https://youtu.be/7Dvbh2QO6mc
Honor is the Soul Trait that focuses on how we treat other people.
Humility and Honor are both related to how we deal with other people. Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I?” The first question is about Humility, and the second is about Honor.
Honor is all about giving other people their due, treating them with respect and consideration. Honor is the ability to recognize the Divine Spark in others, and to treat them accordingly. As humans, we all have a strong propensity to judge. We can’t help it – we see someone, and boom, here come the thoughts about the other person’s looks, intelligence, clothes or sense of humor. Finding fault in others can be a way to feel better about oneself.
Unfortunately, many of us have a hunger to be Honored by others. We crave recognition, which is called “chasing Honor” in Mussar. I have a significant Honor imbalance, and for many years my life revolved around chasing Honor. I would feel badly when others were recognized. (Click here to read a poem a wrote about it called “What about me?”)
The goal of the soul trait it to internalize this teaching from the Talmud: “Who has Honor? One who honors others.” (Pirki Avot 4:1)
Too Little Honor: Rude and judgmental behavior.
Too Much Honor: Flattery and obsequious behavior. And, we can neglect our own needs.
Practice:
American Mussar practice has three parts: a morning mantra, daily actions, and journaling. If you haven’t done so already, watch the video above.
Mantra
Write the following mantra on an index card, and place it by your bedside
Find the good in anyone”
Given our human tendency to judge others, this mantra provides an alternative. After the judging thought, look for something good in the person. Taking your attention towards the good will transform your perspective.
In the morning, recite the phrase out loud several times and contemplate the meaning. This will frame your thoughts for the day. Pay attention to times when your Honor Soul Trait comes into play.
Action
If you tend towards too little Honor, greet others before they greet you. This practice goes back to the Talmud, which teaches that Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakkai made it a virtue to greet others in the marketplace before they greeted him. (Berachos 17a).
If you tend towards too much Honor, resolve to give fewer complements. You don’t need to make a radical change, just pull back a little. In other words, try being a little less obsequious by giving fewer complements. You could also practice Humility, and take care of your own needs instead of putting others first.
You don’t need to do anything dramatic – just take a small step outside of your comfort zone.
Journaling
Write about your experiences at night in your Mussar Journal.
If you are not into journaling, just take a few notes in your phone, or record yourself a voice memo. The key is to contemplate the action in a non-judgmental way to help enable small gradual change in the soul.
Learn More
Want to learn more about the Soul Trait of Honor? Pick up a copy of The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions.
Thank you; very good~~sometimes it can b rather easy & sometimes it can b challenging 2 practice this ‘soul-trait’.
Indeed. Our task is to look for times when we are tested, and are less likely to practice Honor. By understanding those times, we can better activate our free will, and take one small step towards balance.
This week Honor comes at a good time for me. I’m noticing that I am very much in my head. Honor is just what I need to remind me to put my energies towards others. But oh I am resisting!
I think in my field we called “honor chasing”, addiction to admiration. I can relate, and am trying to
be more aware of the balance.
I tried to get to your poem, but was unable to. Can you help?
Hi Barbara – addiction to admiration – it fits well.
You can find the poem at http://americanmussar.com/what-about-me-a-poem-about-honor/