It is no secret that I am a recovering workaholic. At my low point, I worked 90 hours a week, which was destroying my health, relationships, and my career. I brought balance to my life, but it took me a long time. Mussar helped me understand the root cause of my overwork. Here, I’ll share with you a mussar practice for work life balance.
Lets be clear: Work itself is not the issue. Pirkei Avot teaches us to “Love work” [1:10]. After all, the covenant gave us six days to work, and one day to rest (Avos D’Rebbi Nosson 11:1). The Talmud, too, teaches that labor is honorable, even in the house of study [Babylonian Talmud Nedarim 49b]. According to Rabbi Chaim David Halevy, “Work is sacred—it is building and creating a partnership with God in the work of creation” [Aseh L’cha Rav 2:6].
As practitioners of Mussar, we find the spiritual in everyday activities. Yes, our job is to assist God in the work of creation. (Or if you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it as helping the Universe.) Yet at the same time, our mission is to repair the world, to repair ourselves, and to elevate our spirit to a higher place. Excessive work—the true issue—is inherently unbalanced because it takes away from these other sacred obligations.
Think of your own life – when you are working too much, there isn’t enough time for sleep, friends, family, or fun. An excessive workload brings the soul trait of Moderation out of balance. To establish a Mussar practice for work life balance, we must first recognize the arguments we use to justify our excess.
Three Common Arguments That Rationalize Overwork
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Fear: Some people blame their employer for “forcing them to work all the time.” For example, they are afraid that they will be fired if they do not promptly respond to email.
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Love: Others work all the time out of a sense of mission and devotion. For example, many rabbis flirt with burnout because they love the congregation and service to God.
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Happiness. People in this category say, “Yes, I work all the time, but it makes me happy. What’s wrong with that?”
Each of these rationalizations points to a soul trait out of balance. For example, feelings of happiness and love of the mission can mask the pursuit of Honor. The workplace is filled with opportunities to acquire Honor, from a pat on the head to a plaque for being employee of the month. I once saw someone recognized at a company meeting for canceling a family vacation to visit a customer. He glowed with pride, and was happy. I doubt his wife and kids were.
Attachment to work is emotional. Mussar teaches that a strong emotion cannot be changed simply by resolving to change. Similarly, an unbalanced life is not going to change by resolving to work fewer hours. Rather, we must passionately choose to walk on the middle path. Remember, we are presented with choice points (tests) every day. The key is to devise a strategy to pass the tests when they come up. See this post for more on choice points.
I have found that saying no to work was not helpful because my attachment to work was too strong. In addition, too many messages from my employer pushed me to work more. But, when I decided to prioritize my health and my family with passion, my work hours started to drop rapidly.
The key to work-life balance, like all Mussar practice, is to start where you are and take one small step towards balance. We need to cut back little by little, by saying Yes to things that are more important than work. For example, I chose to stop working at 9 pm in order to have time to wind down and sleep well. Then I stopped working at 8 to have more time with my wife, and then at 7 to have more time with my kids. Within a year, I had cut my hours by a third without changing jobs, and no one in the office even noticed! Yet my family life became a joy, and my health improved rapidly. And my career improved as well, in part because I was no longer a strung-out, exhausted wreck!
Three Soul Traits To Help You Establish a Mussar Practice For Work Life Balance
- Enthusiasm. Excess work may indicate excess Enthusiasm for the wrong things. Rather than trying to work less, refocus Enthusiasm. Make health, family, and/or community a higher priority. Work is still important, but is it as important as your health? Of course not.
- Trust. Attachment to work is emotional, and change can be laced with fear. Invest in trusting that God has your back, and that whatever happens, you will be ok. If you are unsure about the Divinity, remember that most things turn out ok. Make a few small, exploratory steps to build confidence and overcome the fear.
- Order. Strictly rank your work projects, and focus on the top three. Get your manager to agree to the order, and agree that the other things are a lower priority. Next, do not accept any meetings or last minute requests that are not part of the top three. Offer kind alternatives – 5 minutes on the phone instead of a 30 minute meeting, or offer to meet the following week.
What soul trait would you practice to bring better balance to your life?
Want to learn more about yourself? Click Here to take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to see which Soul Traits might be contributing to your overwork.
An earlier version of this post called Through a Mussar Lens: Striving for Balance was published in Yashar on MARCH 2015. Click here to see it.
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