https://youtu.be/51bICoy-9to
To practice Loving-Kindness, we help other people without expecting anything in return, even if they don’t deserve it.
Loving-Kindness is not about being nice. There are many situations when we are expected to be nice. Loving-Kindness is about those situations when we are not expected to be nice. As with all Soul Traits, we practice Loving-Kindness with deeds, not thoughts or intentions. And here, it is a specific kind of deed – a selfless act to help sustain other people.
For example, giving your neighbor a ride home is not an act of Loving-Kindness. After all, what kind of a jerk would refuse their neighbor a ride? Loving-Kindness is when we give someone who lives on the opposite side of town a ride home. And to bring the point home, there cannot be an ulterior motive. So giving the boss a ride home to butter them up, or giving someone a ride home in order to ask them on a date doesn’t count.
Traditional acts of Loving-Kindness include • Visiting the sick • Clothing the naked • Comforting the bereaved • Caring for the dead Notice how these acts helps sustain someone else who isn’t in a position to reciprocate.
The goal of the soul trait is to help create a better world by helping others without reward.
Too Little Loving-Kindness: Selfish and mean behavior
Too Much Loving-Kindness: Excessive doting and a lack of self-care.
Where do you think you sit on the spectrum from too little to too much Loving-Kindness?
Practice:
American Mussar practice has three parts: a morning mantra, daily actions, and journaling. If you haven’t done so already, watch the video above.
Mantra
Write the following mantra on an index card, and place it by your bedside
Sustain others without the thought of reward, even if they don’t deserve it.
In the morning, recite the phrase out loud several times and contemplate the meaning. This will frame your thoughts for the day. Pay attention to times when your Loving-Kindness Soul Trait comes into play.
Action
If you tend towards too little Loving-Kindness, do something to lift another up. Surprise a friend or coworker with a coffee, or do more than your share of a non-work related task.
If you tend towards too much Loving-Kindness, say yes to help. Loving-Kindness is a two way street – one person needs to give, and another needs to graciously accept help when it is offered. People who tend to give too much of themselves often turn down offers of help, or don’t ask. Practice Loving-Kindness towards yourself by letting others help you.
You don’t need to do anything dramatic – just take a small step outside of your comfort zone.
Journaling
Write about your experiences at night in your Mussar Journal.
If you are not into journaling, just take a few notes in your phone, or record yourself a voice memo. The key is to contemplate your action/lack of action in a non-judgmental way to help enable small gradual change in the soul.
This page is part of the American Mussar Cycle. If you like what you see, you can sign up for the entire cycle here.
To learn more about Loving-Kindness and the other soul traits in the American Mussar Cycle, please pick up a copy of The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions.
There are times when I stray into petty comments and mean behavior. Thankfully not cruel, but I know how to make a cutting comment. I am so much better than I was when I was younger, but those patterns still creep in. This is a good opportunity to prune them back just a bit further.
Perhaps the best modern example is the book and movie, “Pay it Forward”. It started a movement! I showed it in my college classes and in my religious school classes. Once, when I was walking the dogs (I live in downtown Baltimore), a woman was trying to figure out how a parking meter worked, so I asked if I could help. When I explained it needed quarters, she asked if she could buy some for me. Instead I gave them to her. She called her husband over to give me a dollar, and I told them I didn’t want it, but to pay it forward. I had to explain the concept and they loved it. They were from France, and I hoped they would spread the concept there. I, too get petty, and judgmental as well. I have to remind myself that it’s rather haughty of me to decide who is worthy of my kindness or generosity based on preconceptions or personal biases. Often, a person of whom I’m wary, turns out to be someone just as wary because they’ve been hurt or let down. I feel uplifted when I can help someone through a rough situation. I’ve even written and led two pet funeral services – one Jewish – to help others grieve with the loss of their pets. Loving-kindness is actually easy. Cruelty and indifference take much more energy. We set up mental roadblocks based on past experiences, but that takes a lot of effort. You have to dredge up memories and old feelings and fit them into the present situation which, in fact, may not warrant your reaction. So, this week, I will pause before reacting in a negative way and judging before I extend my hand and my heart in loving-kindness.
Joyce – thank you for sharing your lovely story and perspective. Pay it forward is a wonderful movement. Caring for animals and caring for the dead are two traditional way of practicing Loving-Kindness, and it looks like you’ve found a way to practice both of them. Wonderful!
I think this is one of the most important traits of all. It is the essence of tikkun olam and perhaps, Judaism (and perhaps all the world’s religions)!
Hi Ali – Absolutely! Judaism and Mussar teach that the world is built on Loving-Kindness. It is why we are able to have a civilization – we are willing to do things for others without reward.