https://youtu.be/efiKk-tOx0A
The Soul Trait you will be practicing this week is Patience. It is time to stop practicing Humility, and to move on to Patience. Mussar is like extreme spiritual fitness, in that you focus on one Soul Trait at a time, and then move on to the next one. After 13 weeks you’ll circle back to Humility to start the cycle again.
Mussar teaches that Patience governs our ability to bear the burden of an uncomfortable situation.
When things are going well, we don’t need Patience. Rather, Patience is a gift because it helps us get through difficult times when we have no control over the outcome. As Rabbi Menachem Mendel Lefin wrote in the mussar classic Cheshbon Ha’Nefesh (Accounting of the Soul),
Woe to the pampered [person] who has never been trained to be patient. Either today or in the future,[they are] destined to sip from the cup of affliction.
Practice:
American Mussar practice has three parts: a morning mantra, daily actions, and journaling. If you haven’t done so already, watch the video above.
Mantra
Write the following mantra on an index card, and place it by your bedside.
“This too shall pass and I have the strength to bear the burden until it does”
As you go through your day, observe how your Patience Soul Trait is activated. What things set you off?
Action
If you tend towards too little Patience: Look for opportunities to wait, for example by selecting the longest checkout line, or by letting other cars go in front of you while driving.
If you tend towards too much Patience: Look for an opportunity to ask for what you need, and start to formulate a plan for taking action. You’ll come back to this plan next week when you practice Enthusiasm.
This week I will be focusing on staying Patient with the kids. We are taking a short vacation. Often we have fun, sometimes I get irritated with the kids, especially if they go into “teenager mode.” I will focus on saying my favorite prayer when it starts to happen “Help me get through the next minute.”
Since I spend I am employed ‘full-time’, 5 days per week, M-F,, 40 hrs, as an office-clerical employee 4 municipal employment, my patience, unfortunately, has been tried there & unfairly also, 2 say the least, so I am thankful 4 the Mussar mantra, which provides a Biblical guideline & tk G-d!! :-)…most of all that through it all, I am a ‘victor’ & not a ‘victim’!! 🙂
Janet, Mussar teaches that Patience is a gift from God when we have no recourse but to wait it out.. For those in the community unsure of the Divinity, you can think of it as a gift from the Universe. We don’t need Patience when everything is going well.
The next Soul Trait, Enthusiasm governs when we should take action. When we are in a trying situation, knowing when we are exercising too much Patience, and should take action is a key challenge.
Oh, I am so impatient! More with myself than with others. I’m better at waiting in lines than I was forty years ago! I often use the wait as an opportunity to show kindness by letting someone with fewer items go ahead of me at the grocery store, because I have become aware of how little it takes to make others happy. It’s not meeting my own expectations that causes my greatest impatience. I am easily frustrated when I can’t do things right away and become angry with myself. I learned to be more patient with others in my 30+ years as an educator. Learning patience helps you be more accepting of all kinds of differences. So, this week, I will practice being patient with myself as well as with others and with circumstances beyond my control
Hi Joyce – Great recognition and self-knowledge. Being Patient with others is to acknowledge their Divine Spark, and to realize that they have limited control and are doing the best they can.
Remembering that you too have a Divine Spark, that you were born in to this world an innocent baby, can help you develop self compassion and more patience. It is still there, to be honored and nurtured.
We are short staffed at work this week, and I have a ton of things I need to accomplish before an upcoming trip. Gam zeh ya’avor has been in my head for a couple of weeks now. What a great time to practice patience.
Hi Jenifer – it is amazing how the right Soul Trait can show up at just the right time.
Another thing to try: In the moment, say to yourself, “What a great opportunity to practice Patience.”
Yes, all of these soul traits are His ‘divine attributes’, so-2-speak, so it will take nothing less than the grace of G-d 4 them 2 continue 2 b fully developed in my life, spiritually speaking, on a Biblical basis.,but tk G-d!! :-)…
It is worth it, 2 say the least!! :-)…Tk you 4 your support, too, Mr. Marcus.
I am a very proactive person. Right now, I am trying to advocate for my daughter’s future well-being, but her father (we are divorced) seems to be aggressively prioritizing his own interests over hers. She is being put in a terrible position, which is heartbreaking to a Jewish mom… I am having to manage this within the legal system, which is extremely uncomfortable for me, and which may or may not result in what’s best for my daughter. The “patience to bear the burden of an uncomfortable situation” is EXACTLY what I need during this time, so that I can think clearly, be my best self, not injure myself with the stress of it all, and not be reactive. However, I cannot afford to lapse into being complacent, either (not really a risk for me).
What advice could you offer about “action steps” to practice this week, to help me be appropriately patient without being passive or complacent?
Hi LL – thank you for sharing your story. I listen with an open heart. You are going through a very challenging time in your life. I often find that the right soul trait shows up for me at the right time.
For starters, I would be rigorous in doing the morning mantra. Write on an index card “This too shall pass. Help me bear the burden until it does” Set a timer, and say it out loud for at least 2 minutes. If you are like me, you will start to feel growing resistance and discomfort after the first minute. This is a good sign – it shows that the exercise is impacting your soul. The phrase will come back to you throughout the day. Summon it whenever you are waiting.
Try to practice Patience in non-emotional situations, like waiting in line at the store, or in traffic. When you are waiting, say to yourself “this is a good opportunity to practice patience” and remember the mantra.
I looked in my book for other suggestions, and one about music jumped out at me. Are you musical at all? It reads:
“Summon a song from your playlist. Rabbi Nachman of
Breslov (1772–1811) said, “Get into the habit of always singing
a tune. It will give you a new life and send joy into your
soul.” Stuck in traffic? Sing along with the radio. Waiting in
line? Hum a tune. Feeling stuck in a job or relationship? Put
on some empowering music and sing along.”
Many people either make up or set the mantras to music. This mantra goes well with a phrase from the song from Hamilton
Finally, I would say don’t worry about taking action this week, just focus on the waiting part. Next week you can take action when you practice Enthusiasm
Greg,
Thanks so much!
I am a singer, so YES the music suggestion is perfect, and I read your suggestion right after a fantastic rehearsal today!!!! I’m curious about which Hamilton song goes well with this week’s mantra.
Thanks so much, I already feel supported in this journey.
Shabbat Shalom,
LL
History Has Its Eyes On You -the opening phrase
I practiced the humility soul trait this week. I am a person who does not generally ask anyone for anything, and am accustomed to managing just fine for myself. (Except that my husband took care of the house, snow removal, and all things mechanical. Now that he died, I moved to a condo, so someone else can do those things). It occurred to me that over-reliance on oneself is a form of arrogance, and gets in the way of connection with others. My action item in this regard, is to ask someone for help with something that requires some effort on their part..
Hi Lynne – thanks so much for sharing your story. Great self insight, and action step. It is a blessing to help another person, and you are allowing others to experience that blessing when you let them help you.
Today’s realization: When I feel impatient, I can manage that, but I do so by going to the extreme of inaction and resignation. I need to learn to live with the many shades of gray in between, and learn how to give myself doses of immediate or short term gratification while still keeping long term goals as a direction. I also need to be okay with not seeing how things will get from the current situation to the ideal, and that it’s okay not to know how to do it. If I knew, I just be impatient and bored by doing it anyways. It’s better NOT to have it all planned ahead for me.
People are complicated. At least I am…
Hi Karla – great realizations. People are complicated as you said – this is how we are intended to be.
My suggestion is to pick one area of your life where this happens to you, and try to make a change. Don’t try to change everything at once. But if you pick one area, and make a small change, you’ll begin to solve the problem and make underlying changes in your soul. So for the next week, what is one area you can take action on to help you get going. Pick something small, ideally something that you do every day.
How does that sound?
On patience, I have no patience at all with self-righteous Christians. What can I do when I get in a huff about this?
BJD – thank you for the question. Patience is about enduring an unpleasant situation. I think the soul traits to focus on here are Honor and Humility. Perhaps you are feeling your space is being impinged upon by self-righteous people imposing their views on you.
Maintaining your space mentally, and perhaps physically, can help.
There is also Honor – they have a right to their views. They are entitled to their own spiritual journey, even when we find it baffling or offensive. Letting go of the wish that they will change can help.
Is this helpful?