Order - American Mussar

3 Character Traits That Make You a Better Leader

November 4, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

15845979_s Being a better person is easy in theory – do less of the negative stuff, and more of the positive stuff. The same holds true for leadership. The problem comes in when we either don’t know what we should do, or we do know but can’t help ourselves and do the negative anyway. When I was in the corporate world, I was very good at my job, and very, very arrogant. It held me back in a very, very, very, big way. I so wish I had practiced Mussar back then.

Mussar is a 1000-year-old Jewish mindfulness practice that teaches us how to find those things inside that cause us to get stuck making the same mistakes again and again. And, Mussar offers a step-by-step way to bring those things towards balance and healing. On a personal level, Mussar is a daily practice that helps one become a Mensch, a person of outstanding character. On a professional level, Mussar can be the key to unlocking your full leadership potential.

Mussar offers a different perspective than many other wisdom practices, in that having too much of the trait is just as bad as having not enough. The way we change is to first identify where we are on the spectrum from too much to too little for a given trait, and then to take action to bring ourselves towards balance.

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Four Conversation Starters for Your Seder

April 18, 2016 By Greg Marcus 3 Comments

Does your Seder conversation ever get boring? Passover means many things to many people. Sometimes there is a raucous conversation. Sometimes the kids dominate. Sometimes the Jews are outnumbered. What counts is that people come together. Whatever the character of your Seder this year, you may come across a moment where you want to change the direction of conversation. Whether it needs a jump start or a right turn, here are four conversation starters for your Seder.

What am I supposed to do with all the Matzah?

It seems that Costco packaging has taken over Matzah distribution. The supermarket seems to only carry multi-pacs of Matzah. (Maybe this is just a California thing.) My family just doesn’t need this much Matzah. We have our traditions like Nutella, PB&J, and tuna. We used to try to make Matzah Brei (which is kind of like Matzah french toast). Even so, we come no where near finishing our Matzah stash. And that conversation is old. What are some creative things to do with Matzah? It seems like Matzah could make a good building material with legos, or could be used to clean up spills or stop flooding. Is it ok to donate to a homeless shelter, or is it cruel to pass on the bread of affliction to those who are already struggling?

Do you tend towards too much or too little Order in your life?

Seder is the Hebrew word for Order. When we have a Passover Seder, notice how we use the Haggadah to guide us through the ceremonial meal. There is a certain order to things. At the same time however, every Seder is different. One year we may spend more time on telling the story of the Exodus, and another there may be a skit about the plagues. The best Passover Seders embrace balanced order – they stick to the stories and rituals, but are flexible to meet the needs of the particular audience.

Spectrum Diagram of the Soul Trait Order

Order is also a soul trait in Mussar. You guessed it, Order governs, among other things, how orderly we are. (Order also governs the Laws of Nature, but that is the subject of another post.) We all share the Soul Trait of Order, but have different amounts of it. People on one extreme never plan anything, and live in a perpetual state of chaos. On the other end of the spectrum, people can bring so much order and control that it stifles freedom.

After someone answers, ask his or her spouse or partner. I think Order is one area where opposites attract.

What are you Grateful for?

We tell the story of the Exodus every year to remind us that we were slaves, and now we are free. We sing the song Dayenu as a means of saying thank you for all the things God did for us when we were liberated from Egypt. BTW, I am a bit of a scrooge when it comes to the song. This video of the Maccabeets singing Dayenu both captures the lethargy I feel, as well as transforms Dayenu into something cool.

Whatever you think of the song, Passover is a great opportunity to enumerate the things we are grateful for. Mussar practitioners will know to find something to be grateful for even in the bad or ordinary.

What is your narrow place?

The Hebrew word for Egypt is literally translated as “narrow place.” So the story of the Exodus can be a metaphor for personal transformation. We all have a narrow place, something that constricts us and holds us back. Often, we need the strength of community to help us get through. Passover is a great opportunity to deepen community connections.

Happy Passover!

You might also like: The One Thing You Should Know About Passover

Image Credit: #snoopy gets ready for #Passover #Peanuts #squirrelhill #pittsburgh by Harriet Schwartz via Flickr CC

Cam Newton’s Humility Is His Greatest Strength

February 2, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

I keep hearing that Cam Newton is polarizing. Really? I’ve tried to dig around and see what all the fuss is over. All I can come up with is some theft in college, and dancing after scoring touchdowns. Yes, people are upset because he dances too much on the field. Maybe that and he is a black quarterback at the top of his game. (Read more here). It is clear to me that Cam Newton’s Humility is his greatest strength.

Cam Newton is certainly on top of his game. Soon he will be named league MVP, and his one loss team is a favorite to win the Superbowl. Here are three Soul Traits that contribute to Newton’s success.

Cam Newton’s Humility Is His Greatest Strength

It may surprise you that I bring up Humility in the context of someone who is criticized for excess celebrations. Isn’t Humility about being Humble and self-effacing? Isn’t Newton a bit cocky? In Mussar, Humility is about finding balance between meekness and arrogance.

In his book Everyday Holiness, Alan Morinis offers the following Humility mantra “No more than my place, no less than my space.” What is the proper space for a quarterback to have? This is a leadership position, and Newton’s exuberance is catching, and brings his teammates to higher energy. It takes courage and nerve to let it all hang out the way Newton does. It would be judgmental to call Newton arrogant – he talks about his teammates and not his own greatness. The Torah teaches that Moses was the most humble of men. He accomplished great things, and stood up to authority, but it was never about him. You want a quarterback who can step up, and isn’t afraid to lead. And in that sense, Cam Newton’s Humility is his greatest strength.

Order is essential for a successful quarterback

The great quarterbacks prepare. They study tape of both opposing teams and their own performance. They learn the playbook to become mentally prepared. Newton’s success is a testament to his Order balance. Note that he can’t be too Ordered. Once the foot

ball play ensues, chaos erupts. He needs to be able to adjust and improvise on the fly. Preparation helps, but sometimes you just need to abandon the plan and make the best of what is offered to you.

Enthusiasm governs mindful action

Football is a fast and violent game. In addition to his mental preparation, Cam Newton rigorously prepares his body. He explained “if you have 10 reps to do, do 10 good quality reps. Don’t just do enough to say you did it.” He takes the same approach whether it is the regular season or the offseason. It is easy for any of us to just phone it in when we don’t think anyone is looking. The best in the world, however, focus and give effort every time.

Extreme Spiritual Fitness

One of my students calls Mussar “extreme spiritual fitness” because we exercise only one soul trait at a time. Cam Newton takes a similar approach to his physical fitness, working on one limb at a time. He says this is important because a quarterback has to “take many different roles if asked to.” Isn’t that like life too? We are asked to take on different roles at different times, often with no notice. By strengthening our soul traits individually, we are best positioned to take on our next spiritual challenge.

And remember: Every challenge is a spiritual challenge.

Do you agree that Cam Newton’s Humility is his greatest strength?

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How a Hurricane and Inferno Helped Me Overcome Work Stress

January 22, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

It has been a good week for my book. I saw the first draft of the cover and I love it! And, as the blurbs from various Rabbis, Mussar teachers, and secular leaders roll in, they love it! Wow, I may be onto something here.

I’ll be honest – I’m one of those people who have a hard time hearing praise. At the same time, I am super excited. I have that blood in the water feeling I used to get in college. When I got a good grade, I would stay up all night studying to ace the next one too. I’m too old for that. I don’t want my work thoughts waking me up, and continuing to work all the time will degrade the quality of my life and creativity. The Soul Trait of Order has helped me overcome work stress.

On one level, Order has helped me be organized. I’ve been diligent about my lists and organization. But that has only given me more successes, which add fuel to the drive to keep pushing for more. As a recovering workaholic, I recognize the danger signs.

I found solace in what initially seemed like a very esoteric reading that was assigned in a class I am taking through the Mussar Institute. We read a teaching about Order by Rabbi Aharon Kotler (18911-1962), which was translated for the class by Rabbi Avi Fertig. The reading explains that a mere hair separates an Angel of pure fire, from an Angel of pure water. They are so close, “yet, they do not interfere with one another.”* Rabbi Kotler teaches that it is the Fear of the Divine that holds them apart. I did not find it helpful to think of the Angels as beings with agency, but when I thought of a Divine force field keeping them apart, a light bulb went off. If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of the boundary as a super powerful force field. As I’ll explain in a moment, we have the power to create boundaries with our mind.

Lost? I admit I was at first. Thanks to some work with my study partner, I’ve figured out something very relevant to my current situation. Stepping back, the text is describing two forces of nature that are brought in close proximity, but held apart by a boundary. If the boundary disappeared, they would destroy each other. As my wife pointed out, the boundary lets each fully be itself.

Here I sit, struggling to keep the excitement over my work from spilling into an equally vital home life. I need a boundary. I need Order to keep them apart. With a strong boundary, each part of my life can become more powerful, more focused.

Last night as I was tossing and turning, I meditated on my Divine spark, and asked for help keeping my work excitement in check. I visualized the raging inferno next to a swirling hurricane. Yet an invisible barrier, impenetrable and of infinite strength, held them apart. Please help me contain the work thoughts, and let me sleep.

I slept without waking till an hour before my alarm. Compared to the last few nights, I’ll take it. I am Grateful that Mussar helped me take another small step.

#iAMOrder

Image credits: Inferno by Mário Tomé & Hurricane Jeanne by kakela; both via Flickr CC

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I’m Glad I Didn’t Win Powerball. Really!

January 14, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

I’m glad that I’ve moved on to practicing the Soul Trait Order this week. I’ve been scrambling around, and need some help to get my schedules and priorities re-established. No, I was not distracted by Powerball fever, although I did watch with a kind of detached fascination. (I was far more drawn in by all of the David Bowie tributes.) In fact, I did not buy a ticket because I feared winning.

My Mussar teacher Alan Morinis once reminded us that for many people, winning the lottery is the worst thing that ever happened to them. I am pretty sure a billion dollars would ruin my life. I couldn’t live in my current house, and would need someplace with more security. Would I need to worry about someone kidnapping my kids? I can imagine people coming out of the woodwork asking for money, and friendships becoming strained. Because of these reasons, I’m Glad I didn’t win Powerball. At the same time, I recognize that I am in a financially secure situation right now, and that if I were living in poverty to struggling to get by, I might take the billion to improve my life situation. I think Mark Cuban summed it up well, saying “If you weren’t happy yesterday, you won’t be happy tomorrow. It’s money. It’s not happiness.”

In addition, several research studies have shown that those with more wealth tend to have less empathy and compassion for others. (Read more here). I have enough trouble with empathy and compassion – the last thing I need is something that could make me less compassionate.

Whoever the winner is, I wish them well. Their spiritual curriculum just got a lot more interesting! For me, it is back to making lists and setting priorities. And, I’m happy to say that this morning I unloaded the dishwasher before breakfast. It always makes the day go better, but lately I haven’t done it.

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