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Made Myself a Nazi Target

June 6, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

made myself a nazi targetBy changing my name to (((Greg Marcus))), I made myself a Nazi target on Twitter. They have a way of searching for names with the “echo” ((())), in order to bombard the victim with anti-Semitic comments. (Read more here.)

Then over the weekend, I started seeing Jewish names on Twitter with the echo. I was horrified – what are they doing? Then today, I read this article by (((Yair Rosenberg))) in the Tablet, and I started to get it. By placing the echo around our own names, we are co-opting the Nazi process. Nazi’s are great at anonymously berating someone on social media, which is the equivalent of catching you alone in a dark alley. In the dark they’ll gang up on you like nobody’s business. In the light however, they hide.

As I write this, I am tempted to use phrases like “they crawl back under their rocks.” Pithy, feels good, might even get a retweet. Fortunately, I am constrained by my Mussar practice. It pains me to say so, but Nazi’s too, have a Divine Spark. They were born an innocent soul like the rest of us. Part of me does feel compassion that someone could become so broken by life and twisted by hate. There is no cause for me to go out of my way to say personally insulting things. What I am obliged to do, however, is to bring their activities into the light, and to work to keep them out of power.

I admit it – it makes me nervous that I made myself a Nazi target on Twitter. Extremists cannot be reasoned with. Then it occurred to me: I was already a target. The anti-semites are out there. When you are Jewish, and raise your profile on social media, they will find you. I have a relatively small social media footprint, yet early on I reposted the popular “I’m that Jew” video on my Facebook page, and the haters started coming out of the woodwork. All kinds of things, some outright nasty, others tried to educate me that the Jewish people were a myth with no history. So, rather than just take it, I’ll join my fellow brethren in solidarity and co-opt the Nazi echo symbol.

Strangely, this fits with my Humility practice this week. The Mantra is “No more than my space, not less than my place.” In Mussar, we need to unlearn the Western definition of Humility, which means to be self-effacing. Humility is about taking your proper place in the world. Having too much Humility would mean not stepping up to an opportunity to make a difference in the world. For me not to become (((Greg Marcus))) would be to miss an opportunity to step up and make a difference in the world.

For the record, I think these  neo-Nazi’s are dangerous. I’m really not happy that I made myself a Nazi target, even if indirectly. But I think it is the right thing to do. We have only survived as a people by standing up for one another.

Many people on Twitter are (((echoing))) their names, and not just Jews. Please join the brigade of mensches of all faiths as we stand shoulder to shoulder, tweaking the noses of the haters. We are many, they are few. By taking this small step now, you just might change things enough to forestall the need to take a large step later.

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Filed Under: Featured, Humility Tagged With: anti-semitism, humility, Yair Rosenberg

Mensch or Jerk is Determined by Small Moments

May 18, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Mensch or jerkAt breakfast a few years ago, a friend of mine and I discussed a volunteer meeting we had recently attended. It ran over its allotted time by 45 minutes, until 9:45 at night. My friend was really upset because it interfered with family plans. As one of the leaders of the meeting, I instantly apologized. Interestingly, my friend quickly corrected himself, insisting that it was a small thing, and that he should not have gotten upset.

While my friend seemed suddenly ashamed of his emotional reaction, I reassured him that he was not out of line, explaining that a central teaching of Mussar is that life is lived by small things. Mensch or jerk is determined by how we show up in small moments. How often do we have a really big thing land in our lap? It is these small things – the small moments of life — that make up daily life. And the one thing a Jewish leader should never do is disrespect the people he or she is serving. His candor was actually a gift, reminding me of my sacred duty.

The Soul Trait of Honor reminds us that each person is a Divine Soul, and should be treated accordingly. While it is true that as a leader, I did not do anything egregious – no human rights violations or dehumanizing behavior —  what I failed to do was adequately coordinate with the other leaders to ensure that we delivered on our promise of ending the meeting by 9:00. The Soul Trait of Enthusiasm, reminds us that we need to proactively run to do good, as Abraham does in Genesis 18:6-7 when he runs around arranging food for guests a few hours after being circumcised at the age of 99.

As leaders, we should proactively make sure that we are honoring and respecting the time of volunteers, especially in this over-scheduled age. This is a lesson many non-profit organizations would do well to learn.

I remember that day because a few hours later, something amazing happened. I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, reading the New York Times on my phone. I mindlessly stepped forward, as I had already put the groceries on the belt, and the cashier said “Hi.” In a flash, I remembered a recent article I read about how awful it feels to be ignored because the person you are serving has their face in a phone. And I remembered the Mussar teaching for Honor, to greet everyone before they greet you (reference).

So I put down the phone, looked her in the eye, smiled, and said “Hi.” It was like magic. She smiled back, a full face smile and her eyes sparkled.

I felt great. We both did. I kept thinking about it over and over as I walked to my car and started to leave the parking lot. “Wasn’t that great? Who can I tell? Should I include the story in my book….” I started composing in my head.

My happy reverie was suddenly broken as someone yelled loudly as I drove towards the exit.

“A-hole!”

The word rang in my ears. “Was that at me?” I wondered. “What did I do?” Did I cut someone off? Did I just miss a pedestrian? Maybe I was so wrapped up thinking about what a great Mensch I am that I wasn’t paying enough attention to my driving.

Or maybe the irate individual wasn’t even talking to me.

Whatever the case, the incident was a good reminder from the Universe: Life is lived in small moments. There is no room for complacency or patting myself on the back. We do not honor others so we can feel good about ourselves; we do it because it is the right thing to do.

And we move on from one instance of menschiness to the next.

Planning a meeting, going through the check out line, driving in the parking lot: three small opportunities to practice honor in a short span of time. Mensch or jerk? I got it right 1 time out of 3. Hey, in baseball that would put me in the Hall of Fame.

Want to start down the path of menchiness? Click Here to take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

Image credit: Smile by Dasha via Flickr CC

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Filed Under: Featured, Honor Tagged With: honor, mensch, mensch or jerk, Mussar

Trump’s Biggest Danger: Too Much Truth

May 4, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Trump's Biggest Danger: Too Much Truth

It might strike you as strange to think that Donald Trump’s biggest danger is too much truth. After all, The Atlantic just ran a story called “Trump’s War On Truth” that laid out how often Trump deliberately and manipulatively lies in order to smear his opponents. Yes, he tells some whoppers. But why do people believe them? Because he speaks to a deeper, darker truth. Let me explain.

Mussar teaches that too much of a Soul Trait is as bad as not enough. Too little Truth undermines Trust, meaning that you won’t be believed even when you are being honest. Too much Truth can leads to a lack of kindness. You have probably heard the expression, “Truthful to a fault.” Mussar teaches that we should only speak if we can bring good into the world. Just because it is true doesn’t mean that we should say it! I think all kinds of things. They are better left unsaid.

Here’s another Mussar lesson about Truth: There is no absolute Truth, or put put another way, only God knows the full Truth. If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it this way – our perceptions limit our ability to know exactly what happened. Two people can be in the same room, and walk out with two completely different versions of what happened. They each in a sense have their own Truth. And this is where Trump gets dangerous.

Trump’s biggest danger is not that he promotes lies but that he speaks his Truth out loud. He believes what he says, and broadcasts his beliefs.

Last summer a retired friend in Syracuse told me she was aghast at how many people in her apartment building supported Trump. They all said the same thing: “He says exactly what I’m thinking.” Many people think his candor is a good thing. His success shows us how hungry people are for an authentic politician. For example, when Trump said that Mexican immigrants are criminals and rapists, some people gave him credit for “telling it like it is.” I don’t think Trump was lying – I think he believed what he said. He is a racist. (If you don’t believe that racism is alive and well in  America, see this insightful article by Jenee Desmond-Harris in the New York Times.) Donald Trump is the very definition of a racist because no one but a racist would hang on so fiercely to the birther claims about President Obama.

Trump’s blatant racism is a rallying cry for everyone who is consciously or unconsciously unhappy about eight years of a black President. If a significant portion of the American people didn’t resonate with Trump’s racist messages, he would not have the support that he does. This terrible truth is something that we as a country have tried to deny.

Trump’s biggest danger is that he appeals to the Evil Inclination in all of us

As a reminder, Judaism and Mussar teach that the Evil Inclination represents our animal drives, such our fight or flight response, sexual urges, and the fear of the unknown. The Evil Inclination is an essential part of who we are, but it must be guided by our Good Inclination. Trump in many respects appears to be an example of the Evil Inclination run amok. And in a very real, charismatic way, he draws on our Fear of the Other. We just relearned one of the most import lessons in the Torah regarding the Other on Passover:

“You must neither wrong nor oppress a foreigner living among you, for you yourselves were foreigners in the land of Egypt.  – Exodus 22:21, CJB”

We repeat this lesson year after year because it is extraordinarily hard to do! If it were easy, we wouldn’t need the lesson. While I hope that few of us are raging racists like the KKK, I believe that all people have unconscious bias. Once when I was in college, I was hanging out in my girlfriend’s sorority. The doorbell rang, and when I answered it, a black student was there. He asked for “Jane.” I was nervous, and had him wait outside. Five minutes later he was in the living room,  with Jane sitting on his lap; he was her boyfriend. He just looked at me. I felt like a complete and total jerk. My Evil Inclination got the better of me that day. I could have made a different choice, to overcome my fear and welcome the stranger in. I’ve learned a few things since then, and have not made that particular mistake again. But I have no illusions that I am without bias, and I certainly have an active Evil Inclination.

Our job is not to judge Trump supporters, or let our emotions drive us to disrespectful speech and actions. To do so would be to surrender to the Evil Inclination. If you don’t like Trump, speak out, donate money, or volunteer time to keep Trump from getting the power of the Presidency. But flaming on social media, or remaining silent when rocks are thrown at Trump supporters won’t make the world a better place, and won’t further our spiritual journey. None of us are without bias.

As practitioners of Mussar, our primary mission is to be the best people we can be. We don’t get a free pass to behave badly just because the future of the country is at stake. Anti-Trump people I’m talking to you too.

Imagine what would our nation – and the world – look like if our personal truth acknowledged that each of us is created in the image of the Divine. Use this moment, when Trump is one vote from the Presidency, to look within and find one small step to see the Other with a gentle eye. You’ll be amazed at how transformational small steps can be.

 

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Filed Under: Featured, Truth Tagged With: donald trump, Mussar, truth

Four Tips For a Parent Friendly Seder

April 23, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

parent friendly seder

Passover is for the kids, right? Passover IS for the kids, isn’t it? My kids are teenagers, which means that they can shift from the Wise to the Wicked to the Simple to the oblivious child without notice. In fact, sometimes they can play more then one role at any given time. But I remember what it was like when they were younger. It can be a slog. Don’t get me started on the year when we hosted a Seder for ten. Four were under six, and my cousin and I were the only Jews. I was the Wicked Child before that night was over. All of this can be avoided if you use some Mussar wisdom to create a parent friendly seder.

Tip 1: Remember that Passover is for everyone, and act accordingly

As parents, we fall into the trap of making everything about the kids. Were we liberated from slavery in Egypt only to fall into bondage to our own children? One way to have a parent friendly Seder is to find something special for yourself. Put all the kids together at one end of the table, and all the adults at the other to experience some adult time. Or, if you are having a smallish Seder with family members, find a way to Honor your parents or elders. Your kids will be watching how you treat them. Dedicate one of the glasses of wine to your parents, and remember departed relatives who you love. This will help you feel a connection to your own past, which is both comforting and nurturing.

Tip 2: Eat early and often

I’ll put it out there. I am one of those hungry guys who doesn’t do well waiting for food. My father always told me that I had to wait to eat until we got through the Seder. I didn’t like it. Jews love food, but also practice food discipline. Keeping Kosher means many things to many people. To me it is about being mindful of what you put in your body. Mussar is about mindfully living your life. Because Passover is a time of joy, don’t sit there miserable and hungry, counting the pages until you get to the Hillel sandwich. Mindfully nibble on Matzah, and be sure to have a snack 30 minutes before the Seder begins.

Tip 3: Sing Dayenu with gusto

I am not a Dayenu fan. When I was a kid I wasn’t a fan. If you watch the beginning of this Maccabeats video, you’ll see what it was like for me to sing Dayenu. The kids are falling asleep, and the parents are trying to put a good face on it. Yet as the video goes on, this amazing a cappella group does each verse of the song in a radically different music style. The costumes and locations change to match. The message – Dayenu is whatever we make of it. The Soul Trait of Enthusiasm teaches that we should go about life with energy and focus. There is no point just phoning it in – it is a wasted opportunity to live life to the fullest.

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said “Get into the habit of singing a tune. It will give you new life and fill you with joy.” Many people feel self conscious about their singing. (Have you ever noticed that this has little to do with how good a voice people have? Some people with terrible voices love to sing out loud, while unrequited opera singers are self conscious). If you have a terrible voice, think of the stories your kids can tell. “My mom has a terrible voice. But every Seder, she sang Dayenu at the top of her lungs.”

And why Dayenu? It is about the soul trait of Gratitude. You may be unsure of the Divinity, and not have any idea what Mana in the desert is all about. However, we all have many wonderful things in our lives that we take for granted. Friends, family, our own bed to sleep in, clean air to breathe. Just once a year, sing Gratitude at the top of your lungs.

Tip 4: Try one parent friendly seder tip that makes you uncomfortable

What do you think if these tips? One or more may put you out of your comfort zone. If that is the case, give it a try anyway. Passover is about spiritual liberation. It wasn’t easy for our ancestors to just pack up and cross the desert. To grow we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Let the joy of the Seder carry you just a bit farther than you would normally go.

You just might find yourself a step closer to the Promised Land.

Like Four Tips for a Parent friendly Seder? You might also like 

The Connection Between Prince and Passover You Won’t Believe

The One Thing You Should Know About Passover

Who Will You Liberate This Passover?

Filed Under: Featured, Gratitude Tagged With: jews, mussar passover, passover, seder

The Connection Between Prince and Passover You Won’t Believe

April 22, 2016 By Greg Marcus 1 Comment

Connection Between Prince and Passover
Prince changed his name to a symbol to escape the “narrow place” of his contract

Prince’s death on the eve of Passover has touched a spiritual nerve for me. It took me a while to understand why a felt a connection between Prince and Passover. Then the phrase came to me: Prince was never a slave in Egypt. Let me give you some context.

The Torah refers to Egypt as “the narrow place.” It was a stage in the history of our people when our spirits were oppressed and confined by slavery. Spiritual oppression is severe – it saps the mind of will and the body of strength. We were limited in our choices, and did not feel empowered even to try. The “narrow place” transforms a story of physical freedom into a story of spiritual liberation.

In listening to the story of Prince, I heard a story of the fight for freedom. Remember when Prince changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol? It turns out he did that because he felt oppressed by a recording contract. Warner, which owned the rights to his music, only wanted one album a year. Prince wanted the business to serve his music, not his music to dance to the tune of the business. Unable to get out of his contract Prince changed his name in protest. He even wrote “slave” on his face. (See it here).

For Prince, changing his name, and cranking out a flood of albums to fulfill the contract was liberation, was an escape from his narrow place. If the company owns the name Prince, I’ll change my name so they don’t own me. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov taught that “the Exodus from Egypt occurs in every human being, in every era, in every year, and in every day.” Prince intuitively seemed to understand this. You are either growing and setting yourself free from what is holding you back, or you are still stuck in Egypt, in that narrow place. The connection between Prince and Passover is the story of spiritual liberation.

President Obama reminded us yesterday that Prince once said “A strong spirit transcends rules,” and went on to say that nobody’s spirit was stronger, bolder, or more creative.” Sounds like a freedom we all can aspire to.

Good night sweet Prince.

See also: Four Conversation Starters for your Seder

Want to learn more about Mussar, sign up for the Soul Trait Profile Quiz

Image by Jimi Hughes from Ballymena, Northern Ireland via Wikimedia Commons

Filed Under: Enthusiasm, Featured, Gratitude, Truth Tagged With: passover, prince, the narrow place

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