When you are Jewish, and raise your profile on social media, they will find you. I have a relatively small social media footprint, yet early on I reposted the popular “I’m that Jew” video on my Facebook page, and the haters started coming out of the woodwork. All kinds of things, some outright nasty, others tried to educate me that the Jewish people were a myth with no history. So, rather than just take it, I’ll join my fellow brethren in solidarity and co-opt the Nazi echo symbol.

Strangely, this fits with my Humility practice this week. The Mantra is “No more than my space, not less than my place.” In Mussar, we need to unlearn the Western definition of Humility, which means to be self-effacing. Humility is about taking your proper place in the world. Having too much Humility would mean not stepping up to an opportunity to make a difference in the world. For me not to become (((Greg Marcus))) would be to miss an opportunity to step up and make a difference in the world.

For the record, I think these neo-Nazi’s are dangerous. I’m really not happy that I made myself a Nazi target, even if indirectly. But I think it is the right thing to do. We have only survived as a people by standing up for one another.

Many people on Twitter are (((echoing))) their names, and not just Jews. Please join the brigade of mensches of all faiths as we stand shoulder to shoulder, tweaking the noses of the haters. We are many, they are few. By taking this small step now, you just might change things enough to forestall the need to take a large step later.

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