Truth - American Mussar

Is It Worth Losing a Friend Over the Truth? A Mussar Perspective

February 18, 2022 By Greg Marcus 2 Comments

“I don’t want to be outed,” he said to me. “If they knew the truth, I don’t know if our friendship could survive it.”

Growing up, being outed generally referred to someone’s sexual identity being revealed against their wishes. And indeed, this is still an issue today. I very much would not want someone to lose their job, a friend, or family member because they were not accepted because of their sexual orientation.

In this case, the person was not hiding his sexuality. He is hiding his political and social views. He are a Republican and conservative in this very liberal SF Bay area.

As we focus on the soul trait of Truth for a second week in Jewish Wisdom For Coping for a Pandemic, we are challenged by our current reality that people within our community have very different ideas of what is True, and the values that they live by. I am currently in a training by the organization “Resetting the Table,” to learn how to facilitate conversations between people who have very different ideas about important issues like climate change, politics, and covid. All of these are near and dear to me, and my progressive point of view is not a secret. Yet at the same time, it is foundational for me to stay in community with people I disagree with.

During the Omicron surge, someone made a comment that both covid cases and deaths were coming down. I knew this was not correct, but decided not to get into it with them because I thought the relationship was more important than arguing with someone whose mind was not going to change. This was really hard for me to do.

I don’t want people in my community to be afraid to be who they are, even when I find their beliefs objectionable. We can and must stay in conversation and community. Truth is learning to see the Truth from another’s perspective, as it says “Execute the judgment of truth.”- Zachariah 8:16. Moreover, it is permissible to deviate from the Truth for the purpose of peace.

What do you think? When should we prioritize a relationship over the truth. As always, I answer every comment.

Three Steps To Judge The Truth About Green Book Like a Mensch

February 28, 2019 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Spoiler Alert: Green Book won the Oscar for Best Picture. And some people are really pissed off about that. What is the Truth about Green Book that makes it so polarizing?

I loved Green Book, and I smiled when it won Best Picture. My smile faded a bit as I watched the producers acceptance speech. (You an watch it here on YouTube). I thought it weird that Vigo Morenson and Carrie Fischer got more praise than Mahershala Ali, who played the musical genius Dr. Don Shirley. And neither Shirley, the Green Book, nor civil rights were mentioned.

Then I read criticism of the movie by Spike Lee and others. I became downright confused. For some people of color, this movie win, and the silence about Don Shirley, became another story of marginalization. They saw what should be a black story co-opted by white film makers, with a white man put in the role of savior.

Many white presenting people share this perspective. On Facebook, the writer Peter Birkenhead compared Green Book to the story of Anne Frank, told from the viewpoint of “Miep Geis, one of the gentiles who helped hide her.” In this version, Miep is the hero and center of the story, and anti-semitism gets reduced to stereotypes. And when the movie wins best picture, not a single writer or producer accepting the award is Jewish.

How was I to square my reactions liking the movie with this true and authentic reaction from some people of color and their allies? And how could Mussar help me understand the truth about Green Book?

First, I stepped back and remembered that the screenplay was cowritten by Tony’s son Nick Vallelonga. It isn’t a movie about a black man dealing with racism in the South. It tells the story of a white man who took a job working for a black man and became friends with him. It is a story Nick is telling about his dad. If Miep’s daughter decided to write a movie that made her mom the hero, that would be ok with me.

Why do I say this? Because I had been telling people the movie was about Don Shirley. Yet there were no scenes with Don Shirley that did not also have Tony Lip in them. I was confused in part because I was trying to make Green Book a civil rights movie, which it isn’t. It is a relationship movie, between people of different backgrounds during the last days of the Jim Crow Era.

Second, we Americans have a long history of marginalizing and silencing people of color. I interpret reactions against the movie from some people of color as “Here we go again. I’m tired of this crap.” That is the Truth from their perspective, and I am trying my best to hear them and honor them.

As Rabbi Hillel said, “Do not judge your fellow until you have come to [their] place.” (Pirkei Avot 2:4). Since I have not been a person of color, I don’t know what they have been through. But I know enough to know they are not wrong for thinking this way.

Third, it is ok for me to like the movie, and have my own Truth. It was wonderful watching the movie with my father and 16 year old daughter. She had never seen what it was like in the South, when people of color used the Green Book to know where they would be allowed to stay and eat. My father shared that when Don Shirley came to Syracuse, NY in 1970ish, the hotel would not let him stay there. Dr. Shirley stayed with a Syracuse University faculty member.

Now that I’ve shared with you how I processed this movie in the Mussar way, I hereby invite you to try a Mussar Practice. After all, the point of Mussar is personal growth. I hope you’ll give this practice a try.

Here’s the Mussar Practice***********************

See the Truth from another’s perspective. The people who dislike Green Book and I have different Truths. This is part of the human condition. Here are three steps to judge the comprehensive Truth about Green Book.

First, think about your own Truth about the movie. What leads you to that perspective? Have you seen it yourself, or are you reacting to other people’s reactions? What about you makes you have that perspective?

Second, pick a perspective different from yours. What is the Truth of persons of color who don’t like the movie? What about them makes them have that perspective. If their story were your story, would you be reacting the same way?

If you are one of the people uncomfortable about Green book, think about the Truth of the people who are annoyed with the backlash against the movie. Are they all white supremacists in the making? What about them makes them have that perspective. If their story were your story, would you be reacting the same way?

Third, integrate the truths together. Allow your Truth to evolve. Accept that it is ok to have a different Truth from someone else. You can both have different Truths and be in relationship together. After all, isn’t that one of the messages of Green Book?

********************************************************

Mussar teaches that only the Divine sits on the Throne of Truth, meaning that humans are incapable of knowing the Truth from all perspectives. As humans, we need to do some work to see the Truth from multiple perspectives.

Finally, Truth is key for Tikkun Olam, repair of the world.

The world stands on three things: truth, justice, and peace. Truth brings justice, which results in peace.” –Rabbi Simeon ben Gamliel

Until we can acknowledge the Truth about historical and current marginalization, we will never have justice. If you are skeptical about marginalization, start with an academic description, like this one here.

At the end of the day, it isn’t about Hollywood. It is about the pain of our fellow humans.

How do you see the Truth about Green Book?

What steps will you do to see the Truth from another’s perspective?

Want to learn more about the Truth and Mussar? Start with the Soul Trait Quiz.

Why Did Sanders Supporters Ignore Truth and Share Fake News?

March 24, 2017 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

Recently, I read a story that described a systematic effort to plant false news stories in Facebook groups of Sander’s supporters during the 2016 general election campaign. While the details and politics of this effort are beyond the scope here, what particularly interests me is what happened when someone discovered the deceptions, and tried to inform other people in the group. They were shunned and ostracized, accused of being a “Hillbot” and in some cases kicked out of the group. You can read the story here. Why did Sanders supporters ignore Truth?

There is an important Mussar less for us about the Soul Trait of Truth. It took me a while to sort it out, because Truth teaches that falsehood has no legs, and if you supply untruths, people will no longer believe you. Yet these statements seem to have little bearing on what actually happened. In the long run of course, these falsehoods were ultimately uncovered. But in the short run, they may have had their intended impact, making Sanders supporters less likely to vote for Clinton.

Some people were so insistent about sharing these obviously fake news stories that they where kicked out of the Facebook groups by the moderator. The fake news stories ranged from “the Clinton-has-Parkinson’s conspiracy to the Clinton-is-running-a-pedophilia-ring-out-of-a-pizza-shop conspiracy.” Pedophilia ring? Seriously? Mussar provides two answers to help us understand why Sanders supporters ignored Truth.

First, the fake news was feeding into anger they already felt. For example, many Sanders supporters were livid that the DNC was biased for Clinton. Anger lies within the realm of the evil inclination, and when the evil inclination is aroused, we become susceptible to manipulation. As Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto wrote in the Path of the Just, “One who the evil inclination holds in bondage either does not see the truth, or fails to recognize it when he beholds it, for the evil inclination literally renders a man so blind that he becomes like one that gropes in the dark and stumbles over the obstacles which he does not see.” (Path of the Just chapter 3).

This realization holds an important lesson for all of us: who has not gotten angry and had their judgment impaired? When you were in the midst of that anger, were you even aware that your judgment was off? The key mistake the Sanders supporters made was to share this fake news without discernment. And, they ignored evidence that the news was fake.

The second reason comes from Proverbs:

“Fools see their own way as right, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15
“A fool gives vent to all his feelings, but the wise, thinking of afterwards, stills them.” Proverbs 29:11
To answer someone before hearing him out is both stupid and embarrassing. Proverbs 18:13

Do you get the gist of the point I am making? These people were acting like fools, allowing their evil inclination to incite them to participate in the perpetuation of a falsehood. Some of you might rightly think this is a harsh assessment. Nevertheless, I stand by the assertion. People who ignored evidence that they were sharing fake news were acting like fools.

At the same time, who among us has never acted like a fool? I know I have, more often than I’d care to admit. The more asleep we are, stumbling in darkness & ruled by our emotions, the more we’ll find ourselves acting the fool.

One Mussar practice to counter the danger of passing on false information comes from Rabbi M. M. Levin, who wrote “Do not allow anything to pass your lips that you are not certain is completely true.” (Chesbon HaNefesh chapter 12). Were Facebook and Twitter available in the 19^th century when Levin wrote his classic, he undoubtedly would have included a picture of an unfortunate retweet with embarrassing consequences. This lesson is so important, and so counter to the prevailing culture in the world today, that it bears repeating: Do not allow anything to pass your lips that you are not certain is completely true.

What would it take for you to meet this very high bar? What is one step you can take today to move in this direction? I’ll be honest, it becomes a lot easier with a dedicated Mussar practice. Start your practice now by taking the Soul Trait Profile Quiz.

Did Ginsberg Speak Too Much Truth?

July 15, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

This week I’m practicing the soul trait of Truth. It has been showing up everywhere in my life. For example, I moved a couch, and found a sticky note that said “Fear avoidance leads to deception.”

It was from when I was preparing the outline for my book. Yes, from the chapter on Truth.

But Truth has been no more prominent than in the comments Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg made about Donald Trump. Initially, she said ““I can’t imagine what this place would be — I can’t imagine what the country would be — with Donald Trump as our president,” She elaborated concerns over the makeup of the supreme court, and went on to criticize the press and Trump himself for not releasing his tax returns.” In this case, did Ginsberg speak too much Truth?

Ginsberg’s remarks were very much in line with Jewish tradition. We are taught to speak out against injustice, and clearly her concern for the country motivated her remarks. Speaking Truth to power is sometimes referred to as the prophetic tradition – like the prophets of old, sometimes we are required to speak uncomfortable truths.

In this case, however, Ginsberg was speaking from a position of power. She was perceived as stepping over the line, and eventually apologized, saying, “On reflection, my recent remarks in response to press inquiries were ill-advised and I regret making them. Judges should avoid commenting on a candidate for public office. In the future I will be more circumspect.”

We see in action an important element of Mussar’s teachings – too much of a soul trait is just as bad as not enough. Perhaps Ginsberg was speaking too much Truth in this case. I say perhaps because it is not for me to judge whether on a spiritual level what she did was too much or the right amount. That is for Justice Ginsberg alone to evaluate. The classic indicator of too much Truth is when we are being unkind; more generally we might say that too much Truth causes more harm than good. Personally, I know that I have a tendency to be Truthful to a fault and on many occasions I’ve caused myself and others unnecessary pain by being too Truthful.

There is another important side of Truth: human perception of Truth is subjective. Ginsberg was telling her truth, reality as she sees it. Have you ever been in a situation when you and someone else have very different perceptions of the same experience? This is common, and part of being human. As a result, we need to be cautious when we start tossing our Truth out into the world.

Food for thought.

Truth spectrum — Spectrum of Truth, from too little to too much

Where do you fall on the spectrum from too little to too much Truth?

In these turbulent times, having a firm grasp on our soul trait of Truth is a must.

[button]Never miss a post[/button]

Trump’s Biggest Danger: Too Much Truth

May 4, 2016 By Greg Marcus Leave a Comment

It might strike you as strange to think that Donald Trump’s biggest danger is too much truth. After all, The Atlantic just ran a story called “Trump’s War On Truth” that laid out how often Trump deliberately and manipulatively lies in order to smear his opponents. Yes, he tells some whoppers. But why do people believe them? Because he speaks to a deeper, darker truth. Let me explain.

Mussar teaches that too much of a Soul Trait is as bad as not enough. Too little Truth undermines Trust, meaning that you won’t be believed even when you are being honest. Too much Truth can leads to a lack of kindness. You have probably heard the expression, “Truthful to a fault.” Mussar teaches that we should only speak if we can bring good into the world. Just because it is true doesn’t mean that we should say it! I think all kinds of things. They are better left unsaid.

Here’s another Mussar lesson about Truth: There is no absolute Truth, or put put another way, only God knows the full Truth. If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it this way – our perceptions limit our ability to know exactly what happened. Two people can be in the same room, and walk out with two completely different versions of what happened. They each in a sense have their own Truth. And this is where Trump gets dangerous.

Trump’s biggest danger is not that he promotes lies but that he speaks his Truth out loud. He believes what he says, and broadcasts his beliefs.

Last summer a retired friend in Syracuse told me she was aghast at how many people in her apartment building supported Trump. They all said the same thing: “He says exactly what I’m thinking.” Many people think his candor is a good thing. His success shows us how hungry people are for an authentic politician. For example, when Trump said that Mexican immigrants are criminals and rapists, some people gave him credit for “telling it like it is.” I don’t think Trump was lying – I think he believed what he said. He is a racist. (If you don’t believe that racism is alive and well in America, see this insightful article by Jenee Desmond-Harris in the New York Times.) Donald Trump is the very definition of a racist because no one but a racist would hang on so fiercely to the birther claims about President Obama.

Trump’s blatant racism is a rallying cry for everyone who is consciously or unconsciously unhappy about eight years of a black President. If a significant portion of the American people didn’t resonate with Trump’s racist messages, he would not have the support that he does. This terrible truth is something that we as a country have tried to deny.

Trump’s biggest danger is that he appeals to the Evil Inclination in all of us

As a reminder, Judaism and Mussar teach that the Evil Inclination represents our animal drives, such our fight or flight response, sexual urges, and the fear of the unknown. The Evil Inclination is an essential part of who we are, but it must be guided by our Good Inclination. Trump in many respects appears to be an example of the Evil Inclination run amok. And in a very real, charismatic way, he draws on our Fear of the Other. We just relearned one of the most import lessons in the Torah regarding the Other on Passover:

“You must neither wrong nor oppress a foreigner living among you, for you yourselves were foreigners in the land of Egypt. – Exodus 22:21, CJB”

We repeat this lesson year after year because it is extraordinarily hard to do! If it were easy, we wouldn’t need the lesson. While I hope that few of us are raging racists like the KKK, I believe that all people have unconscious bias. Once when I was in college, I was hanging out in my girlfriend’s sorority. The doorbell rang, and when I answered it, a black student was there. He asked for “Jane.” I was nervous, and had him wait outside. Five minutes later he was in the living room, with Jane sitting on his lap; he was her boyfriend. He just looked at me. I felt like a complete and total jerk. My Evil Inclination got the better of me that day. I could have made a different choice, to overcome my fear and welcome the stranger in. I’ve learned a few things since then, and have not made that particular mistake again. But I have no illusions that I am without bias, and I certainly have an active Evil Inclination.

Our job is not to judge Trump supporters, or let our emotions drive us to disrespectful speech and actions. To do so would be to surrender to the Evil Inclination. If you don’t like Trump, speak out, donate money, or volunteer time to keep Trump from getting the power of the Presidency. But flaming on social media, or remaining silent when rocks are thrown at Trump supporters won’t make the world a better place, and won’t further our spiritual journey. None of us are without bias.

As practitioners of Mussar, our primary mission is to be the best people we can be. We don’t get a free pass to behave badly just because the future of the country is at stake. Anti-Trump people I’m talking to you too.

Imagine what would our nation – and the world – look like if our personal truth acknowledged that each of us is created in the image of the Divine. Use this moment, when Trump is one vote from the Presidency, to look within and find one small step to see the Other with a gentle eye. You’ll be amazed at how transformational small steps can be.

Want to start your own Mussar journey? Take the Soul Trait Profile Quiz to get a first look at areas of your inner world where you are out of balance.

Image by Marc Nozell via Flickr CC

[button]Never miss a post[/button]

**********Here’s the Mussar Practice*********************************

********************************************************

Trump’s biggest danger is not that he promotes lies but that he speaks his Truth out loud. He believes what he says, and broadcasts his beliefs.

Trump’s biggest danger is that he appeals to the Evil Inclination in all of us

Here’s the Mussar Practice***********************