This year of living distractedly continues for me. Lots of moving parts in my life, from mom’s health issues, travel, and prepping to launch a kiddo to college. My mind is filled with so many ideas, but I have been blocked about putting fingers to keys. The sense of overwhelm keeps coming in, and my mind flits around and nothing gets done. And no, I don’t count the updates on Facebook, or the articles in the Forward/Tablet that I read online.
One source of joy and stability for me has been Jewish events and networking. Three days at the Limmud Bay Area Festival 2018 were just wonderful. I facilitated a session called Jewish Wisdom For Stress Free Parenting. It was magical – about 14 people that included an Orthodox woman nursing an 8 month old, 2 twenty something brothers without kids, a mom and her teen son, grandparents, fathers.
Having us all come together and share something was anything but overwhelming – it was peaceful. I am very grateful to my friend Estee Solomon Gray for both introducing me to Limmud, and all of the work she put in over the years to make the event successful.
Last weekend my wife and I went to the Beth Am Asilomar Retreat. It was a wonderful weekend of Jewish learning and Jewish community. I had a revelation while Rabbi Sarah Weissman was teaching us Talmud: Many people say that I am a very good facilitator. I realized that when I am facilitating, I am channeling Rabbi Sarah’s method – there is never a wrong answer, no matter how “out there” a comment might seem at first glance. She infuses enthusiasm, creativity, and insight in the groups she facilitates, and we all walk away feeling empowered. I thanked Rabbi Sarah, and we had a nice chat. In those moments of conversation, I was anything but overwhelmed.
This experience inspired me to share a Mussar Practice. With it, you too can beat overwhelm with Jewish Wisdom.
****Here’s the Practice****
Speak in the name of someone. Pirkei Avot 6:6 lists 48 ways of acquiring Torah. One is “Saying a thing in the name of one who said it.” Or put another way, give credit where credit is due. This practice reminds us not take for granted the good things in the world. They often have an origin, and in fact a person who brought them about. It also is a way to remind us that we did not get where we are on our own. Recognizing those who taught us, even small things, is a path towards both connection and order in the universe.
Take a few moments to think about some of your “go to moves” that make you successful. Who did you learn them from? Find a way to thank that person, and name them to others. For example, be sure to let people know whose recipe you are using, or who taught you the technique that helped you solve a problem at work.
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In each of the stories I shared above, connecting with others was a path out of overwhelm. And what better way to connect with others than to recognize a teacher? In Pirkei Avot 1:6, Yehoshua ben Perachia says, “Make for yourself a mentor, acquire for yourself a friend and judge every person as meritorious.”
Speaking in the name of your teacher is a step on the path for friendship and mentorship. And if your teacher is no longer alive, you make their memory a blessing by invoking their name with what they taught you.
Please begin this practice by sharing the name of a teacher below, and what they taught you.
When I was a young man I was privileged to work with the great impresario Joseph Papp (Yosl Papirofsky), who created Shakespeare in the Park and founded the Public Theater in NYC.
Today as I try to coordinate the many incredible projects in my life, I ask myself WWJD (what would Joe do?)
Thank you Avi for sharing your wonderful remembrance. May his memory be a blessing.
Rabbi Ari Cartun was a mentor for me in so many aspects of Jewish learning. But mostly, he encouraged me, and everyone, to try new experiences, to stretch ourselves. He has a remarkable skill in identifying a person who would be good for a particular task or role and then asking and encouraging them to do it. As a result, there are many people in our community who have become more Jewishly knowledgeable and have stepped up to take leadership roles.
Thanks Sheri – a wonderful teaching all of us can learn from.
My mentor is now dead. Her name was Glenda Latimer. She was a small farming community UCC pastor. One of the very first female pastors. She grew up in the 60s, went to college at ( I believe) the Berkeley School of Religion. Graduated Magna Cum Laude and was an associate pastor at a church in Arizona I think, before she came to our little obscure church in the little farming community of Eltopia, WA You can imagine the reception she received coming into an all male dominated group. Needless to say she was looked down on, her words not given weight, etc. Over the years she was accepted. She had an infectious laugh, and laughed easily, at herself most of all. She had an uncanny insight into people, she read voraciously, on every subject that had anything to do with her field of study. She made friends easily. She was like a middle-aged hippie, complete with the long hair, jeans, moccasins, and embroidered shirts.
I have a book from her in which she wrote down quotes from different sources. The collection is a little bit of an insight into her way of seeing things. Here are some of them:
“It is not always easy to be ourselves. The first step is really to hear what is going on with us. The masks we wear for the benefit of others often deceive us as well.”
Tolbert McCarroll: Exploring the inner world.
“In the beginners mind there are many possibilities; in the experts mind there are few.”
Shunryu Suzuki: Zen Mind, Beginners Mind.
“It is a great mistake to try to cure a man of paranoia, for it gives him just as clear an understanding of the innards of the universe as physics or religion.”
Peter S. Beagle: I See By My Outfit
“In both Bible and dream, nothing is accidental. The most trivial detail or the most nonsensical pun is there for a reason.”
Lawrence Kushner:. The River of Light
“We’re not here to tell people what they need, but to listen.”
Jean Vanier: Be Not Afraid
“I eat my peas with honey,
I’ve done it all my life.
They do taste kind of funny,
But it keeps them on my knife.”
Anonymous
“We complain that he does not make Himself present to us for the few minutes we reserve for Him, but what about the twenty-three and a half hours during which God may be knocking at our door and we answer ‘ I am busy, I am sorry’ or we do not answer at all because we do not even hear the knock at the door of our heart, of our minds, of our conscience, of our life.”
Anthony Bloom : Beginning to Pray
“One more invasion,
One more war,
One more escalation,
One more jealous fit,
One more towering rage
In short–
One more twist
Of whatever arm you have got
Hold of will make goodness
Triumph and peace reign.
But it never works.”
Robert Farrar Capon: The Third Peacock
“James Thurber once sat by his window watching men cut down elm trees to clear a site for an institution in which to confine people who had been driven insane by the cutting down of elm trees.”
James Herndon: How to Survive in Your Native Land
“There was a time,” he said slowly to the enchanted child, “called the years of the Great Depression. In that time there was a very great deal to eat, but men could not buy it. Little girls were scarcer than now. You see,” he said painfully, “their fathers could not afford them, and they were not born.”. He made a half-apologetic gesture to the empty room, as if to a gathering of small reproachful ghosts. “There was a monster we never understood called Overproduction. There were,” and his voice trailed hopelessly into silence, “so many
dragons in that time you could not believe it. And there was a very civilized nation where little girls were taken from their parents….” He could not go on. The eyes from Auschwitz, he told me later, would not permit him.
Loren Eiseley: The Unexpected Universe.
Thank you Laura for participating in the practice in such a whole-hearted way. May Glenda’s memory continue to be a blessing. Her collection of quotes gives a great picture of who she was.
Am feeling overwhelmed so find it ironic that you had an essay about feeling overwhelmed. I am still not sure how to regain an near-term illusion of control, but I appreciate the reminder I am not alone. I am glad people are coming to me for support, help and encouragement, but I want someone to give me support, help and encouragement too and am not sure who to get that from for myself.
Hi Karla – Ignorance is bliss, so I too sometimes long for the illusion of control. However, I’ve learned that just sets me up for another big fall in the future. Mussar teaches that Humility allows us to embrace our lack of control, accept it, and focus on what we can control. Which, as Victor Frankl points out, is how we react to the situation.
You are not alone, and it is wonderful that you are there for so many people. As a first step, I would give this practice a try. How has mentored you or taught you in the past? You are heartily invited to share their name and story here.
I really appreciate the practice you shared in this post Greg. It’s really helpful! Thank you.
You are very welcome Paul.