American Mussar

21st century Jewish spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life

How To Trust The Political Process Like a Mensch

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Trust The Political Process Like a MenschLast post I shared a Mussar practice to deal with political worry by taking action. This week we’ll tackle political worry head on, by focusing on the soul trait of Trust.

Trust is a very hard soul trait – so hard that many Mussar facilitators avoid it. I took the opposite approach, and include it early in my mussar book. Why? Because it is impactful. And because it is hard, we need more practice.

I am part of a Mussar Circle that is spending a year on the shadow side soul traits. After a summer hiatus, we met again, focusing on the soul trait of Worry.

Just what I need!  Today’s political situation gives me plenty of reasons to worry. The divisiveness alone should worry people across the political spectrum. The traditional way to combat worry in Mussar is to practice Trust, as in Trust in God.

I was both drawn to and repelled by the following passage that we read in the group:

Trust in the Divine with all your heart; and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge the Divine, and the Divine shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

I was drawn  to this in an aspirational way, and so wish that I could receive guidance and support to get through these turbulent times. And the “all your ways” is a theme that refers to the actions and decisions we make in everyday life, which I am totally into. At the same time my rational mind rebelled because I am not in the habit of blindly trusting that things will be ok.

We spent a lot of time in the Mussar circle discussing what the Divine means to us. Nina Piken gave me permission to share her conception of the Divine as a process of engagement, and she Trusts that process. Her framework helped crystalize what the passage above meant to me. Notice how it looks when I substitute “The Process” for “the Divine”

Trust in The Process with all your heart; and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge The Process, and The Process shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Could The Process mean the political process too? I am struck by the convergence of the return of the Mussar circle focusing on worry at the very time my own political worries are starting to spike. And then Rabbi Rachel Adler referred to the Divine as a process on a Judaism Unbound Podcast I listened to the day after our group met. All of this brings to mind a Mussar practice for this week.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice***

Let the Process direct your path. If you are worried about the election, engage with the political process. In the 2016 election, too many people placed blind trust in the polls, which led to complacency. The political process means at minimum you should vote and encourage others to vote. You can also knock on doors, make phone calls, or contribute money.

Nina explained that the process represents in part self reflection. Am I making a knee-jerk reaction? Am I acting from my best self, or from a place of worry? A regular Mussar practice gives us a process to connect our actions to something beyond the surface, something higher or deeper. And we learn to Trust that process.

Trusting the political process keeps an eye on the big picture, and not to mistake today’s fight as a fight for all time. Trust reminds us that we are not alone, and that we have the resources to handle whatever happens.

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We all have the ability to be a Mensch, even when it comes to the anger and frustration so many of us are feeling about the government, or the opposition. Taking action is what the political process is all about, and taking action is also what Mussar teaches us to do. There are no guarantees about the outcome, which is why we need to trust the political process like a mensch. Let’s fight the good fight with sound minds and hearts, from a place of strength and respect.

As Rabbi Tarfon taught: “It is not your responsibility to finish the work [of perfecting the world], but you are not free to desist from it either” (Pirkei Avot 2:16).

Or to put it in a more modern context:

We shall overcome, some day.

You might also like Practice Trust To Overcome Election Stress Disorder

How To Worry About Politics Like A Mensch

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worry about politics like a mensch
Bluto (a future Senator) is not a mensch, but he understands resilience in the face of adversity.

Today someone told me she thought the country is heading for martial law. I agreed we could be. It is one of my fears. Why else a Presidential alert text system, it whispers. 

But she thought martial law would be a good thing, to arrest a bunch of people and “clean things up.” She was almost giddy.

Practicing what I preach about not giving advice to those who don’t want to hear it, I said, “Ok then,” and moved on to the next topic. Yet I am angry and worried about the political situation in this country. How can I worry about politics like a mensch?

Worry is a disconnect between what is and “what might be.” We worry about things we can’t control, like how our boss or friend will react to a request we make. And more often than not, worry prevents us from being our best self.

However, we need to remember that worry is a soul trait, which means that not enough worry is just as bad as too much. Just like some anger is ok, some worry is ok too. Righteous anger can drive us to take action to fix an injustice. In a similar way, we should try to practice righteous worry when it comes to politics. Given that  those in power are acting in a way counter to my values, this is one of those times when some worry is ok.

If I want to worry about politics like a mensch, what should I do?

I should take action. Which brings us to this week’s Mussar practice.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice***

Read Less. Do More. I notice myself obsessively reading articles about the state of the election. I try not to, and find myself looking for articles about politics that don’t mention particular politicians by name. What a complete and total waste of time. I don’t even bother to rationalize this to myself. All it does is stoke my worry, or allay it for five minutes. It doesn’t change anything.

As Shammai taught, “Make your Torah fixed, say little and do much, and receive every person with a pleasant countenance.” (Pirkei Avot 1:15).

  • The first part suggests that we set a fixed time for our political action. If you are worried about the election, put time on your calendar to do something about it.
  • Second, say little and do much means stop complaining, and start taking action.
  • The third part, receive every person with a pleasant countenance is a direct challenge to people who complain or troll incessantly on social media. It does no good to blame the “Bernie or bust” people, to rail against the president, or against Democrats. That kind of activity only divides us further, and does nothing to change who has power in this country.

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Shammai’s teaching is an Enthusiasm Mussar practice. Judaism is a religion of action, and Enthusiasm is the soul trait that helps us take action with energy and purpose. Right now, when I feel that heaviness and concern about what is happening, and what might happen, I need to draw on Enthusiasm to get me going.

Each and every one of us has what it takes to be a Mensch. Sometimes we need some inspiration to step into our best selves, and not give in to fear, worry, or despair. Maybe you can get that from a friend or relative, maybe from our ancestor Abraham who used to “run to do good” or maybe from a fictional not very menchy character like Bluto in Animal House.

What matters is getting people to vote. Period. As a Mussar practitioner, you need to start with you self. Click here to take the pledge to vote, and access resources to help in close races across the country.

Please share encouragement, resources and links below.

My own political views are heartfelt, and not a secret. If you disagree, I hope we can stay civil with me and in relationship. While we will not litigate the issues here, you are free to share election resources to support any reasonable candidate or party below. 

How to Disagree About Abortion Like a Mensch

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Disagree About Abortion Like a Mensch
Christian ethicist, David Gushee and abortion rights activist Frances Kissling disagree about abortion like a mensch

In this week when the political divide in this country is growing like a flesh eating bacterial infection, I am feeling blue. My political views are not a mystery, and I don’t like what is happening with the Supreme Court.

But even more, I am upset about the vitriol between regular people. The nastiness on the internet, and the rifts between friends and family is literally painful to me. I think I must be crazy for hosting an workshop on Healing the Political Divide next week.

Yet just a few days ago, I listened to an inspiring interview that gives me hope that we can bring healing between people. Krista Tippett talked to abortion-rights activist Frances Kissling on her podcast On Being. Kissling described a process she uses to bridge the gap, which I’ll share below in our practice for the week. But first, she invoked a few soul traits with her assumptions

  1. Don’t try to find common ground between apposing sides. I think she spoke her Truth when she explained that there isn’t a lot of common ground between a group of Catholic Bishops and abortion rights advocates.
  2. Recognize the good in the other side.  This reminds me of Gratitude mussar practice, to recognize the good and give thanks.
  3. Refuse to see the other side as evil. This is a wonderful Honor practice, in that we remember there is divine in each person.

With these three assumptions, we come to a Mussar practice, which is based directly on one of Francis Kissling’s tools.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice***

Say something that you are attracted to in the other side’s position, and something about your own sides position that gives you trouble. Speak out loud, either alone or to someone close to you. This is particularly powerful when you are paired with someone who disagrees with you. Frances Kissling, an abortion rights activist and Christian ethicist David Gushee use this tool at the end fo the podcast.

Kissling said, “I’m generally troubled by the one-value approach to the question. That the only value in both moral decision-making and in legality, is what the woman wants.” Complicated questions, like abortion for sex selection are not considered. And, she found something very attractive about the holistic approach to life and life-processes on the other side.

Gushee said, “One of the things I’m attracted to … is the sustained knowledgeable commitment to the well-being of women.” Gushee said he is concerned about that the activists who want to see Roe overturned might be leading to a world with more abortions if they are also shredding the safety net.

If these two people on opposite sides debate can each disagree about abortion like a mensch, then perhaps we can find something attractive in the position of people on the other side of the political chasm.

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This is a practice in the soul trait of Honor (Kavod.) Each of us has a Divine Spark that is occluded by our baggage. If you are unsure of the Divinity, think of it as the basic element of goodness that each of us has. Our baggage can keep us from seeing our own spark, or the spark of others. Or, it can keep others from seeing our own spark. The universal Divine Spark means that each of us has merit, as  Yehoshua ben Perachia said:

“Make for yourself a mentor, acquire for yourself a friend and judge every person as meritorious.” – Pirkei Avot 1:6

In his book “Every Day Holy Day,” Alan Morinis suggests the mantra “There is another side to the story” when we are working on judging others favorably. Getting to know someone you disagree with enough to see their side of the story is a menchy action, a Holy action.

May each of us find the strength to get to know one person on the other side well enough to see through their eyes.

Do you want to help heal the political Divide? Join the Healing the Political Divide Mussar Workshop on October 11th, 2018

How To Wait In Line Like a Mensch

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Wait In Line Like a Mensch
Which of these people are waiting in line like a mensch?

I am writing today from the DMV, while I wait for my daughter to take her learners permit test. The DMV is the great equalizer –everyone needs to go there. And when we go, waiting in line is inevitable.

At one point, I stood on my tippy toes to peak over the wall to see how many testing computers there were. “Dad, be patient!” my daughter said with exasperation.

“But I am being patient,” I thought. “I’m not ruminating or raging. I was just curious to see how many testing machines there are.”

“OK,” I said. I know better than to get into it with a teen. And really, she had a point. I was wondering how many computers there were, because the line just wasn’t moving.

Patience, like all soul traits, lives on a spectrum from too little to too much. Too little patience and we are angry and frustrated; too much and we are staying in bad situations without taking action. My peaking over the top was perhaps a strategy to try to deal with rising impatience. All of this makes me wonder:

How does one wait in line like a mensch?

When we wait in line, we have three options.

  • Wait with suffering and impatience.
  • Wait with indifference, zoning out or snacking on phone content.
  • Wait with connection and meaning.

There are no right or wrong answers per se. But if we want to wait in line like a mensch, we take the opportunity to make the most of the moment. A mussar practice comes to mind.

****Here’s the Mussar Practice***

Wait in line with a sense of wonder. As you wait, look around and try to find cool and interesting things.

The world is full of wonders and miracles, but we take our little hand and we cover our eyes and see nothing.” – The Baal Shem Tov

I tried this practice today, and it wasn’t easy. The DMV does not exactly present a feast for the eyes. Yet I was able to see some interesting patterns on the wall, and all kinds of different people. I wondered what their stories were. A few years ago, I would seek out longer lines, and say the Patience mantra “This too shall pass, and I have the strength to get by until it does.” Now that I don’t get frustrated waiting like I used to, this feels like the next challenge for me.

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R. Dov Ber of Radoshitz would waken his roommates with the call “Wake up, my brothers! A guest you’ve never seen has arrived. Once he leaves, you will never see him again. [Who is the guest?] Today.” I was going to spend two hours at the DMV no matter what. Instead of just hoping the time would pass as quickly as possible, why not try to make the most of the moment?

This is a Mussar Practice for Enthusiasm. B”en Azzai would say: “Run to pursue a minor mitzvah , and flee from a transgression. For a mitzvah brings another mitzvah, and a transgression brings another transgression.” (Pirkei Avot 4:2).

Life is the sum total of many minor moments, and a few major ones. Elevating the minor moments like waiting in line can add up to huge changes over time. If we can find meaning in the DMV, how much more so will we find in situations that inherently have more opportunities for meaning and connection?

As it happens, the DMV was the DMV. We were sent to the wrong line when we arrived. After two hours, we were told that we needed to come back with different paperwork. It was not a waste of time.

Where do you sit on the ladder of waiting in line? Reply below and let me know.

How To Remember September 11th Like A Mensch

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Remember September 11th Like A MenschI hadn’t planned on writing anything to commemorate September 11th, but as the day has progressed, here I am. The words just started to flow, beginning when I wrote the following on the American Mussar Facebook page:
Then I read an article called For 9/11 Families, A Bittersweet Anniversary Falls On Rosh Hashanah.  Reading about those Russian-speaking Jewish families who lost sons and daughters and sisters and brothers was tough. But I made myself keep reading to remember their stories. It brought something home to me: All of us lost something on 9/11. But some people lost people.
9/11 on Rosh Hashanah has a special resonance. It is a day of intense introspection that comes in a season of reflection. For example, this “like a mensch” series of blog posts started in the month of Elul, as I started to reflect more deeply on my life.
In fact, Rosh Hashanah is also known as the Day of Remembrance. Remembrance is one of the three parts of the Shofar service. The traditional interpretation is that we remember the covenant with God. Mishkan Ha’Nefesh, the Reform High Holiday prayer book, includes the phrase “The Divine wakens within us – a sudden awareness of Your presence.” If you are not sure about the Divinity, or don’t really understand the covenant,  think of the Shofar blast as a reminder to connect to the Divine in other people.
We do this on two ways on 9/11. The first is to come to a state of Hineni, a Hebrew word which means “HERE I AM.” On Rosh Hashanah, we read the story of the binding of Isaac from the Torah. When Abraham is about to slay his son, an angel calls out to him and he answers Hineni, Here I am. It is a moment of total attention, where life hangs by a knife edge. If we are to remember September 11th like a mensch, we must come from a place of Hineni. Then, we do the following Mussar Practice.

*** Here’s the Mussar Practice.***

Read names out loud. In Judaism we say, “May their memory be a blessing” to someone in mourning. Saying a person’s name is one way to keep their memory alive. A widowed friend recently told me she find that people are reluctant to say her husbands name, which is the last thing  she wants. “How can we make his memory a blessing if we never talk about him or say his name?”
While many of us don’t know the stories of those killed on 9/11, we can say their names.
Right now, read the names of the three people mentioned in the Forward article out loud:
  • Yelena ‘Helen’ Belilovsky
  • Marina Gertsberg
  • Vladamir Savinkin
Another option is to go to 911memorial.org, set a timer, and read names for a minute. I did this, and read 21 names.
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The Untaneh Tokef prayer on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur asks who will live and who will die? It goes on to list ways that we could go e.g  “who by fire and who by water, who by war and who by beast.”  And then it says, “But through return to the right path, through prayer and righteous giving, we can transcend the harshness of the decree.”
It is ok and normal to be sad on 9/11. We cannot change what happened, but we can work to transcend the harshness of the decree. Lets make this day about something more than sadness, and sharing stories of where we were when we found out about it.
Remembering those who were killed is a way for us to connect to other people, which helps us to return to the right path.
When we speak, we practice the Soul Trait of Silence, and assist the Divine in the ongoing act of creation of the world. How does reading the names of the dead create a better world?